I cannot believe how much traffic “Dear Mom On The iPhone” is getting.
Love it when that happens, but I hate what comes with it:
Snarky comments.
I suppose that’s the name of the game in Blogging, we are to have tough skin, yet expose our tender hearts to the world. It’s the hardest part of our job description.
I want to officially respond once and for all:
That post was written as a HYPOTHETICAL…..
There was no “Mom in the park”, I woke up with a burden to write, and write I did. My job was to obey, not over think, or cast judgement.
I know and understand that there are extenuating circumstances that make situations like a mom on her phone in the park necessary. I get it, I do! But guess what, there ARE moms in the park, picking up from preschool, families at a restaurant; ALL missing opportunities to invest face to face time in each other, because they are on the phone for fun, or out of habit!
I will say that I am sorry if my presentation offended you. The writer in me loved the idea of a letter form, just like the letter I wrote to the 21 year old me, or how about the Dear Dad On The Recliner post RIGHT before iPhone mom….the one no one went into a tizzy over.
However, the heart of the message is based on a hard truth, one I will not apologize for pointing out.
We, as a society, are easily distracted. Especially now that the www. can go with us. Suddenly, emails to respond to, are at our fingertips, not waiting for us at the office.
Let it be known, that I am not looking down my nose at said Mom in the Park, and judging her without knowing her circumstances. You are right, she MIGHT have a deadline, it MIGHT be her only choice, the list of choices of WHY she needs to be on her phone go on and on.
Fine. Fair enough. I agree, it needs to happen sometimes.
But I will tell you this, as a blogger, we paint in BROAD strokes. If we had to stop and explain all sides of the situation, or visit all possible scenarios, we’d never get anything accomplished in our posts. If that post made you mad or feel something, GOOD. Go with that conviction. Do something about it.
I don’t have an iPhone, but I DO have a computer. I do have a Facebook account. I do sit down and have to edit photo sessions, and I will be the FIRST to admit, that I am CONSTANTLY fighting the “Distraction Factor” they offer. In that post, I am talking to all of us as moms! As dads! As family units! Time to re-focus, re-prioritize! Isn’t it our job to encourage and lift each other up?
Isn’t it also our jobs to point out hard truths?
Encouraging each other to take a hard look at how we spend our time. Encouraging each other to put media aside and get down on the floor and play with our kids, stare into the eyes of our spouses and have a real conversation, laugh as a family around a board game.
To sit around the dinner table and TALK about the day, not silently chew while we stare at the TV or down at our individual phones.
To get off our cell phones before we check out at the store, so we can be polite and friendly to those we come in contact with.
I can be sorry for coming across wrong, but cannot apologize for the intent in which I wrote it. Against these various forms of media, and how easily satan uses those distractions to steal, kill and destroy what we hold dear to us.
Dear Mom On The iPhone stands as is.
I won’t back down from that part of it, I can’t. It’s too important.
~T
4 little Fergusons 
GOOD FOR YOU! NO need to apologize for sure! Obviously, the ton of traffic you’ve received states the fact that it is of interest to many. How sad that some think their opinions are so powerful that they must leave some ‘trash’ behind for you. Hang in there and keep doing what God leads you to do…He blesses willing hearts.
Amen!!! 😉
And P.S. – that ‘poster’ with the thoughts about listening to your kids really grabbed my heart. WOW! Thanks for sharing.
Good for you!! That post was one that NEEDS to be heard. People don’t realize that 5 minutes of “just checking in” on Facebook or email can lead to an hour or more of scrolling, reading pointless nothings, when the time could be better spent. I know this! I hate to admit it, but I’m guilty of it! I’m THANKFUL you wrote that post & THANKFUL it’s gotten so much attention. People need a wake up call. God is using you in great ways. Thank you for not backing down from what He wants to share!
For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish people. I Peter 2:15 ~NEVER stop doing what God is asking you to do.
Good for you! Great Post! You have nothing to apologize for. You must have hit home with a lot of people!
Amen! I had never read that post before now, but you are so right. God recently put on my heart that I was spending way too much time on the computer. I was more involved in planting crops for an online game than I was with my own family. I remember praying one day and I knew I had to finally give it up–I could no longer do things my own way–it was time to obey. I deleted every gaming friend I had and all the games I played. Later that evening, my 10-year-old asked me when I was going on the computer and I told her I wasn’t. I explained that I was giving up the games because it was taking too much time away from my family. With a tear in her eye, she said “I have missed you mommy.” What a wake up call! You are right Tonya, Satan is using all this latest technology to kill and destroy what is dear to us!
BTW, I love your blog and read it every day.
How about a Dear Mom On The Computer? What kind of mom would you be if you focused solely on your kids (without using them for your next blog material?) Didn’t your son once say he missed the mommy before blogs and photographs? And….”ministry” isn’t about you posting sexy pictures of yourself!!! If it’s a “ministry” you need to glorify GOD, not yourself!!! Could you really live WITHOUT people glorifying YOU? God NEVER calls us to show off or glorify ourselves, especially in a sexy way! Seems as though you may have a bad case of “accoladeitis” brewing.
Interesting thoughts, thank you for restating what I already said….we ALL have to be careful of how our time is spent, myself included.
Just know, “Anonymous”, that I do not typically let these kind of comments go through, because if you have to hide behind the name Anonymous to say your piece, then you obviously aren’t brave enough to stand behind what you say.
As far as sexy goes, there are very few photos of me on this blog, because I am the one BEHIND the camera. Not sure what “sexy pictures” you are looking at but I assure you as I face each day as a weary mom of 4, sexy is pretty far from my mind, but thanks for your concern.
Further more, if you feel this blog is to glorify me, then you better keep reading…..I have died to self 1000 times over while writing on this blog. If you don’t like what you find as you continue to read, then I will kindly remind you that no one is making you stay.
One Lovely Emily is so lucky to know you! (And, of course, you’re lucky to know her, too!) I agree whole-heartedly with EVERYTHING you’ve said–and I love your response to “Anonymous”!
I totally agree with you! The smartphone generation preceded me, but I DO have a phone and I use it considerately. Just last night I attended a sketch comedy program. The woman sitting next to me checked her phone, I swear, every 5 minutes, missing alot of the program. Further, I’ve been in line at checkout and a customer is on the phone talking and ignoring the cashier. The guy in Petco couldn’t figure out how to work the charge while on the phone, was rude to the checker, and almost walked out without his purchase. Tell me this conversation can’t wait until he gets to the
parking lot, and it is incredibly rude to the cashier. I almost said something.
