The Death of Something Beautiful: July 10th, 2011

  Today marks the one year Anniversary of “The Truth”. 

That’s hard to believe isn’t it?  Most likely because you guys were only told a few short months ago.  Dale and I, on the other hand, have spent every moment of all 365 days, fighting the devil for our marriage.  We won, but it did not occur without battle wounds, bruises and sheer exhaustion.  I am still surprised at how emotionally bruised and weary I feel at times.

  Today, I sit in silent pondering of the “Could-have-been’s” and “Praise the Lords”. 

  Today, I look back over the past year and weep.  I weep at the happy memories of a Beauty from Ashes ceremony, that was the biggest turning point in our healing yet.  I weep when I look further back than that, to a Tonya who couldn’t even stand on her own two feet, because she was so broken.  So she just lay there, amongst the rubble of her broken life, her whole world shattered around her, bleeding freely from a broken heart.

  Today, I remember the Tonya who died on this very day, at 6 pm this evening out in the laundry room, a yellow note clutched in her hand.  She died alongside her childhood hopes and dreams, and a new, stronger, less innocent Tonya writes you this day. 

   I am glad to be that stronger Tonya, thankful to tell you……

I DID IT. 

I MADE IT THROUGH. 

I FACED THE DEATH OF ME, AND MY DREAMS, AND ALLOWED JESUS TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE. 

A new life, in Christ.

But, I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you, that I miss my innocent trust of a world I found wonderful, and the life I found to be a dream come true.

  There are very few things that occur, that are SO BIG, that they forever more change the way we refer to the timeline of our lives:

  For Dale and I, there will always be a “Before The Truth” and an “After The Truth” part of our timeline, our life story. 

  Our entire lives being pivoted around this ONE moment in time, not being defined by it, but being changed BECAUSE of it. 

  That one solitary moment, when one bad choice lead to another.  One moment that forever shifted our reality.

One moment.

   So I sit today, in silent wondering of all the Lord has done.  I sit today, with tears in my eyes, and a sob silenced in my throat, as I think of how long the road has been.  How far we have come, how at the times we couldn’t even stand on our own two feet, we were carried by our Savior.

A Year ago today changed everything.

Nothing will ever be as it was……

And I am still not quite sure how I feel about it.  I think that’s ok.  A normal step on the road to total healing.

  What I will say is this…..

We would not be where we are today, without Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.

Period.

Without faith, and the arms of Jesus, we’d have fallen and never gotten back up.

  We are where we are today, because of the blood of Jesus, who makes all things new.  And a loving God, who desires to make a beautiful mosaic from the shards of our lives, if only we will trust Him with all the pieces.

July 10th, 2011 will forever more be burned in my mind, but I don’t have to live by it…….

For I already DIED from it.

And I sure don’t have to be defined by it…..

  It is simply a shifting axis, a reference point, in a life-long road to healing.

1 year after death, together we stand: 

Dale and Tonya Ferguson. 

  Forgiven by grace, strengthened by the fiery trials, and VICTORIOUS by the blood of Jesus, July 10th, 2012, 1 Year After The Truth that set us free. 

Beauty from ashes, baby.  Beauty from ashes.

~T