Florida Healing

Just tuning in? Please start at post 1 of this Series “Surviving Infidelity”: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises.

July 20th, 2011: 10 days after “The Truth”:

  We just got back from an AMAAAZING 2 weeks in Florida. Talk about the Lords PERFECT timing! A concentrated time with no phone, no interruptions, no “real life”: Just rebuilding our broken marriage.

  How incredible that we were supposed to go in May, yet had to reschedule for July. We were so disappointed to move our vacation around  back when it occurred, but God knew in His infinite wisdom, that we needed the trip at the EXACT moment we rescheduled it for…..a mere 10 days after the truth came out.

  We were reeling!  We were hiding from the world, because surely they could see the pain and raw emotion on our faces. Our world had collapsed around us, and our Heavenly Father knew we needed time to heal. Right away, Dale called my dad and Drea, tearfully telling them what had occurred. He begged their forgiveness and told them he understood if they didn’t want him to come visit. They sobbed, naturally, then went on to encourage Dale to still come, they’d welcome him with open arms and thanked him for being upfront with them.

I shared a series of Florida posts from this summer…..

A beautiful wedding for my baby brother & his lovely bride, fun at the beach, Disney land, birthday parties and dinner cruises.

Picnik collage Florida 2011

  It was the best Florida trip we have ever had, the timing was incredible!  The healing it brought, more than I could ever explain!

  I LOVE that the Lord orchestrates things as He does, knowing far better than we do what we need and WHEN.

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The night before my 30th birthday, Dad and Drea offered to babysit, so we could walk on the beach and watch the sunset. Remember how I told you that I gave Dale my wedding rings back, and told him he’d one day put them back on my finger, because our marriage was worth fighting for?

  Well, at this point, it was literally only 3 weeks that I had been ring-less. But I tell you what, it is HARD to not wear it after you are used to it. I felt robbed of the privilege, ashamed it was gone and did my best to try to hide that fact at church, and then on our Florida trip, pleading with the Lord to keep anyone from asking me where my rings were. They were, at the moment, safely back in Kansas, waiting for “someday”…..or so I thought.

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We walk the beach, hand in hand, crying and talking, then finally, returning to our picnic blanket just in time to watch the sun sink lower and lower in the sky, until it appears to melt into the ocean.232323232fp53259_nu=3235_74__5_9_WSNRCG=34754_5757327nu0mrj

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RIGHT at sunset, Dale pulled out my wedding rings! He spoke beautiful promises to me of our future together, and asked me if I’d wear his rings again as a sign of my willingness to remain in our marriage. My heart leapt for joy at the site of those rings, but I accepted the engagement ring only.

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Not the wedding band, I just couldn’t do it. To me it’s as broken as the vows, my goal and desire is to melt both of our old bands to form new one day. Beauty from ashes so to speak.

  I was SO thankful to have it back on my finger. He said every time I look at it to remember we are in a fight for our marriage, that it represents my choice to stay even when it’d be easier to give up.  

This is one sunset, I will NEVER forget…….232323232fp53274_nu=3235_74__5_9_WSNRCG=34754_5766327nu0mrj232323232fp53267_nu=3235_74__5_9_WSNRCG=34754_5765327nu0mrj

Written August 2nd, 2011 

-BACK HOME-

  Dealing with “real life” after 2 weeks in Florida was a bit difficult to say the least. Reality has quickly set in, and with it, a Tonya who is acting “normal” doing normal day-to-day things, yet inside is a totally different person. It is such a weird feeling to be “walking in her shoes,” yet not be her anymore. Everything has changed.  Everything is different. That happy person died and with it, all her hopes and dreams.

   We are home just in time to jump back into the daily grind of life with work, a new school year starting up again and ALL the busy meetings and supply shopping that entails.  I feel as if this is the part after the “Plane Crash” of life as we knew it, where the deep pain of bruising from the accident is setting in. Maybe no longer open gushing wounds, but deep, painful bruising to say the least.

  We are returning to a life that didn’t know the world stopped for us July 10th.  A world that doesn’t have room for outbursts, tears and sorrow.  A world that needs us to be ready to smile, give of ourselves, and “be normal”, whatever that is.  I am scared that people will take one look at my face and know sometime is terribly wrong, and I don’t want to talk about it.  I can’t, not yet.

  We knew we needed some tools in our tool belt, some outside guidance to put back together the pieces of our shattered marriage, so now that we are home from Florida, we will begin counseling.

