What the 4th baby taught me….

What the 4th baby taught me……adapted and inspired from an article in Welcome Home Magazine.

Every child teaches you something new. My first baby taught me patience and delight, confusion and coordination. My second taught me perseverance. My third taught me that every baby is unique, that not everything comes painted in black and white, that lovely shades of gray exist in between. My fourth taught me that life is fragile, God is huge and can do great things if you trust in Him! 

With two children, it is easy to label them “easy” vs. “difficult” and “creative” vs. “academic.” The third and fourth babies peel away the labels, because opposites only have two sides, and suddenly there are four to cover, all with very unique qualities and traits.

The 3rd baby, my strong-willed one, taught me that even if I could strive to raise my children “perfectly,” they would still fall short and make mistakes. The 3rd baby taught me I could do everything “right,” even by my own standards, and still not have a perfect child. My third baby taught me how to re-parent all over again, with her ornery ways and temper tantrums.

 Avery 7 months

The 4th baby taught me to treasure baby things and baby ways. With children two and three, babyhood fled rapidly, scooted along for convenience’s sake.  17 month apart babies, and big sis in school, tend to create a survival of the fittest mentality.

I want the babyhood of my 4th to last forever. I want to cherish his sweet breath on my neck when I snuggle him, every sigh of contentment as I feed him, every face he makes when he is nursing that no one else will ever see, every grin and giggle, the joy I feel in my heart, when he turns at the sound of my voice, and the feeling I get, when only I can stop his incessant crying because I am mommy, and for now, I am his EVERYTHING.

But I know babyhood cannot last forever, I know that I will love each and every stage more than the last. I also know this fourth baby, is my final baby. I know there will be a day when my heart longs to hold another newborn in my arms. I know that I will have to deal with sadness, the first time he crawls away from me and discovers a whole new world out there. I know the Lord will have to help me be content with 4 in Heaven and 4 on earth, because that is His plan for me. And, if the 4th baby has taught me anything so far, its to slow down, to enjoy each moment, and to live in the present; for the moments in the present quickly move into the past with the last baby.

The third and fourth babies taught me that babies don’t need lots of toys and baby gear. Those babies have all the hand-me-down baby toys any child could imagine and still prefers his big brother and sisters to any toy.

The fourth baby taught me to let go of the little things that make me crazy, based on my own high standards for myself. The fourth baby taught me to come up with creative solutions instead of striving for perfection. Who has time to maintain a perfect home when you have 3 kids ages 3 and under?

The fourth baby taught me that fair doesn’t mean equal. When the fourth baby came, I realized fair means that each one gets what he needs, in turn if necessary, not just what they want.

The fourth baby taught me, that once again, love does not divide, it multiplies.

The fourth baby taught me that children aren’t meant to be raised one at a time. That a family works best as a group, not as individual members.

The fourth baby taught me that nothing is so inspiring as seeing kids give each other hugs, a big sister reading to “her” baby, a little brother grinning up at big brother, the third baby racing up to the 4th to give hugs after a nap, as if they are long-lost friends.

The fourth baby taught me that there’s always room for one more, no matter my time line, God’s ways are the perfect ways, and I could never have scripted such a life for myself. It is perfect for me, and a gift from the Creator Himself.

What has been precious about the fourth baby though, has been what the fourth baby has taught me, and what he taught the first three through the miracle of his birth:  To trust in God even when all seems lost, to accept your circumstances, and to allow God to use them to make you stronger, individually and as a family unit.
Baby 4 has 2 big sisters and a big brother that will help him discover and grow. He will learn that any of us will pick him up when he falls, read to him when he asks, play with him when he’s lonely, and show him the wonders of the world. He will also learn that he doesn’t always get what he wants, that he can’t hit siblings (even when they make him mad) or throw balls in the house.  That he must talk nicely to others if he wants them to talk nicely to him, and that Mommy gives out snacks, four at a time, so everyone can have one.
For me, the fourth baby has taught me to relax, enjoy everything those little monkey’s throw my way. They have taught me to just stop, and enjoy those little moments that mean the most!  I once heard that people stop having children too soon. It’s true. The first baby interrupts a life made for two. With the second, you realize raising two children is hard work! What no one tells you, is that those first two give you practice. By the third and fourth babies, experience tells you that nothing is impossible, that problems have solutions, that children will grow past many things–and that each new baby will teach you something you’ve never thought of before.

Making the decision to have a child–its momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Your life will never be the same, and you know what…….

You wouldn’t want it to be!

 Seek the Lord about HIS plan for your life.  Ask HIM if He desires for you to continue to grow your family.  His plans are far better than our own, plans to give us hope and a future. {Jeremiah 29:11}



79 thoughts on “What the 4th baby taught me….

