Bloggers Are People Too…

  Hi there, my name is Tonya.

 I am a blogger.

 I have a family.

 And I feel feelings just like you do.

Believe it or not, that is because I am a real live, living, feeling, breathing person. Ferguson Family 2013

  If I saw you at the store, I would smile and nod my head at you, in greeting. 

  I would do this, even if I know you are saying hateful things about me behind my back, because it’s the way I was raised.  I would never want to hurt you like you hurt me.

  You and I are probably more alike than you know:  

  I smack my alarm 3 times before I get up.

  I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you. 

  Sometimes I have to suck in and jump up and down to get them on, maybe you do that too.  It’s ok, surely its just because we recently washed and dried them.IMG_6878
  I turn around in the mirror, craning my neck to check the back of my shirt, to make sure it flatters, and not points to the flaws I am so aware of.

 Sometimes I choke when I take a drink of my water and have to cough for 10 minutes afterwards.  

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Sometimes I spit when I talk. Man, I hate that.

  I laugh too loud sometimes, but I do it with an overwhelming joy that bubbles from my heart. 

  I seem to always be running late, which is opposite of my tidy and organized personality. 

  I look through my purse for a phone, that is being held up to my ear, as I scramble to get us all out the door. 

  Sometimes I look in the rear view mirror at my precious ones, and my heart just overflows with love for them.

  Sometimes I listen to the kids story CD’s in the car, even if it takes me 20 minutes of listening, before I remember that I am the only one in there.IMG_6926

I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a child of the King.

Family

  And I just also happen to be a blogger, too.

  That means I sit behind a computer screen and share my life with you, the watching World.  But that it doesn’t mean I am immune to your insults. 

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Your snarky comments. 

Your mean threads and jaw dropping forums all about me, my husband, and our life.

mean screenmore mean

  People from all over, circling like vultures, pecking where we are most vulnerable. Coming back and forth from the blog to the forum, finding delicious tid-bits to share with the wolf pack.  

Making strong statements of untruths based on quick skimmed reading. Circling my glass house, and picking every aspect of it apart, with glee.

I like what Jen Brook said, in her recent article:

  “Internet trolls use their computers as a faceless tool to attack. Keyboard warriors come out from the cracks to point controversy in everything, and even those who would usually support a story built on its own merit, are hidden from the truth and therefore don’t understand it.
As humans, it is usually the case that what we don’t understand, is what we fear and therefore hate the most; attacking and branding concepts without a second thought for the creator or concept behind them.”

  When we bloggers share our lives with you, we open up a part of our heart as well. 

  We blog because we love our readers. We love having the opportunity to share our joys and our sorrows, our triumphs and our tragedies, with you. 

  We are excited to come to our computers, and upload our photos to share a new recipe, a post we feel passionate about, or something funny that our child did that week. 

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  We write new posts in our head all the time:
In the car, in the shower, on a bulletin at church, during an extra inspiring sermon.

  We find joy and satisfaction in watching our blogs grow and blossom, like little babies learning to toddle, then walk on their own.  Making new friends from across the globe, all connected by our stories.  Our lives.  Our blogs.

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  We are women.  We are human.  We mean well, please be nice. 

  Please bite your tongue if you can’t say something constructive.

  Hi there.  It’s me.  The one behind the computer.

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  I’m Tonya.  

  The one who spends many hours each week, lovingly preparing blog posts to share, hoping to inspire you, to encourage you, to make you smile. 

  I am so glad you are here.  

Can’t we all just be friends?

~T

  To the bloggers out there:

  Blog on, brave ones!  We are called to share the light of Truth, and the louder the World protests our actions and words, the better we are doing for Christ. Always remembering, “In this World, but not Of.”
I know we are tempted to throw up thick skin for protection, to duck and cower and hide, to quit blogging even.  But may we never lose a soft and tender heart for Christ underneath it all.  May we never forget that first inner nudge that told us our job was to start a blog, and not just any blog, but one that glorifies Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
And the best thing you can do when you find a nasty forum about your blog, click the x and never return. They aren’t worth your time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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43 thoughts on “Bloggers Are People Too…

  1. I am so sorry to read this post. I read the through the “forum” and was appalled at what I was reading. It is hard to believe that women who call themselves Christians would write such awful stuff. I am so sorry you have been the recipient of their jealousy and hatred. Keep being who you are!

