Confessions of A Heart Broken Housewife

Just tuning in? Please start at post 1 of this Series “Surviving Infidelity”: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises.

Written October 7th, 2011

So, why did I chose to share this horribly embarrassing, deeply saddening story with the world, you ask? 

  Well, THAT is the very question I asked the Lord, when He spoke to me:

You will be asked to share and it will be a celebration of my faithfulness to you…..in my ability to make beauty from ashes.” 

This fact was confirmed when two other people, who do not know each other, both told us the same week

“The Lord is showing me that you will be sharing this with a large amount of people…that it will be a testament of His hand in your lives.”

Then, a few weeks later, an entire Sunday School lesson on Saul and his ministry.  How the Lord used his embarrassing story to bring others to Christ.  Remember his HORRIBLE treatment of Christians? He went from town to town persecuting them, seeking them out just to mock and kill them.  I bet he felt pretty foolish after his conversion! Here he was the VERY THING that he used to kill people for.  His eyes were opened, he was willing and the Lord used his testimony to bring others to Christ.  So it will be with this tragedy, that is now a victory.

  Months after that, as I was reading my friend Kristin’s blog over at Sweet Country Life, I experienced head to toe chills and tears streaming down my face as I read her blog post.  She was seeking a “Word of the Year”.  She felt the Lord was showing her the word was to be:

 TRANSPARENCY. 

It was then I had NO doubt what I was being asked to do. She goes on in her post to define Transparency as “A picture made visible by a Light behind it.” 

  I know the Lord wants to use this story for His glory.  I know that in a dark world full of a divorce, He wants to shine a light, HIS Light, behind the shattered pieces of our lives in order to showcase a BEAUTIFUL mosaic for His glory.  He wants to use our story as an encouragement to other couples living this same tragedy, to use it as proof that ALL things are possible through Christ.

  Soon after He asked this of me, He showed me this verse, which helped me to understand the purpose behind all this:

II Corinthians 1:3-7  “All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us  You can be sure that the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.  So when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your benefit and salvation! For when God comforts us, it is so that we, in turn, can be an encouragement to you.  Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.  We are confident that as you share in suffering, you will also share God’s comfort.”

  “So, now what?” you ask. Now that its out there, how does life look for you, Tonya? How do you get out of bed each day?  How do you not cry all day long?  How can you share a bed with the very man that betrayed you?  How do you show your face at school or church and face the sympathetic glances and well-meaning words of people who don’t get it?”

  I have an answer for you:

It is by the grace of God.  Nothing less than His strength flowing through me to get through those times. 

  That, and these sweet faces that give me 4 really great reasons to fight for my marriage, even when it might seem easier to walk away.  To hold tight to my truth, even when I feel I have nothing left to give to the watching world.  Even when I am too ashamed to lift my head as I imagine the rumor mill spinning new tales, each worse than the last, of poor Tonya and her unfaithful husband.

025

  Here is the crazy part, the part that makes me scratch my head in confusion:

IN THIS MOMENT IN TIME, IN THIS UGLY TRAGEDY…..

I LOVE DALE MORE THAN EVER. 

This tragedy has brought me closer to him, and closer to my God.

  Never have I felt more in tune with the Lord’s voice, never has my love felt so real and deep for Dale.  This tragedy made us stronger.  He still makes my heart pitter patter, you know?  The very man that broke my heart, makes it skip a beat.

Do you know how CONFUSING that is? 

  To have the love and hate, joy and anger, clash in my head and heart day after day, night after night. 

  Do you know how impossible it is for my mind to wrap around the fact, that this man that I am one with, that I love desperately with my whole heart, the one I cling to when I sob, the one I call when I am scared ….is the VERY one who caused this crushing, gasping pain. 

  Do you remember my blog post entitled “Broken”?  I am sure it makes more sense to you now.  How about “Fall on Jesus”?  Both were written in a raw moment, as I contemplated quitting the blog, quitting my marriage, quitting it all.  We had no money, our marriage was ruined….why not just throw my hands up and quit. Everything was falling to pieces.  My axe had no blade, I could make no difference to the world in this state of mind, could I? It seemed impossible.