  1. Pingback: 4 Little Fergusons Top 20: #14 to 10 «

  2. I have so enjoyed reading this. So much resonated for me! I have literally just had a positive test today and am hoping it sticks for baby #4. Naturally, I’m a bit apprehensive but many people thought I was insane having a third and we manage fine. I knew I wasn’t done….and so a fourth will hopefully come along. I identified so much with your sense of loss when that last baby becomes a toddler, knowing it’ll be your last – and yet, like you, I love each different stage and I totally love seeing them all together. Some wise words here – thank you

  3. Pingback: debating the fourth child???? magical piece of writing from a lovely mum x

  4. Thank you so much for writing this! I am pregnant with my fourth and feeling a little overwhelmed! Your writing brought a tear to my eye and helped put things in perspective! God bless!

  5. Thank you for your beautiful and inspiring words. Had my third three months ago and am happy to read your thoughts on family.

  6. I actually just googled “should I have a fourth baby,” and this came up. My oldest is 5, and getting ready to go to kindergarten, my second is 3, and is a pistol, and my third is 14 months, the joy of my life, my mama’s boy. I’m pretty overwhelmed, yet content with my life as is, but I sometimes feel like there is a fourth little person just waiting to join our family. I’m so torn, as I hate being pregnant, my husband works a lot, and I have no family around to help out, but I’m so so sad that my baby is entering toddlerhood. I wish I could shrink him. I guess this is something I really need to keep praying about. 🙂

    • Erica- I just googled the same thing and found this article too! Obviously it’s been a while since your comment here, but I’d love to now what you decided?? Did you have a 4th??

      • Yes I would love to know also! Reading your comment Erika, was like reading my own thoughts! I have the exact same feelings. I love my little family of 3 (2 girls, 1 boy, ages 5,3,&20 months) but I don’t feel complete. When it comes down to having the 4th I freak out..is this what I really want?? So torn!

      • Nicole- so many days the idea consumes me, and I swear every sign points to baby! Then there’s days I have doubts whispered in my ear, but its never about want- just about ‘can we afford it’ or ‘can I handle it?’ My husband works a ton as well and I don’t have family help either- but that’s also nothing new! Lol I am a firm believer, and turn all my decisions over to God. I truly feel that what God has planned for us will be and to faithfully wait for clear answers. Just wish I knew what I was looking for!

    • Thank you (all) for taking the time to post and share you experiences. As a mom of 3 (ages 7, 9 and 6months), some people do think we are crazy for wanting one more. As we toy with the idea daily, its warming to know I am not alone. Very Greatful for you posts.

  7. Amazing timeing! We are in the process of trying for our fourth, most days I am overcome with joy and peace when thinking about adding another, and then I have a few days of questioning myself.. “Are you sure” how do you know that you are done Tonya? You are such a wonderful mother. We need more children in this world who are raised in a Christian home with Christian boundaries.

    • You are just precious, thank you for that nice compliment! 🙂 Tell you what, I always thought I’d have 4-6 kiddos, but I figured they’d be here on earth with me. I have 8 babies, I just haven’t seen 4 of them face to face yet. Each pregnancy got harder and harder until I was on bed rest for 6 1/2 months with #4, Paxton. I had a condition called Circumvallate Placenta. It can repeat itself with every consecutive pregnancy, and get worse overtime and increasing your odds of placental abruption. It was just time. We had peace in our hearts that we were done. I think when you know, you just know. 🙂 God’s ways are not our ways, are they? Good thing we can trust HIS best for our lives. Blessings to you and yours as you try for your number 4!
      Hugs, T

  8. I cried all the way through this. It truly touched my heart and I felt as if I wrote it myself…relating so much. I have been blessed with three beautiful boys…ages 11 to 13 months. I so want one more child. Since there is such a large age gap between my children, I have questioned weather or not I was making a wise choice, but after much prayer and trusting in the Lord that he desires His best for our family, we are trying for our forth. Yes, I too think about how I will feel when I realize the forth will be my last, but I know above of all, I have everything I could have ever wanted, a loving husband and soon to be four miracles!! Thank you for sharing. Blessings:-)

  9. I just read your blog on “What the Fourth taught me” and I gotta tell you, I cried! My husband and I are currently praying about whether or not the Lord would have us have a fourth. We have 2 beautiful girls and an amazing boy and truly feel blessed. But are we done? I always thought I would have 4, but now in the midst of real life things like finances and housing space and will we be able to vacation comes to the forefront of a mind. I know the Lord is our provider and He will meet our needs, but I also wrestle with He gave us a brain to make wise choices. I have NO DOUBT that if we had a 4th we would never regret it, even if it means we vacation differently. We just desire to know the Lord’s will for our family. Thank you for sharing your story. I am seeking advice and the funny thing is, we are Ferguson’s too. So of course, your title, 4 Little Fergusons jumped out at me. Thank you again for your beautiful words!

