{Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success

This is post 2 for today, head back to post 1: Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal

Sex after Infidelity

8 Steps For Intimacy After Infidelity

1) Choose to focus on the good in your spouse and the love that runs so deeply in your veins.  It’s easy to forget the reasons you fell in love.  Write, speak and say positive things, and watch the bountiful harvest of your kind words grow and bloom in your marriage as you fall in love all over again.

2) Never forget your battle is NOT against flesh and blood, aka your spouse. Imagine Satan standing beside your bed, tossing seeds of doubt, negativity and heartache, just hoping they will take root and ruin your love-making.  He hates you and he hates your marriage, which means he reallyreally hates sex and the unity that comes after. There is no better way to stick it to the devil, who tried to destroy your marriage, then to make love to your spouse!  It is an act of Worship to your Heavenly Father.

3) Remember the power of Forgiveness.  My spouse, broken before Christ, had asked the Lord and Savior to wash away his sins.  He was white as snow again.  It was ME, who was bringing along the filthy rags right into our intimate time.  Forgiveness means letting your heart love again during Love Making and letting go of the past for good. 

4) Love with all your heart.  To fully connect to your spouse, your heart needs to be into it.  Be ALL there with your spouse and enjoy every moment together. I know its scary, but be present as your heart and bodies, join as one.  Talk to your spouse about your fears, so they can help you know by their sweet and assuring words, that you are their one and only love. 

5) Break Old Ties.  Out loud, bind those connections in the name of Jesus and break them off.  There is a reason the Lord talks about 2 becoming 1 flesh, in the Spirit World, it happens.  Cutting those ties will help you move into a closer intimacy with your spouse and get satan out of the picture! 

6) Guard your mind from the devil’s attacks.   It blessed me so much when Dale would lead us in prayer before being intimate, asking the Lord to bless our union, and binding satan in the name of Jesus.  He HAS to flee when he hears that precious name of our Lord, he HATES it. This helped me to stay there with Dale and not let my mind go to the past.

7) Let your love-making be a healing balm for your wounded soul. I found comfort and healing in Dale’s arms, his tears and mine. Don’t let satan lie to you and tell you making love will make things worse.  He only wants to cause you further pain. 

8) Remember that Sex is a gift from God.  You can hurt your Heavenly Fathers just as much by failing to use a beautiful gift He gave you, as MISusing it all together. 

  God bless you on your road to healing. Satan’s attacks WILL come, so be alert, be unified; body, soul and spirit, as you fight him for your marriage.  

And don’t EVER forget, that Victory is yours, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus.

  Take that, satan.


Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

{Part 1} Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal


Sex after betrayal part 1

  In Scripture, unfaithfulness is the only “acceptable” reason for dissolving a marriage. But we, Tonya and Angie, are telling you today that even this ultimate betrayal does NOT have to result in divorce.

   Forgiveness is absolutely possible through the work of the Holy Spirit, and full restoration and reconciliation is yours for the taking. But if you’ve experienced betrayal in your marriage, you may have a few reservations about bringing sex back into the relationship. By sharing our stories and what we learned through our experiences, we hope to help you see that it IS possible…desirable, even.

How am I supposed to even entertain the thought of sexual intimacy with him when he’s been unfaithful? How do you move on? How do you move back into the intimacy that was robbed from you?


  Infidelity doesn’t have to mean certain demise for your marriage. Obviously you have to rebuild trust before you can bring sexual intimacy back into the relationship. I am so blessed to have a husband who truly felt sorry for his choices and was willing to do whatever it took to rebuild my trust. That willingness in and of itself did so much to help that process.

  Bringing sex back into a marriage after infidelity is definitely something you have to pray about. This isn’t a topic we usually think of when we think of prayer, but it is definitely something we need to submit to the Lord. He will let you know when it is time, and He will help you follow through when you decide you’re ready to give yourself to your husband sexually again. It’s not something you should rush into. It happened pretty quickly in my marriage because I needed the assurance that my husband wanted me. I was feeling inadequate and unwanted, and I needed to know that my husband chose me over his infidelity. Bringing love-making back into our marriage helped so much with my healing process and allowed me to focus on forgiveness instead of my own rejection.