Another incident was in Target. Mom had an infant in the infant seat while
her toddler son dangled head down over the edge of the cart. Mom was scanning the food aisle and on the phone, totally ignoring her son. My fear was that he would fall head first to the floor. Ten minutes later I see her, off the phone, and on the ground comforting her son and dabbing him with tissue. And then there are the folks who go out for dinner and instead of talking, chat on their phones with other people. Too much, and what is it doing to society?
To Anonymous: When ever a person writes about God and faith the way you did, they clearly don’t see “the log that is in [their] own eye” (Matthew 7:3). If you are going to use God, then you should be prepared to use Him properly. There are many verses in the Old and New Testaments that speak about how to reprove another believer. Let me encourage you to take some quiet time to study God’s word (Bible) about how to broach difficult subjects with your Christian sister. It is the right thing to do to glorify God.
Kiki, You, my sister, have mastered the art of reproving without being purposely hurtful! Way to stick up for the kind soul that writes this blog! 🙂
Hold up..I just reread this…and I just want to clarify my stance. I 100% agree with “Dear Mom on your iphone” and “Re: Dear Mom on your iphone”. I do NOT agree with Anonymous’ snarky comments about “Dear Mom on your computer” because I feel they were sarcastic and even meant to rudely put Mrs. Tonya in her place. When i read this comment, I thought she was referring to “anonymous”…but read again tonight it looks like i misunderstood. So just for the record, if anybody even cares, I am a new, happy, very enthusiastic supporter of Mrs. Tonya and so far believe she is a sweet, graceful, godly, humble lady who shouldn’t have people jumping on her about something that was CLEARLY meant to help, not hurt. Just. Sayin. 🙂
I wrote my reply to anonymous, not to Tonya. If I were to describe a godly woman, it would be Tonya.
You go girl! Stick to your convictions.
And no you should not back down this is your Blog to share your thoughts from your heart and what God is speaking to you about.
I think for some it may just hit to close to home and maybe is something they would like to improve on and they feel like they have to defend what works for them at this time in their life.
The post really did give us all something to think about!
WORD…
Preach it my friend, never back down from what The Lord has placed upon your heart!!! Thank you for being such an inspiration to me and all those around you!!! Love you!!!
~ “Bruiser” 😉
Love my “Bruiser” friend! 🙂
I know exactly what you mean about people taking the broad strokes as gospel truth. I loved the post. I’m glad you don’t apologize for the truth. Keep heart and carry on.
Karli
I’m not a mother yet but I am a wife and I think this is a lesson not just for our children but for our society in general!! I see too many people sitting at a resturant right next to one another staring down at their phones!! I want to actually speak to my husband at dinner time and have a meaningful conversation! Good for you Tonya don’t you apologize for anything!
I read your original post in November and was brought to years back when my children were young and still living at home. Technology wasn’t the family face to face time stealer then, but I assure you, it will always be something. Satan will use things of this world to distract us from obedience to our Lord and Savior. We are commanded by God to teach our children His precepts. When walking (or spending time in the park) we are to speak to our children about the Lord. Pretty hard to do when one is disengaged regardless of the reason.
It must hurt your open, transparent, tender heart when others attack with snarky comments. Defensiveness aims to get the spotlight off oneself when convicted. The way you live your life in submission to Lord and in love and devotion to your family most likely gives the snarky comment makers a bit of longing for what you have. Love and pray for those who persecute you. Your words bless so many and we thank you for sharing:)
AMEN!!! Everyone is guilty at some time of letting “life” distract us from what’s really important. I applaud you taking a stand and point it out to us. Love it! I’m praying for you, believing in you and I stand in your corner.
Thank you for your wise words. Keep up the good work.
Tonya
I love your blog because your are so real and honest. I read a lot of blogs, but your is the only one I miss when you take a break. I love that you take breaks to be with your family.
Thank you for sharing your life with us the good, bad ,and ugly. The Lord has used you to speak to me multiple times.
Keep on sister we love you!!
Good for sticking with your convictions, Tonya. 🙂 I agree with your original post even though I’ll admit I felt a bit convicted. 🙂 You’re absolutely right that if someone doesn’t like YOUR opinion that you post on YOUR blog, they can sure move on. 🙂
I agree with the Mom on the phone blog. I hate trying to talk to someone and getting put on “hold” while they answer that important call….we are dehumanizing ourselves..
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I loved your original post which led me to this post and your blog in general. I think the people that are hating on the post are those that are really convicted and feel guilty and so instead of doing something about it they attack. I have been at the park and watched little one’s asking their parents to push them or play with them but the parents don’t hear because they are too busy on their phones. Every one of us is guilty of being distracted from who is most important because of being plugged in…whether it be phone, tv, computer…ect. whether we want to admit it or not. A common sight these days is people sitting together at a resteraunt on their phones instead of interacting with the people they are with. I see couples out together on a date and either one or both are on their phones. It’s sad and I agree that it is being used as a tool by satan to keep us from connecting to our love ones. I can get so caught up on my computer that I forget the time and before I know it I have wasted hours. This is why I have a cheap basic phone instead of one that will tempt me. I am raising my 2nd set of children and honestly it is harder this time around with all the distractions. My first set of children are now adults and I don’t regret all the time I invested in time with them. It is one of the reasons I won’t allow these distractions to steal that time away with the little’s I am raising now.
I am not sure if you heard of Hands Free Mama……..http://www.handsfreemama.com/ but she has really helped me to unplug more and become more conscious of when I am allowing “things” to disconnect me from my husband and children and grandchildren.
I end with having to say how much I love your blog and your honesty and heart. I spent some time reading some of your old posts. You have a new reader!
I have already commented once on this latest development to your original post but I wanted to follow up because today at lunch, I saw exactly what you were referring to in your original post. I was sitting at lunch with my Sweets (by the way, we have a standing rule that our time together is so important that any outsider can wait until “our time” is finished before we “connect” with them) when I happend to look up and noticed this very scenario being played out in front of me. A mother & a young boy of about 6 were having lunch and the whole time…not an exaggeration….the WHOLE time they were there, the mom’s face was planted in her phone while the little boy ate his kid’s meal and entertained himself. I sat there and instantly thought of this blog and how if only that mother realized that this time with her son would soon be over. He would quickly be growing into a young man and then having his own family. Instead of cherishing the moments together and talking to her son, she was busy with whomever/whatever was on her phone. What a wake-up call to me. Such conviction came over me. Granted she may have had a “deadline”, family emergency, etc. but the picture that my mind’s eye will always remember is a little boy playing with his french fries and seeming to be alone while sitting with his Mom. We may not always “like” what bloggers say or we may think “yeah, that’s not me it’s for someone else” but my belief is God loves us so very much that He will talk to you in any way He can in order for you to truly listen. Tonya, I dont know you…but I know your blog and I have come to love you & your precious family because of it. You have challenged me, made me laugh and at times made my heart go “ouch” because there are things that need changing in my life. Thank you for being willing….faithful….and not backing down regardless of what “others” think. God is going to open the windows of Heaven and pour out a blessing that cannot be easily contained. Blessings! Blessings & more Blessings!!