  10. I found out a month ago I am preggers with (unplanned) #4…..scared to death and honestly depressed:( I have been reading story after story and yours was the first that made me feel like “it will be ok”. My husband is very supportive and also scared and feeling overwhelmed, can’t wait to share this with him. Thanks, x

  11. This post was so inspiring. Like some other readers, my husband and I are working through the decision to have a fourth. I feel that we go from a solid yes to an almost no within the same sentence. We are both anxious and scared , both feelings we never experienced in the decision to have the other 3. We have 3 boys: ages 9, 6, 4. We had always thought we would have 4children but our last blessing has been a bit of a challenge so our plan kept being put off as the task of having another was overwhelming. Now we have begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel and seem to be questioning this decision now more than ever. Do we want to start over? Do we have enough space, time, money etc. The same questions everyone has. I am a triathlete and finally felt back to myself and abilities…..this would put all that on hold again for another few years. I have battled with the fact that i know that is so selfish and a child is so much more than that…but we all know that experiencing that self worth is so satisfying. We have thought that perhaps we should cherish what we have and put our resources into our exsisting family , yet when saying that there is something in the back of the mind that is not settled with that answer. In search of more advice and insight I turned to ‘google’ and found your story. I read it, related with it, cried, and then emailed it to my husband. He then read it (I those that he would ignore it and think that I was crazy to be searching the internet for an answer to if we should have a fourth ) but he did read it and he too cried and was inspired. Thank you so much for the insight and thanks to the other readers and their posts as it is helpful to hear that our thoughts and fears are not alone.

  12. We are back and forth everyday! No room, no money, no time… But. We can’t help but feel that there is someone in there that needs to be here and of our family!

  13. That was such an amazing story. and thank you so much for sharing that with the world. We just had our 3rd and my wife is good with that number since she came from a small family. I often feel that someone is missing and that I will regret not having a 4th. I have no hope of having 5 since my wife will never go for that but there is some chance (though remote) that she would have a 4th so that is what I am grappling with. Why not have a fourth? well its mostly the concern about being too overwhelmed and biting off more than we can chew. The fear that it will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The second concern is finances. On the first concern I really shouldn’t worry about it since it will probably only be hard for a limited period of time and then we will have the rest of our lives to reap the benefits. Also, everyone thought we were crazy when we had 3 and things are working out pretty well thus far. On the second concern, we all say money isn’t everything so maybe its time we lived like it. Still unsure and my wife certainly isn’t. However, we have some time to figure it out as my 3rd is only 4 weeks old (lovely little girl after my two big boys 2.5 and 4.5). God bless you and your beautiful family. May we have the strength and courage to follow in your footsteps.

  14. Just had our 3rd 5 months ago and wondering if we should have a 4th. Sometimes I wish I knew Gods plan for us, atleast that way I could stop worrying!!! I love your post!!

    I have 3 under 5 and a fulltime nurse. Sometimes I wish i could be a stay at home mom, but since I’ve done it 3x I cant use that as an excuse. My husband is great and when I get overwhelmed with all the chaos in our home he always reassures me that its just the season our life is in. He looks at our kids and says to me they are perfect how could you not want more, and I agree. But when I start thinking about the finances, logistics, daycare costs and start to wonder if its the best idea or if we will be taking away from the kids we have to have more???

  15. I love this post! I am mommy to 5 ages 9 years to 12 months 🙂 I feel like God lays it on our hearts to have a baby but sometimes the Enemy fills our minds with lies that we won’t have enough money or doubt that we can’t handle more children. Just remember children arr a blessing from the Lord and I have yet to meet a mother ( or father) who wished they’d had less children!
    I wholeheartedly agree that more babies help you lower those impossible standards and enjoy those tiny blessings 🙂

  16. This is soo inspirational. I have three boys myself, aged 7, 5 and almost 4. And until a few months ago I thought we were done with the babies and we are finally out of dipers, we actually sleep at night and all kids are off to nursery/preschool/school in the morning so I actually have a lot of time for myself (as I am a stay home mom). But lately I started thinking i want another one and just can’t decide for myself as all the practical issues come to mind. We travel abroad twice a year as both my and my husbands parents come from another country and we like to take our kids to both places. We like a certain way of life which we can support right now but will that be possible with number 4? We are moving to a new house which has 4 bedrooms so each of our three boys will get a room of their own (something I always wanted when I was a kid as I shared with my sister) and if we have another one things get out of balance again. On one hand my heart is really in for it, on the other hand all the practilities just dont let me rest. I am also thinking how will the other three take in a new child. They all like and need their attention and new baby will take up a lot of that. I have been obsessing with this for over 4 months now and still can’t decide. My husband thought we were done at three but is totally open for the fourth one. So how do we know if God has a fourth one for us? I’m really lost and confused. Your writing was very inspiring and its the second time I am reading it-when I read it about a month ago I was sure I wanted to have another one. But reading it today – I am not sure what is the right thing for us as a family. Our three boys are close in age and are basically a “small group” with common toys, friends and interests. Bringing a child that will have 4-5 years difference with the youngest one and about 8 years difference with the old one – how will that affect our family dynamics, i wonder? Lots of questions that no one can really answer for me. I realize that we will never regret having another one, but we might regret not going for it some years down the road. We are blessed with three wonderful boys and I feel a bit of a betrayal towards them as well wanting another one (are the three that I have not enough for me??) Well, hopefully I will be able to put things in the right perspective and figure this one out! Enjoy your family, you are very blessed!

    • Thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts, this IS a big decision! I feel like the Lord moves slowly compared to our time frame, and speaks with peace to our hearts. If you have unrest about this, then I’d say let it go completely. The timing isn’t right to make this decision if you don’t have peace. If and when it’s time for your fourth, with no time frame or rush about the ages of the older 3, there will be a day you just know….one way or another…..what is right for your home and your family. We can Trust God for all areas of our lives, He can see what is best for us, because He sees the giant tapestry we are weaving from His persepective, we can only see the strings.
      Hope this helps, Hugs! T

      • You are so absolutely right about what you are saying! Thank you for listening and giving your input. Just saying (or writing actually) and sharing this with you was very relieving for me. I needed to get some input from somebody outside of our circle. Thank you so very much, I really appreciate you taking the time to actually think about our situation. I’m sure the time will come when I can see things right. You are truly special…

    • I’m in the exact same boat you were (two years ago now!) I have a 6.5yr boy, an almost 5 year old girl, and a girl about to turn 3. I’m concerned about the bigger age gap too and starting over. Did you go for it? If not, did the feeling of content come? Would love to hear back.

  17. Hi i typed into the search engine “i want a fourth baby” hoping for some help and reasoning, and i found your article and it completely touched me. I really have been longing for another baby. I have twin boy’s age 5 and a little girl age 1 tommorow they are amazing but it is so true what you say the boys were hard work and bad sleepers but it wasnt until we had our daughter i realised how much time i have to talk and be with her that everything didnt have to go by the book or by the clock. I did not want anymore after the boys and took a lobg time but it feels different somehow thus time. I have the dull ache in my heart and tummy but i have yet to tell my husband as i know i think he wouldnt want another 😥

  18. Normally I never comment on any blogs etc but on this I had to!
    My husband and I had our 3rd baby 5 months ago and are talking about a 4th. Not ASAP but somewhere in our future. He was hesitant and I was so sure of our family and decided to google “reasons to have a 4th child” because maybe I just love having my babies and maybe I’m being selfish to the other children. Anyway so this was one of the first few to come up so I clicked on it and was in awe. You said some of the stuff I felt and thought but didn’t really think. It just came natural I guess you could say. But reading this just gave me more confidence in myself and as a parent. It is so true about when you have the 3rd baby you learn it’s not just one or the other. That there are more choices and descriptions. Seriously, thank you so much.

  19. This is such a wonderful article and so very true! I have 3 girls, another baby on the way, and four babies in Heaven. This was a beautiful article. I have always felt that four was the number for our family. Then, after my last daughter, I had three miscarriages (I had had one before her), and it seemed that maybe just three was God’s plan. But, you are so right about His timing. Just when I was ready to accept that we were done and trying to make peace with that, God gave me my current pregnancy. I pray that he allows me the gift of raising this sweet little life here on earth, but I am simply continuing to try to trust in Him and His perfect plan for my life. Thanks so much for sharing these beautiful thoughts.

  20. i am thankful to have found this. I am weeks away from having my 4th boy, whose brothers are 11,8 and 5, I feel nuts having made the decision to have another one at all and am really doubting my capability to find time for all of them and not go insane! God gives us no more than we can handle, is my mantra! Thankyou for giving me a peek inside your heart, it makes me feel more confidant that even though everyday I think i am screwing up my kids they will survive me! God bless!

  21. I love your story! I cried through the whole thing! I have 3 kids (8 & 6 year old & 9 month old) I just found out two days ago that I am pregnant with #4! I don’t even know what to feel. Me and my husband have been together for 15 1/2 years and married for almost 11. Its been very hard. I cant believe im posting this, but I have no idea what else to do? He’s been in and out of jobs for past year. We can barely make it now, I can’t even possibly think of having another one. My parents are overwhelmed because they help us out alot. They pick up my kids from school and watch my little one while I work. They don’t feel like my husband has been a good husband and aren’t happy at all with him. The last thing I feel like I could do is bring another baby into the world for them to look after. I just don’t know what to do. I even thought the worst of I can’t handle it…we use protection, but I guess God still made it happen. I love my family and husband, but I don’t know what to do, we cant make ends meet now, and add another innocent baby into the mix! im devastated, confused, scared, overwhelmed! 😦 miserable! please any words of advice to help would be appreciated!
    thank you for sharing your story!