  It took me a month to allow Dale to kiss me. It took a bit longer than that to move towards intimate touch. The first time we made love, I sobbed. Raw emotions and pure love and heartache, all pouring from my shattered heart as two became one once again.

  He stopped, of course, as he realized where I was emotionally. Cupped my face in his hands and kissed away my tears. His willingness to stop made me willing to push on. I WANTED to be one with my husband again, scared as I was to allow him all of me. For the next few months, tears followed our love-making sessions. Only because my heart would swell with love, and those broken pieces would stab, catch my breath and ache from the inside out.

My husband didn’t sleep with another woman, but I still feel like he cheated on me.


  Sexual intercourse with another person is not the only form of infidelity. Your marriage vows probably included something about keeping yourselves only for each other. This includes your eyes, your mind and your emotions as well as your body. Porn, emotional involvement and masturbation are all forms of infidelity in that the offender takes something that should be given only to you and then gives it to someone else. My husband didn’t have sex with another woman, but it didn’t lessen the feelings of betrayal and rejection that I felt. Sometimes just recognizing that these things are a betrayal can begin the healing process


  Betrayal comes in many forms, Dale’s started with the eyes and eventually led to physical betrayal. Whether you are dealing from the shock of finding out your spouse’s porn addiction, one night stand or full-blown affair, you are dealing with a VERY intimate, very personal form of betrayal.

Porn creates an ugly lust that needs to be fed regularly. Your beautiful love-making with your spouse could never, ever, EVER fulfill that ugly lust. It is impossible.

I tried to bring sex back into our marriage, but I just couldn’t do it…


  Don’t try to rush things. The hardest part for me was waiting on God’s timeline instead of trying to force my own. Allow yourself to grieve for a while, but don’t dwell on the details! Satan likes to use those details to hold us captive and prevent restoration in our marriages. And expect a few setbacks. Scott and I brought sex back into our relationship pretty soon after things blew up, and things were really great for a while, but then a week or two later it was like we were starting all over again. The most important thing we did was COMMUNICATE. As hard as it was, I had to tell him what I was feeling. I was honest with him when I was having a bad day, when the reality of what had happened was knocking me down. I let myself feel the pain, but I didn’t wallow in it. And I had to help Scott know how to respond. Did I need him to just hold me and reassure me? Did I need him to give me space? Our husbands aren’t mind readers, so we need to help them understand what is going on in our hearts and minds. If you find that you have a hard time opening up to your husband, write your thoughts in a journal and then read them to him. For some reason it’s just easier to read your own words out loud than it is to say them off the top of your head.

I’ve tried to make love to my husband, but in the moment I can’t get the thought of what he did out of my mind.


  One of the biggest steps we made was the day I admitted in counseling that I could feel “her” in our bedroom tormenting me during love-making. Our counselor explained that when 2 become 1, even outside of marriage, they are bonded together in the Spirit world, actually connected like a sewer pipe. He asked us if we would like to be freed from that connection. Of course we both said YES! They laid hands on us and we all prayed out loud, binding Dale’s connection to her in the name of Jesus, setting Dale free from anything and everything he had taken from her generation sin line in their union and cut off all ties.

We both could feel the release and knew Dale had been set free from this connection. You don’t have to understand it all, you will feel the change. There is much we don’t know about the forces of Good and Evil constantly battling around us, attaching to us via a lustful look, risqué book or raunchy movie.

There was a complete and TOTAL change in the tone of our bedroom after that, and it was a huge step in the healing process for us. After this, we were able to move into an intimacy unlike anything we had experienced before. What doesn’t break you, DOES make you stronger. This does not mean the attacks no longer come, it just means you recognize them for what they are.

The next struggle in the bedroom came from my lack of self-worth. I struggled with self-image for a good year, writing the blog post NOT ENOUGH, during this time. I kept wanting to make this about me, which was a sin unto itself.

Listen, do not try to use a rational mind to understand your spouse’s irrational, in-the-moment decision. It won’t make sense. EVER.