Thank you for not apologizing for the original post! I needed to hear it. I was convicted and I’m doing something about it. Thanks for speaking the truth in love.
Not a thing wrong with the original post, you could replace iPhone with so many things and park with so many places.
I read your first post without thinking there was a specific person you were talking to. But then, I’m not a mom yet. I read it and think “this is good advice for when I’ll be a mom” but I can see where other current, guilty moms might be offended.
Nothing wrong with this post, or the Dad in the recliner. Both send great messages. If people are offended, then they ARE that mom or that dad. It’s tough to be reminded that you aren’t concentrating on what’s truly important. The complainers are unhappy with their own lives. Period.
I honestly find the response more empowering than the original blog. Granted as a single man, I have no grounds to point a finger. But as a person who will have to deal with the children that are being neglected now as adults later, Im glad that people in the parenting world are speaking up and asking for action. My words fall on deaf ears not being a parent (by choice).
YES!!! When my children think about me, I don’t want them to picture me with my cell phone!!!
Tonya,
It’s really sad that you had to explain your post, but don’t be discouraged. When I was teaching school years ago, I had a brilliant student who wrote a wonderful satire after we had just finished reading Shakespeare’s “Merchant of Venice.” His piece, written for the school newspaper, was provocative, but respectful and likely one of the most on target piece I have ever seen written by a teen. And I can’t tell you how much grief we got for publishing it in the school paper. Oh, the principal backed me and nobody did anything much–but the young man was crushed. AND he should not have been any more than you should be for merely pointing out the obvious. There is no shame in what you said or how you said it. Just a very creative way of telling the story of what we see all too often, and are guilty of ourselves, as parents, grandparents, friends, etc., when it comes to computers which now masquerade as phones. Keep up the wonderful ministry with your words of wisdom. If a preacher had said the same thing, few would dare to bite back, your message came through loud and clear!
Thank you for Dear Mom on the phone and your response to it! very well said and too true. thank you writing from your heart.
I want to point out something that was very important to me growing that can be applied to both moms and dads. My dad worked. It is not strange, it is not selfish of him, it did not mean he loved me less. It actually was a great demonstration that he did love me. Lucky for me, my dad worked from home in the 80s and 90s so he had a home office. From a young age I learned that dad’s office was off limits for play time…but Dad himself was never off limits.
I was free as his little princess to tip toe into his office ANYTIME of day. As long as I was quiet and respected his work space I could be in there. But, I knew, Dads office and Dads time during the day was for working and that that work was how we paid our bills and how I got to play sports and do fun things. Simple I know, but it taught me at a young age two things.
1. Work is important and my parents working is an expression of their love for me
2. I am not the center of the universe
Often times, a desire to care for and be ‘the best parents possible’ can actually can go too far in the other direction….children worship.
Take care, extremes on either side are not healthy. A child ignored and a child smothered will likely both have unhealthy emotional and relational problems through adulthood. Communication with our kids is key and acknowledgement of them is also important. However, too much doting on your little prince and princes may actually leave them with adjustment issues in regular social environments where they are not the center of attention.
Seen any premadona children at the grocery store lately? How about narcissistic co-workers?
How did these adults become this way? Could I suggest to you that they were conditioned from a young age to believe that they are more important than other people and that they deserve undivided and very special attention from everyone….simply because they are who they are.
I am not saying that loving parents produce narcissist. Please do not misinterpret the intent of this post. I think it is helpful for parents that tend to be emotionally disengaged in front of their children to reconsider the perception they may be giving their kids. It is equally important that highly engaged parents consider what level of attention shown to their children is healthy, appropriate and a realistic representation of life long relationships.
So yes, those of you reading blogs and making comments all day on facebook, twitter, pinterest….you name it, instead of watching your kids…challenge yourself to not do it for a month and see how it goes. For those of you who are working on our phones/laptops at the park: I commend you for working with your company and manager to arrive at a very wonderful arrangement and would ask simply that you communicate well with your kids why you are on your phone.
Because you see, the 4 year old inside of me always knew (and still does know) I was lucky to have dad home in the middle of the day. But my parents did a really good job explaining where that freedom came from: ‘Mommy and Daddy can both come to your soccer tournament because we worked really hard yesterday and can take the day off today….and if Daddy needs to leave, it’s because a really important man thinks your daddy is really smart and wants him to teach him how to do something.” I never felt abandoned, never felt I didn’t get enough attention and never competed with my parent’s external relationships for attention.
I was content twirling on my own on the playground because I did not associate my parent’s attention on the playground with how much they loved me or valued me as their child. I just loved to twirl, all by myself!
J, thank you for this!!! i also work from home and i appreciate your perspective. your last paragraph was sweetness all on its own.
How perfectly put – thank you.
Hi Tonya, I’m new to your blog, having come across the iPhone post somehow, and loved the basic message about being present for your children enough to share it on Facebook. I then read some of the hateful comments (and blog posts) directed toward you, so I wanted to encourage you to keep on sharing the messages that God burns on your heart.
The funny thing is that I agree with the basic premise of many of the hateful comments, that sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, that it’s important for children to know that they aren’t the center of the universe, and for children to see mom and dad working sometimes to know that that’s what people do. We work at trying to take care of our families (whether it be bringing in income, vacuuming the rug, updating a blog to hopefully contribute to family finances, making dinner, etc.). And we sometimes need to take a mental health break to get through the day (or is that just me??). But I also agree with your message that sometimes we get so distracted by all this other stuff that we miss out on the magic of a moment with our children. It was something that I needed to hear, and I didn’t take offense at all. I’m sad that others allowed the offense to take over them to the point that they had to spew hate all over your blog.
I thought about this, and think that their issue may not be with your message (most people would agree with it), but with the writing style. (Please don’t stop reading!) I can tell that you put a lot of effort into your tone in the blog post, which I thought was really sweet, and liked it enough to share it. But, since it’s from the point of view of an observer, it leans toward a lecture format. I recognize it because I tend to default to that style without intending any harm. I’ve done a bit of reading about writing, and read somewhere (in a book or a blog post, can’t remember) to try to avoid a lecture format because readers don’t respond to it well, and to try to tell personal stories from your own experience to get a message across. I think about that a lot and try to adjust my blog posts accordingly. For example, I recently wanted to write a message I felt burning in me about not romanticizing marriage and motherhood (as wonderful as it is), and enjoying your singleness while you have it (I married in my 30’s). I could feel a lecture format coming on, so I tried to adjust it by making the blog post a letter to my single self. I think it came across better that way (at least I hope!), and it certainly changed my thoughts while I was writing it because it was so personal.
