“The Rod”…..Part 2

 You may not agree with what you are about to read.  And that is ok.  You  need to find what works at your house. My job today is to simply introduce you to the way we choose to discipline our children.

 Meet “The Rod”….


   You know, as in “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

(Adapted Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”)

Phase II of our Discipline is introducing “The Rod”.  

  Here’s how it goes down at our house:

  #1 The child makes a wrong choice and needs help making the right one.  Or needs help getting wrong behavior or bad attitude under control.

#2  We send said child to their room, to think about their actions, while they wait to be disciplined.

#3  After we have taken a moment to gather our thoughts and be sure we are not disciplining in anger, we enter their room, take them over our knee, and discipline them.  Usually a swat will do. Not hard, just enough to sting a bit.  Try it out on your own leg if you are unsure.

#4  We immediately take them in our arms and love on them, discussing why the spank was given.  We talk about God’s Word and what He asks them to do, based on the offense. 

#5  The child by this time is done with their sad tears, and apologizes to us and to the Lord, asking for forgiveness from both. 

#6 The child leaves the room to go apologize to any children who observed the wrong behavior, or the child that was hurt by the wrong behavior.

  It’s quite affective!  Disciplining out of love, not anger is the key.  AND, always always pointing them back to the Word of the Lord.

  The best part is, by establishing this early on, our kids RARELY get spanks anymore.  It’s awesome! 

  In fact all I have to do is open the drawer where “The Rod” lives, get it out and set it down near-by, and we go from this……………..


To this…………….


  By doing our footwork early, and helping our kids understand that there are rules and they don’t change, we don’t have to use this form of discipline very often at all!

  Our job as parents is to not only discourage wrong behavior, but to encourage right behavior.  For this we use Sticker Charts…..

This is Destiny’s Cheerful Heart Chart.  The verse on the bottom says: “Do everything without arguing or complaining,  so you may become…children of God.”  (Phil. 2:14) 

  She is filling hers for the 2nd time.  When she filled the chart, she got to pick a reward.  She choose to get a pedicure with her cousin, Julie.  


Here is Tylan’s chart. He is half way done with his.  His chart is an Obedience Chart.  He says when he gets to the end of his chart, he is going to pick to go to Destiny’s school to eat lunch with her.


Here is Avery’s first chart.  I just recently got around to making her one.  With her, we are working on FIRST time obedience, so it seemed fitting that her chart would be about that.




  Here is how it works: you obey first time with a cheerful heart, you get a sticker.  If you obey, but with arguing and complaining, you do NOT get a sticker, but a verbal reminder from mom or dad to have a better attitude next time.  If the wrong behavior or slow obedience continues, the child is asked to remove a sticker from their chart, which is quite dramatic! (but oh-so effective)

     Tomorrow I will post about some of our other discipline options we choose to use, and tell you about the newest stage of discipline at our house.  There are 7 years between our oldest and youngest, so that’s quite an age difference when it comes to methods of discipline and it’s effectiveness!

Proverbs 23:13: Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.





21 thoughts on ““The Rod”…..Part 2

  1. Do you follow a specific parenting theory? I see pieces of Babywise and Growing Kids God’s Way. Also reminds me a bit of the Pearl’s teaching. Are you familiar with them?

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  4. Wow, I was so sad to read this post…I have been enjoying reading your blog. I don’t believe the word “rod” of discipline in the bible is meant to be taken so literally. Makes me sad to see children taught that hitting it acceptable way to get a desired response. I am a Christian and kindergarten teacher and I don’t believe striking a child is the only way to discipline in love. My students and own children behave very well and they know when mommy/teacher means business…I have never had to lay a finger on a child to get them to obey. I stick to my word and follow through on consequences.

