No More Excuses {Part 2}: 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

This is post 2 for today, be sure to head back and check out  No More Excuses{Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom!

23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat in Your Marriage

{From various sources including Joy from Simply Bloom and Fulfilling Your Vows}

1)  Check Your Price-Tag: Get your identity and value straight!  Ask your doting Heavenly Father to remind you of your value.  When you really grasp how much He loves you, and the price He paid to spend eternity with you, it’s hard to stop that radiance and confidence from overflowing into every area of your life.

2) Invest in Yourself:  Set some goals, put more thought into your daily wardrobe, get out and walk more, eat more healthily, spend more time in the word allowing God to transform your heart.  The better you feel about yourself, the more apt you are to confidently offer yourself as a gift to your husband.

3) Throw Away Your Beige Undies: Ok, ok, you are allowed to keep ONE pair for those white pants you wear to church, but the rest GO.  Head to JcPenny’s and do some shopping. They have some super cute, non-ride up your butt, undies in various colors and prints, and offer some with lace, some without.  They are comfy and cute!  Get a variety and rock the better, sexier, you all day long. It’s amazing what a pair of cute undies can do for your Mommy Morale.

4) Flirt With Your Man: If the brain is the largest sex organ, and we’re slow cookers, it helps to start thinking about gettin’ cozy with your hubby early on during the day.  Plan a little.  Send him a sexy text or hide a love note in his car.  Get creative.  And prepare your heart to bless your man when the opportunity arises.

5) Have A Date Night:  I love that my kids are watching me date their daddy…it models our priorities and expresses the delight we find in our relationship.  If finances are tight, or you can’t find a sitter have date night at home.  We do this on Friday’s and I look forward to it ALL week! Snacks and a movie, game night by the fire, or just light some candles and crawl to bed early.  Dating at home is FUN!

4) Invest In Your Friendship:  Make a point of smiling at your husband.  And laugh!  It’s astounding to me how quickly we stop smiling and laughing with our ‘forever boyfriends’ once the routine of everyday life sets in.  Laughter truly is a powerful medicine and it has a mysterious way of knitting your hearts together.

5) Guard Your Sanctuary.  Turn off the TV in your bedroom, in fact, I recommend getting it out of their entirely!  We did that about year 4 of our marriage, and haven’t ever regretted it!  Remove the clutter, dust off the candles or add some Christmas lights to your 4 poster bed, lock the door and turn your bedroom into a romantic haven for you and you the love of your life.

6) Just Do It!  Don’t let your level of interest keep you from engaging in sex with your man.  When it comes to women, desire often occurs AFTER arousal.  And remember, the more you do it…the more you’ll want to.  I dare you to test that theory!

7) Be Prepared:  If sex isn’t messy, you aren’t doing it right!  Stock up: mints, towels, wet wipes, lubricant and enjoy each other to the fullest.

8) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Creative!  Predictability can extinguish sensuality.  God has given us such freedom in this arena.  Just be sure to draw the line at bringing “others” into the mix, pornography and the viewing of other naked bodies creates lust in the heart, which is a sin in God’s eyes and the same as having sex with that other individual. {Matthew 5:28}

9)  Plan A Surprise Dinner, ALONE: Whether you hire a sitter and head out spur of the moment, or hubby comes home to a scantily clad you and an otherwise empty house with dinner for 2 on the table, the point is, plan it.  It’s a surprise dinner – alone, and for no reason. “Just because” keeps the fires burning.

10) Do ‘It’ First On Date Night:  It’s amazing how the dynamic shifts when we slip in a little intimacy before date night when possible.  Our emotional connection is so much sweeter, it takes the pressure off being too tired when you get home…and who knows, maybe you’ll get to blow his mind with Round #2 later?