    • Oh man, that is so hard! Congratulations are still in order, even if you are overwhelmed. There are no accidental pregnancies, God always has a bigger plan in place, and there will be day you look back and cannot fathom life without baby number 4. Ours was the perfect piece to finish the puzzle of our family, he brought things to our home that we didn’t even know we were missing until he was born! 🙂

      Take it day by day, step by step, and seek your Heavenly Father. Are you involved in church? Ask Him to provide for your family and a steady job for your husband. Have you prayed about taking the leap and staying home full time? Would this force hubby to take seriously his role as provider for your home? Paying childcare for 4 is typically more expensive then just eating the cost and getting to be the one home with kiddos! 🙂 When it comes to hubby, make sure you are his #1 cheerleader in life, for whatever we speak to them, they become. I am sure he feels the pressure of life, another mouth to feed and the disapproval of your parents.

      Isaiah 41:10 is my life verse and is very fitting here: “Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”
      Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”

  22. Wow so today my husband and i were talking about having our fourth but just thinking about how crazy my days are now with 3 kids i was really thinking it over until i read this. I feel like this is God confirming to me that a 4th child is in his plans for me and my family i cried the whole time reading this because it is very true each child does teach something and we as mothers also change we are not the same mom with our first child then we are with our 3rd i can only imagine the blessings that God has instore for us by giving us our fourth child.

  23. Words cannot describe how you beautifully placed your words…I was looking up suggestions on google about having a fourth child, and it was as if GOD led me here…to your passage. You have taught me in more ways than one that life is beautiful….and of course you only live once. I truly believe that it was meant for me to have a large family….with a bond of love that cannot be taken away. Seeing that bright blossoming smile when they wake up in the morning to hearing them say “I love you”, before they lay down at night to sleep. Dreaming of everything that is wonderful. I thank you from the very depths of my heart for expressing yourself

  24. I just took a positive pregnant test… I am very very scared. I have three that are 4 and under… Your post made me cry from beginning to end. Because in my heart I know I have to trust God. Thank you so much for your post. I now know that it is in God’s plan for me to keep this baby!

  25. This was four years ago, I hope all continues to be well and your family is happy and healthy. I googles should I have a fourth baby and this came up, it’s a wonderful piece. I am not religious at all but that aside your descriptions of the lessons your babies have taught you are wonderful. I have three girls. 13, 11 and 2 and hubby and I discussed the possibility of a fourth but I was worried about being too old by the time we want to start trying again il be 36… So many other things to consider too, like having just got our evenings back, we are still co sleeping and breastfeeding … Also having to break from work again… Craziness … But our youngest has been so much fun, hard at times but I am a different mother than I was with 1 & 2. Let’s just see what the universe decides I guess

  26. I have three children already and have been wanting to try and conceive a fourth! I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do? But after reading your story I do believe that a fourth baby would be a great addition to our family! Thank you so much for your thoughts on having a fourth baby!

  27. Loved this! I too came across your blog when I googled “making the decision about a 4th child”. We have 5yr old twin girls and a 15mo boy. When we found out that our 3rd was a boy we were set that we were done. My husband was going to have a vasectomy and our family would be complete. When I was around 32 weeks my husband told me that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go through with the vasectomy. We decided that we would talk about it more after the baby was born. The moment they held my little guy over the curtain I looked at my husband and said “I want to do this again!”. Initially I thought it was probably just the hormones/emotions talking but 15mo later and I still feel the same way. My daughters have absolutely loved their brother since the moment they knew there was a baby in my belly and they are begging us for another! It melts my heart and literally brings tears to my eyes when I watch them with him. I do have some fears though: 1) Can we afford another 2) Will our family support us. My dad specifically has never been happy either time when I told him I was expecting. 3) What if we have another set of twins!!
    It is a big decision and I’m not 100% sure yet but I want to make a decision soon.

    • When we were trying to decide if we should make the plunge I too found this blog and both my husband and I had tears in our eyes. At the time our kids were 9, 6 and 4. Our youngest has been challenging with some delays. We were worried about adding more to our plate as well as the finances. All in all we finally took the plunge and last December we had our 4th little boy! I would not trade it for anything. We are absolutely in love. And as the blog says,you truely do take in and enjoy every aspect of the 4th and the miracle that it is! It make me so sad that the time is going so fast—he is almost 6mo already! Because we know how busy life is and how quickly the children grow and change I am just grasping on holding onto every little moment with him. I say if you have the feeling that you want to have the one more, go for it. You will never look back! It is such a wonderful miracle and the other children are priceless with how much they love their new sibling and they too appreciate the miracle.

  28. I have agonized over a decision to have a 4th child for over a year now. Immediately after my 3rd, I wanted another but as time went on, I just couldnt see why I should have another. The world is so crazy and I feel my husband and I have too much to do already in raising upright children to add another. I prayed and finally got peace about it. Two attempts, 2 pregnancies, 2 miscarriages and here I am wondering whether its really God’s will after all. I have been praying again lately and just thought I should google ( I felt silly- finding out God’s will with google?!) but I am glad I did.

