Broken

2 Kings 6:1-6:  An interesting story tucked in scripture…..paraphrased in story form below.  Seriously, fascinating stuff! Don’t scroll past this, please read it!!

An Axe Head Floats

  Because Elisha was so well-known, many men came to him to learn about God. They were servants of God and prophets, too. The place where the men lived as they learned from Elisha was too small for all of them, they needed a bigger place to stay. These men were not wealthy, they spent most of their time learning and studying with Elisha. They did not spend their days working to make money. So if they wanted a bigger place to meet and learn, they would have to build it themselves.

The group of men approached Elisha and told him, “Elisha, the place we meet with you is too small. Let us go to the Jordan River and cut down some trees to build a bigger place.” Elisha said, “That’s a good idea. Go and do it.” “Won’t you please come with us?” they asked. Elisha replied, “I will go.”

Elisha and the group of men went to the Jordan and they began cutting down trees. As one man was cutting down a tree, the iron axe-head fell into the river.

  “Oh no!” he cried. “It wasn’t mine. I borrowed it from my master. What will I do?”

  The axe-head sank quickly to the bottom of the river. It was too deep to go in and find it. It seemed like the axe-head was lost for good.

Elisha asked where the axe-head had fallen. After pointing it out, Elisha cut a stick and threw it to that spot. Amazingly, the axe-head floated to the top! Iron does not float! It was a miracle!

  While Elisha asked God for a miracle to retrieve a lost axe head of all things, consider what he did not ask. Elisha did not ask for a supernatural construction of their new dwelling from the Lord. (I’ll bet they would rather have had God build it!) If God’s prophet could retrieve lost axe heads, then why could he not also miraculously construct buildings?

  The truth is that God is able to do all things, but Elisha did not ask God for such things. What God did provide through Elisha was a tool—an axe head—so that this prophet could cut down trees for construction.

   How many times I have wished that God would do the tough jobs Himself, supernaturally, and not leave any of the hard work to me. But what we read in our text is very true to the way God works:  He provides us with the means—the tools—to do what He has planned, and then He expects us to labor to accomplish it. These “tools” are not just material things, like axe heads, but are divine gifts from God.

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   The reason I shared the above story with you, is because it’s the story of my life. 

See, as I was “clearing the trees” to grow my life, my faith, this blog…..the axe I was given by my Master, broke. 

  In fact, it broke back in July already.  The axe-head broke off and fell deep down into the murky River of Life, and because I am a glass-half-full-kinda girl, I just kept swinging at the tree in front of me, with only the handle of my axe.  Swinging and swinging, hoping to still accomplish something, ANYTHING that could be counted as good and worthy.  Asking the Lord to allow me to continue working, to continue clearing….even with a broken axe.

  But, my arms are tired.  My hits to the tree are fruitless. I’ll accomplish nothing without the sharp edge of my axe head. 

I need a miracle.

I need the Lord to raise up my axe head from the bottom of the river, so I can be productive in life, and on this blog for Him once again. But quietly He said,

“Sorry Tonya, not yet…rest in my arms for I know you are weary. Let Me minister to you for a while.”

  Yes, Father.

 So I come to you today, broken. So very very broken…

I cannot tell you the details of what occurred, what caused my axe head to be lost, because I cannot bring myself to share them with you, so please, don’t ask.

To own the words that would be written would make it all too real.

  It would be a slap in the face all over again.

Just pray for us, please.

Pray for my family, my precious little ones.

The enemy is attacking at all sides. 

    I won’t quit this blog, as my first thoughts dictated, the Lord was the one who asked me to start this, it will be Him who gives me permission to quit.  He said no to quitting, but I will need to slow down, and I do feel I have the Lord’s blessing on that decision.  I need the freedom to choose to NOT come sit at the computer if something arises that I need to work through.   

    But, what about the posts you all respond to most?  Do you know the ones I am referring to? 

  The “Wake-Me-Up-in-the-Middle-of-the-Night, Nudge-From-the-Lord, Time-to Share-From-the-Heart” Posts that I have sobbed through in the past?  The ones that I am usually SO embarrassed to share?  Yup, those. 

  Man, do I love it when you respond to my soul-bearing posts, encouraging me that I am not alone and that this was just what the Lord needed you to hear today.  Telling me my tears were worth it, that I heard Him correctly, that the missed sleep was for His glory after all.  Those kind of posts will have to wait…I’m just too broken right now to share.   (These posts are found in the new “From the Heart” category if you’d like to re-read some of the old ones.) 

The good news is……

  When I am weak, He is strong.

  When I have no words to say, He will say them. 

  As soon as He nudges, I will write from the heart again, I promise you that.  Until then I’ll just keep posting recipes and stories from the Ferguson house as time allows. 

  I know the Lord will miraculously bring my axe head up to the surface one day, sharper than ever.  Then, I’ll know it is time to start swinging away for His glory once again!

Right now?

 I am hurting.

   I have no words to say, no heart-felt nuggets from the Lord to share with you, the tears streaming down my face are all I have to offer. Everything He is speaking to me goes straight to my heart, where I selfishly cling to it.

Someday, this circumstance will be shared for His glory, I know it.

Someday.

But for now?  Just pray.

~T

 

Bible Story resources:

 http://www.theheights.org/preschool_lessons/CStory-ELI-8.pdf

http://bible.org/seriespage/life-and-times-elisha-prophet%E2%80%94-saved-syrians-war-never-happened-2-kings-61-23