  2. Beautiful and so well stated!! ….”I Can Tell That We are Gonna’ Be Friends!!” Have a Wonderful Wednesday and a super blessed day in The Lord!! Love ❤ always,~Mom

    • ….Oh Wait…We already are friends!! That is one of my greatest blessings in life!! Just keep being you, sharing your heart, your life, your family and your love for the Lord. He has your back, He loves you with an unfailing, never ending Love….from here through all Eternity!! …mom

  3. Tonya,

    I love your blog. You are a brave young woman to share your family and life in such an open forum in such an honest approach . I have laughed with you. I have cried with you. I have relived memories of my own children . I’m sorry that there are sad, angry, ugly – acting people who seem to to get their jollies by saying hurtful things.

    I know that this is your calling and pray for you to be strong and let the ugly comments just slide away.

  4. Wow! It is so sad when you read things like this!!!! But, I always find it funny how they can go online and write such rude and hateful things but, if they were to see you in a store or something they would not have the guts to say it! That is really why hubby and I don’t do fb and limit or internet time. Not that it is bad. What you do on your blog is soooo good! And I know that GOD is totally behind it all one hundred percent! But, for us it can just be a stumbling block to fall into and we just found that putting it away is the best things for us!
    I just want you to know that even tho we have never met in person that I just LOVE who you are thru your writing and just you yourself!! You tell it how it is. You don’t tiptoe around it or butter it all up to look good for everyone else. I like how you are real!
    I know it is hard to ignore it sometimes but, you are doing what GOD wants and so that mean satan is NOT happy!!
    Love you!!!!!

  5. You inspire me, you encourage me,you are my sister in healing from a broken marriage. Ignore the haters because Jesus had them too…plenty.Tonya, you are blessed by the Lord because you are willing to open your heart and share your weakness with the world so that God would get the glory. I pray for you often and am thankful to have a friend like you in my inbox. Just sayin….

  6. You rock, Tonya!!! Am very thankful that you are brave enough to share your life with us during happy and challenging times. We are ALL human and I found you because Infidelity hit our life. It was so helpful to me to read about how you handled that with such grace and how you fought to keep your family together. So did we!!! We are two years out from it and strong as ever. I am happy I follow your blog posts because you are uplifting and greet me every week day with .something new from your life. It is an honor to have you share. Thank you. I love that you will not let those mean people drain your joy. Blog on, my friend!

  7. Praying that the Lord will give you skin that is tough. I am sorry that you are going through all this – but also – look at the names of some of those who commented! Tools, used by someone else other than God. We were not promised an easy road as Christians. We were told straight forward that we would endure many hardships, persecution, Though we will never have to bear a cross as heavy as Christ did, we all have a cross to bear. I appreciate your blogs. Some more than others have helped me get through some tough times in the past year in a half. Thank-you for all you do!

  8. Oh dear! If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my life as a wife, teacher, friend, community member, and volunteer—it is that there are mean-spirited bullies everywhere. Whomever said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, didn’t know how our society would turn into one with many, many bullies! I’m so sorry that you have had to endure this. I really enjoy reading your blog. Keep up the great work!!

  9. Oh, Tonya! I love your blog and willingness to share. I am totally aware you are a person too because I keep wishing I could sit down with you for coffee (I promise I am not a creeper follower) and learn more from you especially about parenting. Plus I am homeschooling now too! Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration to me!

  10. I’m so sad to read this post. God has given you so many gifts, thank you for sharing them with all of us. It’s unfortunate that these people have nothing more important in their lives to be tending to. Please lean on God’s love and strength and know that we are all behind you!

