Train Up A Child…..

  The Bible says, If we train up our children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it when they are older.
{Proverbs 22:6}

4 little Fergusons

  So, what does this look like?  “Train up a child”

  Well, I think it means I am Intentional in my parenting.  That I am always on the look out for those teachable moments. That I do my part to teach my children the value of hard work, daily duties and prayerful hearts.  That I am to speak and pray those blessings over my children just as the Fathers in the Bible spoke blessings over theirs, blessings that came to fruitition.

   One area I have been struggling with lately, is praying for their future spouse.  I have diligently been doing this since each child is born, diligently like EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Purity is a big, big deal to me, something I held dear to my heart in my growing up years.  Something I knew I wanted for my children.  Something I wish Dale would’ve chosen differently on.  We represent both sides, saving and not saving.  Our kids will have the opportunity to hear of the long term heartache that comes from sex outside of marriage.

  My prayers of 9 years have been this:

  First, for my child to be a Godly man or Proverbs 31 wife, then for them to save themselves for marriage, by hanging on to their purity for the treasure it is.  To save all the pieces of their heart for their ONE true love.  To allow the Lord to bring them that person when the time is right, when they are both ready.  To choose to court instead of date.  To allow the Lord to script them a beautiful love story.

bride to be

  In the past 2 years of Surviving Infidelity, I have learned purity will not save my children from heartache.  It won’t. It’s not a guarantee.  The reward doesn’t necessarily look like I thought it would.  And as I learn more and more about the hold porn has on our men, and our teen and preteen boys, I have lost heart.  So instead of praying about it, I was mourning the odds of my children finding pure spouses.  If 1 out of 3 teens look and 4 out of 5 men in your church pew look, then its a lost cause.  Right?

  Then the Lord reminded me of John 14:14 “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”

  This doesn’t mean He is a genie in a bottle, grant me my 3 wishes!  It means that when I pray something I KNOW He backs with scripture, that I need to believe it will happen, and it will.

  “I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.”
Mark 11:23

  I am asking the Lord to, somewhere out in the world, raise up a little boy, or a little girl, ready to marry my children.  Being raised in a home that speaks blessings, and prays diligently for their children’s purity, for my children as their children’s future spouses.  A family that is aware of satan lurking on the internet, billboards and scantly clad women/men on tv.  I am asking they be raised in a family that is real about this trap of porn, that talks regularly about the importance of pure eyes in the world we live in today.

  Tylan is in Kindergarten.  He just turned 6, do you know that he prays for his wife already?  Did you know that he asks me what he should do if his friends show him pictures that are bad?  You may think that is too young, but I am glad.  It will be hard wired in him to look away, leave the room, call me for a ride.  It doesn’t mean he won’t fall or fail at times, but it means that even from a young age, those thoughts of purity are taking root.

Did you know, that Avery asks me if that Barbie’s outfit is “inapwopiate” in the store toy aisle because she is wearing a skimpy mini skirt and tummy showing halter top?  Instead of telling her not to worry about it, we talk about modesty, and covering tummies and breasts. Saving our bodies for our husband. I don’t think she is too young to know the truth about this.

  Parents, your children are listening to you, your prayers at bedtime need to MEAN something.  Not just thank you for this day, please help Johnny to have good dreams and no bad dreams. Amen.  

  No, think of it as seed planting, carefully tended each night, until you will watch it sprout and grow. Someday, your child will parrot those same prayers for themselves, then walk it out in their lives.

  Do not lose heart, for I have overcome the world.  {from John 16:33}

Praise you Jesus,


Need help knowing how to pray over your kids? 

I suggest this book:  While They Are Sleeping: 12 Character Traits to Pray for the Children You Love

    I have used this for almost 10 years and my copy is falling to pieces, but it covers areas from purity to leadership, kindness to humility, courage & contentment.  Each topic includes several days worth of prayers to read out loud and 2 verses to back it.   You could read it with your spouse as part of your devotions, or include it in your child’s bedtime routine, so they hear you pray over them, these qualities.




19 thoughts on “Train Up A Child…..

  1. What a beautifully written blog!! I love how prayer is so important to you and your family! I have had the wonderful privilege of being included in those special bedtime prayers. I love how you are teaching my sweet grands, at an early age, to guard their own hearts, eyes and body through prayer and trusting the Lord for His guidance, strength and protection over them!! It is our role as grandparents as well, to cover our children and grand children in prayer..

  2. Oh dear girl, It amazes me how the LORD knows our hearts and puts in our paths what we need to hear at that time in our lives! This is something that I has been on my heart! Our pastor has been doing and AMAZING job talking about how we have to be bold for the LORD! I feel that for me my ministry is here in my home, raising my children up to walk in faith with the LORD. So often you are told that you need to be out witnessing to people (That is SO good. I am not say it is not. ) but, I feel that if we are not teaching our children the right ways to go that going out to witness is all for the birds!
    Thank you for confirming to me that I am not alone in thinking that we are the only ones in the world who want our children to marry a godly spouse.
    Believe me, I KNOW what it was like to think that keeping myself pure for my husband was just amazing!( And that is! Again not saying it is bad. It is SOOO good) But, we live in a sin filled world and life is NOT always like it is written in the books! So, learned that the hard way.:( But, I am willing to make a BIG effort in my kinds life to answer those hard questions and tell them what they NEED to hear not just smooth it over with the answers that are easier for us to say out loud!