Never have I experienced this kind of pain.  The kind that makes you gasp, unable to catch your breath, the kind that actually ACHES on the outside, right in the middle of your chest, from the broken heart on the inside.  The kind of pain that makes you want to curl up in a ball and sob and sob, but I don’t do that very often.

  I can’t. 

I just can’t let myself go there, ESPECIALLY during they day…….during the day I have my “Mommy Hat” on.  I am too busy meeting the needs of my family to let myself be sad or mourn the loss of something so beautiful.  I am too busy wrapping my arms around those precious little ones, going on with our daily routine, smiling rather than crying, because I NEED their world to feel normal.  And from the outside, it is.  You could sit in my house all day long and observe, and never know that this summer, I died inside, I lost something of beauty, something I valued and held dear to me.  Now, many long, hard months after, I am slowly being brought to life by my Heavenly Father, who is moving Supernaturally to restore us.

So what is life like?

 Well, I miss Dale when he is at work, I love my little family, I love being at home, I still love to cook and try new recipes, I feel so very loved and safe when Dale wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, I find I can smile more, and it sometimes it even reaches my eyes and they sparkle a bit again, as I laugh with Dale at something one of the kids did or said.  Then, the stab of pain in my heart almost doubles me over.  We do so well for so many days in a row, that I almost, ALMOST, can forget the heartache, asking myself for a millisecond, “Hmm, What is wrong?  Why does something feel off, even in my joy?”

Then, instantly, before the thought even finishes, I remember why.

Oh yeah, everything is different now, I’ve been betrayed. Our vows, broken. Something beautiful, lost forever.”

3 months after that fateful day of truth-telling, not every day is hard, praise God, not even every other day any more. We can go entire weeks of being so good, so happy, but then, a down day, which was today for some reason. I never know what will cause it to come; a comment, a wedding photo, a phone call.

  Today was the kind of day that my chest ached, and my eyes welled up, as I stood in the laundry room this evening, folding laundry, and weeping bitter tears.  4 pm is the worst time of day for me. The children and I have gotten Destiny from school, all the kids are off playing so nicely in celebration that big sis is finally home, I am busy doing housework and supper prep, all the while lovingly anticipating the homecoming of my best friend, my soul mate, my lover, my husband, the father of my kids, who will RUN to the door with shouts of “DADDY! DADDY!”

  What KILLS me more than anything else, what makes me sob even as I write these words to you, is that at this very moment…….at this very moment in my day, he was well on his way to betraying our covenant, our vows, our unity. He would piss it away for a single act, a few moments of pleasure. Weighing the cost and choosing us as the losers. Discarding our beautiful life as worthless. Selfishly choosing lust. Sex. The moment of pleasure outweighing our future.

A life of secrets and sin come at a high price.

  After a miserable year and a half of self loathing, of not forgiving himself, of beating himself up over and over for his foolishness and his lack of integrity, of watching his words, lest he slip, Dale is scared when I have sad days. He worries that I’ve given up the fight, that I’m choosing to walk away, that he’s losing “The best thing that God ever gave him….”

Good.

The angry side of me is glad he stews, glad he has tears. He owes me that much.

Sad.

The sad, loving part of me, hates the ugly side of the Tonya that finds joy in her husbands discomfort, in his fear.  I am a sunshine person by nature, this ugliness so foreign. This bitterness festers inside of me like an oozing wound.

But, what Dale doesn’t realize, even as I tell him over and over again, is that if I was going to leave him, I would’ve done it already. Right away, that very first weekend. I said I Do, I promised for better AND for worse, and I meant it.

I Corinthians 7:39 “A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives.”