So please don’t stop communicating the messages God gives you with the same sweet tone you used in your iPhone post. It may be an interesting writing exercise to try communicating your iPhone message with a different writing style, just to stretch your literary muscles a little. But regardless, it’s important to communicate His messages when He tells us to do it, because the world certainly needs His truth.
I appreciate your feedback here about writing technique. I think this is a similar challenge for Pastors that are preaching and presenters that are teaching a course. Telling someone else “you need to” is hardly ever received well; ‘we need to’ offers a chance for agreement and shows humility. I have received that feedback on presentations…that if I would just include myself in the adjectives and action words I use, people would get more out of it and not feel attacked or isolated or that their being pointed at with a … ‘you should’ attitude.
Also, I have noticed how often friends and families tend to say “you should” … about just about everything in life. It normally doesn’t go over well. What is that saying about unsolicited advice being criticism ?
I LOVE your message about mom on the iphone and the dad on the recliner!!! Can not always please everyone!!! Keep speaking from the heart!
Thank you so much for sharing these blogs! I was convicted of the same thing a couple of months ago. I realized I was wasting way too much time on facebook and pinterest, while ignoring my children. There are times when emergencies arise and we can’t give our kids our total attention. But to be honest, most of my screen time is not necessary! My goal this year is to only get on the internet for 30 minutes a day, and only when my kids are sleeping. This has been a real struggle for me to give up, and I’m realizing what a hold it has had on me. Our children learn from watching us, and I don’t want to teach my kids to stare at a screen all day and ignore those around them. I think we can teach our children that there are times when it’s ok, like during a crisis or some business needs to be dealt with, or to read a good blog:) Moderation in all things. My children are my mission field, and I don’t want to waste the opporunities God gives me by spending all my time on things that have no eternal value. I hope other moms are inspired to do the same!
I very much salute you for bringing this topic up, and I’ve read all the ugly rude comments and I didn’t see anyone of them to be true. What I do see is a mama who is trying to help other mama’s, and I am going to die to self and let you know that I truly needed it. I think you are a wonderful person Tonya, and the world will never commend a Christian for fighting for what’s right, but the post WILL glorify God, and thats all the matters. Keep going girl, don’t stop. Ever.
I read this post as an ‘article’ on a online news and I am soooooo Happy to see this follow up! I TOTALLY agree with you and I am sorry other people are so ready to be judgmental that they are assuming you are judging. I totally got where you were coming from and am so happy to see that even though its not always easy to have a thick skin or even pretend like you do, you will not apologize or be ashamed about something that was written from the heart with the best intentions.
Thank you for being brave enough to write from your heart and strong enough to see that you can’t please everyone and that its not your job to, Its just your job to obey where your heart leads you by the holy sprit.
Plagerism is happening as well. I seen you mom in your iPhone post copied and pasted word for word on a lady in TX Facebook page with no reference back to you. So your words are being seen more than you know. She was complaining a couple days later about getting over 30 friend requests from random people. It’s because YOUR words are powerful and her Facebook is jwide open for public sharing and viewing.
Contact me privately if you wish to know her name to address this in anyway.
Heather, I have had SO many people tell me this. I am bummed. 😦 Last I knew, it was shared over 20,000 times. Oh well, part of this day and age and it’s social media, right? THANK YOU! ~T
What a bunch of wishy-washy- on the fence garbage. Either admit that you were wrong, or stand by what you wrote originally. It’s hard to believe that you didn’t think about how people would be offended by the first article. You didn’t know that people don’t like being judged? Giving a semi-apology (“I’m sorry about the clear problems with my blog post, but you should ignore those and like it anyway”) is worse than ignoring the people who rage against you IMO. Either step back and see why people are offended, or ignore it. It seems like you’re just trying to neutralize the negativity toward you while ignoring its cause. It’s like a child who apologizes for something only after they’ve been in trouble for it, but continues the same behaviour. Anyway, at least I hope this has taught you what it’s like to be on the other end of judgement, and made it clear that you may not have all the information, so maybe you shouldn’t write a preachy blog about things other people do.
I was sorry it offended, and VERY taken back by the back lash. I can apologize for offending while still standing by what I wrote, a letter to a ficticious mom in a non-judgmental way. If I had stood up on my soap box and shook my finger at our media driven world, would it have been better received? Nope. A letter was a way softer approach, one I included myself in.
Blessed are the peacemakers……
You really think it was non-offensive?!?
I truly do. The problem is that this post is being taken SO literally! Like never be on your phone, never take your eyes off your kids. That is why I did this follow up. To say sorry the presentation was offensive and to explain for the hundreth time, that it was a big picture letter, not a literal one with a real mom I was judging across the way. To explain that I too, needed a break from being mommy during afternoon quiet time. That is not something we should feel bad about!
Writing it as a letter comes across as passive-aggressive, not “gentle”. Even suggesting that you are being “gentle” about it is patronising in its implications. The fact that it’s a “big picture” just means you’re judging every mom who has ever spent some time on her phone rather than staring at her kids waiting for them to do something amazing. One of the comments I from someone who shared your post was this: “If this had been 20 years ago, I wouldn’t be at the park with my kids – I’d be at home watching soaps while they were there by themselves”. Your “bigger picture” implications are doom-impending; you’re holding all women to an exceptionally high standard. It’s not up to you whether mommies deserve a break during quiet time or while they’re kids are on the swings. Nothing in anyone else’s life is up to you. I think that’s the point you’ve completely missed.
I didn’t once say it was up to me. Not once. I also didn’t indicate that we could never take our eyes off our kids, “staring at her kids waiting for them to do something amazing”. Just to be present! I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree about the post in question. Thanks for your comments and conversation today!
In some ways I actually agree with Jen. But just not as harshly :). It seems we are too quick to apologize for someone else taking offense — and judging our motives to be judgmental. And on it goes. We need to get over ourselves and realize we don’t live in a black and white world.
And for Jen, this means it’s not wishy-washy to reconsider your actions after some unexpected backlash to make sure you have made yourself clear.
If people still don’t get it then, I agree, you must move on — and realize you hit a nerve that others might not feel they are able to address at this time.
For me, I would get clobbered for pointing out the same — but applaud you for doing so. Seriously, however, if you wait for the applause of everyone and you seek to bring harmony to everyone, you will be waiting for a long time. Sometimes you just need to move on and be thankful you apparently struck a nerve and let those whose nerve it struck be convinced and convicted by God, not you.
