4 little Ferguson’s, 4 big Miracles

As I held Paxton in my arms today, I was reflecting on my life, and the journey it took for us to get to these 4 little Ferguson’s that fill our home with giggles and grins……..

I remember as a newlywed, discussing with Dale how long we’d wait to have children.  He was at a commission only job, and thought 4 years would be good.  I was hoping for more like 1 or 2! I was sitting in church one Sunday, and a little baby boy was peeking his head over his momma’s shoulder at me.  My heart swelled, my eyes filled with tears and I squeezed Dale’s hand tight and asked, how can I wait so long for my dream to come true?  All my life I had wanted to be a wife and mother!  I had been a wife for 8 months now, couldn’t we get to the mother part?  Sensible Dale, and his good money management, said we needed to wait so I could be a stay at home mommy.  I sighed, wiped my tears and agreed. Yes, I could definitely wait 4 years, if it meant I could stay at home with my baby. Little did I know, we were already TWO MONTHS PREGNANT!  We didn’t figure it out until one day I came home from work SO excited about supper!!!!!! I had run to 2 different stores to gather the things necessary to make this extraordinary meal of…….

Mac n cheese, little smokies and  fluffy white rolls.

Remember that school lunch?  Man I loved it!  To say Dale was disappointed, would be a major understatement!!!  He thought for sure, I surprising him with a steak dinner.  He looked at me like I was CRAZY!

Between that bizarre supper, the flu-like symptoms I had for a month now, and me bawling over Dale saying he was getting rid of the dog, we figured out it was time for me to pee on a stick.  Yup, pregnant!  We cried, we laughed, we sat there in complete shock.  So much for our 4 year plan.  But what about me staying home?  There was NO WAY we could live off Dale’s income.  With commission only, we never knew when the next check was coming!

15 months into our marriage, little 7 lb. 11 oz., Destiny Joy came to be part of our home, and guess who got to be at home with her from the very beginning? Yup! Me!  God answered our prayers for me to be a stay at home mom.  He laughed at our 4 year plan and gave me the desires of my heart, well before the 4 year mark.  And you know, the numbers never did add up right for us to “afford” for me to quit my job. But month after month, He provided. Sometimes by a bill coming with credit on it, even though I had only paid the stated amount the month before. Or an unexpected refund check would come in the mail.  And man, $50 used to go far at Aldi’s! (like the woman with the oil jar in the Bible) I NEVER do that good there now! lol :)  God provided for our each and EVERY need, all because we trusted in Him!  Praise His name!

When Destiny turned 2, we decided it was time to try for another little Ferguson.  I got pregnant in Bahamas, but I also got food poisoning from some bad crab……I was sick for 10 days, oh the misery!  Later, I lost our first baby. :(  I was heartbroken.  We decided to try again, and a few months later, got a positive test.  Yay!  A little brother or sister for Destiny.  Again, we miscarried. Again, I went to the clinic every day to have blood drawn to follow the pregnancy hormones back to zero.  Again the humiliation of losing a child.  (I don’t know why, but you really feel like you did something wrong!)  Destiny says “It’s ok momma, our baby is in Heaven with Jesus and the angels.”     Now the fear was starting to set in.  I had been very, very, sick after Destiny’s birth, with infection, and spent months in bed. Could it have damaged me?  Was I EVER going to carry another child to term again?  The Lord blessed me with a special verse to cling to:

(  ) = my personalization

Ephesians 3: 14-19 When I think of the wisdom and scope of God’s plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the creator of everything in Heaven and on earth.  I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give (me) mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit.  And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in (my) heart as I trust in him.  May (my) roots go down deep in the soil of God’s marvelous love.  And may (I) have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep his love really is.  May (I) experience the love of Christ, though it is so great (I) will never fully understand it.  Then (I) will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

The fullness of life, I just knew that was God’s promise, that I would be pregnant once again.  I clung to a small strand of hope that it was true, praying it would be so and done to His honor and glory, begging Him night after night, to let me carry another child to term, to let another baby live down here on earth with me.

6 months later, I found out I was pregnant again.  Praise be to God!   We made it far enough along, that we told people, and I was starting to wear maternity clothes.  Then, miscarriage number 3 occurred.  How humiliating it was to “un-tell” people!!  Now I was just mad!  How could God do this to me? He gave me that verse about fullness of life!!!!!  My life long dream was to have 4-6 kids, and it was just not happening!

I told Him I was ticked, and no longer would be talking to Him about having a baby.  I would run this show myself!   We saw a specialist and they ran $10,000 worth of blood and genetic tests.  They all came back normal.  There was no reason my body couldn’t carry another baby to term.  So, we went home, me more determined than ever, and started counting days, and all that hoopla that entails.  We conceived, and this time I almost made it to the end of the first trimester.  I was in full maternity clothes, and feeling great;  THIS was going to be THE pregnancy, I just knew it!  The Thursday before Mother’s Day, I miscarried my 4th baby in 2 years.  This time I broke.  I sobbed, I repented, I gave it all to my Abba Father, my daddy in Heaven.  I confessed my stubbornness, and my pride.  I laid my desire of having more children on the altar, and stepped back and let go.  What a scary thing to do!  I felt sad, yet so very much at peace. I knew this was what God had been asking me to do all along.

On May 24th, Dale and I reached our 5th anniversary.  We celebrated, as most married couples do (wink wink) just to celebrate, with no thoughts of a baby, and conceived just 2 weeks after our 4th miscarriage.  For those of you unfamiliar with miscarriage, your body usually takes a good 6 months to “reset” from a miscarriage, and prepare for another cycle.  What a miracle! Our due date was February 14th.  Our anniversary baby had a Valentine’s day due date….how romantic! :)

Tylan Zachary Ferguson came into the world on February 15th, after 3 months of bed rest and lots of medication to keep me pregnant.  He was a hearty, healthy 9 1/2 pounds.  Oh, how my heart leapt for joy to have another baby in my arms and home.  Destiny was 3 1/2 at this time and SO happy to have a baby brother!  She would sit and hold him, an hour at a  time, stroking his face, and telling him how special he was.

After all our troubles, it was explained to us, that we may never have another baby again, we were sad, but ok.  We were SO very thankful for our 2! We now had a boy and a girl, our family could be complete, and I was going to learn to be content with my 2 on earth and 4 in Heaven.  I figured that was God’s way of giving me my 6 kids.

Then, one morning, I woke up very abruptly, and sat straight up in my bed.  The first thing I thought was “Hmm, since we are out of bedrooms, the new baby could sleep in the basinet in the corner of our room.”  WHAT?  My heart started racing, what a weird dream!  But, wait, hold on…..I HAD been feeling lousy, and bloated, and nauseous….oh my word! Could we be pregnant?  I was still nursing my 10 month old full-time and hadn’t had a cycle yet!  I took a test, went to the doctor and found out……WE WERE 15 WEEKS PREGNANT!!!!!  My 10 month old was going to be a big brother!

Oh. My. Goodness.

Avery Lyn Ferguson was born on my 27th birthday, 5 days early no less!  She was 10 pounds, 3 oz.  Another natural delivery, another miracle brought into our lives!  Her pregnancy was, by the book perfect, with the exception of some leg problems (nerve damage from Ty’s pregnancy), but nothing life threatening to either of us.  I was so thankful for another healthy baby, but started praying that God would allow my body at least a 2 year break, since it seemed to be “fixed” of our previous problem of staying pregnant.  With a 4-year-old and 2 babies, 17 months apart, I was SO happy, but SO exhausted! 

And wouldn’t you know, He allowed us to get pregnant again…this baby due right after Avery turned 2.  Isn’t God funny? He TOTALLY has a sense of humor!  He gave me my 2 year “break”.  Dale told me next time I should pray more specifically.  Like that I wouldn’t GET pregnant until the 2 year mark, not that the next baby be BORN at the 2 year mark.   :)

Pregnancy number 8, in 8 years, was hard on this ol’ body.  I had more complications with this final pregnancy than ever before.  Paxton was diagnosed with a Complete Circumvallate Placenta.  This means the placenta was not properly attached, which allows a thick, round white and opaque ring of membranes to slowly cover the placenta, limiting minerals, nutrients and oxygen to Paxton throughout the pregnancy.  We started praying right then and there, that God would feed our baby, since my body could not!

Pregnant women who experience circumvallate placenta, are at a very high risk to deliver a premature baby or have a miscarriage. You can imagine how often I fought the spirit of fear those first 25 weeks! I started contracting at 14 weeks, and I spent the next 6 months on bed rest, and once again, saw a specialist.  It’s so hard to not be fearful when you have a history of losing babies, so DAILY, HOURLY, I had to give my fears to Him.  Pleading with the Lord to allow this baby to live here on earth, with me.

God gave me another special verse to cling to, this time through a dear friend:

Psalms 23:7 (TLB):  “(She) will not fear bad news, nor live in dread of what will happen. For (she) has settled in her mind, that Jehovah will take care of (Paxton).”

Wow, how powerful!  And what a promise. Oh, how I clung to that verse like a life line!

Paxton Clay came into the world at a whopping 10 pounds 3 oz!  Not only had God fed Paxton for me, He fed him WELL!  :)  What a miracle!  The perimeter of the placenta was 95% covered in that white opaque band, and still we had a BIG healthy boy.  I get chills and teary eyed just thinking about it, and the miracle occurring in my womb all along, God was providing my little Paxton with the food and oxygen he needed to live. Praise the Lord!

So here we are, Dale, Tonya & 4 little Ferguson’s….. 

God has answered my hearts desires, and I am living my very own dream come true!  I often think about my 4 babies in Heaven, and look forward to the day when I can kiss those sweet faces.  Until then, I know they are safe in the arms of their Abba Father, their Daddy in Heaven, and for that, I can be truly thankful. 

“No one else knows the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only ones who know what my heart sounds like from the inside.”
 

~T

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36 thoughts on “4 little Ferguson’s, 4 big Miracles

  1. Oh, Tonya this was so beautiful…made me cry!! I had no idea of the struggles you’ve been through…what an awesome Father we serve…so glad He blessed you with more babies …your faith is to be admired so!!! I am so blessed to have you in my life, your friendship is treasured!!
    Love ya girl!!! :)
    P.S. The “wink, wink” was hilarious!!! ;)

    • Alli, Thanks for taking the time to read this! Its a story close to my heart, one that doesn’t come up much in day to day conversation for sure! Anyhow, I thought it important to touch on the subject right away, so people can understand why my blog is called “4 little Fergusons”.
      Do you think you and I will ever get talk in person again? Good thing we can read each others blogs! lol :) I am always in the nuturing room feeding Pax during greeting time at church, and then once I am in, I just see the back of your head the rest of the time.
      Take care, T

  2. Your testimony is very touching, your heart is so tender, and your wisdom is way beyond your years. I am so proud of my little “mommy” as I see the results of your life-long, sincere desire to be a good mother. Your (and Dale’s)witness of those daily struggles with self leaves a positive influence that goes beyond your family, and touches many lives who grace your presence, witness your motherly attributes, and listen to how you and Dale relate to, and hear from, God.
    Keep those stories coming. They are strong witnesses for how big, strong, loving and holy our Abba Father is.
    May He continue to give you the desires of your heart for your children, as He has mine. I love you Pumpkin!

    • Oh, sweet one! It is a wonderful, powerful story! I just have one question: how in the world will you find time to blog? lol Love you!

