What is a date on the calendar really?
All those little squares, empty and waiting for us to fill with our busy lives.
A place to jot notes.
Record and remember important events like birthdays, doctors appointments, school functions, and anniversaries, we can’t forget those…..
My calendar today has a red circle around the number 10.
Next to it, a heart with a jagged line running through it, and a year: 2011.
The day & year of Dale’s “Truth”.
Could it really only be 2 years ago today, that my world so drastically changed?
It feels like a LIFETIME has gone by.
Last year at this time, I bawled my way through the day. Raw and having just told our story to the world, after keeping it quiet for nearly 9 months.
Interesting isn’t it, that just like the timeline of a newborn baby, our story took 9 months to grow and change, to prepare itself for the big reveal on April 30th, 2012.
You know, as I sit here and look down at my calendar, it doesn’t MEAN anything. It doesn’t make my heart race, or skip a beat, no tears come to my eyes. This year July 10th, is just a date on the calendar.
The timeline of the last two years has included brokeness, sharing, fearing our truth, then owning it loudly, obeying when it would’ve been easier to hide, loving, rebuilding, crying and laughing, good days and bad days, forgiveness and bitterness.
But this date no longer owns me, and I am happy to tell you that today.
Because someone, somewhere, is laboring along the same path Dale and I did, raw and broken, barely making it at times. They needed to hear this today. I am writing to you today, broken one, to give you hope.
Hope that even 2 years later, just 2 short years after your truth, you CAN have victory, love, laughter, joy and peace by the supernatural healing of Christ Jesus our Lord.
Most counselors will tell you, that average number of years to heal from infidelity are 5-7. And that’s ok, you take all the time you need. But just hear me, that if you allow the Lord to lead every single step in this healing process, in the forgiveness that has to happen, then peace and joy return quickly. Even 2 years later, you can feel whole and happy again.
You know, maybe, just maybe, when I transfer important events to my 2014 calendar, I will skip over this one.
July 10th, 2011
Or, maybe not.
After all, it is a huge turning point in the timeline of our lives.
Not for the horror it caused, but for the good that came up out of the muck and mire. The beauty that came from deep inside those ashes. The way our love grew deeper and stronger than we EVER thought possible.
What doesn’t break you, DOES make you stronger.
July 10th, 2013 makes me proud of us, of how strongly we stand, united by tragedy turned triumph. Thankful to the Lord for comforting us and carrying us after the fall.
Thankful that today is a glorious day, full of sunshine and joy, peace and hope………
A date, is just a date.
A calendar holds no meaning to our Lord, for His timeline is vastly different than our own.
I am glad for that.
Perfectly beautiful! And how glorious that you’re able to share the HOPE of your story with others who are ‘under’ that pile of dung now. Job 23:10 – HE KNOWS THE WAY THAT I TAKE; WHEN HE HAS TRIED ME, I WILL COME FORTH AS GOLD. Hallelujah and Glory to Jesus for the way only HE can make beauty for our ashes of life. May God bless you with extra sweet blessings today as we all rejoice with you. XOXO
Amen. Been there, done that, and healed as well. God does heal those who cry out to Him. Thank you Tonya for being vulnerable with us and sharing your story.
Thanks for continuing to share your journey with us all. My date is June 23 which just marked our 2 years as well. I wish I could say our story has a “happy, Christ-centered answer…. but the would not be truth. For 2 years I have struggled to trust, while my husband continued to lie….. My health failed as a result I I was struggling to be able to function to take care of our kiddos….. Finally I had to draw a Matthew 18 line in the sand and say “enough”. We have been separated 3 months today and appear to be headed for divorce. Would so appreciate your prayers….
Prayers for you, your husband and your children
Tonya, I wish I could string beautiful words together like you do to express how much you and your story mean to me. But I can’t. I can’t find the words. I just sit here in awe, thanking God for you. Thanking God He allowed our lives to intersect, thanking Him for putting me exactly where I needed and need to be. Thank you friend for always letting God shine through you. You are appreciated more than I could ever say and more than you could ever know. love, maryann
Maryann, I could not have said it better myself! Thanks for writing it out so nicely!:)
Tonya, again…. you have written something that I needed to hear today. I know that it is the LORD who brings all of it together! He is AWSOME!:o)
I am praying for you today and everyday!
Sending my ❤ and hugs to you today!
Ditto… I’m thankful our paths crossed as well… ESPECIALLY for your God centered walk through your process… I need strong women like you in my corner… I truly THANK GOD FOR YOU. xo
God is so good and may he continue to bless your family thank you for sharing so much of your self and being such a blessing to others!
