After talking about this in Sunday School twice, I just knew it was something important to share. I think it’s something we all struggle with, if we are honest with ourselves……..
How many times do we tell our children “Just a Minute,” but then never get to it?
“Read me a book, Mommy!” Just a minute.
“Can you hold me?” Let me just transfer this load of laundry first. (and make lunch and take a phone call and never get to it…..)
What if our “Just A Minute” words (or our excuses) were replaced with the words:
“I don’t love you enough to stop what I am doing right now.”
-Or-
“You are not more important than my _______.”
Fill in the blank: chores, facebook, cell phone, tv show.
I know that is harsh and not at all the case, but have you ever seen those sagging shoulders and sad little faces as they turn and walk away? Don’t you think that despite what we are saying, that this may be what they are HEARING?!
We can “just a minute” those kids right out the door, grown and gone before we know what happened.
Do I always stop the second a child asks? No. Do I wish I could ? Yes!!!!!
But, here is what I CAN do:
1) Commit at least a half hour an hour a day to just sitting with them, holding them on my lap and reading them a book before nap. Or rolling a ball back and forth between our legs. Or laying on the floor together and coloring a picture. For us, morning time is best, or sometimes, between after school chores and supper prep. Do I have a million things I COULD be doing during that time?! Of course.
Playing is hard for me, I am goal oriented and have a list of a million and one things I want to accomplish before the day is done. But I will NOT go to bed feeling guilty anymore for lack of play time with my kids. I am going to do better. I want my kids to know they are loved, not just by my words, but by my actions as well!
2) Stay off the computer when the kids are awake!!!!
This used to be my rule, but as I have started this blog, answering emails, writing new posts, and editing photos have become very time-consuming, I want to do better at balancing it all!
My goal is to do as follows:
~Check morning email during TV time only. As soon as they are done, I am done.
I have to come to my office to get on the computer, so it takes effort to come in here and check. If you have email/facebook on your cell phone, set it down in another room when you are with your family, so that they have your FULL attention. Mom’s FULL attention for 30 minutes is better than her half-hearted attention with wandering eyes looking at her cell phone, all day long.
~ Use nap time wisely, so that I can have time left in the evening to be with Destiny when she gets home from school, and time with Dale after the kids go to bed.
Laundry, photo projects, editing, supper prep, whatever! The more I can get done during nap time, the better!! Those are ‘free hours’ when no one needs me.
~Keep my priorities in order and ask myself:
“Does this activity promote the following?” God first. Family second. THEN all the other things.
~In the evening, we try very hard to start bedtime EARLIER than we think we need to, so that we have time to read a Bible story, sing a few songs and pray together to close the day. The kids LOVE that time and cry when we have to skip it due to a late night.
After that, I blog and email and Dale watches a documentary or something on TV. We have to be careful to shut those both down at a good time, so we still can have our devotions, prayer and talk time before we fall asleep. This has been hard for us, since 10 pm sure comes quickly!
Satan loves for us to be “too busy” to pray with each other, seek God together and converse and be friends with our spouse. In fact, I think busyness is one of his sneakiest weapons!
Don’t let social media and busyness rob you of the precious moments you have with your family.
Your kids only spend so many years seeking YOUR attention, then you spend the rest of your life, trying to get theirs.
~T
Just For This Morning…..
author unknown
Just for this morning, I am going to smile when your whining at my feet, & laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will set down my cell phone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble. Even when you scream and fuss, I will keep my cool and deal with it in a calm manner.
Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV show and computer time.
Just for this evening when I run my fingers through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are 
searching for their missing children, the mommy’s and daddy’s who are kneeling beside their children’s graves, rather than beside their beds, and the couples who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can’t handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer……
It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except for one more day.
Beautiful post, Tonya. And spot on. I’m a grandma now and have so many regrets of the time I didn’t spend with my children when they were little…too rushed, too busy, too many activities. You’ll never regret the time you spend with them. I’ve been able to make up some by spending lots of time with my grandchildren and thus spending more time with my children as adults, but I can never ever get those precious years back. Give them an extra squeeze today. Hugs, Jane <3
I love this! I’ll take all the wisdom from you experienced mamas I can get so that when the time comes I can be the best mommy possible.
Very thoughtful post, Tonya…I’m just soooooooooooooooo glad I didn’t have the Internet or FB or Pinterest when my boys were little! They’d have called me ‘Oh, mother figure’ rather than ‘Mom’! You’re a special momma! xoxo Ally :)
Simply beautiful Tonya!! And who knows better than my daughter dear that I am a mother with regrets…a just a minute mom…as I flew through my huge to do list and at the end of the day realized I had failed to give you the quality time you and your brother longed for. Thank you for being such a wonderful mom in spite of my lack of demonstrating!! I love you and your family dearly!! ~Mom
Oh Mom, you are too hard on yourself! I have great memories of family bike rides every nice evening, running around the circle in our house chasing dad and Chad, and laying on a blanket in the grass learning Memory verses for Wednesday night church. I think we Moms can be pretty hard on ourselves too. It really is the little things that mean so much! Love you, T
This was great!! Thanks for sharing. It made me tear up a little thinking that I have done the very same thing. I too will focus on making time for my children and letting my to-do list wait just a minute!
What a lovely post and so true!
I have heard that toddlers need undivided attention every 4 minutes. That puts lots of breaks in what we are doing, but I believe that it is true. I also know what behavior is like if they are not receiving the attention they seek. Then you get after them when they act up! Vicious cycle, don’t you think? I know that is a huge part of the reason I stay home with Adelynn, to spend time with Adelynn and to not miss her grow up. I also know what it is like to have a life outside of your children. I also make the most of nap time. That’s when all my email gets checked, my bows get made and books get read. I leave many of the chores for the weekend or evenings. I’d much rather have a dirty house than not have spent the time with her she deserves, no question!!
Our days are kind of divided into three parts, before nap, after nap and after Daddy gets home. I do my best to only schedule something in one (sometimes two) of those sections of the day so we have time to PLAY and she’s not spending all her awake time helping me with things I need to get done. I feel so much guilt when we have days where we get home in time to sleep, then she gets up, we leave, and we get home in time for bed. This has just been so important to me to not have regrets of Adelynn’s childhood and I appreciate the reminder! Glad you’re sharing these thoughts with others, Tonya!
This is great and exactly what I needed. I am with you on being a task orientated person and having a hard time with playtime. Thanks for the reminder. They really aren’t with us for very long!
Great post! I am currently trying to figure out my guidelines for my computer usage :) Love to hear your ideas and know I am not alone!
Very beautiful, and so insightful! Every time I read your blog posts I get that extra boost of resolve to be a better mommy.
Reblogged this on whatsupyournose and commented:
This week seems to have unconsciously been about blessings and miracles. I read this post on Monday and it really moved me because I know we often do this as parents. I thought I would share. This blogger is wonderful and you should check out her other post.
Love reading your blog. Recently, I’ve read so many blogs filled with hate, pain and selfishness. Awesome to see one that is teaching a lesson towards positive parenting, not negative stupidity!
Thank you, Kate! I try to look at the Sunny side of life, and I am glad that comes across as you visit this blog! :) When you visit my blog, you have crossed under the rainbow and entered Tonya-land where the weather is mostly sunny, the birds are always singing, lemons most often come in the form of lemonade and we all throw our arms around each others shoulders and sing Kumbaya at that end of each day…… :) https://4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/welcome-to-tonya-land/
Wow, this post really moved me. As a psychology student just recently starting to meet with klients I’ve come to realize the importance of exactly what you write about in the beginning of the post – about the way children interpret things that they don’t understand into negative assumtions about them selves. How a “just a minute” for a small child feels like an “I’m unworthy of my moms time, attention and love” and how easily many repeated “just a minutes” or “not right nows” turn into a feeling or “I’m not worthy of anybodys love.” I see what an devastating effect things like this can have on children, by coloring the way they interpret future events during their whole lives. It’s so sad to see how these misinterpretations make them doubt themselves and struggle their whole lives while trying to compensate “their unlovable flaws” wich in fact don’t exist but are so real for these kids, in any way they can. I’m glad to see you’re beautiful kids have a mom that is wise enough to realise this and act on it in order to make sure they know how incredibly perfect and loved they in fact are.