No More Excuses {Part 2}: 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

This is post 2 for today, be sure to head back and check out  No More Excuses{Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom!

23 ways to turn up the heat

23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat in Your Marriage

{From various sources including Joy from Simply Bloom and Fulfilling Your Vows}

1)  Check Your Price-Tag: Get your identity and value straight!  Ask your doting Heavenly Father to remind you of your value.  When you really grasp how much He loves you, and the price He paid to spend eternity with you, it’s hard to stop that radiance and confidence from overflowing into every area of your life.

2) Invest in Yourself:  Set some goals, put more thought into your daily wardrobe, get out and walk more, eat more healthily, spend more time in the word allowing God to transform your heart.  The better you feel about yourself, the more apt you are to confidently offer yourself as a gift to your husband.

3) Throw Away Your Beige Undies: Ok, ok, you are allowed to keep ONE pair for those white pants you wear to church, but the rest GO.  Head to JcPenny’s and do some shopping. They have some super cute, non-ride up your butt, undies in various colors and prints, and offer some with lace, some without.  They are comfy and cute!  Get a variety and rock the better, sexier, you all day long. It’s amazing what a pair of cute undies can do for your Mommy Morale.

4) Flirt With Your Man: If the brain is the largest sex organ, and we’re slow cookers, it helps to start thinking about gettin’ cozy with your hubby early on during the day.  Plan a little.  Send him a sexy text or hide a love note in his car.  Get creative.  And prepare your heart to bless your man when the opportunity arises.

5) Have A Date Night:  I love that my kids are watching me date their daddy…it models our priorities and expresses the delight we find in our relationship.  If finances are tight, or you can’t find a sitter have date night at home.  We do this on Friday’s and I look forward to it ALL week! Snacks and a movie, game night by the fire, or just light some candles and crawl to bed early.  Dating at home is FUN!

4) Invest In Your Friendship:  Make a point of smiling at your husband.  And laugh!  It’s astounding to me how quickly we stop smiling and laughing with our ‘forever boyfriends’ once the routine of everyday life sets in.  Laughter truly is a powerful medicine and it has a mysterious way of knitting your hearts together.

5) Guard Your Sanctuary.  Turn off the TV in your bedroom, in fact, I recommend getting it out of their entirely!  We did that about year 4 of our marriage, and haven’t ever regretted it!  Remove the clutter, dust off the candles or add some Christmas lights to your 4 poster bed, lock the door and turn your bedroom into a romantic haven for you and you the love of your life.

6) Just Do It!  Don’t let your level of interest keep you from engaging in sex with your man.  When it comes to women, desire often occurs AFTER arousal.  And remember, the more you do it…the more you’ll want to.  I dare you to test that theory!

7) Be Prepared:  If sex isn’t messy, you aren’t doing it right!  Stock up: mints, towels, wet wipes, lubricant and enjoy each other to the fullest.

8) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Creative!  Predictability can extinguish sensuality.  God has given us such freedom in this arena.  Just be sure to draw the line at bringing “others” into the mix, pornography and the viewing of other naked bodies creates lust in the heart, which is a sin in God’s eyes and the same as having sex with that other individual. {Matthew 5:28}

9)  Plan A Surprise Dinner, ALONE: Whether you hire a sitter and head out spur of the moment, or hubby comes home to a scantily clad you and an otherwise empty house with dinner for 2 on the table, the point is, plan it.  It’s a surprise dinner – alone, and for no reason. “Just because” keeps the fires burning.

10) Do ‘It’ First On Date Night:  It’s amazing how the dynamic shifts when we slip in a little intimacy before date night when possible.  Our emotional connection is so much sweeter, it takes the pressure off being too tired when you get home…and who knows, maybe you’ll get to blow his mind with Round #2 later?

11) Put It On The Schedule:  As odd as that may sound, it works.  We find time for things that are important to us…but when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  Make it a priority (with a smiley face on the calendar) and that way you always know you’ll connect every 72 hours when life gets hectic.  After a while, your “radar” will go off, and you won’t even have to look at the calendar to know the 3 days have passed since you have been intimate, because you will desire that connection, too.  

12) Simple Touch: Hold hands in the car, when you are walking in the store, at church.  Touch in general keeps your love alive.  Leaning over the top of the recliner for a kiss as you walk through the living room with clean laundry, brushing your body against your spouse as you slip past them in the kitchen, having a towel and a kiss ready for them when they step out of the shower….. All this cultivates non-sexual intimacy, and keeps you connected with your spouse.

13) Make Out.  Seriously, there is nothing better than making out in the kitchen during supper clean up.  It’s good for your kids to see you love each other, even if they say GROSS.  And, it keeps the passion burning and the mood in the midst of mundane chores.

14) Focus On Your Spouses Strengths & Positive Qualities:  Nothing will squelch your desire to get cozy faster than a foul, negative attitude toward your husband.  Be intentional about bringing out the gold in him…remember, you have the power to make your man great, or break him down completely!

15) Learn The Fine Art Of The Quickie:  Don’t be a high maintenance lover that needs A B & C to be completed in a certain order for “it” to happen. Grabbing those moments where the kids are all content with TV time, or hopping in the shower together, will make the rest of the day go smoothly with giggles, stolen kisses and winks across the room afterwards in the after glow of your love.

16) Greet Your Spouse With A Kiss & A Smile: Make your home the safe haven, the welcomed relief at the end of a long day.  This simple act goes farther than you think in showing your spouse you love them, missed them and so appreciate them!

17) Listen to Your Mate: With both your ears AND eyes.  Face to face time is HUGE in the name of intimacy as a couple.  Never fail to make time to chat face to face, without TV or any forms of media in your midst.

18) Say I Love You Often:  At the end of a phone call, in a text during the work day, before bed, or across the room.  Be verbal in your love for each other.  Non-verbal is great too. Dale squeezes my hand 3 times and I know it means I Love You, whether in the dark of our room or during family prayer time, we can connect quietly and secretly in our I Love You squeezes.

19) Touch While Falling Asleep: Whether you lay in his arms, or simply curl your back up against his, making that trek across the King Bed shows hubby that you desire and love him and find comfort in his touch.

20) Pray Before Intimacy: We talked about this earlier this week in the Honeymoon post, and while it seems odd, it’s incredibly powerful.  We tend to separate God from sex, which hopefully after reading all this sex series, you’ll be less inclined to do.  Rather, invite God into the midst of your passion – it was His idea, after all.  He will bless your pants off!

21) It’s Never Too Late To Learn: There are so many excellent books that both educate and encourage fabulous sex in marriage. Pick one and read it together as part of your evening devotion time.  I will post some resources tomorrow.

22) Enlist Some Help!  Pick a few married girlfriends who would be wonderful at checking in from time to time to make sure you’ve seduced your husband lately.  Have great conversations – both inspiring and convicting, but always honoring – about intimacy.  Challenge each other onto greater passion!  Vulnerable accountability is a real gift in this area.

23) Prayer Is Powerful: Ask God to increase your desire for your husband and reveal His heart on this topic to you.  Believe it or not, God wants to increase the passion in your marriage even more than you do…and He’s endlessly resourceful!

When a husband and wife cultivate an atmosphere of intimacy throughout the day, they have a higher likelihood of enjoying physical intimacy later. The physical act of intimacy is made that much sweeter when it is a culmination of your love, not merely a stand alone expression of it.

We need to fight to reclaim what God intended as a powerful, life-giving gift to husbands and wives.

It’s time to Rediscover Sex God’s way…….

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)



Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum


14 thoughts on “No More Excuses {Part 2}: 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

  1. Pingback: No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom |

  2. What an awesome list to inspire creativity for couples! Thanks for sharing this intimate subject that needs to be addressed in today’s sex-crazed world. May God bless you for all you do to minister and educate others in His ways. XO

  3. Loving this series!! I have a question though. Surely I’m not the only woman out here in this vast world whose husband is absolutely NOT interested in any form of intimacy. Seriously, he’s Mr. No Touchy. He occasionally tolerates me holding his hand, and once in a while lets me hug him. He tells me he loves me too, about 1 time in every 30 “I love yous” from me. If I scooch closer to him in the bed at night, he moves over farther, then complains the next day that I was hogging the bed. We have not been physically intimate in well over a year. Has ANYONE else had this kind of relationship with their husband? If so, have you been able to break through that barrier? What did you do? I miss my husband………as of right now, we’re just cozy roommates. 😦

    • I am sorry! That must be so so so hurtful! Any other readers have thoughts on this?!?!?!?! I would welcome your insight and response!

      In the meantime, check out the book: The Sex Starved Wife and read this article from The Marriage Bed.

      Praying you can get to the bottom of this! Hugs, T

    • Dear friend,
      You are NOT the only woman in this world who experiences this. Tonya has given you some great resources to read in her reply.

