Hearing From the Lord

 Please start at post 1 of this Series “Surviving Infidelity”: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises. Everything will make a lot more sense if you do!

Written July 12th, 2011 

  Dale has been staying home with me each day as we cling to each other to draw strength in this ugly time. He did need to go to the office today to do a bit of paperwork before we leave on vacation.  Don’t worry, it’s a different office then the one in which the indiscretion happened, those days are behind us, but it was hard being apart, just 2 short days after the big “truth reveal”.  God is so good to always know what we need. 

Cool story:

Dale went up to his mom’s restaurant today after the office. He is standing there, talking to his mom, when Aunt Lucy walks by.

 “Do you always wear your wedding ring?” she asks.

Dale: “Yes, everyday for 9 years.”

Aunt Lucy: Shrugs shoulders, “Huh.  Well, it just seems to show more today I guess.”

  OH MY WORD, she knows nothing!  The Lord knew I needed to hear that, to have that nugget to cling to.  He knew I needed to know that when satan’s scales fell of Dale’s eyes, his claws let go of Dale’s heart and the ugly veil that had been cast over that wedding ring he wore on his ring finger, HAD BEEN LIFTED as well. 

Praise His name!

July 14th 

I went to my friend Nikki’s site, at Nikki Loves Mike, and the song she had posted made me first gasp, like how did she know? Then BAWL my EYES out, as I listened.

DANCING IN THE MINE FIELDS.

  This song is SO very beautiful and spoke to my heart in a mighty way!  I listened to it no less than 100 times over the past few months!

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

Well “I do” are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard is a good place to begin
‘Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found

So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

‘Cause we bear the light of the Son of man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear

‘Cause He promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of this chaos baby,
I can dance with you

So let’s go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms

Oh, this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for……

—————————————–

Written September 9th, 2011

Remember this post, “With Cherries On Top”?  Things were just going AWFUL! My marriage was falling apart, we had NO money, everything at our house was breaking, but look at God’s provision through that!  Beauty from Ashes, EVERY TIME!

  This is also close to the time I wrote “Broken” because I felt if I didn’t shed some light on what I was going through, it was as if I was deceiving you.  I knew my blog posts were not my best work, I was trying to maintain “normal” unsuccessfully because of my shattered heart, and after I was prompted to post a version of the truth in Broken, I had peace once again.

  Then, amazing things began to happen……

  Instead of judgment from you, sweet, encouraging comments began pouring in.  Thank you!

  Our counselor told us the Lord would rise up prayer warriors for us, people we didn’t know all over the world would be prompted to pray for us.  And wouldn’t you know, that same week I got 3 emails from 3 girls I either don’t know, or hardly know saying things like this:

Hi Tonya – I am praying for you! I dreamed about you Thursday night and woke up suddenly with a desire to pray. In my dream, huge ants were stealing all kinds of stuff from your house, they had overtaken everything and you were powerless against them. I barely know you, but we are sisters in Christ. I just now skimmed through your “Broken” blog entry, and felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to tell you God is even waking up people that barely know you to pray specifically for you.

  Little did she know, that Satan’s “ants” were destroying my home, both physically as one after another item broke, but emotionally to as he tried to destroy what remained of my marriage.  What love we felt from our Heavenly Father as He brought us “God Thing” after “God Thing”: Things that are too crazy and too perfectly timed to be anything but the His mighty hand at work!

  Every time I opened the Bible, verses were flying out at me left and right, grabbing my soul and giving me strength:

Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

II Corinthians 12:9,10. “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

This one is by far my favorite, and our “Anthem Verse” for this marriage we are fighting so hard for. He gave us this passage back in July, and we have gone back to it constantly, personalizing it and taking promises from it. I LOVE when the Lord speaks through His word and a passage becomes SO personal. 