  Pray, pray, pray! I really can’t emphasize this enough! Ask the Spirit to guard your mind and your husband’s mind. Ask Him to cast Satan far from you and to silence his lies. Although Scott’s body wasn’t bound to another person, his mind was filled with ungodly sexually charged thoughts. I worried that he wasn’t thinking just of me while we were making love, and I had to surrender that to God. I also had to pray that God would take my husband’s every thought captive and make them obedient to Him. It’s okay to pray your way through your love-making. God will honor your desire to love your husband and to be obedient in your submission to him. You also must communicate to your husband what is going on. If he doesn’t know WHY you can’t follow through, he may mistakenly perceive it as a rejection of him. Sometimes it is also okay to choose not to participate in some sexual activities if they too closely resemble your husband’s infidelity. But again, you’ve got to communicate that to him without being accusatory.


  2 years later I can tell you that there will come a point in your timeline of healing when you actually consider being thankful for “The Fall”, thankful for the truth, even if it came as a jaw dropping shock. I am beginning to see how it was worth it. Worth the new man and new marriage I live now. The love that grows deeper with each passing day, tested by fire and found strong enough to stand again. The freedom my husband found from stepping out of the darkness and into the light.

The Oneness we both found with our spouses, from allowing the Lord to turn our Tragedies into Triumph, is unsurpassed. 

  Do not give up on your marriage!  Victory is yours, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus!  Satan is defeated by the blood of Jesus and the word of our testimony.  THIS is why we share today, the good news of Jesus Christ, who makes ALL THINGS NEW. 

Revelation 12:11a “And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony……”

May the Lord bless you and your marriage as you commit each step towards total healing to Him!

~Tonya and Angie, My Heart Ministry

 This is Part 1 for today.  Be sure to catch Part 2, Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success 


No More Excuses {Part 2}: 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

This is post 2 for today, be sure to head back and check out  No More Excuses{Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom!

23 ways to turn up the heat

23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat in Your Marriage

{From various sources including Joy from Simply Bloom and Fulfilling Your Vows}

1)  Check Your Price-Tag: Get your identity and value straight!  Ask your doting Heavenly Father to remind you of your value.  When you really grasp how much He loves you, and the price He paid to spend eternity with you, it’s hard to stop that radiance and confidence from overflowing into every area of your life.

2) Invest in Yourself:  Set some goals, put more thought into your daily wardrobe, get out and walk more, eat more healthily, spend more time in the word allowing God to transform your heart.  The better you feel about yourself, the more apt you are to confidently offer yourself as a gift to your husband.

3) Throw Away Your Beige Undies: Ok, ok, you are allowed to keep ONE pair for those white pants you wear to church, but the rest GO.  Head to JcPenny’s and do some shopping. They have some super cute, non-ride up your butt, undies in various colors and prints, and offer some with lace, some without.  They are comfy and cute!  Get a variety and rock the better, sexier, you all day long. It’s amazing what a pair of cute undies can do for your Mommy Morale.

4) Flirt With Your Man: If the brain is the largest sex organ, and we’re slow cookers, it helps to start thinking about gettin’ cozy with your hubby early on during the day.  Plan a little.  Send him a sexy text or hide a love note in his car.  Get creative.  And prepare your heart to bless your man when the opportunity arises.

5) Have A Date Night:  I love that my kids are watching me date their daddy…it models our priorities and expresses the delight we find in our relationship.  If finances are tight, or you can’t find a sitter have date night at home.  We do this on Friday’s and I look forward to it ALL week! Snacks and a movie, game night by the fire, or just light some candles and crawl to bed early.  Dating at home is FUN!

4) Invest In Your Friendship:  Make a point of smiling at your husband.  And laugh!  It’s astounding to me how quickly we stop smiling and laughing with our ‘forever boyfriends’ once the routine of everyday life sets in.  Laughter truly is a powerful medicine and it has a mysterious way of knitting your hearts together.

5) Guard Your Sanctuary.  Turn off the TV in your bedroom, in fact, I recommend getting it out of their entirely!  We did that about year 4 of our marriage, and haven’t ever regretted it!  Remove the clutter, dust off the candles or add some Christmas lights to your 4 poster bed, lock the door and turn your bedroom into a romantic haven for you and you the love of your life.