I am learning a lot about myself through all this. I had a sister friend tell me something that changed my world today:

Don’t feel punished! This isn’t about you, this is about Dale. He is now loving you as you deserve to be loved. He is now tender and soft to you, letting that final wall that he kept between you come tumbling down. He IS going to be the man you’ve prayed for since age 13, he is!!!!! It just took this breaking down for the process to start. You’ve asked the Lord for years, YEARS! to make Dale the spiritual leader of your home. You prayed for YEARS as a teen, for the man of your dreams……He IS becoming that man. You are getting your answer: Dale is now stepping up into that roll! He will be that man who you’ve desired all along! And it’s all for God’s glory, Tonya!”

  I never imagined my years of praying for Dale to be softened, wishing he was the kind of guy to be romantic and sweet, to cherish me and whisper sweet nothings as he stroked my face, would ever come to pass. I just figured it wasn’t his way, and I was totally ok with that!!! He loved me the best he could. I loved what we had. I was so so very happy living in my Happily Ever After Castle with my dashing husband and my precious kids.

  Interestingly enough, as hard as this time of our lives is, I’ve never been treated better as I am being treated now. I’ve never felt such love pour out from Dale’s heart and flow freely from his lips. I have never seen his eyes swim with tears as he speaks words of love and affirmation to me.  He is now the man I prayed for, the sweet, tender one I secretly wished he would be to me all along.

  Do you know why?  The Bible has the answer, doesn’t it always? 

“He that is forgiven much, loves much.”  {from Luke 7:47} 

  Dale has died to self, been forgiven of his sins and is no longer holding back his love for me.  He used to have to hold back a little bit of his love, or the truth would’ve flowed out with it.  In that day of truth, walls were shattered, and we moved into a closeness I’ve never known before. 

What doesn’t break you, DOES make you stronger.

  I didn’t realize how far he had withdrawn from me over the weary years of parenthood and miscarriages, until he came back. As soon as he was mine again, I felt the change. I was saddened that we had gotten lazy in our love, in our relationship with Christ as a couple, that what I chalked up to “exhausted life with kids”, was actually a deep ugly hidden secret. How could I not see it? How could I not feel the slow demise of our very existence?

  Well, its out now. The truth is out.  The forgiveness and tears are flowing. True friends stepping forward. God moving and healing, even when I can’t feel Him.

  I know we can move forward in such a positive way. I KNOW we will be better than before, I KNOW the Lord promises to make beauty rise up out of the ashes, I KNOW one day, I will fully embrace the new Dale, will learn to trust him again. But for now, it seems impossible, it’s all still too raw, too fresh. The glass house of trust, hard to build but easy to break, lies in the ruins along side of my Happily Ever After Castle.  But I serve a mighty God, and He promises ALL things are possible.  Praise His Name!

I am SO ready to walk in freedom from this ugly circumstance…..

I am READY Lord, please rain down on me. Gently gather me up in your hands and work your precious blood into the cracks of this broken vessel, making me whole again, Father. I am weary of these trials by fire. Give me a cool drink, a break from the heat, please Lord, please. I have nothing left to give. Take this cup from me, please. Heal me and use this for your glory, here is my broken heart, I give you all the pieces. Trade me beauty for these ashes, strength for all my fears, gladness for mourning and peace for my despair……

301563_10150311249597539_62914997538_thumb

May it be so and done for His glory, and may His strength be made perfect in my weakness…….

~T

Tune in tomorrow for another post by Dale…

Advertisements

38 thoughts on “Confessions of A Heart Broken Housewife

  1. I almost feel like this series should be called “Thriving after Infidelity” instead of surviving. You really are thriving. And no, everyday is not all sunshine and birds singing and you keep that very real with this post. There will always be sad days.
    I don’t really want to compare this with the heartbreaking loss of a parent or someone very close to you but in some small way – it is. When you lose someone who knew you your whole life and then they die – you know they are going to take their place in God’s palace and you *know* this with your whole heart and are happy & thankful…..yet…..there are days when the sorrow overtakes you.
    The Dale & Tonya you both were are not the Dale & Tonya you are now and a part of you mourns that. You mourn that innocence that has been lost. Almost like passing from a girl into womanhood in a way. And you suddenly start to see why so many older men & women have so many creases on their face and stoops in their back. You suddenly know that they have seen and done and experienced much in their life. From extreme heartache and heartbreak to extreme joy. It leaves a small scar (sometimes visible, sometimes not) that forever impacts who we are.
    Thank you for showing all the “real” parts of healing Tonya. Love you!!

