A Marriage With a Limp

This is all part of a series on “Surviving Infidelity”. Please start at the beginning: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises.

leg_in_castWritten late November 2011

  Let’s say a man hurts his leg BADLY, like it will never function as it once did….

  He can sit in his hospital bed and dream of a million and one ways to get his regular, fully functioning leg back, but the truth of the matter is, he can’t. No matter what he dreams up, he can’t get it back to how it used to be.  Now, he has a choice:

~Sit there in his bed and rot, while he wishes he could turn back time.


~Get up off that bed, participate in some very difficult therapy, and learn to function normally, this time with a hurt leg.

To walk, with a limp. To do stairs, with a limp. To ride bike, with a limp. He can achieve the things he used to, it’s just not quite the same.

This is my new reality.

  I am feeling a quiet acceptance today, as I realize this “limp” is here to stay. That instead of hiding my limp, or trying to find a way to get rid of it, I am accepting it. Planning life from here forward WITH it. I feel sad today, almost a sense of loss as I say goodbye to my dreams of what marriage would be, how I would be treated etc., yet at peace somehow. The kind of peace that comes from the arms of Jesus……

Instead of day dreaming all day long in “The Land of If Only”…..

IF ONLY Dale had said no, IF ONLY I could’ve called and stopped him, IF ONLY someone could’ve been there that day, IF ONLY I could’ve seen this coming……

I chose to live in today.

To lean on God TODAY, to get through moment by limping moment.

  Sometimes I fall, I do.  I am not used to my limp, but my Father in Heaven picks me up again, the Faithful Teacher, instructing me on how to walk all over again with my new limp.

Can God heal my limp? Sure.

Will He? I am not sure He needs to.

Remember Jacob in the Bible? He wrestled with God and walked with a limp the rest of his life as a reminder of that day he wrestled God and demanded a blessing.  Maybe Dale and I NEED the limp, so others can ask what happened and hear the good news of Christ in our lives.  Maybe our limp is the very reason glory will be given to God. 

Here is a devotional on this very subject a family member shared with us, that spoke volumes and came at the perfect time….

(Don’t they always?! Love it!)


He Breaks Us to Make Us

Read: Genesis 32:22-32

“There is a good reason God calls his people sheep. Sometimes they act  bad and wander away from the paths he has mapped out for them. A good shepherd will relentlessly search for a wayward sheep.  Sometimes, if the sheep refuses to follow his master, the shepherd  takes drastic action. He breaks the sheep’s leg, places it upon his shoulders and carries the sheep until it learns total dependence. This is tough love – the shepherd breaks the sheep to make sure the sheep always follows the shepherd.

Jacob had always been a wanderer. He fled his home in Beersheba to escape his brother’s wrath and find a wife in Haran. On his journey, he encountered God at a place called Bethel and saw a stairway leading to heaven. Years later, Jacob left Haran along with his wives, children and property. One night he found himself at Jabbok, utterly  alone. At this solitary place God, in the form of “a man,” sought out  Jacob. God wanted to make Jacob into a different person, so he took drastic action. He initiated a wrestling match that lasted from dusk  till dawn. Jacob’s wilfulness would not allow him to give up. So the  man “broke” Jacob, touching his hip so that he walked with a limp for  the rest of his life.

  Many people might become bitter and turn away from God for breaking them. But Jacob had just the opposite response.  He clung to God saying, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” We may think that a God of love would never allow his children to feel any pain. But sometimes God breaks us to make us better. He may break our hearts so we will make room for him there. He may break our will so we can discover his will for us. He may break our physical strength so we discover that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). Like Jacob, the best response to God’s tough love is to cling to him and earnestly pray, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

  If you’ve been acting like a bad sheep and have wandered off the path, climb up on the shepherd’s shoulders and let him carry you home to healing.”


  The interesting thing is, which I had forgotten happened to Jacob, was the fact that God actually “broke” him physically, so that his limp would remind him for the rest of his life that he is dependent upon God!

  This “marriage limp” will always remind us that we need to depend on God to carry us through our most difficult moments. It can become a symbol of a battle fought and won! Our limp can be living proof that God can do amazing things in our lives if we are just willing to let Him!

  The glue that holds our marriage together, isn’t found in our own strength, it’s in the powerful BLOOD of Jesus!!!!  Thank God, that marriage isn’t just between a man and a woman, but that the Lord is the third-party, the third strand woven into the covenant; a strand that won’t break.  In fact, when tugged, the strands of a rope just pull tighter, closer together.  Praise Jesus!


Tomorrow is Weekend Potluck, then tune in next week for the final 4 posts of our series on: “Surviving Infidelity: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises”.

Dear Child,
If you never felt pain, then how would you know that I am a Healer?
If you never had to pray, how would you know that I am a Deliverer?
If you never had a trial, how could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never felt sadness, how would you know that I am a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake, how would you know that I am a forgiver?
If you knew all, how would you know that I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble, how would you know that I will come to your rescue?
If you never were broken, then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you never had a problem, how would you know that I can solve them?
If you never had any suffering, Then how would you know what I went through?
If you never went through the fire, Then how would you become pure?
If I gave you all things, how would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you, how would you know that I love you?
If you had all power, Then how would you learn to depend on me?
If your life was perfect, Then what would you need me for?