I know it’s long, but well worth the read:

Isaiah 61: parts of 1-11 {Blue is My interpretation}

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. {This is why we are to share our story!}
2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. {His promise to us} In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. {A great oak withstands many a storm because its roots go down deep}
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities destroyed long ago. They will revive them, though they have been deserted for many generations. {Our marriage WILL be rebuilt even though satan tried to destroy is years ago!}
7 Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. {We can hold our heads proud as we share our story, no robes on shame need to be worn…} You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
8 “For I, the Lord, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be recognized and honored among the nations. {Our kids will NOT take on the sins of their father, they will walk in freedom from this sin!} Everyone will realize that they are a people the Lord has blessed.” {Christ will be seen through this story}
 10 I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. {I will not always wear the rags of Brokeness and the chains of Unforgiveness}
I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels. {We WILL renew our vows one day, and make a new covenant before God, family & friends!}
11 The Sovereign Lord will show his justice to the nations of the world. Everyone will praise him! His righteousness will be like a garden in early spring, with plants springing up everywhere.” {New growth and new life in Christ is ours!}

I love when the Lord speaks so audibly!  And He hasn’t stopped, even when He was silent to us, He sent us a messenger who said:

 “Even when you can’t feel Him, remember God is moving behind the scenes to prepare you for the next chapter, He will NEVER leave you.”

  It seems during difficult times, the Lord’s voice is more clear than ever.  Probably because I am curled up in HIS arms and HE can whisper in my ear. 

  He began to minister to Dale and I immediately after the truth came out, putting a soothing balm on our open wounds, as He spoke to us via our Daily Devotion book, whose dates matched PERFECTLY with JUST what we needed to hear that day, radio ministries, songs and emails from friends.  All along, asking us to trust Him, to seek Him to let Him have the broken pieces of our lives and marriage……

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Yes, Lord.  I am still before my God, broken and wanting these pieces of my life to be used for HIS glory…..

~T

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21 thoughts on “Hearing From the Lord

  1. What a mighty & awesome God we serve!! I’m reminded of the words to a children’s song that God has planted in my heart and I sing over and over – especially in times of need. OUR GOD IS SO BIG..SO STRONG AND SO MIGHTY..THERE’S NOTHING MY GOD CANNOT DO. What an A.MA.ZING story of God’s goodness and provision in our time of need. I looked up Exodus 14:14 in my Bible – I already had a star next to it. =D WOOOWW!! I am so thrilled to learn of your story and how God ministers to us when we need Him most. You are loved & covered in prayer. Keep on keeping on!! XOXO

  2. God is good-from your cherries on top post-YEA! Thank you thank you. You have amazing strength and courage and I am blessed that you share your gifts with others. Thank you!

  3. Oh that song… I too, bawled the first time I heard it, because I feel like it’s described my marriage so perfectly. I have often found these crazy comparisons over the year between your life and mine – I know that the Lord led me to your blog to show me a lot of things about who He is in my life. You have witnessed to me incredibly, and in the last couple of days, I have been moved to pray like mad for my own marriage like never before, despite my over-confidence of its stability. Thank you for being so transparent and willing to testify to God’s stabilizing and redeeming hand. Love to you and your family Tonya!!

  4. Hey T & D – just wanted you to know I’m still here and still reading. Reading about the healing that has been taking place. Glory be to God on the highest. I loved your comment about being cradled in His arms so that He could whisper in your ear. What a wonderful visual that is yet so true and right. So many times when I have been at the lowest point in my life (well, lowest for me at that time anyway..looking back I see that my life could have gone so much lower and so much worse!) I know He carried me during days when I thought I just could not hold back tears or sadness anymore. I will remember those words Tonya when I feel that pull of sadness or when I need assurance about which direction to take my life. I will remember that He carries me and to listen for the whispers…

  5. My heart is so full of thankfulness for this miraculous journey God has brought you on . . . and the fact that you’re sharing it. Your courage is such an example to me.

  6. What an amazing story, so gut wrenching, yet such a testiment to how GOD knows what we can handle, and KNOWS how to cradle us with light and love during times of depths and pain. Thank you for sharing your intimate story, this was an emotional story to read. So thankful God has kept his hands on you and arms wrapped around you. God bless you and your family! As a reader, we are blessed by your encouraging words.

