Sex Before Marriage {Part 1}: Everyone is Doing it, RIGHT!?

 Sex God's Way

  We live in a “IF if feels good, DO IT” world.  And with that, has come a shift of self-seeking, self-pleasing, self-honoring living.

  Believers are losing their way, because life is more focused on pleasing self, than God.

  The Bible is so so clear on the issue of sex and the beautiful gift it is, yet, so many God-fearing, Christian couples skip over that part of The Word.  Living together, sleeping together;  all before marriage…..

  “It’s just a piece of paper that makes sex legal,” the World tells us, “you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first, would you?”

  “You are going to get married anyways……” the devil whispers in the ears of engaged couples trying to wait but failing time and time again.

  But God says in John 14:23 “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching…..”

  Simply put, your obedience to God is a demonstration of your love for Him.

  Easy enough, right? 

  I know you and your boyfriend or girlfriend love each other, but God wants you to put your love for Him FIRST, before your future spouse!  This is a HUGE part of your life to come, and the very foundation your entire marriage and life together is built on.

  When you disobey the order that the Lord has laid out for you, you actually rob yourself of the blessings to come.  Not only that, anytime you disobey God’s directions there are always consequences to pay.

  I Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

  I will never forget my 8th Birthday. I had been playing Super Spy Girl and had found all 3 of my birthday gifts before my party.  I thought I was so cool!  I would often sneak into the closet to peek at them one more time in the weeks before my birthday. 

  Guess who was totally bummed on her big day?

Yup, me.

  I thought it would be awesome to know what I was getting for my birthday ahead of time, but I was sadly disappointed.  Sneaking a peek at my gifts had robbed me of the joy of experiencing them for the first time as I pulled off the wrapping.

    The Bible also states…….

I Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

  For this very reason, we are already encouraging our children to Court instead of Date, and to save their kisses for engagement, or the altar.  We also will be encouraging our children to have a short engagement to help control that desire until their wedding night.

  What if your fiance says you are NUTS? What if they tell you that they have needs, and they sure as heck aren’t going to start waiting for sex now!

  If your fiance does not receive what you are saying about sex before marriage, ignoring God’s commands in the process, then you may want to seriously reconsider your decision to get married. Not having the same passion towards pleasing God and obeying the Bible, will only get worse in the future, and will lead to a difficult, unequally yoked marriage.

  Let’s stop tip-toeing around the HUGE issue of these dating couples worshiping together in church, praising a God who they are BLATANTLY dishonoring in their sex-before-marriage life style.  And while we are at it, let’s stop being afraid to talk about sex inside of Marriage, where God created it to be enjoyed.    

    Let’s tell the World the truth – that Sex God’s way is far better than anything the they have experienced.

  It’s never too late for second chances, or becoming Born Again Virgins.  Christ’s death on the cross covered ALL our transgressions, including anything you have done sexually.  We ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  Let’s help each other see the truth and instructions to walk in freedom, outlined in God’s Word.   

for·ni·ca·tion (fôrn-kshn)  
NOUN:Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.

1 Corinthians 6:9-20  “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

  “Sexual baggage doesn’t unpack itself, it simply slips into the bed beside you and makes connecting with your spouse in spirit and truth, that much harder to do.”  Joy from Simply Bloom

  Commit your relationship to the Father, deal with past sexual partners by praying in the name of Jesus and breaking those ties.  Do this out loud, together before marriage.

   The tears and forgiveness that follow will be a new kind of intimacy, and in the long run, keep your future marriage from being tainted from the connections to those other partners.  {more on this later in the week}

  Bountiful blessings flow when you do things God’s way, instead of the Worlds way…….

Now head on over to Post 2 and learn about the Chemical Side of Sex!

~T

More info on this subject here:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/what-does-the-bible-say-about-sex-before-marriage-510492.html

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27 thoughts on “Sex Before Marriage {Part 1}: Everyone is Doing it, RIGHT!?

  1. Pingback: Sex Before Marriage {Part 2}: The Chemical Side |

  2. As I’ve studied this topic in Scripture, I was surprised to see that there is actually no verse that comes right out and says “sex before marriage is a sin.” What I did find was that EVERY example of sex that was God-approved happened within a marriage relationship. Which tells me that is God’s prescription for holy sex. And saving yourself for ONE partner — your spouse — is part of keeping the marriage bed pure (Heb. 13:4). One thing I am so thankful for in having waited until my wedding night to have sex (and having a husband who did the same) is that I am the BEST thing my husband has ever had and vice versus. There’s no person, no experience to compare each other to! How freeing that knowledge has been for us as we have gotten to know each other in the bedroom, discovering each other’s likes and dislikes. It breaks my heart that so many people, including Christians, have given up that beautiful gift for a few moments of stolen pleasure. Sex IS a good thing, but it is BEST when we follow God’s prescription and save it for marriage.

    • I am glad you touched on this, Angie! I know someone, somewhere today would’ve asked the question, does Scripture actually say no sex? I have since included a verse on fornication. But you are right on, there are so many truths pointing to the marriage bed!
      As a wife of someone who didn’t wait but so wished he had, I can tell you we experienced heart ache early on in our marriage, {even though we dealt with this all before marriage} due to satan putting fear of being compared into my heart during love making.

  3. This sounds like a recipe for disaster: “For this very reason, we are already encouraging our children to Court instead of Date, and to save their kisses for engagement, or the altar. We also will be encouraging our children to have a short engagement to help control that desire until their wedding night.”

    What if this encourages your children to marry the wrong person, just so that they can have sex? Lust can feel like love, and waiting is hard. So you might be encouraging your children to get married too young, and too soon.

    • Good question! We are praying this situation up even now! We also tell our children, that the person they bring home to hang out as friends with the intent of someday maybe more, will have to be approved by both sets of parents. We want to help in the choosing process, with the Lord guiding our steps, so this can be a match, literally made in Heaven. 🙂
      We also think, that by controlling the kissing and touching part of their relationship, the desires to do more, may not even be fully awakened until Marriage. Make sense?
      As a Mom that is passionate about this topic, I have to trust that the Lord will guide us in this process as we go through it.

      • Tonya, I sooo agree with what you’re doing, because that’s what my parents did for me/are doing with my siblings! And I am grateful they did! =) Not only did my husband (and my sister’s husband) court us with the serious intent of marriage (so no dating! ;)… but we also saved our first kisses (and thus everything else too! =) for our wedding day!!! It was sooo hard not to before marriage but I know it helped us stay pure, which was one of our greatest heart’s desires going in to marriage! And I truly believe that made our honeymoon absolutely the BEST!!! Plus, I felt SO FREE knowing we had done our best to please the Lord and could go into marriage with no guilt. =)

    • I absolutely agree Marge and unfortunately know quite a few couples who did this and are now dealing with infidelity years down the track.

      • I’d honestly love to know what you think the other option leads to? To me dating is like practicing divorce. Or, if you were referring to not saving physical contact until marriage, then we are talking about STD’s, broken hearts, pregnancy and hurried marriages that follow to “make it right”.
        If you look at statistics, girls that are sexually active are more prone to depression due to the unhealthy fulfillment they seek from sex, but never find.
        I guess I just can’t fathom how two precious young people saving every part of themselves for each other, seeking God and honoring Him with their lives, hearts and bodies, could ever be a recipe for disaster?

      • I can only speak from my own experiences, but for what it’s worth…
        My husband and I shared our first kiss AFTER he proposed to me and I had the ring on my finger. This was something that I had prayed for after a previous relationship had gone bad and the physical aspect of the relationship had left me confused about how I really felt. I recognized how much kissing, etc. makes a person confuse physical feelings…longings, lust, whatever you want to call it… with the deeper commitment type of love emotions. (Having saved sex for my wedding night, I can only imagine how much bringing THAT into a dating relationship would mess with a person’s heart and mind!) What I have learned through my relationship with my husband, and what I want to instill in my kids as they begin to think about finding a lifelong mate, is that the choice to marry someone cannot be based solely on feelings of ANY kind, be they emotional or physical. As they approach “dating age,” we will begin praying for their future spouse together, and we will pray for God’s timing and revelation. Courtship instead of dating can be a beautiful thing and CAN result in lifelong commitment because it focuses on finding a mate rather than a fun evening out. No marriage is beyond the reaches of our Enemy, and of course they are just as susceptible to the temptation to stray as any other. But a marriage based on mutual respect and commitment and centered around God has a much stronger foundation and can weather many more storms than one based only on emotions.

    • I just want to add a small tid-bit about marrying the “wrong” or “right” person. If both parties are under the same idea that this relationship (courting or dating) is headed in the marriage direction than the question of this being the “right” person should be mute at that point…or close to. The idea of the “right” person or your “soul mate” is very worldly–meaning, if you’re entering into a relationship with someone they usually have a fairly good idea who that person is already and they are making a commitment that they are connected to just that one person, they are unavailable to anyone else. The courting is the last step before the engagement. The courting and friendship before should answer most questions the party has before enter any type of engagement. And if and when they do get married then that IS the “right” person. Once the marriage is sealed then that is your spouse for life or is suppose to be. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Mark 10:9. I had a very worldly view on dating/courting even as a Christian. But then I met my husband and we dated for four months– definitely enough time to get to know someone deeper. Then we were engaged for four months! He IS my right person because we work together to make one another the right person. It’s about following God’s design in marriage that will keep you happy not what the other person has to offer you. You will be disappointed if you enter marriage under that type of assumption. It is a very serious topic, picking a spouse, but God is in control and nothing is unseen to Him (=