      • There are women like myself out there who didn’t (and still don’t) have a repentant husband. We are fighting and standing on the vows we took, on the Lord’s promises, and that God hates divorce. It’s been over a year since I discovered my husband’s affair. The circumstances to the world are “impossible” and he wants no part in restoring the marriage. I have four children ages 9 to 16 who are watching a mom battle in prayer and believe God for the healing of this marriage. The bottom line, obedience to Him. I can barely get through your story because you have a willing spouse. That’s when I’m reminded that’s it’s not about me, my spouse or my marriage but the Lord being glorified every step of the way.

        Thanks for your transparency, bless your family!!

  2. I love Hosea 6:3…………So let us know, let us PRESS ON to know the Lord. His going forth is a certain as the dawn. And He will come to us like the rain, like the Spring rain watering the earth. (Father God, I pray for the spring rain to wash over Tonya today. Help her to feel clean & refreshed by your Holy Spirit. Amen)

  3. Amen & Amen!! BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD! He works in mysterious ways…His wonders to perform. I can tell you from my own life’s experiences…Time IS a healer. You are soo far ‘up the road’ Tonya – farther than many other wives would be in your shoes. How awesome that Dale has become a more godly man…and you, a godly woman. That you’ve both chosen to become BETTER and not BITTER. PTL!! Thanks for sharing your struggles and victories…you have touched my heart deeply with your story of transparency and openness. My love & prayers continue to cover you. XOXO

  4. Transparency is an interesting word. I have always thought of myself as transparent in a good way, but we all need a little “safety Box” all our own to be ourselves. I Identify myself and success by my Job. You by your family, and if those things are not in place safely we feel uncomfortable. My wish for you is to have your own identity by yourself, for yourself, and with yourself. Family first obviously, but to take the time you need for yourself as well.. You are Number 1 in your life and with out you at 100% your family will not be at 100% and I know you wouldn’t want that. Having the emotional ability to move the pieces strategically across the board to get what you want, ultimately is happiness. God will give you the wisdom, you need to do the rest! It looks like you have no problems there.. Best wishes!

  5. Ah. This post is so real. Dear one, I know first-hand that your nature is to be a ray of sunshine to the world! And you still are that woman. But God made you more than that! Like the rest of us, there is more, deeper down. More complexity. Remember, we are made in His image! So while I have no doubt that the sunshine is still there, I wonder if part of the beauty from ashes that is arising IS these “other sides.” Just as Dale is discovering more of himself, as well.

    And discovering more of God in the valleys…this is a theme repeated over and over in the Word and in our lives. God’s blessings on you for what you are doing and sharing here!!

  6. Every single post in this series has been powerful but this one has topped the rest for me. “He that is forgiven much, loves much.” {from Luke 7:47}
    This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
    Thank you Tonya and Dale for being obedient and sharing your story, you are both a blessing!

  7. thank you for being a woman who stayed true to God and lives for Him. there are so few that have stayed on the narrow path i always thought i would be one too, but unfortunately, i wasn’t. i know God will never let you down. He must have known you would be strong enought to handle it, and that you would come out stronger on the other side.sometimes it does take almost losing something to really love and appreciate it to the full extent,. thanks for laying your heart on the line to be a witness.

  8. Tonya~ I have so much I want to say to you. And it’s too long to place in this little ol’ box.
    I will be sending you an e-mail.

    And I just might add….It is all in a word, isn’t it?

    One word.
    One word always, always changes everything doesn’t it?

    One word from Dale, in that moment that he stumbled…”yes”

    One word from Dale, in the moment you found out and asked him, “was it true?”….”yes”

    One word from you, in that moment with Dale, when he asked, “will you stay?”….”yes”

    One word from you, when you asked God, “should I share this?”….”yes”

    One word from God, when you asked, “will you carry me, Lord?”….”yes”

    One word….Will you survive this?