  11. Amen sister! Makes me think if when the Sadduces and other religious sects who ridiculed Jesus for NO REASON at all besides the fact HE WAS THE MESSIAH!!in a painful world that is one step closer to the end of days..those are blinded and do not walk in the Spirit cannot see hope or love and they make it their mission(unknowingly sometimes)to hide behind their fears by attacking those with a blessed assurance and hope…they can’t understand it…we are an offense to them…all we can do is bless those who curse us and pray for them….💖

    • Also keep in my mind many of those hurtful responses are from women who have faced infidelity and sometimes our outcomes can leave a bitter pill to swallow for them….think about this…what if their husbands left for the other woman?,or what if their husbands just abandon them for no reason period?, or maybe some of them are victims of domestic violence or suffered religious abuse by men….as children of the light we need to really see pain for what it really is and usually in most cases(not all)bullies are just a by product if abuse themselves…it doesnt make it right , however, if we truly walk in love as Jesus did we will begin to understand the depths of a sinners soul…and the Christians? Well i have my own biblical view of that-they were never a child of God to begin with…let’s pray!!💖

  12. Dear Tonya, I found your blog months ago through the “dear mom on the iPhone” post (which I loved and really convicted me). The first thing I read was your surviving infidelity series. My husband has a sex addiction which was brought into the light about 3 years ago. Your posts were SO powerful to me, and he read them all as well. He said that through reading what you went through, for the first time he had real Insight on what I go through. I feel that reading those changed him, and gave us both so much hope! Your courage to share your story has touched my heart SO much. My husband and I are also trying to live courageously and share our stories with others, even though it is SO scary and hard, it’s what Jesus called us to do a one of the biggest ways to help others. I absolutely love your heart, which shows through all of your posts, and I have NEVER found you to be judgemental or “holier than thou”. I have received encouragement from you in many ways, from how to deal with discipline, chores for little ones, meals, and so many other things!!!! Your financial story brought tears to my eyes (about when you were waiting for that big check) and again, I was so encouraged. I’m just sorry I didn’t write to you sooner. I am also homeschooling and have so many other similarities to you, it’s almost scary. I really hope these internet trolls won’t affect you too much or what you post about. I’m so sorry there are people like that, and you are so brave to put yourself and your family out there. I hope and pray God will bless you for your sweet heart and warrior spirit!

  13. I always look forward to reading your blogs and learning more about you and your family 🙂 It is sad that the old saying, “if you can’ say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” does not seem to apply to some people. You tell it like it is. I’ve learned a lot in the time that I’ve been following you. I’ve cried through the hard ones and smiled/rejoiced at the great ones 🙂 You hang in there. Thank you for doing what you do 🙂

  14. I just cannot believe that there are people who are spending their time actively seeking to criticize and hurt you, or anyone else who blogs for that matter! I’m so thankful for your blog, and I pray for your family that the poison these people are spewing affects you as little as humanly possible. There are blogs that I have read that I don’t agree with or “like”, but then I just don’t read them anymore. We are all allowed to have our own opinion but why would anyone intentionally direct more hate and anger towards another person, especially one they don’t even really know? Anyways, just know that your blog is LOVED by many! And even though I know that if you and I had coffee together we likely wouldn’t agree on every topic, 😉 I think you are an amazing Godly woman who is doing her best as a wife and a mother. And what more can be expected from anyone?
    Prayers and support,
    Jenn

  15. Tonya I feel your pain. My kids haven’t put themselves out there on a blog but I have a son and daughter who both play college basketball, one for a very very well known team, and fans seem to think they can say absolutely anything on sports blogs…..to hear things about your children that are mean spirited, cruel and sometimes untrue is seriously heartbreaking. People who think they are getting a “free education” have absolutely no clue how hard student athletes work but my real hot button is the “dumb jock” remarks. Just like any other college students there are athletes who struggle and athletes that are brilliant.

    Chin up Buttercup!

  16. Tonya – don’t let them get you down! You are a blessing and an inspiration! I have recently had cause to re-read your postings about survivng infidelity as that is what I am going through right now. When I read them in 2012 (i have been following you for a long time) i was heartborken for you but so happy that you were able to get through it and had the courage to tell us all about it. I knew that Jesus was working in your life but little did I know that I would be needing your postings as a resource and an inspriation for myself. I know that Jesus will work in our marriage too and we will survive this. Just know that despite whatever anyone else has to say,you have been invaluable to me! Keep up the good work – I look forward to hearing more about you and your beauftiful family!