I agree! The happy sunshine me loves to have everyone in harmony, but you are right. Some things just need to be said then walked away from without rushing back to continually smooth things over. I felt I owed this explanation to the world, but now I can be done….RIGHT!?!?!?! 🙂
I guess I can see what motivated you to write such a letter about the iphone. Its silly to pretend that social media doesn’t affect and swarm much of our lives. I think the problem that most women have with the original post is that if we aren’t watching our kids do every little thing, then we are ignoring them and missing out in their life. I might be unpopular for thinking this, but I believe that children these days believe that they need an audiance at all times. I ADORE my 4 children. They know that. I tell them that all the time. I don’t feel the need to watch their every move and watch every game they play or every time they imagine something. I think in this world there is a real danger of creating narcissists that feel that they are in constant need of adulation and attention. When I was little I knew that my parents loved me. They spent time with me, but they didn’t follow me around or feel guilty if they had things they needed to do. It was okay that my mom wanted to read a book, or do genealogy, or talk to a friend on the phone. She had six kids. She needed breaks. All moms do. She required that we were quiet every day for a period of time and taught us the value in enjoying solitude and being happy without being praised 24/7. I knew she was doing her best and I KNEW she loved me. She didn’t make me believe that I was the center to everything in our family, nor should I have believed that. Moms like to read, talk to our friends, talk to our husbands and shouldnt be feeling guilty that they might miss out something huge while they are distracted. I guess my point to all this is, your blog is obviously your opinion. You have every right to it.. but the tone was very judgy and almost made me laugh a bit. I thought to myself, man, In her estimation I am totally ignoring my kids. When in reality, I am a great mom. We are all doing our best. The backlash you received was because most moms beat themselves up enough, people don’t need to hear they are neglecting their kids because they take time for themselves. It’s okay to do something fun. Even if they are just on FB, who cares. They took their kids to the park… let that mom be and do what she needs to do to get through the day. Just my humble opinion.
I appreciate that you are clarifying your blogpost but I still think your judgemental tone doesn’t do any favors to Mom solidarity. You don’t know these Moms who are on their phones. You don’t know what was going on five minutes ago in their life. We should we lifting each other up as fellow Moms, not pointing out each other’s short-comings. As we say in the south, bless your heart.
Thanks, Katie! The point of the post I stand by, is a media driven society: dads, moms, teenagers, all of us. Clearly, picking mom’s as my subject title was not my best choice, but I am a mom too, so I thought people would understand I am writing it to me too. I am that mom! {this is why I added the note at the bottom}
I do think media distraction is one of many problem in today’s world! Now, I do NOT think we should stare at our kids 24×7, just not be glancing down at the phone all the time to see if we are missing anything on the web.
If I could sum it up, I’d say my point was, we ARE missing something, but its not down on our phones, it’s life, passing us on by.
Thanks for the comment…… 🙂
Yea, not really buying your ‘stand’. You don’t have to defend something you already believe in. You just let it be. And the fact that you are engaging with almost every negative comment here and on the original post just confirms that you are trying to neutralize the ground, not make your stand, like a commenter previously mentioned.
I am a happy, sunshine, lets sing Kumbaya around the campfire kind of person by nature. I don’t want people upset! I explain, apologize, and respond because I care, not because I have something to prove. I sure haven’t taken the time to respond to very many, just the ones that caught my attention in particular.
Here is the thing, this is my blog, this is my place to be who I am. If you don’t like it, then please move on.
I am guilty as charged (all too often) but I am also an extremely hands-on SAHM and without the connection that my technology gives me to my ‘village’, I know I’d go stir-crazy and probably become a resentful mother.
Our kids deserve attention and love and recognition, OF COURSE, but they also need to learn the valuable lesson that they aren’t the centre of the universe ALL the time. By applauding every. tiny. moment aren’t we bringing up a generation of young people who are all about ME ME ME?
You are so right – we need to question ourselves when we pick up our ‘screens’ and consider whether its the right time. As long as our kids are getting the general message that they are SEEN and HEARD, and as long as they are also getting the message that other people have needs too – even mums who are juggling a million things – we are doing it right.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post and for dealing with the many tongue-lashings that followed!
As my grandfather used to say, ” if people aren’t talking about you, you’re either boring or dead!”
And let me opine again, as a busy “young” grandma. I had my 4-year-old granddaughter over for a 2 nights and a day while the entire family was mostly away doing other things. She had my undivided attention, for the most part, with the exception of me trying to drive and find her a park with swings and a place to eat her favorite foods. It was all about her. So when I had to respond to an urgent email just before settling into my large bed with her for a movie, I was surprised she admonished me for being on my phone. “You are not paying attention to me,” she demanded. Really! After I explained I was responding to an email from work, she actually rolled her eyes at me. “I thought this was our time,” she said. Using my best possible attitude, I told her the rolling eyes is disrespectful and that I didn’t work just in my office, and in fact had let her come to my office while I was working and had given her attention while we were there. And in turn, I had to check my email to see if I had missed anything during that time. And I had. So I was telling someone what they needed to do so they could do their work. “OK,” she said, still not understanding. Apparently, since adults often comment to each other, she felt it was OK to make rude comments to me, and I was supposed to apologize to her for not dropping everything. I would have let it go except the little stinker did it again the next day. Coming in from spending Saturday attending a big race, having lunch and playing on swings, I checked the mail and brought it into the house. Helping her off with her coat, I told her I was going to look at some mail before we read books and watched her favorite movie again. She didn’t want to play games, just watch this Tinkerbell thing again and again. She has the run of my home BTW, with a special room dedicated to grandchildren. When I quickly opened results of a recent physical, she stomped her foot and said, “You’re just like *** and don’t have any time just for me!” I guess in her world, time means 100 percent attention! I am thinking how very impractical that is and how hard it is for moms today to feel like they are up to par if that’s what’s expected. I was a working mom (after my youngest was 2) and my children and I had great, respectful relationships. There were times they didn’t have enough of my attention and I’ve apologized and we worked through it. But I can’t remember my children who didn’t have NEARLY as much one on one time with any adult being as demanding as this child. And I’m told she’s not alone. I cherished the times we spent doing regular household chores together; them being at the table while I cooked; singing together; reading together; doing life together. And when I stopped to chat on the phone, help a neighbor take in a bag of groceries, rake the leaves, or plant some seeds — they didn’t stomp their little feet at me, glare and demand for me to focus all of my attention on them. We lived life together, like a tree with branches and blooms, sometimes on our own, but strongly rooted. Just a glance could bring a smile or a frown — but picking up the phone or a piece of mail wouldn’t send acros the vibe — you are unwanted. I think this thing can play a variety of ways. So for that reason, we must be careful — and I think the writer of the blog is saying just that.