    Thank you! Going to pray for me kids right now! Thank you for the reminder that it is ALL worth it!!!!
    ❤ and {{HUGS}} to you my sweet friend!

  3. I ADORE how you parent with purpose. How blessed I am to know a young mama with the values you purposely teach your children. I’m wiping the tears of blessing from my eyes. Keep on keeping on. You are doing great… we are limited to what we can do as parents, but how awesome we have a Wonderful Lord Who has NO limits. His Word is true, and we can trust Him to do as He says He will. Hugs & Kisses to each of your precious babes…and to you too Mama T. XO

  4. Hey Tonya,
    I appreciate how you specify that you pray for your kids to keep their heart in one piece. I did not save myself. I chose to give myself away as a teen, and I fell in and out of love as a young adult. Even though I knew the right things I should do, because I was raised in the church, and my parents were open and honest with me. Yet, I still chose to give myself away, while my husband waited for me. I am his only.
    We can pray and hope, but maybe God saved my hubby for me to teach me a lesson I needed to learn about redemption and to understand what His sacrifice is really about. To show me in a human form what sacrificial love looks like. Maybe God gave me to my hubby to help him learn humility, to soften his heart and help him be less judgmental and condemning {because he can watch God redeem me}.
    I also pray for my kids to be pure and in turn find spouses who are Godly and have a commitment to church and service, but I do not worry or fret about whether their future spouse is a sinner, because I already know they are. I just pray that they have a heart that is teachable and a passionate love for God, regardless of their sin. Great post!

  5. I bought the book and I’m not really one to make spontaneous purchases! I’ve used The Power of a Praying Parent for many years. My husband and I also represent both sides of the purity coin. How I pray that my children choose purity!

  6. Thanks so much for your post! The last of my four kids will be married this weekend. It is so beautiful to see how God answered my prayers and led each child to a godly spouse! Now I get to start praying for my grandchildren!! Just want to encourage all parents out there to take this post seriously and PRAY for your kids and their future spouses. It will be a blessing to you in the future!

  7. I think that praying for our kids is important. But, to me, it is far more important to give them an example to follow. I think forgiving and really meaning it and letting the kids see that you are forgiving is more important. I think dressing modestly and showing your child this is how you want her to dress is much more important than trying to explain why others dress the way that they do. I believe that living your life the way that God wants you to live it is far more important than telling your child how you think God wants them to live their life. I think that God wants us to pray for our children and to pray for ourselves. And leading by example is how they will REALLY learn. They will live what they see. I think

  8. This is beautiful! Your faith in the Lord is strong and I admire you for sharing it to your kids and letting them understand. Prayers are very powerful and I admire you for teaching your kids how important it is. Let’s keep on praying for them. Thank you so much for sharing this! May God bless you!

  9. Pingback: King Solomon's Wise Parenting Advice

  10. You have lifted my spirits this early, Vancouver, BC morning! I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I was searching the Internet for bringing in a fourth child and came across your blog on surviving infidelity. Interesting how I came across your blog just now, when for months, I have searched high and low on ways to recover from infedelity. I have three, young, beautiful sons, ages 7,4 & 1. I struggle and try to be the best mom, wife, daughter and so on…that I can be. I have chosen to forgive. I make this choice everyday.

    I love reading your uplifting blogs! Praying over our children is essential! 9 months ago ” the bottom fell out of my marriage”. Like you, I was blind sided…never would’ve imagined. However, here I am? Our marriage, our children, our lives deserve the opportunity to heal and be restored. I never thought to pray for future spouses for our boys. I will now! I am having to learn, relearn and step outside of my comfort zone…in more ways than one! I share a lot of the same views as you, especially raising up the little ones in the right way!!!

    We are coming up to our 9 year anniversary in August! Last year this time, I was in a very different marriage…these are trying times. I see the light at the end of the tunnel! We have been talikng about renewing our ten year vows, for a couple years now. I appreciate reading and watching your renewal of vows. Reading your blog gives me hope, gives me strength, lets my mind rest and honestly heal. God has lead me to your blog…there are so many parallels!

    Thank you for allowing so many of us to see and read into your life! After all…if you can do this, so can I!

    Have a blessed day 🙂

    Ps I love to cook, I love to entertain! I never have had time to read a blog before…I look forward to your postings!!!

  11. You are doing things just right, Tonya. God has blessed you greatly with an understanding mind and a soft, wise heart. The world is better because of you. The best way for Satan to win is for good people to give up hope because they feel outnumbered. Remember what Elisha said, “Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.” It teaches us that no matter how outnumbered we may feel, the power of God is greater than the power of Satan. There is a lot of Godly power in a mother’s prayers for her children. And grandmothers? Shoot, they definitely have a corner on the market on prayers. I think that the prayers of my mother in-law has saved our family many times.

  12. Hi Tonya,
    Usually I do not comment on your post, although I love your blog dearly. So first thank you for sharing yourself, family, and wisdom with us. I just wanted to say you are not alone wanting your child to have someone as pure as they are and hope to remain. My church does this program called” Princess and Prince of Purity” I think you would enjoy the books that are covered during this classes. We are training our young boys and girls up to stay pure and holy in the Lord. That it is as equally important for a boy to remain pure as it is the girl. So if you like you can google “Prince of Purity” and see what comes up, or check out the link below.


  13. Thanks for the book recommendation! I’m currently reading the bible cover to cover (huge undertaking with two under 2!), but have added the book you suggested to my wish list!

  14. Pingback: “Planting” Purity |

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