{Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success

This is post 2 for today, head back to post 1: Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal

Sex after Infidelity

8 Steps For Intimacy After Infidelity

1) Choose to focus on the good in your spouse and the love that runs so deeply in your veins.  It’s easy to forget the reasons you fell in love.  Write, speak and say positive things, and watch the bountiful harvest of your kind words grow and bloom in your marriage as you fall in love all over again.

2) Never forget your battle is NOT against flesh and blood, aka your spouse. Imagine Satan standing beside your bed, tossing seeds of doubt, negativity and heartache, just hoping they will take root and ruin your love-making.  He hates you and he hates your marriage, which means he reallyreally hates sex and the unity that comes after. There is no better way to stick it to the devil, who tried to destroy your marriage, then to make love to your spouse!  It is an act of Worship to your Heavenly Father.

3) Remember the power of Forgiveness.  My spouse, broken before Christ, had asked the Lord and Savior to wash away his sins.  He was white as snow again.  It was ME, who was bringing along the filthy rags right into our intimate time.  Forgiveness means letting your heart love again during Love Making and letting go of the past for good. 

4) Love with all your heart.  To fully connect to your spouse, your heart needs to be into it.  Be ALL there with your spouse and enjoy every moment together. I know its scary, but be present as your heart and bodies, join as one.  Talk to your spouse about your fears, so they can help you know by their sweet and assuring words, that you are their one and only love. 

5) Break Old Ties.  Out loud, bind those connections in the name of Jesus and break them off.  There is a reason the Lord talks about 2 becoming 1 flesh, in the Spirit World, it happens.  Cutting those ties will help you move into a closer intimacy with your spouse and get satan out of the picture! 

6) Guard your mind from the devil’s attacks.   It blessed me so much when Dale would lead us in prayer before being intimate, asking the Lord to bless our union, and binding satan in the name of Jesus.  He HAS to flee when he hears that precious name of our Lord, he HATES it. This helped me to stay there with Dale and not let my mind go to the past.

7) Let your love-making be a healing balm for your wounded soul. I found comfort and healing in Dale’s arms, his tears and mine. Don’t let satan lie to you and tell you making love will make things worse.  He only wants to cause you further pain. 

8) Remember that Sex is a gift from God.  You can hurt your Heavenly Fathers just as much by failing to use a beautiful gift He gave you, as MISusing it all together. 

  God bless you on your road to healing. Satan’s attacks WILL come, so be alert, be unified; body, soul and spirit, as you fight him for your marriage.  

And don’t EVER forget, that Victory is yours, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus.

  Take that, satan.


Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

7 thoughts on “{Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success

  1. Thank you very much for writing on this topic! Your words have helped me so much through this difficult time in my life! God is using you for a very valuable purpose! Please continue helping by sharing your wisdom with people like me who are desperate for your words! Thank you!

  2. You are a class act, May God continue to Bless you and your marriage and family. God has given you a gift to share the awful and good things you’ve had happen. Thankyou, I was just looking at recipes not a healing from a deep painful past. You are being a great tool.

  3. Pingback: That 3 Letter Word….. | 4 little Fergusons

  4. Geez. How proud your children will be one day looking back at these “sex” posts. There’s stuff meant to keep behind closed doors & this actually turned me off. I was going to read your entire infidelity series but when I saw these 2 sex posts I was like, seriously?? What’s this world coming to

    • Sorry you feel that way, returning to intimacy is a very difficult but necessary part of healing. We are very upfront and real with our children about God’s plan for sex and intimacy in marriage. And they know Daddy and Mommy almost divorced, but God saved their marriage.
      This world is going to hell in a hand basket, and if we aren’t talking about healthy sex, within marriage, the gift it is from God to married couples, then who will?
      The world has it all wrong. The world shouts of cheap sex, loose standards and throwing away things that are broken. This series has been a lighthouse to couples lost in the sea of dispair, and a world that demands divorce, getting what you deserve. I am so honored that we have a platform in which to share how the Lord took our mess, and made it a message. He took the broken pieces of our shattered marriage, and created something incredibly beautiful for HIS glory. Thank you, Jesus!

      • First, your blog has been such a blessing for me! Our stories of infidelity are painstakingly similar, and our love for our Heavenly Father are, as well! As my husband and I have sought to survive infidelity and maintain our brand new relationship with Christ first, I have turned to your blog often for inspiration! Next, I very much appreciate your thoughts on intimacy after infidelity, and couldn’t disagree more with your previous commenter. Intimacy is very difficult to attain after adultery, but through prayer, healing, time, and suggestions on your 8-step list, sex can be as it is meant to be. I love your previous response, and again, thank you for sharing your story! God bless you and your family!

      • To Jen – I am so very thankful that Tonya is completely open about ALL of the aspects of her husband’s infidelity. Including intimacy and sex. To help others, there is a need for complete open transparency. Otherwise, people who are hurting aren’t able to connect and relate.

I adore hearing from you, comment away! :)

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