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I am struggling with the defensive comments on here… and I think I know why. My parents both worked. They didn’t even bother coming to my events as I grew up. I can still remember singing at 6th grade “graduation” and my parents were both supposed to be there… and I saw them sneak in about 5 minutes after we finished. I didn’t say anything to them… but I was disappointed, I can still feel that heavy gut wrenching feeling if I think about it hard enough. I played Water Polo and swam competitively for all four years in high school… my parents came to maybe 1 meet the whole four years. Before you say “boo hoo, poor you” in a sarcastic or snarky way, my parents were fabulous parents… but they neglected me… because work was more important. I knew it as a child. I knew it as a teen. I’m really not mad about it anymore… but I am very aware of it. Especially as a mommy to my 9 and 7 year old kids.
I have a post in my drafts box about teaching self-reliance to our kids. I am not their dancing monkey. They spend 1-2 hours alone in their room every day (when not at school). That is MY time. My kids understand that my purpose is not to applaud them, but to guide and love them. My kids get that I am easily distracted and absurdly busy… but I volunteer at their schools, I drop them off, I pick them up, I talk to them in the car. I allow them to do their homework independently… and get on my computer in the afternoons, but am always available if they need me.
Why does an observation about a REAL problem in our society become a judgement? Those of you who are using specifics… she is being general. Yes, we don’t know why someone is staring at their phone. There could have been a tsunami in a place where their entire family was vacationing… or they could be addicted to FB and Words with Friends. She’s making an observation and really… asking a question: Are you sure you need to be on your phone right now?
Tonya, you just keep writing what God gives you to write. You are doing swimmingly… don’t allow the negative nellies on here to steal your joy or confuse you about who you are in Him! I don’t know you, but I can see that He is using you… I’ll come back and visit soon! 🙂
I was a bit annoyed to read all the overreaction and defensiveness to your original post. IMHO, it was a good reminder, and I didn’t feel offended by it nor did it induce guilt. That said, I think we are all judgmental moms; your post was judgy, but every mom who reacted with indignation has also judged another mom. “He who is without sin, let him say the first stone.”
I belong in the camp of no regrets. We may agree or disagree, but either way I will do what I think is best for my kids and so will you. Neither of us should feel guilty if we are doing our best, and as long as our conscience is clear, there’s no need to get all defensive if someone disagrees with us.
Frankly, some moms just need to take a chill pill.
Cast* (not say- stupid iPhone autocorrect)! Lol
Hello Tonya,
If Dear Mom on The iPhone was directed at moms who abuse their iphones and neglect their children, not at those who doing their best to raise loved, godly children and who use their iphones for neccesary tasks or the occassional breather to maintain sanity, then that is to your credit.
The trouble is that that is never clarified in the blog post. It addresses a mom who uses an iphone in the presence of her children, period.
“If that post made you mad or feel something, GOOD. Go with that conviction. Do something about it. ”
The opposition you are receiving to this article may well come in part from moms who spend time on the internet to the neglect of their children, but not all. Many moms who are giving their family their level best received the message that to take a moments rest for themselves is unacceptable.
“as a blogger, we paint in BROAD strokes. If we had to stop and explain all sides of the situation, or visit all possible scenarios, we’d never get anything accomplished in our posts.”
I can’t accept that. As a gifted writer, you have the ability to explain the necessary sides of the situation and the necessary scenarios without compromising the message, flow, beauty, etc. of your writing.
Sincerely, Tina
Agreed! Had I stopped to address all that in the letter, it may have been better received, but I also felt like when I tried to add it in previous to publishing, the message lost its purpose in the bunny trails. I was hoping this follow up post would help to address some of the questions/issues from the first. 🙂 Thanks for taking time to comment, Tina!
The follow up post still makes it clear (at least the way I’m reading it) that not being fully present [at all times?] with your loved ones in order to take time for fun for oneself on tech is a bad thing because you are missing out on face to face time. The only thing you seem to clarify in the follow up post as an acknowledgement that sometimes being on the tech is “necessary” and you understand that but then you continue to plead with people to not be on their phones for fun when they are picking their kids up from school, at a restaurant, etc. I guess my issue with this is you seem to take the position that it’s never OK. I agree that some people over do it, for sure. And if my husband and I only go out on 1 special date a month, you bet we better stay off our phones! But if we go out to eat all the time, I’m not faulting anyone in the dinner party for spending a few minutes on their phone during the process.
Would we be so totally opposed to “distractions” if it was not tech? Is there a problem with me pulling out the newspaper for 5 minutes during Sunday brunch with my family?
I think you have some valid points for sure; areas where most of us need to improve and be careful. But – what if you had written in the positive instead? – What if you responded with another letter about the mom or the dad that is doing well, such as ‘Dear Mom in the park (playing with kids)’ or ‘Dear Mom on the floor (reading/exploring/playing with kids)’ or ‘Dear Dad on his bike (on a bike ride with kids)’ – where you then talk about all of the wonderful things some parents are doing and how valuable those moments are to their kids. Moms struggle with guilt and judging each other and themselves negatively enough as it is (Satan definitely fuels this big time); so it would be great to have more bloggers write in the positive and inspire us moms, rather than write in the negative, just discouraging us moms.
But alas, I’m sure these are the points many others have made already? It sounds like the very thing you are apologizing for in the post right? We all live and learn right? Best of luck in your blogging journey…
Great comment and food for thought. Yes, this post was meant to apologize and help people understand that I am aware of all the reasons mom could be on the phone, and very well may need the break. I am a weary mom too, and totally get it! Dear Mom was just meant to help us remember, our “Important” tasks on the phone, are not so important in the big picture, and our Smart Phones, while helpful….can also lead to a phone addiction, checking in more often than necessary!! Thanks, Breanne!
I just saw your post and the response and had to say, go you! I needed that slightly painful reminder. God gives us tough things to say, and as a pastor’s wife, not a blogger, it’s hard when your words bring on conviction.
This is fantastic!! If anyone is offended by this truth….then it must have hit a nerve!! Keep on speaking out…..keeping silent to avoid ruffling feathers is one of the biggest mistakes being made in our world today!!!!! People are allowing themselves to be controlled by their electronics and it is hurting everyone. It’s time to take back our minds and think for ourselves!!
You are great!!
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I think you are obnoxious. Did you have this person’s consent to take a picture of her? It’s awfully judgemental for someone that calls themselves a woman of faith. I think you should be lifting up other mothers instead of putting them down. You can claim this blog post was coming from a good place but it wasn’t. You seem to be a narcissist. I mean you started a blog because you think you are a super mom???? Ridiculous!
Laurie Smith
Hi Laurie, I started this blog because I wanted to be able to “talk shop” with other Momma’s. I love how you come right on in, fists swinging. That is my photo by the way, the one with the iphone, so I definitely consented to it.