11) Put It On The Schedule:  As odd as that may sound, it works.  We find time for things that are important to us…but when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  Make it a priority (with a smiley face on the calendar) and that way you always know you’ll connect every 72 hours when life gets hectic.  After a while, your “radar” will go off, and you won’t even have to look at the calendar to know the 3 days have passed since you have been intimate, because you will desire that connection, too.  

12) Simple Touch: Hold hands in the car, when you are walking in the store, at church.  Touch in general keeps your love alive.  Leaning over the top of the recliner for a kiss as you walk through the living room with clean laundry, brushing your body against your spouse as you slip past them in the kitchen, having a towel and a kiss ready for them when they step out of the shower….. All this cultivates non-sexual intimacy, and keeps you connected with your spouse.

13) Make Out.  Seriously, there is nothing better than making out in the kitchen during supper clean up.  It’s good for your kids to see you love each other, even if they say GROSS.  And, it keeps the passion burning and the mood in the midst of mundane chores.

14) Focus On Your Spouses Strengths & Positive Qualities:  Nothing will squelch your desire to get cozy faster than a foul, negative attitude toward your husband.  Be intentional about bringing out the gold in him…remember, you have the power to make your man great, or break him down completely!

15) Learn The Fine Art Of The Quickie:  Don’t be a high maintenance lover that needs A B & C to be completed in a certain order for “it” to happen. Grabbing those moments where the kids are all content with TV time, or hopping in the shower together, will make the rest of the day go smoothly with giggles, stolen kisses and winks across the room afterwards in the after glow of your love.

16) Greet Your Spouse With A Kiss & A Smile: Make your home the safe haven, the welcomed relief at the end of a long day.  This simple act goes farther than you think in showing your spouse you love them, missed them and so appreciate them!

17) Listen to Your Mate: With both your ears AND eyes.  Face to face time is HUGE in the name of intimacy as a couple.  Never fail to make time to chat face to face, without TV or any forms of media in your midst.

18) Say I Love You Often:  At the end of a phone call, in a text during the work day, before bed, or across the room.  Be verbal in your love for each other.  Non-verbal is great too. Dale squeezes my hand 3 times and I know it means I Love You, whether in the dark of our room or during family prayer time, we can connect quietly and secretly in our I Love You squeezes.

19) Touch While Falling Asleep: Whether you lay in his arms, or simply curl your back up against his, making that trek across the King Bed shows hubby that you desire and love him and find comfort in his touch.

20) Pray Before Intimacy: We talked about this earlier this week in the Honeymoon post, and while it seems odd, it’s incredibly powerful.  We tend to separate God from sex, which hopefully after reading all this sex series, you’ll be less inclined to do.  Rather, invite God into the midst of your passion – it was His idea, after all.  He will bless your pants off!

21) It’s Never Too Late To Learn: There are so many excellent books that both educate and encourage fabulous sex in marriage. Pick one and read it together as part of your evening devotion time.  I will post some resources tomorrow.

22) Enlist Some Help!  Pick a few married girlfriends who would be wonderful at checking in from time to time to make sure you’ve seduced your husband lately.  Have great conversations – both inspiring and convicting, but always honoring – about intimacy.  Challenge each other onto greater passion!  Vulnerable accountability is a real gift in this area.

23) Prayer Is Powerful: Ask God to increase your desire for your husband and reveal His heart on this topic to you.  Believe it or not, God wants to increase the passion in your marriage even more than you do…and He’s endlessly resourceful!

When a husband and wife cultivate an atmosphere of intimacy throughout the day, they have a higher likelihood of enjoying physical intimacy later. The physical act of intimacy is made that much sweeter when it is a culmination of your love, not merely a stand alone expression of it.

We need to fight to reclaim what God intended as a powerful, life-giving gift to husbands and wives.

It’s time to Rediscover Sex God’s way…….

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

~T

 

Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom

Just tuning in?! Get caught up on our Series on Sex, God’s Way here!