    • Love you too Daddy! Thanks for taking the time to visit my new blog. I’ll have you tell you sometime how it all came to be. Its a cool story, one of those where you can’t help but see God’s hand in it. I just pray He’ll continue to use these fingers to touch other mom’s lives through the topics He leads me to write aboaut. I am feeling humbled and inadequate, but how does the saying go, “The Lord doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”
      Love you, T

  3. Good question Debbie! :) One I have asked the Lord many times these past few months as I felt He was asking me to do this. I was like, A blog? Really? I just kept getting the nudges and green lights, so here I am blogging away.
    I am doing my best to use naptime wisely, I don’t want this to take away from my precious ones! I have stayed up till 2 am a couple times since starting this, writing future post or just trying to figure all the functions out in a nice quiet house. Yeah, not doing that again!
    Did you like the verse from “A dear friend”? Thanks for allowing God to use you in that way at a time I needed it most! Love you bunches, T

    • No thanks are necessary for me! That verse literally just “popped” into my head….the Lord has to hit me pretty hard sometimes! lol Just one of those verses that is set in my head and my heart. Deb

  4. Oh, Tonya! This made me cry and praise God! You are so blessed! By the way, I am a Premier jeweler and “sister” of your mom’s. You are a beautiful writer and I think God will use you in lots of people’s lives. Keep up the amazing relationship you have with Him. It is inspiring to me and many others.

  5. Wow. I know you better now while hardly knowing you. You have an amazing story and isn’t is wonderful how God directs our paths and we can come out from our trials singing his praises. Thank you for sharing this.

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  8. Hi, I just stumbled across your blog last night after printing some of your yummy recipes off of tastykitchen.com. After reading your blog I know for sure it was our Heavenly Father that led me to your site. I have one perfect little four year old boy and my husband and I have been trying for 2 years to have another baby and I just suffered my first miscarriage in early January. I have been so heartbroken and lonely, even though my husband is a wonderful support, I still feel sad and alone. Thank You so very much for posting your journey. The verses you posted spoke straight to me and renewed my hope. What a mighty God we serve!!!
    God Bless You,
    Trenace Casey
    (morrisokmom)

    • Trenace, I am so very for your loss. My heart goes out to you! I want to encourage you to MOURN, its OK to be sad! Well-wishers will tell you they’ll be more babies, but what they fail to realize, is you already had fallen in love with your baby. You need time to grieve before moving forward. There are some great natural things to use to help promote your body holding onto the baby, are you open to trying some natural things? Email me so we can talk more privately. daleandtonya@msn.com
      God bless, thanks for taking the time to share.
      Sending you hugs & prayers! Tonya

  9. wow that almost made me cry! I also had a miscarage, but only one and it broke my heart, i am so happy for you that you had 3 after all that! I have 2 children and we are done, but it is hard not to think about the one I lost.

    • Amazing how quickly you fall in love with those little ones in utero. Sorry for your loss, glad to hear you have 2 here on earth with you. 2 things: I don’t think you ever stop thinking of those babies in Heaven, ever. 2) Not one day passes that I don’t hug my kiddos a little longer or linger for a moment in their bedroom to watch them sleep and just thank the Lord for His provision and miracles to allow me to have these children here on earth with me. Thanks for stopping in! :) Tonya

  10. So I just stumbled across your blog and I’ve been sitting here in tears reading what you have to say….I cannot fathom going through what you have. I miscarried with my second pregnancy in July of last year, and it’s something I have yet to recover from (and probably never will). Even though I’m expecting again and due in a few weeks, my heart still aches for my “baby in Heaven.” Thanks for being so open and honest about what you went through, I will definitely be back to read more about you and your adorable family!

    • Oh Katie, you poor thing. That is SO hard! Congrats on your upcoming birth! And praise the Lord you were able to concieve and carry a child again!!! I STILL think of my babies in Heaven, often actually, but I know I will one day meet them face to face and they will run to me “Mommy! Mommy!” It brings me such joy to imagine who of my children here on earth they may look like. I don’t think you ever stop thinking of those little ones, it just doesn’t hurt so bad as time moves on and your arms are once again filled with new life. Thanks for reading! ~Tonya

  11. Hi Tonya, I am a huge fan of the tasty kitchen (where I orginially saw your blog) and I love trying out new recipes just like you. I’ve enjoyed reading all about you and your family. When I saw your entry about your little miracles my heart went out to you. I’m not a mama but I am the very proud aunt to 12 perfect little children. You are a great writer as I read your story I felt your pain and rejoiced in your happiness. I now come back to read your blog almost daily to see how your little miracles are doing. Congratulations on your wonderful family.