You know, I never said I was a Super Mom, just said being a mom was a Super Power…..which would apply to any and all moms then, wouldn’t it?
Well, thanks for stopping by. Next time I hope it can be on better terms.
Hey there! Im Tara Eveland! I support you and have been spending my ‘social time’ (aka my babies nap time instead of editing on here defending and trying to talk some sense into some of these people) I just wanted to directly say to YOU, I am praying for you. Keep your head up, the Lord gave you that to write, as he gave me almost the same message and a few weeks ago and Ive been writing about my own experiences on my blog as well. Feel free to email me at taraeveland@gmail.com I would love to chat with you and offer you encouragement. I know you are strong but I also know that some of these comments would hurt even the strongest women.Some are downright just mean. I want to remind you of something though, when Jesus was on this earth teaching, some people hated it, they tried to silence him, people did not like to hear about their sin, but would rather be blind to it. 2 Corinthians 1:12 King James Bible
For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward.
(The translation I read myself) New American Standard Bible
For our proud confidence is this: the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and godly sincerity, not in fleshly wisdom but in the grace of God, we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially toward you.
And remember this as well:
2 Corinthians 4:4
New Living Translation
Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.
As you mentioned Satans only mission is to steal, kill and destroy. Do not let these comments get to you, do not let your joy and the good this blog post has done for so many be stolen by satan.
Prayers for you and I hope to hear from you soon. Tara Eveland
Thank you, Tara! You are a blessing and an angel!!! Thank you for coming here and taking the time to go to bat for the point of these posts. This is the 5th time its gone viral in the past few years and the mean words just keep coming.
I am so thankful when people catch the heart of the post, and accept and apply where it fits, instead of lashing back. You are amazing and I loved reading all your comments during naptime today.
I am a photographer too! 🙂 Just no studio, I shoot on our 17 acres. SO fun to meet you, thanks again! ~T 🙂
Wow, well God has really used this post then if its went viral that many times! That is crazy! Yes we do have much in common and I look forward to reading through your blog on here. Im in the process of trying to get my blogger blog transfered over here to wordpress where it seems the whole blogging world has come lol. I looked through my reading list just yesterday on blogger and hardly any of the blogs still exist there. But I dont know a thing about wordpress so I hope it isnt too hard, I do know however that every blog I like to read is on here lol so I need to be as well! 🙂
Amen, Laurie. Amen. Too many mom blogs. Do something better with your time, mom-bloggers. Shop talk is not necessary in parenting, unless all you are in life is a parent…. Do you have an identity without your children?
I dont believe anyone starts a blog because they think they are a super mom, and that little catch phrase of ‘I’m a mom whats your superpower” is used widely and alot and is meant to be funny, lighthearted and not taken as seriously as you have. A narcissist by definition displays these symptoms most commonly: Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include:[1]
Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
Envies others and believes others envy him/her
Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic
And I have not seen any of this on her blog. Although I have just found it today, sought it out to support her as a sister in Christ and one that has been writing on this very same topic on my own blog as well for the past few weeks. I saw a rebuttal to this post and a link to the post and followed to this page. I read who she is, and she is like me. Alot like me. A Christian, a wife, a mother, a photographer (I think I read that right 🙂 anyways the point is this, no matter what or how she would have worded this blog post the reason it is getting so much attention is that the truth it brings. the reality that it is touching peoples hearts. Instead of looking internally and accessing themselves and the WHOLE of the blog post (which by the way she shares she is guilty of this very same thing she talks about, I am too and I hated it I wanted to change and I believe thats why she wrote this) they have picked out the pieces that are making them feel guilty and lashing out at the writer of this blog.
BUT why? Why is the question I am wondering. Why not just read it, if you dont like it, move on. Why lash out, why call someone names that you dont even know? why so much hate towards someone that was just writing what God has placed on MANY christian bloggers hearts this past few weeks?
I can answer that for you if you’d like. I believe in what the bible says and that when we speak the truth, sinners (and we are ALL sinners, myself included) do not like to hear it, we do not like to admit we are doing wrong, or in this case spending too much time online because then we would have to take a hard look into our hearts and our parenting, and you know that just sucks sometimes. It sucks to say ‘okay I have been slacking in this area, but Im going to change”
And that is what this blog post was about. i support it and I support the writer, I pray for her and I pray the people like you and your nasty comments only give her more strength to stand behind her word that God has given her to write.
Blessings to you and your family.
No, not good for you. The last things Mom needs is more guilt. You’re contributing to a growing problem. Mom on Mom guilt. Give it a rest. The article “Dear Mom on the Iphone: You’re doing fine” says it all. I wish Mom’s would just stop blogging. It’s amazing to me that it’s even interesting to people. STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR KIDS, PEOPLE! Do you think our parents (baby-boomers) got together and talked about parenting advice? It’s idiotic. Just raise them well and that’s all that needs doing. I don’t think I need a handbook or advice from other new mom’s to get through.
Dear Blogger on the Internet: Do You Need Validation That Badly? Get a hobby.
Do not back down. I support you, God placed that on your heart to share at the same time he placed on MANY other christian womens hearts to share the same thing! It is INSANE how many posts Ive found about this in this week alone and none of us are connected. It was placed in my heart by the Lord about 2 weeks ago on my blog http://www.womenseekingthelord.blogspot.com and Ive been practicing social detox in my own home and writing about it. Courtney over at womenlivingwell.org has also been writing about it and many many others ive found all in these past few weeks! God is using us as Moms, as his writers to spread a message. And just as those sinners did not like what Jesus was saying in his messages, the people reading this message that God is sending through his present disciples is not going to be received well by everyone. BUT it is important to point out, as you have and I did and Courtney and every other christian blogger and those that are even not of the faith that have written on this; WE ALL DO THIS; HAVE DONE IT, ARE GUILTY OF IT. all of us. and those that are christians know we are ALL sinners. Therefore my personal take on it is this; those that are writting such hateful things to you, those that are calling you names, are doing just what the devil would want from your message, I believe them to be feeling guilty of not spending enough time with their kids and their EXCUSES, some may be justifiable, but they are still feeling guilty enough to believe that you are writing to THEM PERSONALLY, when someone like me, who is guilty of this as well, I read this with tears in my eyes, connecting to yet another mom that is and has and will go through the same struggles that I have and bringing an issue to light that NEEDS talked about. So if you are one that is commenting on how this is meant to make people feel ‘guilty’ or ‘not good enough’ re read the part where she states she is in the same boat. And then think about this; really think on it. Why are you so upset? I believe it to be that you KNOW you are doing this to your children but you dont care and you dont want to be called out, even though its just inside your own heart, that you are feeling convicted by this post and you KNOW you have time to give your kids, but you chose to spend it elsewhere.