  17. Your blog has been taking ground from the enemy… The very same enemy who studies you and knows your vulnerabilities to try to destroy you. That’s why it hurts so much. Their posts, calling into question your marriage, your parenting, your family members, your choices are meant by the enemy to break your heart and to stop you from being genuine and vulnerable. “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

    Combat these attacks with the sword of truth. The truth is that you are imperfect but He sees you as redeemed. He designed to give your kids to you because he knew they needed YOU as their mom. He gave you a husband and has done a miracle in your marriage- that’s why people have read your testimony- because it’s NOT like everyone else’s story, it’s filled with hope and healing, because of Him. You have walked through the valley because to your enemy, you’re worth stopping. Don’t lose sight of the truth and who you are called to be. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” Ephesians 6:10-11

  18. T- a blogger friend of mine had to change her Blog name (and domain) because of ugliness in our global world. It is a shame people can not just enjoy and accept what we elect to share with out crudeness. Sorry, that has happened too you! Cheffie.

  19. Hi Tonya, My jaw dropped at seeing these hurtful comments out there. I am sorry for this bullying and ugly feelings and opinions being thrown around about your courageous blog. It takes guts to put yourself out there…more guts than it takes to criticize a person from behind a computer screen.
    Thank you for your blog and your encouragement! Keep your head high!

  20. Way to go, Tonya!
    You addressed the snarkiness of other with class and style.
    I enjoy your blog.
    I follow your family through trials, tribulations, joys and successes.
    Please keep spending the time on the rest of us.

  21. I find it hard to believe that people are looking at what you write and share and then feel the need to provide input. If they aren’t interested in what you are saying or sharing then don’t look. Sad state of things today that people feel they need to push negative onto others. Really enjoy your site and it does provide me personally inspiration and a positive start to my day!

  22. Tonya,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now and love it! Are you perfect? Nope, and I don’t expect you to be because I sure ain’t . You know your doing God’s work when the devil sends his servants to attack you. Trust in him and he will sustain you! Take our Lord’s example and pray for those who persecute you and forgive them.

  23. Now is a good time to revisit this adage – The things we say about other people and the manner in which we say them says more about us than those of whom we speak.

  24. So sorry to hear this Tonya……must have missed it, but don’t worry about it whatever it was that was said….it probably was/is jealousy…..anyways…..love your blog and you have 4 beautiful children and you do seem like a great person……just remember God loves you and will take care of the situation, so don’t even think about it……some people like to gossip……that is what they love to do…..you are more important than that……so just continue with your blog and do what you do best……you have a beautiful family to prove it and some may not be able to deal with it…..oh well their loss……you have better things to do…..just carry on…..your bloging friends are here for you, they are not going anywhere……..take care .

  25. Horrifying how mean people can be and to poke at the wounds from infidelity is beyond low. Here’s a great article that I found helpful when I doscovered my husband’s porn addiction and infidelity. I was literally making myself ill forever wondering if it was even possible that he had only acted out and physically cheated the one time he confessed to. God, in his mercy, lead me to this expert of sex addicton and to this post: http://www.sexaddictionscounseling.com/sexually-addictive-behavior-do-all-sex-addicts-cheat/
    Read it when your time permits. I will admit I was pretty impressed by how quickly you seem to have healed. I’m still stumbling along almost two years later. I will tell you we got poor help from the counselor we saw for a year. She was judgemental even making the statement: “Generally when infidelity occurs in a marriage, things weren’t going real well.” I think I may have screamed at her. Things were probably the best they had ever been in my marriage when my husband acted out. As it turns out, happy events can trigger acting out behavior too. I found this article extremely helpful: http://www.sexaddictionscounseling.com/3-wonderful-life-events-that-can-trigger-sex-addiction-relapse/
    Anyway, please know that by being transparent about your life and your marriage, you are helping to quash the shame so many of us going through infidelity feel. And as far as the mean girls on the internet go, let them continue to sink themselves with their b*tchiness.

    • I found your blog via Pioneer Woman and it was an answer to prayer for a friend that is currently going through many of the trials you have shared. I shared it with her. If you are a nice, sweet Christian person, it iis really hard to understand why someone would be rude, cruel or nasty . Evidently someone – from your recent blog, was. I look at it like this, they are probably miserable and unfortunately jealous. Maybe things turned out very differently for them. You blog, but what I see, is that you actually have a mission with your blog. A teacher I had years ago said that if you never do anything, no one will have anything to critize. Let it go, whoever was bad enough shape to hurt you, and keep up the beautiful writing.