16 thoughts on “A Marriage With a Limp

  1. Perfect prayer to end this post. Can you believe this? I had already ‘copied’ this thought before I read your post today…to share this with you. God surely does work in mysterious ways. Someone had shared this thought on Facebook…it’s so true. “We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbel XOXO

  2. Hello, You don’t know me but, I have been following your blog for a bit now.
    I just wanted to write and first off thank you for being so open and honest. I know how hard it is to do that.
    My husband and I have been going thru quite a time too. We did not get to the point you are at but,he did struggle the the porn part. Man,when he opened up to me about it it hurt deep! I never thought that I could be hurt so much by someone that I love SO much. We have been working thru this and growing closer to each other. Last month our son go meningitus. Talk about rocking your world. That was our brakeing point. Knowing that you could loose someone in a minute really brings you to your knees! God sure has a way of wakeing you up! We have been moving up hill from that point. It has been so good to come back to us again. We still have a ways to go,but it is coming along slowly. It is so good to know that we can call on the LORD at ANY time of need and he is right there to hear us. That is all he was waiting for from us. We had just been trying to live our lives on our own and not inclued him in it.
    You are in my prayers. God is working in you. I can see it thru your writing. Our GOD is AWSOME isn’t he.
    Blessings,Kristina Visser
    Ps. where did you get your hubby’s new ring? I love it.

    • Hi Kristina and welcome! I am so proud of you and your husband for fighting through this hurt! Make sure he gets the accountability partner he needs (another male with strong faith and values) to keep him “clean”. Porn is addicting like a drug, the need to get a “fix” is strong. Also, set up computers and phones with necessary filters! The devil WILL try to come back, armed with more demons to pull him back down. He doesn’t let us have our guys back wihtout a fight. Be READY!
      I am so sorry to hear about your son, how old is he? Praising God that what doesn’t break you, DOES make you stronger! Thanks for reading and leaving me this great comment.
      Dale’s ring was purchased at a local ring store, but Tungesten rings are all the rage right now, and can be found at most major jewelry stores.
      Hugs, T

      • Our son is 4. To little to be in a hospital bed!:( We are praising GOD for choosing to heal him. It is amazing the change in my hubby’s life since then. I just can’t tell you how thankful I am for it. Even tho it was hard to go thru it is TOTALLY worth it for my changed man!:)

        Sad to say my hubby’s brothers have/are dealing with the same thing and they have all been keeping each other accountable. Hubby is also asking me to keep on him about the internet and just keeps telling me that he has not failed me. I know how hard it is for him to tell me but, I am glad that he feels he can. 🙂

        I think I may look into the ring for my hubby for our anniversary this year. I think it wold be a good gift!:)

        So glad to have met you. You are in my prayers and I hope to keep getting to know you thru your blog.
        Keep your eyes on the LORD. He will give you the strength to make it thru!

  3. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing. I’ve not been through what you are going through, but wanted to say that you are such an example to me of how we should focus on God and rely on Him without arrogantly thinking we can be fine on our own. I am praying for you and for protection on you, Dale and your family as you obediently seek the Lord’s glory in all of this and share with us how He is working in you and your lives. With love in Christ, Becky

  4. Tonya,

    Hi there! My name is Katie and I stumbled upon your blog the day you started telling “your story” amazing by the way. God is using you in a huge way I know. Thank you for sharing you life with people you don’t know and being transparent for me to see. When I saw your picture it was like I was seeing an old friend. I know i’ve never met you but I felt a connection with you the first day I read your blog and saw you and your family.:) You know the day you spoke about how you thought Dale was “just that way” like he wasn’t the entire “knight in shining armor” and you just excepted it and then after this “truth” he has become the man you always prayed you would have? Well my husband and I have been married for 8 years. He is a great man, we have four amazing children also. We have not been through what you’all have but I worry about it often…..something I am trying to lean on my Savior for. I often worry that I’m not enough and thats why he’s “too tired” ect. ect. He works construction so he works crazy hours and I understand that part he’s super tired but it’s just my love lanuage is physical contact and words of affirmation. Two things I am really running on “E” empty. Any ideas or thoughts on how to not have to go through something so tough like you did to get to the other side of this???
    I would love any encouragement or advice you have. Or if Dale has any ideas…..I don’t want to be the nagging wife but I don’t want to feel like I have to beg for his attention…does any of that make sense???

    Hope you have a terrific Mother’s Day!!!


    • Katie, Hi and welcome! Thanks for this great note! What is your hubby’s love language? Maybe if you worked extra hard at meeting his, he’d naturally in turn meet yours? We love the Love Language books! Sure helps a lot in a marriage. Another book we love is “Love & Respect” by Eggerichs. Go on Amazon and see if you can get it for a bargain! I will write again if I have an new ideas for you. Hugs and prayers, T
      PS NEVER under estimate the power of a praying wife, God can and WILL change your husband to the man He wants him to be. Another great book would be “Intended to Be His Help Meet”, we are doing it for a women’s Bible study and boy, does it ever blow the doors off the feminist movement! Our roles are clearly defined in the Bible, and you are right, we are not to mother or nag our husbands, but love them fully and joyfully despite the things that drive us mad! 🙂

  5. I cannot thank you enough for being so raw and open with what you went (and are still going) through. It breaks my heart to say that I am in the same spot. Reading your story and listening to your guidance is helping with the pain. You are an angel. It gives me such hope and faith seeing that you two survived this and are stronger because of it.

  6. Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your story. I too am currently going through something similar. I was ready to walk away until I saw your blog and realized that giving up shouldn’t be my first response. I turn to your blog on those tough days. I pray constantly that I will one day trust again and that my husband will avoid temptation. I think its amazing at how open your husband was when you talked to him. I don’t know that my husband will ever fully admit what has happened. He just asks that I let him prove he is doing the right thing and will not make the same mistakes. Accountability is huge and I’m afraid without that step this is a lost cause. Again, more reason to pray. Thank you again. This blog has been a blessing!

    • Wow! Thank you. I love that Abba never wastes a hurt. Being able to share and help others like this gives it purpose! I’m glad you found us, and I pray healing, in these pages.

I adore hearing from you, comment away! :)

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