    Yes.

    And all of God’s people said…..”Amen.”

  9. I don’t think I have ever told you this before but did you know there are days when I wake up and think Is today a day when Tonya’s Heart might be struggling or hurt today……. or is this one of the ever Increasing “Good/Great” days where the transgressions of the past are not on her mind and not hindering her heart from feeling her sun shiny joy of life in general??

    Then I say a prayer for you that today IS a Good day and not a SAD day!!! 🙂

    While I do think it is probably important to find importance in “Me” and have our very own identity outside of our family I can’t think of any scripture off the top of my head that talks about needing / making “me important” God 1st, Family 2nd, and maybe once in a while there is time to make “me time” Our precious families are growing up so very fast and we will have plenty of years coming up to find and make “me time” a priority. First, for now though this is where we belong, this is what we feel we were called to do in our life’s and that is O.K. it really is. I worked VERY hard for my RN degree slaved tons of hours to get myself through school working nights and barely eating cause I was so poor. I was so stinking proud of that degree yet I have NEVER ever felt more proud identifying myself as an RN (A Surgical RN at that a RN on the Open Heart Team, not something very many RN’s can say they have done) as I do identifying myself as Heather – Mommy to the 4 Schlatter kido’s that IS my Job and I love it and I know how important your job of Mommy to the 4 Little Fergusons is. Being Mommy’s and having these families IS the Biggest most WONDERFUL gifts and Blessings God could ever have given us and it makes me proud to be able to live here on this Earth taking care of the Job God blessed me with my most important Job that I am so very blessed to have!!

    You have come so far from where you were even back in October Tonya and I am so very proud of you that you have come this far. I am not sure that I would have been able to do the same and I think it is a true testament to your faith in God, that you are where you are today and that you have come far enough not only to share this story with the world, but also to be able to hug on and love your hubby and to be truly VERY HAPPY again!!!

    Proud of you and LUV U Friend!!!

  10. I have come over from Kristin’s blog and first want to say that it’s nice to meet you. The only other thing that even seems fitting to say is that, “God is amazing!” Actually, He is beyond amazing!!! What a manifestation of God on earth in this situation. Praise God that you are sharing..that you are being transparent…that you are teaching.

  11. Stopping by from Kristin’s….WOW! God is SO evident in your words here. I’m touched.

    This reminds me of the verse that says, “God, works all things for good.” Even when we can’t even begin to scratch a bit of goodness out of what we see as our worst nightmare, God turns it around to bless us and to most importantly glorify Himself.

  12. Thank You T… for your encouraging words… for your faith… for your UNCONDITIONAL love… for you marriage vows to God and Dale… for allowing God to show you how to forgive… for allowing God to give you the strength to trust again… for being a living testimony and miracle… “I Love the Lord because He hears and answers my prayers. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath.” Psalm 116:1,2

  13. The ways of the Lord or not for us to understand. That is what came to me. I don’t remember where I have heard that. If people are gossiping about your situation they are not setting a good Christian example. You and Dale are setting good examples.

  14. Pingback: How to Survive Infidelity: The Betrayed «

  15. Hi Tonya, I just had to write to you to thank you from the bottom of my broken heart for sharing your story of strength and courage. I have to say our stories are sadly similar. My husband was convicted of his secrecy 2 months to date. 2 months ago my life came crashing down with the secrets my husband had been holding onto for 3 years now. Satan had him under lock and key but through Gods amazing grace he broke through and has allowed the truth to pour out. Your words have given me the strength to keep on fighting. I’m at that point in our healing process where satan thinks he can tempt me with a faithful man. I’m aware of his tricks and do my best to acknowledge it as one of satans attacks and turn away from it quickly. I had a few good days in a row and almost forgot that this is my new life however the triggers went off and today was one of those lows. Thank you for sharing, I’m drawing a lot of positive reinforcement from your story. May god continue to bless and strengthen your marriage covenant every single day. Know that God loves you both. You will be in my prayers. Renee