    Thank you for your wonderful piece. Every life is a gift and the fear and hesitation is melting away…

  29. Hi Tonya,
    I came across your blog by pure chance and have to say that I simply love it. I love your honesty and heart-felt writing. The reason I came across it is because I recently went through a miscarriage with our fourth child. We have a 6 year old and 4 year old twins. The pregnancy was a complete surprise as we thought we were done at three but we were thrilled and were so looking forward to adding to our family. Sadly it wasn’t meant to be but I am now in this limbo where my husband and I are unsure whether to try again or be grateful for what we have. I have to say i would love to have a fourth – my children mean the world to me and all the sleepless nights and lack of time for myself don’ts seem to sway me! But I am wondering whether the recent miscarriage is making me yearn for this. Does that make sense? Anyway, your children are beautiful and you have inspired me to bring out the obedience charts again (the had taken a bit of a back seat). Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Alex x

  30. Before I became lrrgnant I googled fourth child and bookmarked your site. I have read this particular page over and over and it still brings me to tears! We are 6 months pregnant and will have baby 4 join us in November …sweet November. Thank you for this page!!!

  31. I love your story I have 3 little girls 9, 5 and 1 (2 next month) my husband had a vasectomy after our second but we decided we made the wrong decision and reversed it to have our lattest but only me and my husband no everyone else thinks our youngest was because the vasectomy failed. my husband wanted 1 or 2 originally and I wanted 2 or 3 that’s why we decided to have vasectomy as we both felt happy at 2 we r over the moon we had 3 but you are right after having the 3rd the 3rd makes u appreciate them so much more and I wonder if 4 would even us up I think my husband knows I want another as he sees me looking at babies all my friends say u r not finished u will have more, I just don’t feel complete but part of the reason of the reversal was hubby said will u be ok after 3 and I said yes as sure I would be he said ok then as I defanatly don’t want more and we were both happy how can I go to him now and say im not sure?? I no he would be supportive but I also don’t want to bully him into having a 4th if its not really what he wants. I have always been a working mum in the past and we have recenatly moved so I can be a stay at home mum as love it so much id love to be a stay at home mum through a pregnancy and until school and not have to worry about work and returning to work as its always been hard in the past what to do ?? please help if u can x

    • Ask him to pray about it with you, set a time frame, and at the end of that sesason, look at if you are ready to add a fourth or not. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but we were really ok with 3 until we were surprised with a 4th! 🙂 The Lord will show you with peace in BOTH your hearts. Its especially important to see if you can continue to stay home financially. I ADORED being home with a baby, so fun. God bless!

  32. This is so inspiring and very beautiful. I have 3 at the moment but I would love one more. Everything you said really struck a chord in my heart. All your observations were so true. And your baby is ridiculously cute- I bet u just want to squish him all day 💜!
    I hope God can extend His blessings and give me one more miracle. X

  33. I an having my 4th child an was very nervous about it. Discouraged at times, lost in other moments, an still feeling like I am unable to pursue some of the things I want in life. As well how I would handle so much as I have 3 children 15,12, and 11. After reading this article I have been so overcome with smiles an relief. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders all the while being inspired by this article. I never comment on post I just read an keep scrolling. While this is an old article an not sure who will read or see my comments. Bless your soul for writing this as it can be an inspiration for many.

  34. This is just what I needed today. My husband sent me this link after we found out this morning that we are expecting our fourth. Our first just turned 4 last week, and our fifth wedding anniversary is this week. We have grown a lot of family in 5 years, and what you wrote resonates with me. Thank you for the encouragement, and the reminder of God’s plan as THE plan. Here we go!

  35. I too have four children and it is exactly how I feel un this moment in time. I have four girls and my fourth ong among all f them has taught me so much of what u are saying. I appreciate this message, this truth to be explained when I couldn’t put the feeling in words. Thank you.

  36. I stumbled onto your blog of what the 4th baby has taught you while I was googling bring stressed just after having my 4th child. I to have a 5 1/2 girl 3 1/2 girl a 2 yr boy and a 6week old boy and was strughling to cope but after reading your article can I just just say thanku!! U are truly an inspiration and correct on so many levels😆 I have learnt that gods only gives us what we can handle and even though I thought I wasnt strong enough or good enough he proved me wrong. I have learnt to enjoy the little things about all 4 instead of making sure everything is perfect. They say certain people come into your lives 4 a reason and stumbling onto ur blog is true proof of that !! God bless u and keep u and ur beautiful family happy , healthy and safe always. THANKU and Take care

  37. Just what I needed to read as I’m crying here. Never saw it as each child teaches you something different. We want another child yet are holding back for what seems trivial reasons. I need courage to know that we can do this and will love our fourth addition if God wills it

  38. I don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet, but, I really feel like I know my body by now. I have 3 little girls, a 2 & a half year old, a one year old, and a newborn. I’m 25. If I’m pregnant, I can’t see myself taking any other path but keeping my baby and finding a way to make it work. My husband thinks we should abort, but I could never live with myself. Your article made me cry so much and I appreciate it! I salute you! And your family is beautiful.