  Picking the right Marriage Counselor can make it or break it for a hurting couple!

More on that next,

~T

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13 thoughts on “Florida Healing

  1. My heart lept for joy and I got tears and a big ole lump in my throat to view those lovely photos of you on the beach together. What precious moments in time. Ephesians 3:20, 21 – NOW UNTO HIM THAT IS ABLE TO DO EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL THAT WE ASK OR THINK, ACCORDING TO THE POWER THAT WORKS IN US…UNTO HIM BE GLORY…BY CHRIST JESUS. My love & prayers continue to cover you. XO

  2. And to think that many of us probably envied you this trip! It was an amazingly loving thing for God to do, though!

  3. Pingback: Spring Break 2013: Florida Road Trip |

  4. I just stumbled.onto this site. I found out about my husband’s affair on April 10, 2014. We both married as dedicated Christians. We were zealous in our faith. We have been married for 15 years. We started having trouble in our marriage about 7 years ago. It surely took a toll on our spiritual lives as well. We allowed things in our marriage that should never be allowed. I always trusted his faithfulness and honesty. On April 10th my whole world came crashing down. I have never felt so devastated in my whole life. I have resorted to drinking to numb the pain. I never thought I would ever do this since I was the child of an alcoholic. My husband also drinks more since the truth came out. He confessed it to me. It felt like a semi truck had hit me. He still continued contact with her after the afair was disclosed. It has now stopped he says. And he wants our marriage. What do I do? The pain is unbearable. I feel worthless, lonely, angry, and broken beyond repair. He doesn’t want to get right with God and I don’t want to lose him so I stay in limbo in my own relationship with God. I am so afraid this could be the end of us. I don’t know who I am apart from him. Please pray for us. Any advice or encouragement would be helpful.

    • Without Christ at the center, the marriage will crumble. Both parties have to be ready to fight for the marriage satan is stealing from you. Keep reading through the series, we cover a LOT of the topics that you are asking about as to where to start, what to do, what God says.
      Go to the Surviving Infidelity Series Tab and the whole series is outlined there. As you read, ask God to show you His presence, because when we fall as believers, we fall on JESUS.
      Also, seek Godly counsel right now, to help you on your journey.

    • I am dealing with the same. Well, my situation is a little worse. I also found out my husband was having an affair and he decided to stay in that relationship. At first I thought about divorce but then after coming accross this website: http://www.rejoiceministries.org, I decided to stand and fight for my marriage. It is very hard. But for God nothing is impossible. We need to pray, fast and read God’s Word and let go and let God. This battle is not our but God’s. We cannot let Satan destroy our marriages. Right now I am dealing with anger and jealousy but God keeps lifting me up. As Tonya said, Christ must be the center of our marriage. My husband has been taken captive by Satan and God will bring him back to Him and to us, his family. Don’t give up!!

      • I came across this blog and I just started crying because I am going through the same situation but worse. My husband and I only have been married for 9 months when he decided to stop coming home for three weeks. I caught them together in bed and I was just devastated. He had apologized for what he has done but after my counselor said that it is not safe to be around him at this time from the damage he did in our apartment after I found them together, it is best to stay away and let God work on him. I drove from Pa to Fl to stay as far as I can and let God do the work and I have cut every communication I have with him. He is still seeing the whore to this day and I am just praying that God will break his heart and that he will hit rock bottom to realize the damage he has done in our marriage and to his own self. I believe that God will restore our marriage it is just very difficult when the other party is not willing to fight for our marriage at the moment.

  5. Your stories are an inspiration to me also. I have been in a long battle for 11 years.. I have not stood the way the lord told me too and have been very disobiedant but now i am repenting asking god to restore my marriage. I had lost hope and in losing hope i gave up the stand.. This has been a discision i have regreted dearly.. Please pray that the lord will still do a great work and restoration in our lives to bring us back together. Please also continue to allow god to use you to inspire and encourage the broken and feeble hearted. You have become a life line for us that want to believe that all is possible with God. I pray God continues to bless you and your family and that his blood continues to be a shield from your enemies.

    Angela

  6. I’ve been married for 19 years and have 4 kids.i found out that my wife has been cheating on me for god knows how long.i left 4 days after I found out what she had done. She has fallen in love with that person and I received through mail on 8/20/16 the divorce papers. Help me please, I’m losing hope and also faith.

    • Never stop praying for her return. Show her your love in texts and actions. In the end, if she hardens her heart and choses not to return, it is she who answers to the Father for her choices in the end.

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