  7. Thank you Tonya, for being brave enough to share this part of your life. I know it will help others who might be going through this same thing and I’m SO GLAD that you have God to help you through, to help you rebuild, and to lift you up to the happiness you used to know with your husband. I don’t know how people really get along without Him when things like this happen but He has for sure been helping you through–praise Him!

  8. Tonya – I am new to your blog, over from Smockity. I read your post yesterday and it did something HUGE in my spirit! I can’t even put it into words, but it touched me SO deeply, I thank you for sharing. For the rest of the morning the phrase “strength like no other, reaches to me” ran through my head over and over again… I couldn’t even form words to pray. I found a YouTube video of the song (You are My Strength, Hillsong United) and just put it on repeat. Thank you for being obedient to the Spirit and sharing your story in such an amazing way. You are a testament to His faithfulness.

  9. This is one of my all time favorites!!!

    You will pray to him, and he will hear you,
    and you will fulfill your vows. What you decide on will be done,
    and light will shine on your ways. When people are brought low and you say, ‘Lift them up!’
    then he will save the downcast. He will deliver even one who is not innocent,
    who will be delivered through the cleanness of your hands.” (Job 22:27-30 NIV)

    For those that have people in their lives that haven’t completely turned their lives over to the Lord here is a good song by CeCe Winan called
    He’s not on his knees Yet.

  10. Hi, my name is Tiffany and I just want to thank you SO much for your post on surviving infidelity. It has been a little over a month since discovering my husband’s past affair and it shattered my world beyond anything I have experienced before. I made the decision to work on restoring our marriage and my husband is completely on board, as he has been very apologetic and eager to move forward. I have been desperately seeking Christian resources that offer advise on rebuilding marriages after infedility. Although I found a great deal of books on the topic, I was disappointed to find no support groups in my area and very little personal testimonies from Christians whose marriages survived. What I did find however was alot of support groups for people who were either separated or in the process of getting a divorce. I have no clue what I typed in the Google search engine that led me to your blog but I know your family’s testimony of restoration was God sent and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your transparency and courage in exposing the enemy. You were so right when you said that the enemy hates Christian marriage and I feel that it’s the trick of the enemy to make people think that they are the only ones dealing with the devastation of adultery. Although I have had many painful, angery, shameful, doubtful, and overwhelming feelings since that day of revelation, our marriage is now in the Potter’s hands and I’m looking forward to brighter days.

    I thank you again for your blogs, you are a true blessing.

    • Bless you on your road to healing….I am so glad the Lord lead you here! He is SO happy you are choosing to keep your covenant with Him and fight for what is rightly yours, the blessings will be more than you can even imagine!!!
      I am so proud of the fight I hear in you, keep up the good work, run after Jesus, TOGETHER….and let the healing begin!

      • Good morning, it’s not about facing the truth for me, it’s about protecting my family and my husband from cruel comments. I understand they come from a place of hurt and bitterness. I promise not all situations are the same. And I promise the with God at the center of both your lives, restoration can and will happen. Dale and I fell, broken and bleeding from this attack on our marriage. But, when you are a Christian, you fall on Jesus. He nurses your wounds, hugs you close and whispers in our ear that it’s all going to be ok.

  11. I know that this post is really old, however I am curious to know if things are good between yourself and your husband. I am going through a similar situation. Mine left when I was pregnant, and became a different person. Before he was kind and gentle, now he is cold and callous. Our baby is now about 18 months, and I cannot lie I have cried every single night and mostly all day. I keep a great front in front of friends my older girls and coworkers. However I find closets to hide in and bawl. So recently he has been less cold and sometimes I can see hints of the man I loved and vowed to cherish, but he is still with this other woman and she hates me (although I have never met her) She is not exactly happy with me having his child. I cannot believe what has happened and I am still quiet shocked. I have done so much reading and even wrote a book nothing seems to help. I read about “Standing” but most times the man wants to fight too or at least shows a little love. Mine showed nothing but hatred and now he is less angry but still very distant. I pray so hard. I made a war room, vision boards, I pray, I cry, I reach out, I hold back, I am up and then down, I have read just about every blog on the internet. This wound wont close and the world thinks I am okay. That is what is so awful I have told everyone around me that I am over it so they wont worry, so now I am just left with my thoughts and pain. Oh Lord how I wish he knew how much of out baby’s life he is missing. I cannot read the signs. I pray for God to give me clear signs that things will workout, but I cannot hear God. Some would say just move on… The problem is that when you love someone for real that is not an option please pray for me.

  12. I just sort of stumbled on your story. I haven’t read much, yet, but am so in awe of how similarly God is working on this broken wife. Our pastor spoke on the prodigal son this morning. I got a notion to Google a prodigal husband. I found your story. Mine is a little different. Mike and I have been married almost 30 years. He is a Christian. However, he walked away from our home last September (2015). He is living in the same town, still attends our church, but rarely communicates with me. I, too, do not believe in divorce. I want him to come back, but I believe God wants to do something with Mike first. He has asked me to wait and just be held. It is SO hard. My daughter went to be with the Lord almost six years ago. Now I mourn for her AND my husband. I go through so many emotions EVERY day. Satan tries so hard to mess me up, and I’m ashamed to admit that sometimes he succeeds. I prayed this morning for God to forgive me for letting my hope fail. I don’t believe finding you was a coincidence. Please pray for us. There is no such thing as impossible for God, and I am very familiar with Jeremiah 29:11. Yet, I still struggle.

  13. Wow this is true Christian life in action. I hope God still uses you to challenge other separated Christians to fight for marriage.

  14. You are writing my story. I am on the verge of tears reading this, I haven’t finished reading your story yet…but I had to reach out, right now! You nailed the verses that carried me through at least 2 years of spiritual warefare pain/healing/growing after my husband’s infidelity. God is nudging me to do something with our story. It’s been 5 years since our “truth”…our marriage was saved and now Jesus needs to be glorified. It is time. I was driving and thinking about writing a book and arguing with Him that I didn’t have anything to share when I googled “Christian woman’s guide to surviving infidelity” just to see what was out there. Well…here I am, commenting- I NEVER comment. I’m a solidified introvert! On top of that, it’s years later compared to when this was published. I think we have a lot common-I would love to connect with you. Lbrandhorst@gmail.com

  15. Wow I always enjoy it when God’s plans for His children manifested. And the beauty of it all He always has a plan, with our broken marriages. I feel that He plans for a marriage to be broken. That when He heal the broken parts and press the spiritual reset button and His breath entered into the new covenant it’s only for His glory.
    I want to ask in BOLDNESS for a prayer on my dead marriage have being standing long. No infidaelity only in-laws that broke our marriage, was married to a gift from above. Already received numerous signs, dreams, how GOD is moving on the other side of the mountain. He is faithful and because of what happened now as my ex)wife) I turned my life over to GOD, since then 500 bible studies. Lots of journals. And love letters to my God I am now being called, man of God, pastor what a privilege to ecult His great name.
    Please pray for vanessa to return back.
    Thank you johan smit from bloemfontein south africa

  16. My wife and I were married at 18 years old and for 28 years. We had two wonderful son’s. Like an idiot, I was unfaithful to get more than once. I believe she was unfaithful to me a couple times but I don’t blame her for that. We divorced but I love her so deeply to this day. It never went away. I started drinking at age 45 to ease the pain and feel so dead and empty inside. Is is possible God would restore us? She has remarried and I’ve remained single because I know I love her so therefore I couldn’t give my whole heart to anyone and that would be wrong to do someone that way. Any light you could share on this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

    • Run after JESUS like you have never run before. Get involved in a church, dig into His word. He has SO MUCH to show you!!!!! He wants to fill all the empty inside and make it new. He will give you new LIFE again, a life of blessing and abundance and overflowing JOY

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