Psalms 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”
About 4 years and 3 months ago, I wrote my very first blog post, entitled:
And boy was I nervous.
What would I say each week? How many days would I be able to blog before I ran out of things to say?
The blog had come to me as an answer to a year-long prayer for a ministry from home. Boy, has it turned into that and so much more. It quickly grew into a passion of mine.
I stopped journaling, scribbling in my notebook at night, instead turning to this screen and keyboard, posting to this blog, my deepest passions, thoughts and prayers.
I was thrilled when we grew to 70 readers. SEVENTY!!! Oh my!
Over the years, that number has grown to the thousands. Small in the blog world, but not something I ever took for granted. I, Tonya Ferguson, had an opportunity to share with 5,000 people on a weekly basis. Amazing.
Then things got bigger, our Infidelity Series began reaching 1300 readers a week, every week, every year, since it was published. Then Dear Mom on the iPhone went viral several times, 10,000,000 people came to visit our facebook page and blog. We were featured on the New York Times blog, Huffington Post a few times, and had a phone interview with MSNBC for our Surviving Infidelity Series.
There are 6,282 of you that come read here at 4 little Fergusons from all across the globe. That is an honor, and a privilege I do not take lightly.
I work 5-10+ hours a week preparing posts for you, photographing illustrations to go with them, getting up in the night to write as the Lord prompts me to. Scribbling notes on the back of a receipt, or bulletin at church, when a new idea hits. I love it! I have grown to love and care about all of you over the years, and made incredible friends that I would otherwise not know!
So, when I think about saying goodbye to you, my heart aches like a child moving away from its favorite childhood home, school friends, and familiar routines, but I know what I am being asked to do for 2015.
I told you my word of the year was Inwardly.
Look at this line of the definition I shared with you earlier this week:
It took me a while, and at first I fought it and rationed it away, but now I know…..
I am being asked to turn my focus INWARD, I am being asked to live my life quietly for a season. Not aloud. Meaning, not out in the public eye for all to see and read on this blog.
This is my prayer for the year for my children and home:
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”
Every time I pray, the Lord shows me that same clear image of me, wrapping my arms around my home, husband and family below, pouring ALL my energies into them. Keeping my eyes on THEM, not my computer screen, as I blog or edit photographs, trying to keep up with a blog, homeschooling, a booming photography business and recently, a brand new growing thriving essential oil business. He has been speaking to me about this since Summer, no words, just that image.
I know what He is asking me to do, and I know in my heart its the right thing for this season of my life.
I miss my husband. Our relationship is not something I take lightly, you appreciate things more after almost losing them. He is my best friend, and number one human priority. I adore him, and I crave time with him when we are on different schedules. I want to grow old with him and please him all my days. I want to be a family, and work together and do school together, and travel together. I want to crawl to bed the same time as he does, so we can talk, pray, read together like we used to. I find such joy in his smile, I get tears in my eyes when he is tender with our children, and I have to grin whenever he throws his head back and roars with laughter. I want to put my eyes on HIM, not my computer screen, and curl up by his side at night, not crawl to bed hours after him.
My time with my children is limited, each passing Saturday is one Saturday closer to their last one at home with us, all under one roof having family breakfast and cleaning day.
Each bedtime story, one bedtime story closer to the day they tell me they are too old to be read to, or to big to fit in my lap. Each time I pass up a game, or being a silly dress up waitress, is one time closer to the day they no longer want to play. Each time Paxton takes my face in his hands and turns it away from the screen, “Look at ME, Momma” is one time closer to the time he stops asking all together.
I want to seek my children while they still want me to, need me to. I want to put my eyes on my children every single day, every moment I can offer them, my best Yes for my best blessings.
It has been years since I sat in the living room in the evenings. YEARS. I don’t like tv, but wouldn’t mind watching The Voice, instead of listening from the computer room, where I am always editing photos, writing, or blogging. I would like to have a stack of library books and actually get them read!
I am ready to LIVE my life, instead of BLOGGING it.
It has been an incredible 4 years. INCREDIBLE. And amazing! You all were faithful readers through the sunshine and the storms, through my biggest triumphs, and deepest heartaches. I am so thankful to call you friends and faithful blog readers.
So now I say, thank you….
Thank you for investing your precious time, your stolen moments of quiet, reading this blog. Reading about our family, what we did, where we vacationed, how we do chores, how we survived infidelity, miscarriages, and financial discipline.
Thank you for being excited with me for my new kitchen, and listening when I told you about the oils that changed our home for good. Thank you for standing up for me, when hateful things were spoken, and when people threw stones at our glass house, you always had my back. Thank you for that.
Thank you for letting me share my heart with you for so many years! Old habits die-hard, and I know there will be days I come to the computer to check if I have a post scheduled for the next day, or read your comments, before I remember it is no more.
It is my hope and prayer, that someday the Lord will allow me to come speak to you again, that I would have found such a new balance, that I would have plenty of extra to invest here. Oh, I would be so thrilled to get to blog again someday! That being said, yes, the blog WILL stay up unless something comes up that dictates otherwise.
It is my prayer it will be like a lighthouse, shining the way for wounded marriages on the brink of divorce. The Lord never wastes a hurt, and that series is found daily, by tearful google searchers needing HOPE, needing to be told Jesus Christ can make all things new! Who knows, maybe someday with all my spare time, I’ll get that book written. 😉
If you use the sidebar to subscribe, you can be notified by email the second I am prompted to start writing again, and of course, we can still keep in touch on our 4 little Ferguson’s facebook page! I will try to still post family photos, stories and updates there now.
And for the recipe lovers? I will plan to post what we are having for supper, as we revisit old recipes that we adore, to our facebook page.
Photography lovers, I still am doing photography, just not nearly as much, but new albums will still come on facebook next season.
There are 4 years of blog posts on this webpage. FOUR YEARS. Wow! I have had several of you ask for our very first post so you can read them all from then to now, and I am so blessed you would want to!
You are welcome to start here, at the very beginning.
There is plenty of reading material to be found for your morning, or evening, blog reading time! 🙂 Maybe those old posts will make you laugh and cry, be motivated to try something new in your home. Maybe you will remember old favorites, or be moved by ones you missed the first time around. You might even scribble down some new recipe ideas for dinner.
Speaking of food, please remember I have 3 albums packed full of every single recipe I have ever made and shared on here on our 4 little Ferguson’s facebook page.
I want you all to keep cooking and finding new things for your family to try, from our table to yours, with love!
Good bye friends, thank you for giving me your listening ear for my 1,106th post.
It’s been an incredible journey, and you are a blessing to my family & I!
Hugs and tears……