A Guest Post by Angela Clark Logan, My Heart Ministry

  In my last post, I addressed the idea of wives being more intentional in reaching out to their husbands sexually. I challenged you to be bold enough to initiate a sexual encounter with your husband at least every three days. I mentioned the fact that we have our reasons for being reluctant to do this, and today I want to address some legitimate inhibitions that we ladies have to overcome. But please understand this: they are legitimate only if we agree to strive to conquer them; they become excuses when we hide behind them and use them to avoid sexual encounters with our husbands.

  I think the most common obstacle we girls deal with is our self-image. We’re uncomfortable with our bodies. Please see the truth in this statement: Your husband doesn’t see all the faults that you see. He’s not paying attention to all your flaws, because he’s so excited to be in bed with a naked woman and he gets to have sex! Your husband LOVES you, which makes you more beautiful to him than any cosmetic surgery ever could. Your man isn’t looking to see if you have the perfect body, he is looking to see if you are a willing and eager lover.

  I know that for some of us, all the rhetoric in the world won’t help us feel more confident about our bodies, so here are some practical things that you can do to help yourself feel better:

Get in a couple of hours of exercise every week. I’m not talking about becoming a fitness addict, but I do know from experience that even a little exercise each week can improve how you feel about yourself and your body.

Take a warm shower or bath before bed. You’d be surprised at how much sexier you’ll feel when you’re clean, as well as how much the warm water does to make your body responsive to your husband’s touch.

Light a candle. Its light is less intimidating and more flattering than lamplight!

Find some sexy but flattering lingerie. Granted, you won’t wear it for long, but it will help you feel sexy!

Remind yourself that you are a beautiful creation, perfectly designed by our loving and wise Lord. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The temple. Do you know how beautiful the temple was in Old Testament times? NOTHING could compare to its beauty! And YOU were created to be just such a temple. YOU are beautiful, sister!

  Another issue I see is the expectation that sex should be this passionate, romantic experience, the kind of sexual encounter that we see in the movies and read about in our “romance” books. And we just can’t live up to that. There’s a good reason: it isn’t realistic! Sex certainly doesn’t have to be boring, but it will never truly mimic what we see on the television or movie screen, or even what our imaginations conjure up when we read those steamy romance novels. We’ve got to stop watching and reading those kinds of things! Scripture calls us to meditate on what is honorable and holy (Philippians 4:8), and these erotic, unrealistic sex scenes certainly don’t fit that bill. Once we abandon those worldly fantasies, we can focus on making our own sex life exciting in realistic and attainable ways.

Here are some other excuses we make:

“I’m too tired.” Prioritize, girls! Weed out some lesser important parts of your day so you can save enough energy for your husband!

“I can’t switch from being ‘mom’ and ‘housekeeper’ to ‘lover.’” Keep the idea of being your husband’s lover in the back of your mind all day. Send him a flirtatious text or leave him a sexy voicemail. (Just make sure it’s a private mail box!) Kiss him (more than a quick peck on the lips!) when he comes home. Most importantly, make sure you’ve got alone time together every night! Put the kids to bed or send them to have quiet time in their rooms for an hour before you go to bed, and spend that time interacting, snuggling on the couch…get that fire started before you head to the bedroom!

“I just don’t enjoy sex.” I don’t enjoy doing laundry, either, but I do it because I love my family. And so we give ourselves sexually to our husbands because we love him. Communicate to him about what feels good and what doesn’t, and I would bet that he will be willing to help you find pleasure as you willingly participate with him.

  I know that I have just scratched the surface on this topic of inhibitions in the bedroom. Very soon Tonya and I will talk together about how to bring sex back into the marriage after infidelity, as we recognize that some issues are more serious than mere “inhibitions.” Bottom line: sex is a vital part of marriage. It’s time for us to accept that fact, determine to work past our inhibitions and then throw ourselves fully into the act of loving our husbands in this very physical way.

Come on over to My Heart Ministry and read more!

~Angie

Head on over to Part 2: No More Excuses, 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage