Motherhood is full of “Sometimes Moments”….
Little one,
I get tired and weary of the lists in my head, and the jobs that weigh on my shoulders, and I don’t always give you the best of me.
This is a sad reality to face, because there is nothing I love more than to serve you, teach you and instruct you. I love to see your eyes shine with joy when you do a job right, and are praised, or to hear your giggles from the other room, as I prep supper for our family.
Someday I am going to be gone. Hopefully not for a long, long time. Someday you will tell your children and grandchildren, stories from your childhood. And oh man, do I hope you have GREAT stories to tell!
See, Motherhood is full of “Sometimes Moments”:
Sometimes I can’t relax reading books to you, because my To Do list is running through my head, so I stop after 3 stories.
Sometimes I even skip pages or paragraphs, and I am sorry for that.
Sometimes I surprise you with a huge stack of books, and read to you ALL of lunch time while you eat. I love to look around the table and see you all experiencing the book in such a real way. {to the point that I have to remind you to EAT!}
Sometimes I answer harshly, and I see your eyes flinch. These moments haunt me at night when I lie in bed and process the day. I want to rewind and answer softly, because I love you so much.
Sometimes, I remember to kneel down next to you and softly correct, pointing you back to a Savior that loves you so so much more than I could ever offer, even at my best.
Sometimes when you ask for fresh water and ice in your night time cup, I sigh and make my irritation known without words, even though I tell you to serve others joyfully!
Sometimes I answer “Sure, sweetie!” And even put a drop of peppermint oil, or the chlorophyll you like so much, inside. I love to treat you to the little things that mean so much.
Sometimes you ask to wear a certain dress to the store, and I roll my eyes and point to your room and say, “Go put on your pink leggings NOW,” even though it wouldn’t be the end of the world to let you wear that dress everyday.
Sometimes I let you wear your favorite pink & black dress up high heels to run errands. I love how proud you are to be “a fancy lady”.
Sometimes I get so frustrated at you for coming in head to toe covered in dirt. I tell you to get into that laundry room, strip down and wash up in a mad voice.
Sometimes, I giggle and put my feet in the mud puddle you discovered, so we can talk about how good it feels to squish it between our toes.
Sometimes, you wait outside on the trampoline for me to come jump with you while I finish up a phone call. But, instead of cutting them short, and making you the priority, I stay on the phone and suddenly it’s supper time and daddy is home, so I call you inside instead. I am sorry for that.
Sometimes I don’t answer that phone call, so that we can spend the time between after school and supper playing “Popcorn” on the trampoline, or just lying there, staring up at the clouds, talking.
Sometimes I say ‘NO’ to something, just because No is often the quicker answer to come.
Sometimes I say ‘YES’ and see your mouth drop open with surprise, and eyes light up with joy. This makes me want to say Yes a whole lot more.
Sometimes I rush through family prayer time, because I have so many photos to edit, and a blog post to finish, or an article to turn in. I know you can tell the difference, and I so want to show you with my actions, that prayer time is a priority. That the quiet at the end of the day with you is worth savoring.
Sometimes, I rub your back, sing you a song, read your Bible Story, AND library books. You get so excited about that, like it’s Christmas!
I love our nightly tradition of praying, all as a family, taking turns going around the room. It blesses me to hear you talk to your Father in Heaven, and tell Him about your day, your dreams and hearts desires for your future life.
Sometimes I want the World to STOP, so I can have you all to myself without distractions. No phone calls, no homework, no errands to run, no school committee meetings, no deadlines….just Family.
Just together.
Shutting the gate to the World and just existing. Slowing life down to a snails pace, so that I can be to you who I want to be. So that we can savor these years together that we are all under one roof.
“Sometimes Moments” come each and every day, and I have a choice to make each and every time……..
And you know what?
I choose you, little one.
You make my heart swell with love and joy.
I choose to make all my “Sometimes Moments” count with you……
Because just like we sing at night, “My Heart Says, I LOVE YOU…..”
All my love,
Mommy
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4 little Fergusons 