    • Oh Renee, I am so so sorry you are having to walk this path. There will be highs and lows, totally normal. The good news is, a year later, they are not so low anymore…everything will balance out. I think I will always have to choose forgiveness, joy, love, but I am willing to do so, because Dale and I are worth fighting for. You and your husband’s relationship, worth fighting for. Its hard work, you will never be more exhausted in your LIFE, but it is hugely worth it. This verse got me through:
      “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
      Wow, what a picture. Me lying exhausted in my Saviors arms as He fights off satan’s attacks for me. You keep choosing right, you keep dictating which thoughts are from above and which are being fed to you by the devil. Watch your marriage grow and blossom into something better and stronger than before.
      I am so proud you are choosing to do that hard right thing, and stay in your marriage. God is a God who can make beauty from the ashes of our lives, if only we will let Him. Keep your chin up and never EVER forget….God is BIGGER!
      Great big hugs,
      T

      • Thank you T. Your words help settle this broken heart. I’ve been doing a lot of laying still as of lately. I’m too exhausted to do much else other than drag myself to work and church. Everything is an effort now and the back and forth banter with my husband. We are on that roller coaster ride and I just want to call a time out on the erratic behaviour and blow the whistle whilst stepping off and finding that place of happiness with my husband again. Well back on the roller coaster I go praying to god for his amazing guidance. God bless. X

  16. Thank you for sharing your story with such vulnerable transparency. I just discovered your blog today and have been reading thru the posts in this section. A decade ago I personally experienced so much of what you’re describing here. Our marriage did not survive, but only because he chose to embrace the spirit of lust and magnify that in his life. I have deep respect for your Dale and reverence the work of God in his life. Praise God for men like him who help women like me have renewed hope that there are “trustworthy” men out there, meaning – men who are willing to face it, give the broken pieces to God, and invite Him to heal them and their mistakes.

    I’m writing this comment though to share that as I read this particular post, I began to have a compelling thought, “I wonder – this mish-mash of up and down emotions (which I experienced myself) – is that how Jesus feels about me when I sin?” He did become human after all. I have (and we all have) betrayed Him over and over and over. Forsaken Him over and over for other loves. So your expression here has made me feel toward Him again today perhaps a bit of what Dale feels now for you and the forgiveness he’s receiving from you. Thank you for sharing.

  17. So grateful for this story. I feel afraid when I read this. It all sounds familiar to me – holding back love, not being truthful. I don’t know why but I feel he is not satisfied. Both of us don’t know how to improve it. I’ve been praying 3 years and I don’t want to anymore. I feel resentful because he’s not as excited about sex as I am, so I try to hurt him and then I feel sad that I did so. I’m placed in a situation which is constantly bringing out the mean side of me….Isn’t satisfying sex promised to us as Christians, why do I find it so elusive?

    • Satisfying sex takes giving from both partners, loving unselfishly and pleasing the other party, putting their needs before your own and not holding back. In turn, this brings mutual satisfaction and a closeness like none other. You are right, Sex is a gift from God for married couples, to be enjoyed! Maybe its time to bring Him back into it, praying before you start brings Him honor and glory, ask Him to bless your union.
      Pop on over and read Red Hot Monogamy by Joy, and while you are there, check out some of her recommended reading on Sex God’s Way.
      Don’t ever be afraid to seek help from a Christian counselor. It is a DIRECT investment in the quality of your marriage! God bless you, T

      http://www.simplybloomblog.com/2011/11/lets-talk-about-sex-baby.html

  18. Am still making my way through, but thank you for sharing the pain, fragility that characterizes humanity in general, and also the victories. I think the larger the trial, the hotter the fire, etc, the bigger the blessing and victory. Daniel’s 3 friends didn’t burn in the oven, though the king’s servants did just outside the oven!