  4. Maybe you will touch on this in upcoming posts; but if not, I’d love your opinion. What advice do you have for parents to who did not save sex for marriage but still want to teach purity to their children in a non hypocritical fashion. My husband and I were not firm in our faith when we started dating, in fact we are fairly new born again Christians, and we want to teach purity and the concept of courting to our children. (A post on courting vs. dating-with differences outlined, would be super helpful too!) My husband and I started dating when we 15 (freshmen in high school-our parents allowed us to only go on group dates at that time), we waited 6 months for our first kiss (on the cheek 😉 and waited another 5 years after that until we were engaged and in college and had had many discussions about pros and cons to have sex. We had a three year engagement and got married right after we graduated from college. I love your idea of encouraging your children to have a short engagement! For us at the time getting married earlier didn’t seem like an option. My husband and I choose to go to two separate colleges 4 hours away from each other, both for our area of study and to impart some space from each other to make sure that we really were right for each other. Having grown up in the same small town and having families who were friends and practically seeing each other every day we wanted to make sure that we were willing to commit to each other forever and that we weren’t just with each other because it was comfortable and it was all we knew. For us at the time it seemed like the right choice. My husband and I are both rule followers per say, we tried to make good decisions, respect others, we didn’t underage drink, never partied hard, but we did have sex before marriage. I feel a bit ashamed to admit this, but though there is a little bit of guilt felt for not saving ourselves, I’m not really regretful, If we could go back and live that situation over, I’m not sure we would have made the choice to wait. I do think had a shorter engagement and purity been encouraged by our parents we may have made different choices. We originally had intended to save sex for marriage, but 8 years just seemed so long. We are happy to be each others only sexual partners, but we are a bit troubled about how we will teach our children the importance of purity. We want to be honest with our children about our history and our oldest daughter arrived 6 months after our wedding, so there really is no hiding it anyways. How does one stress the importance of something as big as this, when they didn’t make the right choice? (Sorry for the ramble and thanks so much for this series!)

    • I think like with all things, we have to face these situations with openness and honesty. Our children know that although Mommy saved herself for marriage, Daddy did not. They understand that Daddy regrets that decision because it hurt Mommy’s heart and God’s heart.
      I don’t know the ages of your children, but I would start preaching purity now. Talk about how special it is to give your spouse the gift of your pure clean heart and body, and reiterate what God says in His Word.
      Later, when they are older like after the Birds & Bees talk, you can add to this: “Your Dad and I didn’t wait for marriage, because we didn’t know Jesus back then. We were in the World and didn’t know better. Now, we know what God says about this and we wish we had waited. We want you to do things right, to do things God’s way, and He says to save all your touches for after you are married so you can really enjoy your wife/husband.”
      This is purely my opinion on how to handle this, but I hope it can help you! 🙂 I love your courage, thank you so much for sharing!

      • Love it, you seem to have such a natural way with words and bringing them down to a level that children will understand! Thank you so much! My littles are 2 and 3 and we have been praying for purity over them at bedtime, but being more specific like you’ve suggested is great!

      • Good for you! Your prayers will go farther than could imagine, just wait until you hear them start to repeat your purity prayer phrases in their own prayer time….AMAZING! Also, don’t forget to use teachable moments during books and movies, like kissing scenes with the prince is a great time to plug waiting for your own prince or princess! Or we always say, “ACK! Look away, look away! {this produces lots of giggles} Followed by, “No kissing until God shows you who you are going to marry, right?!”

  5. Go gettum Girl! This type of ‘talk’ is needed drastically in today’s world. Thanks for being courageous enough to address it. I’m sure this post is gonna go far in reaching others who struggle. God bless your ministry. XO

  6. Pingback: Being Intentional In The Bedroom: The 72 Hour Challenge |

  7. What is your definition of courting vs dating? I ask b/c most christians I meet and mention courting struggle with a spirit of religion. I agree with your ideas on waiting, but encourage your children to wait b/c they want to not b/c they have to. 🙂

    • We are encouraging our children (age 3-10) to save their hugs and kisses and pray for their future spouse. By starting this young, we are hoping they see a bigger picture of God’s plan for their lives.
      We are telling them that by just being friends and waiting to court instead of date, that they are in essence, handing HIM the pen to their love life and trusting Him to do the rest. We feel like dating is practicing the cultures idea of give your heart away, and when things get rough, take it back…..just like divorce. Courtship is defined in our home as dating with the intent of Marriage, as Dale and I did. {our courtship and love story is on here if you are interested} 🙂
      We will be able to talk about this more in-depth as each child gets to dating age, but our hearts desire would be for them to bring that boy or girl they like, home to hang out with the family, or only in group settings with school friends. No touching, no kissing, just being together and allowing the Lord to lead as He sees fit. We also tell them that we will be praying right along with them, that we all know when “The One” comes along, and all parents can be in agreement about moving forward when a friendship begs to be more.

      • PS I hate the Spirit of religion, it is one of the reasons we left the Mennonite church! Thank you for your question and allowing me to share my heart about the why’s of it! 🙂

      • Thank you for your quick response and I loved your answer. I’ll check out your love story with your husband and thank you for this blog, I can say that it’s really blessed me.

  8. Pingback: No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom |

  9. Love how you’re so brave and just write the truth, graciously, but firmly! =) Can’t wait to catch up on the series and also share! Thanks for being bold and faithful!

  10. Pingback: That 3 Letter Word….. | 4 little Fergusons

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