    • Jaci, I sure hope one blog post that we see things differently on won’t defer you from coming back. We DO discipline in love, as we feel this is what God instructs us to do. Proverbs 23:13: Do not withhold discipline from a child…..” As I explained in the post, we do not spank, or hit as you call it, out of anger, just loving correction, with lots of hugs and snuggles afterwards. This is also not our only response for wrong behavior. We have Destiny write sentences like “I will not argue, I will obey.” We do time out in their room, until they are ready to change their attitude. We remove privileges like tv time or playing with a friend. Spanking is just one in a pool of many forms of discipline we use as the parents of these precious kids. I talk more about the variety of methods we use here: https://4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/good-bye-pushover-parenting-hello-happy-kids/ Our children are very loved, very well behaved and there ARE consequences for actions at our house too. My hope is we can agree to disagree on this subject matter and move forward in a positive way from here. ~T

      • Thanks for the response….I obviously still have your blog on my list of favorites to check in the 15 minutes of “mommy time” I take before dinner 🙂 I am with you on the fact that as Christians we sometimes simply have to agree to disagree…as long as we agree on HIM! This stuck a cord with me this week, as we just talked about this topic in our parenting class at church.

      • I understand! Just like fanatical Christians give us all a bad name, abusive parents give us that choose to spank a bad name. I am so glad you are still here, Jaci. 🙂 Have a blessed weekend! ~T

  5. I also do not feel that spanking is necessary, or what was intended in the bible (see these articles >> http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/spare-the-rod-and-spoil-the-child/ & http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.com/2011/11/rod-verses-taking-rod-verses-literally.html).

    I really enjoy your blog, and I think that you are a great mom, but would highly encourage you to do some research, read the book “Grace Based Parenting” by Dr. Tim Kimmel and seek God on this area as you moved forward with disciplining your children. My parents spanked, and were FANTASTIC parents, so I do not judge parents who spank, but I also know that my mom (who has worked in early childhood for 25 years) now regrets that she spanked us and firmly believes that there are many better options – I happen to agree with her!! I have 3 children and spanking is not a part of our home, but obedience and discipline definitely are!

    Blessings to you, we are all just trying to be the best parents we can and honor God with these little lives he has entrusted in our care 🙂

    • How interesting, thanks! The good news is we hardly ever ever have to spank, but I will go read those articles! 🙂 Often lack of firm discipline means lack of obedience, but I love your take on this…

      • Hi Tonya,
        I just wanted to pop back in here and apologize. I felt convicted after I posted this comment that I was doing it out of a negative spirit. You are obviously a wonderful mother who is training up her children to have hearts for God. I have actually taken some wonderful tips from some of your other parenting posts! I hope that I did not offend you in any way. I am so thankful for grace and that we don’t always have to agree on every detail. Blessings to you!

    • Hi Tonya,
      Did you take the chance to read these articles Emily refers to? My stomach knotted up as I read this post on the rod. Especially with it on the top of your new page, I hope readers don’t quickly give themselves a green light to use the rod. Many may not wait until they have no anger in doing so. As the articles stated, I have seen that the rod is taken out of context and it is not for use on a child.
      I know we will not all agree and that God may guide us in different ways with each of our children, but I am concerned about discipline tactics being used that do not reflect God.

      • I sure did! You are correct when you say we don’t have to all agree. I am simply using this platform to share what works at our house, which means it doesn’t work in every circumstance.
        I can tell you this, if you came over, you’d find very happy and content children, who know boundaries and the consequences that come from going past those boundaries. We do a lot of other creative discipline techniques as well! Thanks for comment, I too, hope that others that read this will always send the child the their room ahead of time, to temper their anger and wait to meet with their precious one, until they have done so. This is a very important step! We discipline out of love and the desire that our children firmly grasp right from wrong.
        The best compliment we receive, is what obedient, respectful children we have. We are always thankful to hear those kind words and continue onward in the difficult job of raising them in today’s world. 🙂

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  7. Have you ever considered that your children “obey” you not because they value the beliefs you are instilling in them or that they love you but because they are SCARED of you?

    • I can promise you my kids are not scared of me, they have a healthy respect and understanding of the boundaries and rules in our home. We discipline out of love, we create teachable moments in those times of disobedience, and we always, always follow up with hugs and pointing back at God’s word, the “Why’s” of discipline.

  8. Hi Tonya!

    Having just come across this post, I wondered if I could contact you directly to ask your advice relating to your experience with ‘the rod’? 🙂

    Kind regards,


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