  19. I stumbled upon your little blog and this couldn’t have come in a more upsetting, but perfect time… thank you for sharing your story, and being an inspiration… I believe all things are possible and am working towards a reconciliation. Reading your stories and thoughts helps so so so much!

  20. WoW! I have been waiting to hear the “right time” to tell my separated husband that I forgive him.. this post has let me know that NOW is the time.. God has spoken…
    I am standing for my marriage.. praying for restoration.. Luke 7:47 really spoke to my heart. The description of how you didn’t see the complacent state of your marriage is exactly what happened to us… of course that is hind site on my part. Today is the day… I too have seen a kinder spouse since I gave him, me and US to God.. it is amazing.. it will be 6 mos on the 19th since we separated. I know it is all in His time, but pray with intention. We are both believers, but have not been regular church goers in some time, nor prayer warriors. This separation has led me back to church and seeking a closer relationship with Jesus. It is my prayer that he can see the change in me through God. I am going to share my conviction of restoration with him as well. Thank you for sharing your story.. it was a blessing to me.

    • We experienced supernatural healing quickly, because we surrendered totally and fully. Dale was sorry it happened, not sorry he got caught, and that makes a big difference.
      Our counselor said at the 6 months mark, we had already achieved what most couples take years to do.
      I think a lot of it is your willingness to obey and surrender the hurt!

      Gaining trust back takes time because trust is easy to break and hard to build. It takes years to rebuild trust as you work through the rubble of the broken marriage. And, a lot has to do with your choice to trust and forgive daily, not just one and done, the person that hurt you.

  21. This blog is blessing my soul. I am reading in consecutive order. I read a few sections daily, journaling what stands out to me. Your transparency is an encouragement. I would love to share the entire story but it would take too much space. A small summary: confession came the Sunday before Labor Day 2012. He decided he wanted to make this work. He was not broken and repentant like your Dale,but very prideful, which caused major resentment in me. We still continued going to church as a family, our church family had no idea of the pain we were in. We went back and forth on his leaving, first it was me telling him I’m done and he would leave at the end of the week (three weeks after confession). He then said he wanted to work this out. Well, okay. Then in November he packed his bags saying he was leaving because of the pain he was causing us. I did nothing to stop him and when I told him to tell our grown sons, 18 and 20 goodbye he halted, sat in our room and cried. We talked it through and he asked me if I wanted him to leave, I told him if he left I would not stop him. I told him everyone in this house is seeking help but him and his pride hinders our recovery. He spoke to the minister that day and we continued on. I had already spoken to an attorney, ‘just in case’. I wanted to hurt him because of the indescribable pain he caused our household. Early March 2013, I went for a walk after work, feeling so low and down because I didn’t feel any progress was being made and that reconciliation was a waste of time, I was distraught and walked home with a determination that this was it – I was going to tell him it’s over and to get out. Then I felt a presence saying “hold your peace and let me fight your battle”. I felt a peace after that. A few times I’ve wanted to run from that but when the Lord speaks to your heart you run to it not from it. God has held me and kept me and by his grace. My faith in this union has been tested but the Lord is strengthening me and our conversation here of late is encouraging. My husband is very attentive to me. I pray the Lord touches his heart in a very special way. It’s guilt, he feels that his prayers won’t be heard. He’s being held in bondage by this, but the Lord is able. He calls himself a fool for what he did, even after all this time. It is very difficult for him to talk about. I need to talk about it – not as much now as when it initially happened, mind you. In God’s time he’ll deal with his heart to completely surrender his will to HIM that is able to do abundantly above all that we ask or think. I look forward to reading the rest of your journey. It is balm; it is life; it is hope. May God continually bless you and your family as you witness to countless souls in this sharing of God’s grace and power.

  22. i just read your Confessions of a Heart Broken Housewife and I cried all the way through it. It expresses things I am afraid of if I forgive my husband, but also gives me hope. Thank you for writing it. I am 3 weeks in to finding out the devastating news of my husband’s affair and it’s hard to get up off the floor. It helps to read thoughts from another woman who understands this excruciating pain.

I adore hearing from you, comment away! :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s