Not Enough


I have heard these words more lately than I care to.  Most of them in my own head, but also echoing through cyber space, as women write me of their sorrows of unfaithful husbands and broken happily ever after’s, shattered hearts and destroyed self images.

  Why couldn’t I be enough?  I gave my all, my best…..and it simply wasn’t enough to stop him from betraying me.  Maybe if I was sexier, skinnier…..

These thoughts lead no where good.  Dale tells me over and over, “What I did was about something lacking in ME, not something lacking in you. Please don’t make this about you.”

It’s hard, isn’t it? Being betrayed in such an intimate, personal way.  It strips you to your very core, the place where that raw, aching emotion pulses and throbs with every beat of your broken heart.

We are not the only ones that hear this, it is not just ours. 

Not just women surviving infidelity hear that phrase, “Not Enough”.

All women do, at one time or another, as we look at our reflection in the mirror with judgmental eyes….

Not skinny enough.

Not curvy enough.

Not sexy enough.

Not tall enough.

Not full enough.

Not straight enough.

Not thick enough.

Not curly enough. 

Not good enough.

Not smart enough.

Not talented enough.

Not pretty enough.

Just NOT enough.

When we look in the mirror, stare at our image and size it up, comparing ourselves to the air brushed world we live in, we lose.

Every. Blasted. Time.

We lose because we are unaware that over the shoulder of our scrutiny, are the sharp claws of the devil.  The thoughts we have, being whispered in our ear by the devil HIMSELF.  We are mere puppets in those moments.

WHY?  Why do we let him whisper those lies? Why do we BELIEVE them?

We have the power to stop him, to make him leave, shrieking at the sound of the name of Jesus.

  ENOUGH, Satan.  We bind you in the name of Jesus. BE GONE.  We will listen to you NO MORE.

I am a child of God and Daughter of the King of Kings.

I am His Beloved and He has called me BY NAME.

He knit me in my mother’s womb. He hand-picked my eye color, hair color, demeanor, talents, and quirks, placed every freckle and planned every detail of me.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Even the hairs on my head are numbered.

He bottles up all my tears in heaven.

He knows my thoughts before I think them.

I am made in HIS image

I am chosen, holy and blameless before God.

I break His heart when I tell Him that I don’t like what I see.

I sin when I make Dale’s fall about me.  When I roll in the filth of the ashes and drape myself in sack cloth of mourning.  I choose to STOP the path of destruction.

When you look in the mirror you should see one thing:


If you don’t, then its time to ask Him for new eyes.  Ones that see the beauty in which He has created you, your precious life, in His image.

It’s time to ask Him to give you new thoughts, thinking on what is good, and pure and noble and right.  (Philippians 4:8)

It’s time we throw off “self” and our self-seeking ways, our vain strategies to look younger, be thinner, look prettier.

When you look in the mirror, you should see JESUS shining back through a beautiful YOU.

 Because you take your Creators breath away……


He Makes Beautiful Things


28 thoughts on “Not Enough

  1. Amen! LOVE this post Tonya! Especially the links to scripture. God bless you sister. Thank you Lord for the freedom from defining ourselves through the lens of others mistakes, others sins! God bless your family as you walk through the continued process of healing.

  2. This is so true. Thank you for sharing and reminding us all that Jesus loves us and He made us!!! The ways of the world are overbearing to me at times. I appreciate this post today as it reminds me that nothing matters more than my Heavenly Father above!

  3. Love you T! That is so beautifully put. I think that is why God wants us to bring life into the world. So that we will know how much He loves us. He loves us more than we love our own children. We cannot even begin to fathom that kind of love and beauty. I think more women and men need to hear this and do this! Look at yourself with love and kindness. See yourself the way your children see you. As perfect..because you are their Momma. You are all things wonderful and amazing!

  4. No matter what our issues are that make us feel “not enough”, we have to KEEP rebuking satan in Jesus name, over and over and over. And pray scripture….it is so powerful. Do you have Beth Moore’s Praying Scripture book….a great book for everyone to have in their library. Love you, Tonya

  5. Feeling ‘not enough’ is something I have struggled with all my life, and something that caused problems throughout my marriage…I could never give my husband all of me because I didn’t feel like what I had was good enough, sexy enough (I am overweight), etc. I blame myself for the downward spiral that led to his porn addiction and one time indiscretion, although he tells me over and over that it truly was not about me, but about something in him that needed fulfilled, something I couldn’t have filled even if I tried. He is more like me than I ever knew…also insecure and the devil told him so many lies that he believed that led up to that horrible event. We have been working together to not let the devil convince either of us that we are not good enough anymore, but it is really hard for me, and for him now too, since he lives with the guilt of what he did. Thank you for your blog, Tonya. There are days when I wish I could speak to you personally, since our stories are so similar. I don’t have girlfriends to confide in, although my Mom is a big source of love and comfort and always has an ear to listen. I am sorry this is so long, I just wanted to say Thank You for reminding me that I am His and that is where my worth lies.