  39. I wanted to let you know I found as I was strolling through Pinterest. I read the beginning to myself, and started reading it to my husband. As I started reading, I began to cry. Your words are beautiful and touched me deeply. As I am trying to conceive my second baby, it pulled at my heart because my first is beginning to walk and time has gone by so quickly. Than you for reminding me!

  40. Hi,

    I have 4 children

    My first was all planned and I tried as much as possible to get every single parenting book and everything! When I was 6 months pregnant I suddenly felt water whoosh down my legs my water had broked and I wasn’t due until three months time! Luckily my husband was with me and he whisked me to hospital after an hour of non stop contractions the midwife explained that it was safer to have a C section I agreed. I got woken up about 45 minutes ago finding my husband crying he said that the baby was so small and so premature that it was whisked away as soon as it had came out! I felt a whoosh of emotions this couldn’t be happening! I sat there for about half an hour when the midwife came in and said “You have had a baby boy but due to him being three months premature we have got to carefully monitor him and he can’t breathe on his own” I breathed a huge sigh of relief at least it wasn’t anything that bad. “He is in an incubator right now do you want to see him?” Obviously my answer was yes I couldn’t wait to see my little boy! The midwife whisked the incubator by my bedside he was tiny tubes were everywhere I could hardly see him! We had decided to call him Jacob after a few minutes of looking at him! Finally at 2 weeks old little Jacob was ready to come home.

    It was a tough couple of years with Jacob hitting his development milestones going from lying down to sitting up to crawling to walking and talking me and my husband were constantly running after him. When Jacob hit the day of his 2nd birthday sudden thoughts came through my mind should I have another? I felt insane thinking this prior to the difficult birth I had had just two years earlier. Later that night when Jacob was in his crib exhausted after his 2nd birthday I mentioned it to my husband. “But are you sure you want to go through it again Jacob was very lucky that he had survived!” I agreed to think about it. When Jacob was about 2 1/2 my husband suddenly turned to me and said “If you want another it’s best to do it now!” We had a rather passionate night (not getting into details) and the next day my pregnancy test turned out positive!
    At the three month scan we got shocking news the doctor said he had confirmed two little beings inside my tummy and that we were going to have twins! Oh boy I thought to myself going from 1 kid – 3 kids is going to be very hard!

    It was a nice sunny day me and my husband were sitting on deck chairs with me 9 months pregnant with our twins I looked like a hippopotamus! Jacob who was 3yrs and 3mths was walking around the garden playing with his diggers. Suddenly I felt a whoosh when I cried out to my husband my waters have broke! My husband ran Nan up who only lived a few streets away to come and look after Jacob and she came straight away then me and my husband drove to hospital. This time I was free to give birth naturally and I gave birth to my second child little Benjamin then fifteen minutes after little Bailey. It was a healthy happy birth way easier than my first birth and now I thought 3 crazy boys to deal with!

    When Jacob was 4 he started primary school Benjamin and Bailey were 1 at the time and enjoyed some extra mummy time! Soon enough Jacob turned 5 and Bailey and Benjamin hit 2. I thought to myself is this the big family I have always wanted? Or have I still got another little baby to be with? I discussed it with my husband and he said to wait until Benjamin and Bailey started school then we would have more time for the baby for now I thought my yearn would have to wait! When Jacob was 7 and Bailey and Benjamin were 4 they both started primary school when I asked my husband about a fourth child. My husband was willing to do so and when the boys got home from school I got them all into the lounge and said do you guys want a little brother or sister? Jacob shouted yes straight away and Benjamin and Bailey said yes a few minutes afterwards. “Does this mean you’ll get fat again?” Said cheeky Jacob I chuckled then ushered them all upstairs to bed. The next morning I found myself pregnant with our fourth child! At the three month scan the doctor confirmed I was indeed pregnant with another human being I was over the moon!

    I was once again 9 months pregnant my husband had just got back from taking the boys to school when I felt water trickling down my legs. I’m in labour I screamed and my husband quickly rushed me to the hospital we once again rang helpful nan and she agreed to pick the boys up after school. I was contracting and contracting when suddenly the midwife panicked your baby’s heart rate is very low we need a C section! In agony I agreed and about 45 minutes later I awoke. How’s the baby? I quickly asked my husband “I don’t know” My husband said “It came out not breathing” My heart sank was there any hope for this baby at all? Just then the midwife came in your baby came out not breathing but we managed to soothe it back then the doctor came in with my baby in his arms and said “It’s a little girl congratulations!” I held her in my arms my first baby daughter we agreed to call it Maya.

