We went to Hospice House for dinner Friday to be together as a family. Out of respect for Grandpa, I am not going to share images of him, just the family around him, holding his hands and just murmering their love and affirmation of a life well lived.
It’s so hard to see someone you love slowly, painfully die.
Not really here, but not gone to Paradise either.
His head tilts back as he lays in bed, his eyes open and shut, but do not see. His breathing raspy, gurgling actually. He doesn’t talk much anymore, except….except on Wednesday, when I lifted the children up, one by one to kiss his forehead and say hi in his ear, his breathing changed, excited breaths followed by an exhaled HIIIIIII. Oh so faint, so soft we almost missed it. Again tonight, he said it to us except we were blessed to hear his whispered voice three times Hi, Hi, Hi….
{Instant tears}
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
—2 Corinthians 4:16–18
A brave Papa fighting cancer, an oh so special Great Grandpa in Hospice, an adopted, and well loved “Gramma” Esther in another state, also in hospice waiting for Jesus to take her home, dying of the same cancer our Papa is fighting so hard against….so many loved ones on their way to Jesus. And it’s my job to comfort my little ones, and answer their questions with accuracy and honesty. In simple, but real terms to bring comfort in the truth of death.
But isn’t it funny, how sometimes THEY bring comfort to us, with their innocent understanding of life, death and a new life in Heaven.
Avery is so excited for Grandpa to have new “bendy legs”. His old childhood injury, a smashed ankle turned rod in the leg, has given him a lifetime of pain. She knew new legs would be a special part of his Heavenly body. Paxton was most excited that he’d “Wun wiff Jesus!” {run with Jesus} The older two, quietly taking it all in, their thoughts kept quiet as they prepare to say good-bye to a Grandpa who was a big part of their lives and weekly routine.
But we know, good bye is never really good bye, not when you have the hope of Jesus. Good-bye is really just “So long for now”…..
And so we wait, life feeling like its holding it’s breath, anticipating yet dreading the day we get “the call” that he has gone. Until then, we ask Jesus to ease his pain and take him home soon.
Because this Earth is NOT our home.
*I wrote this post not knowing that the day I wrote it, Friday, April 26th at 10:45pm, my sweet Grandpa would get to see his Jesus in Glory. My mom and my Grandma each held a hand as he went.
So long for now, Grandpa.
So long for now…….
No more sorrow, no more pain.
I sure do love you.
~T
I also want to add, that this morning {Saturday} soon after 7, our beloved Gramma Esther went to see Jesus too. She had been talking of a “reunion” she was planning all week! Praise God her time of suffering is over, and she is in Paradise with my Grandpa and many others who have gone before them. What a REUNION!
4 little Fergusons 