  26. Tonya, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Thanks for all your encouraging words. I was always taught if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. Some people who feel guilty or disagree say hateful things. All we can do is pray for them. I love your blog and getting to know your family through your blog. Hugs from FL.

  27. So sorry there are people being ugly to you. Maybe they are to self absorbed to realize they don’t have to read your blog. They can go elsewhere! Hugs to you 💓

  28. Praying you press on! We filter criticism through the Truth. Is it True? Nope. Press ON! Too much to do to be pulled down by lies.
    I appreciate your blog so much. It makes me stop, think and examine. I leave sharper! 🙂

  29. My mom would always tell me, “A person hates you for one of three reasons. They want to be you. They hate themselves. Or they see you as a threat.”

    You’re an active mother, working hard to make the best life possible for your family. These people are hiding behind computer screens, judging with their keyboards for entertainment or to try to tear you down to their level.

    You can stay on the ground with the turkeys, or you can rise above with the eagles. Keep on rising above!

  30. I’ve so been there lately. Luckily my posts are mainly recipes and therefore people only attack them as I’m not sharing such personal insights into my life as you, but it still hurts. We can take the constructive criticism it’s the truly mean, awful, attacks that wear you down. Blog on my friend. Remember those truly mean people out there have more problems than we can imagine if they feel the need to attack us. They are only a tiny fraction of the people out there and we are reaching and helping WAY MORE than that!

  31. I’m a believer in “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all”. I’ve seen too many comments that were rude and unwanted and should have never of been posted. Many do not think before posting or the repercussions they’re comments can have. You can still disagree with someone. However, there is a better way to state it than attacking and belittling someone and their beliefs.
    I also agree with abbyrenee87 that “A person hates you for one of three reasons. They want to be you. They hate themselves. Or they see you as a threat.”
    Words are powerful and many do not think before they post. The anonymity of the internet lets people do mean and ignorant things without taking responsibility. There will always be people that will post these ignorant words and the best thing to do is not give them another thought. They are looking for attention and a chance to know that they hurt your feelings, just like a bully.
    Better said than done, but stay strong and know that there are many others out there who love you and support you! Sorry about the rambling 🙂

  32. Tonya I found your blog unintentionally through a series of clicks several years ago while trying too repair my marriage from infidelity. Your blog gave me the courage to start those hard conversations that must be had to begin to heal. Some days it was like you were typing the words straight from my heart. I thank you for sharing your story of faith and love and plan to continue reading your blog for as long as you allow us to share your life journey. Thank you and God Bless you and your beautiful family! Jennifer

  33. OMG…I can’t believe that people would post things like that about someone. I always enjoy reading your posts and you sound like a lovely woman.

  34. God bless you Tonya for speaking up and standing up to those who need a reminder of what it is to not only be a Christian, but just a decent human being. We need to build and encourage each other in this world…not tear down.

    Thank you so much for sharing so much with us. The readers who do understand and appreciate what you do. Please know in your heart there are many more of us out there than those who would condemn and attack.

  35. I blog myself, and actually have people calling me a fraud because I refuse to post photos of my sweet babies! I would rather keep them safe from internet pedophiles, so I do not disclose photos or my location. One woman is a well known blogger in some circles, Lori Alexander at lorialexander.blogspot.com Those people on that board have made fun of her too.

    I am not a fraud and everything I speak is true. But Christ wants me to be me, not a centipede, and to follow him.

  36. Dear Tonya,

    I just wanted to leave you a comment and tell you how sorry I am that you have been targeted by these online forums. Some of them are so hateful, and say such cruel things, that I really don’t understand how they can type those words and not feel bad about it. Sadly, there are many of them out there in the world. I don’t know if they have been hurt in the past badly enough that they feel the need to lash out at others, or what, but it does make me sad for them. Sad for them, but also angry, that they are so hurtful. I will pray for you, and for them as well.

I adore hearing from you, comment away! :)

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