Glorious Ruins

  I quit last night. 

  Walked out the back door and quit.  I am tired of bodily fluids and dirty laundry, I am tired of listening to barfing sounds at the table, in the middle of family dinner….and I am TIRED of being tired. 

So I quit.

  This job is too hard.  This life is too messy. 

  Does the Lord really think I need to handle all this?  Doesn’t fighting SO HARD for my marriage 2 years ago, give me some kind of “easy button”, even it for a season?

  I feel like I want to wave the white flag in surrender.

  Then as I stand out back, shaking, biting back tears, deep breathing so I don’t vomit too, I realize…………..

That is what He wants anyways,

My surrender.

His power is made perfect in my weakness.  When I am weak, He can be shown STRONG.

Attitude. Adjusted.

  Papa is so kind, so gracious, he doesn’t choose this life either.  He hates this part as much as I do, no, I bet even MORE than I do!  I can give him my all, even when I want to run away.

  Don’t you love how Christ shows up most in the chaos and MESS of our lives?

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  We all live a tale of Glorious Ruins in one way or another, which was the Theme of our Ash Wednesday Service this year. 

  Here is the video they shared and the verses that were read.  Dale and I were so honored to be a part from home. They played the first half of the video, the negative brokenness then stopped.  At the end of the service, they shared the glorious part of the story, the miracle, the victory.  It was hugely powerful, and you could hear people beginning to weep.  God is good!

  There is so much power in “real” testimony.  You know, “real” like people you see every Sunday, smiling and happy, you would never guess they suffered great hardship.  Then, they share their Hard Truths, they tell the story of the ugly ruins of their lives and suddenly…….God is more Glorified than before. 

BROKENNESS OF THE WORLD AROUND US

Psalm 94:3-7  “How long, O Lord? How long will the wicked be allowed to gloat?  How long will they speak with arrogance? How long will these evil people boast?  They crush your people, Lord, hurting those you claim as your own.  They kill widows and foreigners and murder orphans.  “The Lord isn’t looking,” they say, “and besides, the God of Israel doesn’t care.”

BROKENNESS OF OUR BODIES

Gen 2:15-17 “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.  And the Lord God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

Romans 5:12 “When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.”

BROKENESS OF OUR CHOICES

Isaiah 53:6 “All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own.

Romans 7:18-20 “And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.”

BUT BROKENNESS DOESN’T WIN……Hallelujah!

1 Corinthians 15:22   “For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive.”

Psalm 103:1-4  “Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.  Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.  He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.  He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Amen!

~T

 

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9 thoughts on “Glorious Ruins

  1. Yes, Yes, Yes…. Oh wow! This is so what I have been feeling. I/We have learned so much in the past few years of going thru what we have. Between Little Ray and meningitis and Ray getting hit with a tree and finding out that he, my best friend, was unfaithful to me! All that happening within about 2 yrs. I did through up my hands and say “LORD what are you doing?!?!. I am not strong enough for this.” But, he is SO amazing!!! He showed us that we CAN’T do life on our own. It is ONLY thru him that we can live. I can honestly say that I am thankful for it all! I would never wish it on any one. But, sometimes it is what it takes to bring us to our knees and realize that we have to let go and let God! Satan will NEVER win in our life! We have God on our side!!!! And I am so Thankful for that.:)
    Thank you for sharing this today!
    You are in my prayers.
    ❤ and {{hugs}}

  2. I love your honesty. Your story reminds so much of what we went through with my father. I am touched beyond words. You will be so glad you did all you could when he is gone. God bless you, truly.

  3. Thank you for this post. It was exactly what I needed this morning. Even though it has been 2 years since my own marriage’s day of truth and there has been much redemption and rebuilding since that day, I have found myself struggling over the past couple of weeks. I can’t explain the onset of sadness and insecurity that I have been feeling, except that it must be the devil trying to dredge up the past and chip away at the armor of God we have put on ourselves and our marriage in an attempt to rob us of the forgiveness and happiness we have found through Jesus. I have been fighting back though, by loving on my husband even more than usual and praying, praying, praying!

    I helped care for my grandmother as she lost her battle with cancer in our home, but it was before I was married or had a family, so I can’t begin to imagine what you are experiencing, but you are right, the moments where we feel we can’t do it anymore and cry out to Him are the moments he reminds us of His strength. You are strong through Him, I can see it in your posts. You have a beautiful way of expressing such raw emotions with your words.

    Thank you for your honesty and for sharing these personal moments on your blog.

  4. Oh sweet sister, I’ve been where you are. I understand “I quit” “I cannot do this for one.more.second” between three year long deployments, being everything for my kids, worrying about my husband’s safety, to watching my grandma battle a horrible disease..helping care for her..watching her die…to PTSD abd TBI with my husband..to fighting for our marriage just like you..to having a son with special needs… the battles always come it seems like. The fighting never stops and I understand. It seems too hard. It seems unmanageable. I understand. Think of it like this…God chose you. He chose you because you can handle it. You have the strength. It’s OKAY to give up momentarily. It’s ok to throw in the towel as long as you get back on the horse again, so to speak. Strength isn’t about being strong. It’s about being weak and getting back up again. I’ve wished for an easy button many times… while there isn’t one, you can do this!! You’ll look back abd thank God for this trial because every trial teaches and grows us. 🙂

  5. Tonya, your courage, inspires me! Oh, how I need encouragement….almost daily or I want to give up. But your strength and courage make me want to press on to be the person God wants me to be. Thank you Tonya for your openness and faithfulness to the Lord.

  6. Tonya, your story–and the others– give me so much courage tonight. I am in my own battle that is very real and scary right now, but I love how you said God is in the restoration business!! Praise Jesus!!! Believing for that in my life. 🙂 Keep on sharing your heart!
    Blessings,
    Leslie

  7. Pingback: There Is A Hospital Bed In My Living Room… | 4 little Fergusons

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