  6. That’s really true when even dealing with past pornography in marriage! You still get doubts and think what if I was this way or that way….but you’re totally right, Tonya! God made us who we are for a purpose. We are living for Jesus, and secondly for our husbands and the world! I love your reminder that we are lights. Our true purpose here is to shine, and we can’t do that when we’re focused on us. It’s so tough, but soo true. God is greater. 🙂 Thank you for the great reminder today!

  7. Thank you for sharing from your heart again today and reminding us of this truth. God graciously spoke the same words to my heart when I learned about some of my husbands choices. Since sin was committed, the relationship issue is between him and God. Not him and me (though of course there is fall-out), not between me and God (strange as that may seem) and not between me and others in my life. It is between him and God and the best thing I can do is point him back to restoring that relationship. To pray for him faithfully and ask God to change his heart. Dale’s sin has nothing to do with you and is in no way a reflection on the amazing wife and mother that you are. Keep on believing that and looking to God for your source of strength. Blessings to you today.

  8. I am supposed to be fasting all news, which includes Facebook LOL but I jumped on because it called to me. I noticed a friend shared your blog on her status. I’ve never heard of you before.

    Just this morning I was prayer walking with a friend and we were praying about what areas we despise ourselves so we could work through them and ask forgiveness and let His love soak us ( I had just read a scripture about this). I despise my body. I asked God for revelation about where this comes from. My husband hasn’t betrayed me, in fact, he loves my body (eww…) So we prayed about why I despise my body.

    Then I remembered my sexually abusive father showing me a porno mag as a kid and saying ‘don’t you want to look like this?’ He was referencing why I should want him to sexually abuse me, so my breasts would look like hers. No wonder I hate my breasts.

    We then prayed together some more, my friend and I. I have some praying and seeking and lamenting to do this week AND I DON’T WANT TO. I’m sorry for the circumstance that caused you to ask those questions above about yourself, but THANK YOU for posting His word. It is very timely, as only He could do. I will be bringing them with me wherever I go this week. I will be praying for you as well. In what ever way God directs, I will lift you up.

    Blessings over you, your family and your marriage.

    • I am praying for you my dear friend. Last night I cried over what happened so many years ago to you. You are so lovely. Satan is relentless and I just couldn’t get my mind around something so awful!!! I love you, Amy!

  9. I love all these songs you have shared throughout your journey this past year. They have become anthems in my own journey to healing and wholeness in my marriage as well. Thank you!

  10. Thanks for this post. I’ve felt like this my whole life from several different things that happened to me while growing up. When my dh broke our covenant 3 different times during 12 yrs (well, I found out 3 times but it was pretty much ongoing), to me, this cemented in the fact that I wasn’t good enough.
    This has been huge to fight. I now see myself good enough for my Lord, I know I am, He doesn’t make mistakes. But I still fight thinking I am good enough for my husband.

    I’m going to ask Him for new eyes

  11. I have to admit, I could not read your post at first. I had to put it aside for later, since it hit a raw nerve. You are so right about how a betrayal like that can affect us so completely as women. How can the person we are supposed to be able to trust more than anyone on this earth betray us more than anyone runs through your mind. What’s wrong with me? Why wasn’t I good enough? I was VERY insecure for years afterwards, I still am at times. I still have trouble trusting. (There was more than infidelity involved in my story though). I have read the book Do You Think I’m Beautiful by Angela Thomas (Nelson Publishing). Here is just a quick line from in the book: “When God looks into the eyes of a woman, He sees all the beauty He created there. He sees every potential and every gift. He sees what can be and redeems what has been….He is the One who loves the inside and the outside of you. You were all His idea, and you are physically and emotionally beautiful to Him.” What more can we ask for?

  12. Tonya – you hit the Devil right on the head with this post. I am fortunate that I have not had to endure the pain that you and your family have endured; but I too, find my critical self constantly demeaning and degrading my UN-confident self. Thank you for the pep talk of Truth!! Blessings (0=

  13. Thank you. I found you early this summer through Connie at The Common Room Blog, and I am so glad I did. You have helped me find the voice deep down inside that always wants to reach out but doesn’t. Through you, God has changed that. We will probably never meet but you will always have a place in my walk with Jesus. Thank you and blessings to you and your beautiful family!

  14. I think the question, “Am I enough?” is something all women face, for different reasons. I really like your response to this. Let us all walk in the truth that in Christ we ARE enough.

  15. I know who I am in christ, but I can’t shake the ways I failed as a wife to have us where we are. I want value in my husband’s eyes too

  16. What an uplifting post. I don’t believe I found your blog by coincidence. It is truly balm to my soul and spirit. Thank you for encouraging me to see myself the way Jesus sees me and to resist negative self talk.

  17. Thanks again for a great post. I realize this post speaks mostly to woman but as a man I am getting a lot from it. I struggled all my life with feeling not good enough. I believe this had a big effect on my broken marriage. That in a way I wasn’t willing to let my wife completely into my heart. This also allowed me to see how deeply women can be hurt by their husbands. I know I hurt my wife deeply and feel so horrible about it. It has been 3 yrs since our separation. Not my choice but I pray for my marriage and her everyday and continue to stay faithful to my wife and am believing for His healing of our marriage in His perfect timing.

I adore hearing from you, comment away! :)

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