Welcome back! We are continuing our Series on Sex, God’s Way with a guest post today from a friend of mine! Just tuning in? Then get caught up on the 4 previous sex posts, here.
A Guest Post by Angela Clark Logan
Hello! My name is Angela Clark Logan. I am a mother of four amazing kiddos and wife of one incredible man. I grew up in a little town in the mid-west where I learned to love small-town values and dreamed some big-city dreams. I attended Ozark Christian College and earned a degree in Biblical Literature and Music Ministry. While at OCC I met my husband, Scott, and for eight years served next to him in local ministry. Now he teaches junior high and high school music, and we continue to minister through our local church and the Men’s and Women’s Encounter ministries.
It was through Women’s Encounter that I had the opportunity to meet Tonya and hear her incredible story. We have a common passion for helping women succeed in their marriages, and I was thrilled when she asked me to partner with her in this series. I pray that through these posts, Tonya and I will equip you with the tools you need to not just survive in your marriage, but THRIVE. Read more of what God has been teaching me at My Heart Ministry.
It’s the best coping mechanism ever invented by man. Especially the dark kind. I know some of you may disagree, but for me, there are days when I just need a little chocolate to get me through. Just one little bite, and as it melts in my mouth the frustrations and stress that are bombarding me just melt away with it.
Ah, yes…chocolate is a glorious thing. Even my husband has learned the value of chocolate. As I sent him to the grocery store one evening, he asked if there was anything else he could pick up. I looked at him and sighed, “sanity.” When he returned he set in front of me a bag of Ghirardelli chocolates. Sanity in a bag. And he didn’t even make me share.
It is said that chocolate is the next best thing to sex. In fact, I think many women would confess that they would rather have chocolate than sex. I would bet, though, that their husbands would rather go the rest of their life without so much as a nibble of chocolate if it meant they got to have sex on a regular basis. Did you know that men are actually created to need a sexual release about every three days? My friend and author Cindy Dagnan writes, “Sex is as necessary as breathing for most men… because of the periodic buildup of seminal fluid, they actually need it.” Stephen Arterburn adds in his book Every Man’s Battle that “For most men, this buildup…takes only about seventy-two hours.” We cannot deny that our husbands are sexual people; it is indelibly woven into who they are. And yet we girls continue to justify our reluctance to have sex with our husbands.
I’m going to be very blunt for a minute: all too often, our reluctance really just boils down to us being selfish. Oh, we have our reasons, but when it comes right down to it, we aren’t having sex with our husbands because we just don’t want to.
Look at it this way: If you had decided to start eating really healthy, how would you feel if your husband sat down next to you with a big plate of whatever your favorite treat is, be it cookies or pizza or buttery popcorn? It’s right there where you can see it, smell it…almost taste it. But you can’t have it. Would you feel loved by your husband? I think most of us would want to smash his face in it! But do you realize that this is what we’re doing to our husband every night when we climb in next to him with no intention of making love to him? We snuggle up next to him (just to sleep, of course!) wearing nothing but a thin little nightgown. He can feel you beside him, he can hear you breathe, smell your scent. But he can’t have you. Ouch. Changes the perspective a little, doesn’t it?
So what’s a girl to do? Start by being intentional in how your love your man. View sex as a way of meeting a legitimate need, as something very special that he desires FROM YOU, and as a way that you can bless him and show him that you love him unconditionally and without reserve. One way that you can be very intentional is by being the one to initiate.
I know that initiating sex can be an intimidating thing for us wives. It requires us to be vulnerable and to step completely out of our comfort zone. But it is so worth it; you will be amazed at your husband’s response! He will be thrilled that you love him enough to initiate! It will take a little practice, but with FREQUENT practice it will get easier. You can get really creative and romantic with it, but it can also be as simple as having a special candle to light, a “signal” of sorts to let your husband know that it’s his “lucky” night. Maybe you can leave a card on his pillow that says, “Tonight I’m Yours.” Find something that works for you and then do it!
Sex within marriage is a beautiful thing. Even if you don’t feel that emotional, romantic kind of love, sex can be an expression of your commitment to your husband. (And it might even help you develop those lovey feelings!)
Here’s my challenge:
Think back on what I said about men needing a sexual release every three days, and then commit to making love with your husband at least every seventy-two hours. And by this I do not mean to simply make yourself available to your husband. You must actively engage in sex with him not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
And yes, you’ll need to initiate, especially if he’s so used to being turned down that he doesn’t even ask anymore.
Decide today that you will actively and intentionally meet your husband’s need for sex, leaving no more than three days in between encounters. You may find your marriage renewed, your husband energized, and yourself needing a little less chocolate.
A GREAT BIG Thank you to Angie, for being here today to share her heart and passion with us. She will be back next week, so be sure to tune in Monday for the continuation of our Sex God’s Way Series! She has lots more to say on her blog, My Heart! ~T