    • Wow! 12 nieces and nephews?!?! That is SO awesome! You must come from a large family! Thanks for reading my blog, and more importantly, taking the time to comment today. It’s so encouraging, and it keeps me going when I get overwhelmed at balancing life with 4 (and all it entails) PLUS a blog. :) Come back soon! ~Tonya :)

  12. What a beautiful story of hope and perseverance! Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog today. It is so rare to find someone else who has gone through the number of losses that we have and within the short time frame that we did, as well! Your children are gorgeous and such precious little gifts from the Lord. I look at my sweet little Emma’s face every day and just thank God for bringing her into our life. Like you, I wait for the day that I can hold my four other babies and meet them face to face. Although there was so much pain that resulted from those losses, God also had a wonderful plan to make us stronger and the best mommies that we can possibly be! I’m your newest follower and sooo look forward to connecting with you more!! :)

  13. Hi Tonya. I came to your blog through Tasty Kitchen, and loved your story. Your family is beautiful and you’re a very strong woman.
    I have a 3 year old boy who is the light of my life, and I’m 12 weeks pregnant, but I’ve been having a lot of problems and I was in bed rest for a month and a half. I almost lost this baby a few weeks ago, but it seems that I’m finnaly better and I’ll probably return to work soon.
    Thanks for telling your story!
    Susana

    • Susana, Thank you for sharing with me! I am sorry you are on bed rest, no fun!!! Especially with another little one to take care of. We were on bed rest with my last baby, Paxton, for 6 1/2 months of the pregnancy. I had a not yet 2 year old, a 3 year old and an almost 7 yr old at the time. It was TOUGH! Take it easy, drink lots of water to keep contractions to a minimum and PUT YOUR FEET UP!!!! Keep me posted on you! Thanks for taking the time to comment, God bless….Tonya

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  15. Your story is inspiring to me, a gentle reminder to me to lay the desires of my heart in God’s hands. While my desire is not for more children–I am 52 and well beyond that. I have 3 beautiful grown girls and 1 little boy in Heaven and 1 amazing 2 year old grandson. I have lived away from my family (brothers) for many years–probably almost as long as you’ve been alive. My desire is to sell my house and move back home to WV.

    I found your blog via The Country Cook.

    God Bless you!

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  19. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for about 6 months, and we’ve had zero luck. I stumbled upon your blog through TastyKitchen, not expecting to find something that would move me so deeply. I am so happy for you and your 4 little miracles! The Bible verses you cited gave me great comfort. I can only pray that it will be my turn soon. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • Welcome, Kelly! I am so happy you are here. It’s amazing to me how God never wastes a hurt, and our miscarriages are no exception. I am thankful you found encouragment from that special verse, claim it, proclaim it and make it your own! Hugs, TPS I am emailing you!

  20. I’m so glad I got to sit down and read this tonight after you had told me about it last night. All I can say is, God is amazing! His timing, His provision, His plans…perfect!!!! I look forward to reading more about your family and God’s grace in your lives! Blessings to you tonight. –Alison

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  24. Hi Tonya, I had written you through your Facebook page about your infidelity blogs and as I keep reading your blogs and keep seeing myself in them.

    I have had 4 miscarriages. I have no children of my own so I am resigned to the fact that I will be childless. I’m 43…. I married a man who had 2 sons who needed a stable momma. I think this is the Lord’s answer to my prayer? I still long for a baby and I don’t think that longing will ever go away. I can’t say that I am victorious over the revelations of no kids, but I trust God’s perfect will.

    Thank you for sharing your innermost trials.

    Sisters in Christ,
    Kim

    • God answers in mysterious ways! Those boys will be blessed to have you in their lives. And never under estimate His calling on us to adopt those who have no one and show them Gods love…..
      So glad you wrote!
      Hugs, T

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