Thank you for your beautiful words. They give me hope. August 10 will be our one year mark of our truth. And just knowing today is 11 months hurt. I hope I find peace on our one year mark more than I have now. It has been a struggle. A big struggle that I think may be turning around in the last few weeks. We may be on our way to something wonderful. I hope so. I truly think this is one of the hardest things in life to face esp when your highschool sweetheart is the one who breaks your heart. But I hope by God’s grace and a lot of healing internally we can make it like you have. Thanks for your story and never quit posting the wonderful words and your struggles that got you to this wonderful point. It helps more than you will ever know.
Thank you for these glimpses into a very private part of your lives! For those of us who have gone through what you have, it helps in so many ways! Your writing is beautiful and honest.
Yes, there has been growth and deeper, stronger love in my story as well, but the bad days still come sometimes, full of sadness, bitterness and anger. Those are the days that I fight back against the devil with the truths I know about my husband and our unique (but similar to yours) story. Truths that God has revealed to me since our ‘day of truth’. Things about my husband I didn’t know, things that break my heart for him, guilt and shame he still carries, and my own truths about my contribution to the situation. Yes, I know the choice was his, but God has shown me where I was lacking as well, ways in which I wasn’t being the wife he called me to be. We have both been in the refiner’s fire, and are coming out shiny and new thanks to our Savior’s love.
So, again, thank you for sharing! Your story has given me (and many others) hope and you are shining the light of Jesus along the way!
That was beautiful written Tonya, your husband is really handsome, he is so lucky to have someone like you 🙂 Love reading your blog, you guys have 4 beautiful children too…..I agree with you on not putting it on the calendar next year tho 🙂 you have come this far and more power to you……looks like you guys are moving on and with your beautiful children, you both have done the right thing……all I can say is you are a better woman than I could be…..I could not have done what you did……continue on and have a great day, and many more happy years 🙂
Thank you so much for being so transparent in sharing your lives and struggles. Continued prayers for your family and for those that are reading this thinking, “That’s me. That’s us.” Beautiful words. Beautiful story.
I love hearing this! Yes, there is hope – always hope. No matter the circumstance – there is hope and love and light! You chose the light and the way, not the darkness. Love seeing these happy photos of you and Dale too! (hugs)
This is beautiful, we’ve talked briefly in an email, and me my husband’s story (though reversed) is still hidden, silent and waiting. I praise God that He led me to find you and your blog, as an encouragement to my heart as I wait for my husband to heal, as I wait to stop feeling like an enemy inside my mind and heart, as I wait to get to a point in the future where I can look back on my “truth day” – just twelve short weeks ago and remember without a gaping hole in my chest reminding me how my choices nearly destroyed my God ordained life… This gives me hope today. Thank you my friend.
Thanks for sharing! Our truth day 2 year aniversary is just a few days away as well… It almost passed me by! What evidence of God’s goodness and faithfulness! Rejoicing with you for what God has done and continues to do! May this be hope for those in he midst of it 🙂
Praise be to God!
Our date is April 16th, its been about 3 yrs & 3 months. God has done some amazing miracles during that time and I am so thankful. As a pp said, I do still have some hard days and its a fight. I never thought dh would have a reversal and we would be expecting #7 in just 2 wks. Truly amazing where and how God has led us.
Thank you for sharing your story and this post. It is incredibly helpful, has been for me since I found your blog many months ago.
God bless you as you bring #7 into the World! I am in awe, I would’ve LOVED to have a big family, but alas it was not to be so. 🙂 Keep lovin’ on that man of yours, carving out time for just the two of you! Hugs, T
I have been reading your words for the past two days and you just brought me to tears in your July 2013 blog when you said how much better things were 2 years later and now for someone who may find themselves in that same “laundry room” to be able to learn from your ashes to beauty experience- i felt like it was me….I was brought to my knees in July of this year with news that my husband had an inappropriate relationship. never was there anything close to this in our 20 year relationship we have five beautiful children and my perfect world as i knew itcame to an end as well. The last two months have been filled with cries out to God and many prayers with my husband. I just can’t believe how you’ve taken the words out of my mouth .i thank you for sharing your intimate journey as to comfort others. What a beautiful blessings. The day I read to your blog was the day i I was praying to hear another woman’s voice of hope. .I just needed toreach out to you To thank you from the bottom my heart ..Jill
Thank you for sharing your real journey with me. I have been through infidelity as well. I found out 3 1/2 years ago. Unfortunately my husband hasn’t taken steps to rebuild our relationship. He has grown far from God and continually tells me to stop living in the past. If it were up to him we would ignore it & pretend everthings ok. He did not tell me himself but was “found out” which I think adds to my hurt. Your blog has restored hope to my heart & helped see that the Enemy is trying to fill my head with lies!