      Have you ever been able to talk to your husband about this? It’s hard to give you advice without asking some questions first! My first thought is that often a lack of intimacy in a marriage is a symptom of something else that is going on. An open conversation between you and your husband that explores WHY he’s not interested in sex might give you some insight and can help start you on the road toward healing that part of your marriage. My one piece of advice about this: make sure you approach the subject with tenderness and compassion, and try to stay as far away from accusations as you can! And, of course, pray like crazy!

      • Thank you, for taking the time to comment back. My husband and I are great friends. We don’t argue or fuss, but then again; there are some things we just don’t talk about. I know that I have some resentment towards him for not being involved enough in our family life; so I’m sure he probably has some resentments as well. I guess you probably hit the nail on the head in that we talk but we don’t really “communicate” about the deeper issues. I got the book Tonya recommended and I’m definitely praying. I love my husband dearly, as I’m certain he loves me, but we do have something standing between us. I’m relieved to know that this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed. Blessings to you.

  4. Tonya, Thanks for the tips! I had to laugh at the undie one tho! Hubby just went online and ordered me CAMO undies AND bras!!!!! Yes, I know, but it is what makes him happy so I wear them with pride!!!!;) Just thought that I would mention that! Not that I want the world to know my undie color but I do want others to know that sometimes it is the little things that makes your hubby happy and your marriage go more smoothly. At first I was kinda like oh, I don’t want to wear THAT! But, then I was thinking about how he picked them out for me and it was special to him and I rethought my dislike for them! Now, Like I said….I wear them with pride!:)

  5. I have followed this series all the way. I totally understand and agree with all that is being shared. I was waiting to see if anyone else was going to write on the subject of their husband having low libido. I have tried all these suggestions the past few years with little success at sparking more of an interest. In the 5 years we’ve been married the disinterest in sex has been an issue. I never saw it coming until a few months after the wedding.
    We have been working with some natural health people and trying different supplements. We did find out our infertility was due to him, so I have to belief it’s a hormonal issue.
    I knew he had viewed pornography before we were married, but we talked about it before marrying and I firmly believe he does not view it anymore. I’ve wondered and even talked to him about whether or not the previous viewing of it might have affected him. When we do make love it is wonderful. It’s just so hard for me because I want that incredible feeling of bonding way more than him. If it’s once a week he’s ok with that, but at times it’s been 2 and 3 weeks between.
    We also see a very good christian counselor who has been helping him and I work through some issues from childhood. He was completely on board with doing that. It has also been revealed that at the age of about 10 he had an older male cousin that wanted to experiment with some sexual stuff with each other. A grandparent caught this going on before it actually got physical, but it was definitely something that affected him physcologically. He is only 38 so shouldn’t be an age related problem either.
    We are very close in most every other way and very compatible. I have to admit I have been searching for answers for quite some time, and when I read articles such as this it makes me very sad. I know my husband also feels pretty bad about it. You have to admit it takes the males arousal or nothing is going to happen in the way of sex. I keep praying about it and accept that if this is the way it is going to be I will continue to love him. Just wanted to share another side of this to see if there are any others willing to share similar problems or advice. Thanks so much.

    • Dear Not Always the Wife’s Fault,
      I completely understand and feel your pain! My husband and I are in pretty much the same state as you. We have been married a little over 4 years now and as much as it pains me to share this, we have not actually had intercourse. I knew my husband had issues in this area before we were married but I didn’t realize the extent. He has seen our primary care doctor and is on testosterone to try to help with the issue but so far not much improvement.
      I can’t help but wonder if his past has something to do with this as well. He was in the Navy for 16 years where he was introduced to pornography as well as other sexual acts that are not in line with God’s will. He has shared some of his experiences with me but I am sure there are others he hasn’t. It pains me to know that he has been intimate with other women, again let me make this clear, this all happened before we were married, but its hard knowing he has had this intimate connection with others and now that we’re married we are not able to achieve this. We have found other ways to pleasure each other but it’s just not the same. I was actually a virgin when we married so our sexual pasts are completely different. We do hold hands and kiss and cuddle and are affectionate in those ways, just no sex!!
      We have not shared this struggle with anyone and honestly my husband would probably curl up and die if he knew i was sharing this on here, but its anonymous so I don’t feel I’m betraying his trust. And when I bring up going to counseling or therapy my husband doesn’t feel like we need it or feels it would be too expensive. He wants to fix the problem but yet seems reluctant to take the steps to do it. I pray daily about this issue and know God has an answer, it just hasn’t been revealed to me or us yet.
      I will be praying for you and your husband as well!

  6. Pingback: That 3 Letter Word….. | 4 little Fergusons

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