6) Just Do It!  Don’t let your level of interest keep you from engaging in sex with your man.  When it comes to women, desire often occurs AFTER arousal.  And remember, the more you do it…the more you’ll want to.  I dare you to test that theory!

7) Be Prepared:  If sex isn’t messy, you aren’t doing it right!  Stock up: mints, towels, wet wipes, lubricant and enjoy each other to the fullest.

8) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Creative!  Predictability can extinguish sensuality.  God has given us such freedom in this arena.  Just be sure to draw the line at bringing “others” into the mix, pornography and the viewing of other naked bodies creates lust in the heart, which is a sin in God’s eyes and the same as having sex with that other individual. {Matthew 5:28}

9)  Plan A Surprise Dinner, ALONE: Whether you hire a sitter and head out spur of the moment, or hubby comes home to a scantily clad you and an otherwise empty house with dinner for 2 on the table, the point is, plan it.  It’s a surprise dinner – alone, and for no reason. “Just because” keeps the fires burning.

10) Do ‘It’ First On Date Night:  It’s amazing how the dynamic shifts when we slip in a little intimacy before date night when possible.  Our emotional connection is so much sweeter, it takes the pressure off being too tired when you get home…and who knows, maybe you’ll get to blow his mind with Round #2 later?

11) Put It On The Schedule:  As odd as that may sound, it works.  We find time for things that are important to us…but when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  Make it a priority (with a smiley face on the calendar) and that way you always know you’ll connect every 72 hours when life gets hectic.  After a while, your “radar” will go off, and you won’t even have to look at the calendar to know the 3 days have passed since you have been intimate, because you will desire that connection, too.  

12) Simple Touch: Hold hands in the car, when you are walking in the store, at church.  Touch in general keeps your love alive.  Leaning over the top of the recliner for a kiss as you walk through the living room with clean laundry, brushing your body against your spouse as you slip past them in the kitchen, having a towel and a kiss ready for them when they step out of the shower….. All this cultivates non-sexual intimacy, and keeps you connected with your spouse.

13) Make Out.  Seriously, there is nothing better than making out in the kitchen during supper clean up.  It’s good for your kids to see you love each other, even if they say GROSS.  And, it keeps the passion burning and the mood in the midst of mundane chores.

14) Focus On Your Spouses Strengths & Positive Qualities:  Nothing will squelch your desire to get cozy faster than a foul, negative attitude toward your husband.  Be intentional about bringing out the gold in him…remember, you have the power to make your man great, or break him down completely!

15) Learn The Fine Art Of The Quickie:  Don’t be a high maintenance lover that needs A B & C to be completed in a certain order for “it” to happen. Grabbing those moments where the kids are all content with TV time, or hopping in the shower together, will make the rest of the day go smoothly with giggles, stolen kisses and winks across the room afterwards in the after glow of your love.

16) Greet Your Spouse With A Kiss & A Smile: Make your home the safe haven, the welcomed relief at the end of a long day.  This simple act goes farther than you think in showing your spouse you love them, missed them and so appreciate them!

17) Listen to Your Mate: With both your ears AND eyes.  Face to face time is HUGE in the name of intimacy as a couple.  Never fail to make time to chat face to face, without TV or any forms of media in your midst.

18) Say I Love You Often:  At the end of a phone call, in a text during the work day, before bed, or across the room.  Be verbal in your love for each other.  Non-verbal is great too. Dale squeezes my hand 3 times and I know it means I Love You, whether in the dark of our room or during family prayer time, we can connect quietly and secretly in our I Love You squeezes.

19) Touch While Falling Asleep: Whether you lay in his arms, or simply curl your back up against his, making that trek across the King Bed shows hubby that you desire and love him and find comfort in his touch.

20) Pray Before Intimacy: We talked about this earlier this week in the Honeymoon post, and while it seems odd, it’s incredibly powerful.  We tend to separate God from sex, which hopefully after reading all this sex series, you’ll be less inclined to do.  Rather, invite God into the midst of your passion – it was His idea, after all.  He will bless your pants off!