Thank you thank you thank you! You fill me with hope, my husband is one that is working and wanting to rebuild he is one worth keeping. I know now that we will feel like you two one day, I can’t wait. I want to wrap my arms around you, you are strength and light. I will read your blog over and over this and our love for each other will pull us through. Did you have any affirmations you would repeat to yourself when you found yourself thinking about it? How did you push it away?
I would simply bind satan outloud, in the name of Jesus. Then I would do just like Philippians 4:8 says: think on what is good, noble and right. I would call Dale and tell him I was struggling, he would pray with me on the phone. Even hearing his voice gave me peace. I would turn on praise and worship music in my home, filling it with the presence of the Lord. Because where the Lord is, satan cannot be! Philippians 4:8
I am almost 18 months past D-day. I don’t see much progress, after having gone to intensive counseling (1 week) and been in counseling for a year thru our church. My husband led a double life and I am in need of a major miracle. He needs personal and financial accountability, and does not want or have it. He needs to commit to counseling (has not). I am working with our church leadership and they may have to enact church discipline. 😦 Our kids are age 7, 5 and 2. 😦
This Thursday is our 2 year mark from the truth. So grateful I found your blog and your story. Thank you for being brave enough to share it!!
My date is 02 sep 2013 , it has only been just over a month and you give me hope thank you I hope to reach full trust at some point at this time I have a hard time to believe it is a possibility
Hoping and wishing. We are only 2 weeks and 6 days after. I’ve swallowed your infidelity blog which was given to me by a friend at the perfect time as I was questioning every state of my mind. I have nodded, laughed, and cried through much of it. I just need healing. So much healing.
It’s been a month and 3 days since I found out about my husband’s year long affair with a neighbor. I have read nearly every post in this series. I’ve gleaned a lot of insight and hope from your words. My situation is so different, but the biggest difference is that we have separated and I have filed for divorce. I am still trying to decide if I want to fight. I thought we had a good marriage and a good life, but evidently he felt differently. I am so confused, hurt, humiliated, and angry. How can I make a wise decision about my future, our future, when my emotions are so chaotic? I don’t think I am strong enough for the bad days…even with the strength of God working in me. I love my husband and I know that he loves me, but I’m not sure it’s worth it. I can’t live a life of mental anguish and torment, and I don’t think God would expect or require that of me. I admire your faith, your commitment to your marriage, and your determination. I hope all is still going well for the Ferguson’s!
My husband also had a year long affair, it was debilitating…the MOST PAINFUL thing I could have EVER imagined going through! Like a HUGE devastating earthquake…however the constant torment of the aftershocks was unexpected and I often felt it was the torture after …of seeing her car, hearing a song, my mind racing…etc… Absolutely TORMENTING thoughts!!! I often thought of ending it all because the pain was soooooo soooo deep!
So I want you to know I GET IT! You are not alone!
One thing I clearly heard was “leaving was not the option”…. My husband was deeply deeply remorseful and devastated at the darkness he was living in! He couldn’t believe the devastation in the aftermath…the many many many layers it devastated! You truly don’t understand contentment until it’s GONE!
Again, I just COULDNT break up my family…he was devastated…I was devastated…. We chose to dive into therapy and took a class that CHANGED US…individually and rebuilt our marriage!
Affairs aren’t made up of 2 healthy people… It’s made up of 2 broken people….
I listened to ONLY Christian music…it gave me hope and soften the raging psycho I turned into….. 😜
I just want you to know, It’s 3 years since my world fell apart and I often CANT BELIEVE how I hardly think of it anymore…. Even when I do…. The rage associated with it is gone! I’m THANKFUL SOOOO THANKFUL I didn’t walk away! He is such a different man…. I must say ..I NEVER COULD HAVE STAYED if he hadn’t been CONSISTENTLY remorseful and willing to deal with his mess….. That made me feel safe again….
Anyway…. Divorce Isn’t always the answer! Maybe it is for you…. But for me I’m soo soo soo thankful We walked through it and MADE IT! I’m a stronger MORE CONFIDENT woman ….
Hang in there sweet sweet girl!!!! I PROMISE YOU although it won’t ever “go away”……it fades so you almost can’t see it anymore! I NEVER EVER would have thought that were possible!!!! But it is, if you both want it!
Xxxxxx, Someone that gets every ounce of what your walking through! You aren’t alone! You are TREASURED AND LOVED!
It’s been almost 4 years since I the ‘terrible awful’ (a direct quote from a movie). It was Labor Day weekend so I don’t always remember the exact date, but the holiday. We’ve not been to counseling collectively (he’s very remorseful but proud – the Lord is doing a work there). I’ve sought counseling through my church which has been a lifesaver. Thank you for the constant encouragement in your posts. I can see God working a work in me and us as I continually pray and seek the Lord’s will in this union.