  41. I have a forth foster child. The first 3 are mine, two natural and third foster to adoption. I’m seeing the fourth and struggling at his 4 months old. I know what is right, but still having a hard time.

  42. In my plans , i had never imagined i would have four children , just found out i am pregnant . I thought i was done with 3 children. When i found out i thought it would be a barrier in my career . I have now accepted from reading your blog .

  43. How inspiring..being a mum myself to 4 kids you have touched me .3rd pregnancy had beautiful twin girls who are now 11. My two older ones are starting university…feeling anxious about them leaving home…the nest is starting to empty…We have put our trust in God…know letting them go is not easy

  44. Hi, I absolutely loved your blog. Its given me more confidence about my decision and made me even more anxious!

    I’m 29 & we have 3 boys: 7, 5, & 20 months. I’ve ALWAYS wanted a little girl. I had a sister and my 2 older boys ask me if they can have a little sister. I always said, if its Gods will.
    Well my husband’s cousin has 3 girls & she is pregnant with a boy now. Now my oldest asks even more often. I tried to fool myself into thinking, no you are back to pre-pregnancy weight, you’ve worked so hard to get here. You’re busy enough, do we have the $?
    But honestly, the urge has never left me. I finally asked my husband, he was questionable at first but then he was on board! I’m so excited! But nervous, anxious, and hopeful for pink! I still can’t believe that he is wanting another, he always said we are DONE! He is 1 of 5 siblings, so he came from a big family. He lost his mother in a car accident at only 10 and I’ve always wanted to give him a girl to name after his Mother. I’ve always said I wanted 5 kids, ever since I was just a girl.

    I told my boys to pray to God for a healthy baby and maybe he will bless us. I am trying to time my cycle right (I’ve been on birth control pills where i only had 1 period every 3 months) now for when I’m ovulating to try & time for a girl. But only God will truly determine.

  45. We also have 4 wonderful blessings from God. It is inspiring to hear your story because most of my friends have 1 or 2 children and struggle with their lifestyles and they think we are crazy for having 4. I love my children and the precious time I spend with them. They have each taught me something different about life and to be honest, I would have another but my pregnancy with baby #4 was difficult from beginning to birth and he was in intensive care for 7 days. Today is his 2nd birthday and he is healthy and adorable. I thank God for this opportunity. Some people need a purpose in life but my destiny is to be a lovable and cool mom.

  46. Thank you so much for your intentional loving words on your fourth baby. I am expecting my fourth & even though I prayed for this child to be conceived…I find myself nervous! Your spiritual perspective is helpful & hopeful! Thank you again for sharing 🙂

  47. This post is beautifully written. Every emotion of mine is perfectly described here. I have 3 boys and am seeking clarity for our future. My heart hurts knowing there is a fourth one meant to be ours but it often feels so out of reach. Month after month of negative tests, loss and then doubts as to weather or not we’re meant to have 4. Life is fragile but the love is oh so great! Thank you for sharing.

  48. Thank you for sharing…I cried a little. I am expecting my fourth child on Valentine’s Day 2018 and every now and again the enemy tries to steal my joy by reminding me of how “unprepared” my husband and I are financially. We thought we would be more stable before having another child but SURPRISE! I have 1 daughter who will be 7 in december, two boys (2&3) and I am expecting another girl. I had postpartum depreasion with my first and was in resistence to the loving lessons that her light was trying to teaching me. I have finally come to a place where I allow myself to be molded by each child, in which ever way they need me and I am blessed because of it. My children are my greatest joy and I want them to have everything they want and need (so does my husband) but right now I just appreciate what we do have, our fun movie nights and our backyard adventures. I believe that there will come a time when we DO have everything that we want and need but I will not have a house full of little voices and playful sounds….so I just continue to remind myself to be present with my family and love them unconditionally in the NOW, knowing that I will not get these precious moments back once they are gone. Much Love to You,
    This is beautiful.

  49. Reading your life story make me cry😢
    I have 4 children too… I just recently had my last. He is 6 months old now.. I don’t want him to grow too fast 😭 thank you for remind me that God is with me and that children are very special 😍
    And that each child teach me a lesson …
    I thankful for that… I felt so connect it to your beautiful story..

  50. What a beautiful way to describe the blessing of children. I’m pregnant with my fourth and at times find it hard to enjoy every moment. Thank you for reminding me of the precious gift God has given to us.

  51. You don’t know how much this post meant to me, i came across this tonight after i have cried out to God asking for His guidance. I am pregnant with our 4th child and so much has been going on, I’ve allowed myself to get overwhelmed and anxious and worried with the cares of this life. I have let a distance come between God and me, My husband and me and my children. This post was exactly what i needed to hear. God spoke to me through it, and i appreciate you walking in His calling for you to post it. This was such a blessing to me and gave me so much hope and i know God heard me crying to Him earlier. Thank you ❤

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