Time is something we can never get back. NEVER. It is invaluable.
Please consider the things I have said and instead of writng back something nasty to me, why not just take a moment, in private, in your own heart and mind and ask yourself why you are so upset. I dont need to know the reason, Ive read all the responses, but they are all excuses. Excuses that might seem good or good enough right now, and justify in your heart that you are giving enough to your child. But are you really? Or are you just mad that it was called out and brought to light and the shoe fits? Search internally for your answers, I urge you to not bash or carry on this post but use your words wisely, only for the building up of others, and better yet, just close this window and go play with your kiddos! Be Blessed ladies!
Now THAT was from the heart. Much as your “Note from Tonya” was from the heart in “Dear Mom On The iPhone,”. The actual letter, though, still reads as self-righteous and judgmental. I do agree with you, though, regarding the reaction. If the goal of writing is to invoke feeling, as I believe it often is, then you certainly did that! Keep writing. The world needs more of you who are willing to open your heart to us.
I know you did not mean your post to come across as judgmental…but it kinda is. You’re making a judgement that it’s better to be “ALL there” versus being “distracted”. Just sayin.
I hope that you ponder these words from another writer critiquing your original post: “Maybe you see her absent-mindedly pushing her child on the swing. You see her child smiling, and you wonder if mom can see her smiling too, or if she even cares. Mom has most probably seen that smile many, many times. She very likely cares. But there is enough pressure in parenthood without having to worry about catching every single smile, seeing every single twirl, clinging to every single moment of childhood without blinking or taking a moment for ourselves. We do not need the extra pressure to be present every moment of the day, nor do we need the judgment.”
Not catching every moment is fine, both both us parents, and the child.
I agree with your overall sentiment that we spend too much time on tech but not enough time face to face. But kids DON’T need us to be present with them every waking moment that they want us to be paying attention to them! Some kids want your attention EVERY single moment and your job as a parent is to provide them the attention they NEED which is sometimes a bit less than what they DEMAND. Teaching them that the world does not revolve around them is part of your job as a parent. For example, the mom in the park might not be on an urgent call at all. It might be totally just for fun. But what if she had spent the last 5 hours spending 1:1 time with her child? Guess what, it’s perfectly OK for her child to learn that her mom’s life does NOT revolve around her child.
*please note that as a SAHM who might return to paid employment at some point, I generally post things as Anonymous such that I don’t have a visible presence online when employers Google my name. I have never posted as Anonymous on this site before 🙂
Know that Catherine Wallace quote on this page? Here is another quote from her from the very same article:
“This is an especially important rule for at-home parents and for those of us who work out of our homes.If you are endlessly accessible, you will go crazy in no time. Look at it this way: if you cannot say “no” without terrible guilt, they will never learn to say “no” themselves. You are not just refusing, you are teaching about psychic boundaries.”
It’s OK to not be present every moment your child wants your attention. Even just to take a few minutes for for fun for yourself.
http://www.catherinemwallace.com/Home/essays/seven-donts-every-parent-should-do
“It’s OK to not be present every moment your child wants your attention. Even just to take a few minutes for for fun for yourself.”
Yup, totally agree. The key is to watch that those “few minutes” doesn’t turn into the entire car ride, or dinner, or play time. Planning those times in advance, like naptime, or after kids are in bed, will help you feel like a break is coming, and help you to balance your time in the meantime, knowing the break is coming.
Part of being a wife, and mother, is dying to self. Selfish needs, selfish desires, even facebook internet time…all for the great good of our families!
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Here is an interesting perspective http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5648388?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037
You’re a very horrible and judgemental person, and the worst kind of mother.
Oh, why thank you…..I am so glad you can figure out what kind of mother I am from one blog post you read and disagreed with.
By the way, I didn’t really go the park and see a mom there, but I have said that already a thousand times…..so instead I will say, have a wonderful day, thanks for stopping by!
Lol oh Laura, you horrible horrible mother you! lol stop spending so much time attending to your children and being present! how dare you! dont you know there are games to be played and treasures to be won on temple run and candycrush! geez woman! 😉 Bless you dear!
You keep resorting to this “there was no mom at the park on her iPhone” response, which is really pretty disingenuous. You went to the trouble of creating this strawman BoogieMom on her iPhone, hoping to get a reaction out of people, and then when they didn’t react in the way that you had hoped, instead of treating their responses with fairness, you fall back on saying, “Well, she wasn’t even real, so you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
More like, she isn’t really real, quit focusing on that part of this post ONLY. The point of the post is distraction, missing out on life and kids. It’s “gone viral” like 6 times now, so after a while it all just makes me shake my head. 🙂
As a new mom i find it hard to not to check my phone while my son plays in his exosaucer. Though i have dropped my phone when he sneezes coughs or even coos. He scared me when he was born since he was a premie. On occasion i will check my phone to text his grandparents or share a picture of him playing with family or friends. I work hard and don’t get much time with him nor much time to be with friends and family. I hope to balance this stage of my life better soon.
Awww, I’m sure you are doing FABULOUS! Congrats on being a new Mom, that is such a blessing! I hardly think this article was written towards a new parent doing these things you mention. Its more like the Moms we see at the store, we’ve all seen them, letting the kids run the toy aisle while they are texting away, or almost run over your own child because they are so caught up in their phone lol. Its becoming a bit ridiculous actually.
I myself used to BE this iphone mom, and when my contract was up, I was done. I have the phone, I use it to geocache and to take photos, and my hubby likes to play temple run sometimes, but honestly, I feel so much better without a phone dinging at me for every facebook response and every email.
I run my own business, so I do have to make sure I schedule in time each day to check my email, but I do this and then check my Facebook for business messages, and yes I still get distracted. BUT, after evaluating myself, reading THIS article, and really praying about it, I found that I was NOT present for my children for a good year of their life! I was so focused on running a successful business that I had hired a nanny to come in and babysit them so I could ‘work’ during the day, which most days amounted to nothing more than hours on Facebook sadly because I had no real ‘schedule’ at the time.
Anyways, my point is that you know in your heart as a mother if you are not a present one. If you are always saying ‘Just a minute’ Or ‘go play’ and you are consistently putting others in front of your kids through text messages, games, or other idle crap that has no meaning honestly or could wait until later, then you know this in your heart, and THAT is the reason this article has gotten SO MUCH BACKLASH, because so many mothers are doing this and they are feeling guilty. They want to defend their actions, but to who? The author did not write this to any specific person, so if someone does get upset, offended, or feels ‘targeted’ by it, then yes it is likely they need to access where their priorities are in their life and with their children.