21) It’s Never Too Late To Learn: There are so many excellent books that both educate and encourage fabulous sex in marriage. Pick one and read it together as part of your evening devotion time.  I will post some resources tomorrow.

22) Enlist Some Help!  Pick a few married girlfriends who would be wonderful at checking in from time to time to make sure you’ve seduced your husband lately.  Have great conversations – both inspiring and convicting, but always honoring – about intimacy.  Challenge each other onto greater passion!  Vulnerable accountability is a real gift in this area.

23) Prayer Is Powerful: Ask God to increase your desire for your husband and reveal His heart on this topic to you.  Believe it or not, God wants to increase the passion in your marriage even more than you do…and He’s endlessly resourceful!

When a husband and wife cultivate an atmosphere of intimacy throughout the day, they have a higher likelihood of enjoying physical intimacy later. The physical act of intimacy is made that much sweeter when it is a culmination of your love, not merely a stand alone expression of it.

We need to fight to reclaim what God intended as a powerful, life-giving gift to husbands and wives.

It’s time to Rediscover Sex God’s way…….

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)



Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom

Just tuning in?! Get caught up on our Series on Sex, God’s Way here!

A Guest Post by Angela Clark Logan, My Heart Ministry

  In my last post, I addressed the idea of wives being more intentional in reaching out to their husbands sexually. I challenged you to be bold enough to initiate a sexual encounter with your husband at least every three days. I mentioned the fact that we have our reasons for being reluctant to do this, and today I want to address some legitimate inhibitions that we ladies have to overcome. But please understand this: they are legitimate only if we agree to strive to conquer them; they become excuses when we hide behind them and use them to avoid sexual encounters with our husbands.

  I think the most common obstacle we girls deal with is our self-image. We’re uncomfortable with our bodies. Please see the truth in this statement: Your husband doesn’t see all the faults that you see. He’s not paying attention to all your flaws, because he’s so excited to be in bed with a naked woman and he gets to have sex! Your husband LOVES you, which makes you more beautiful to him than any cosmetic surgery ever could. Your man isn’t looking to see if you have the perfect body, he is looking to see if you are a willing and eager lover.

  I know that for some of us, all the rhetoric in the world won’t help us feel more confident about our bodies, so here are some practical things that you can do to help yourself feel better:

Get in a couple of hours of exercise every week. I’m not talking about becoming a fitness addict, but I do know from experience that even a little exercise each week can improve how you feel about yourself and your body.

Take a warm shower or bath before bed. You’d be surprised at how much sexier you’ll feel when you’re clean, as well as how much the warm water does to make your body responsive to your husband’s touch.

Light a candle. Its light is less intimidating and more flattering than lamplight!

Find some sexy but flattering lingerie. Granted, you won’t wear it for long, but it will help you feel sexy!

Remind yourself that you are a beautiful creation, perfectly designed by our loving and wise Lord. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The temple. Do you know how beautiful the temple was in Old Testament times? NOTHING could compare to its beauty! And YOU were created to be just such a temple. YOU are beautiful, sister!

  Another issue I see is the expectation that sex should be this passionate, romantic experience, the kind of sexual encounter that we see in the movies and read about in our “romance” books. And we just can’t live up to that. There’s a good reason: it isn’t realistic! Sex certainly doesn’t have to be boring, but it will never truly mimic what we see on the television or movie screen, or even what our imaginations conjure up when we read those steamy romance novels. We’ve got to stop watching and reading those kinds of things! Scripture calls us to meditate on what is honorable and holy (Philippians 4:8), and these erotic, unrealistic sex scenes certainly don’t fit that bill. Once we abandon those worldly fantasies, we can focus on making our own sex life exciting in realistic and attainable ways.

Here are some other excuses we make:

“I’m too tired.” Prioritize, girls! Weed out some lesser important parts of your day so you can save enough energy for your husband!

“I can’t switch from being ‘mom’ and ‘housekeeper’ to ‘lover.’” Keep the idea of being your husband’s lover in the back of your mind all day. Send him a flirtatious text or leave him a sexy voicemail. (Just make sure it’s a private mail box!) Kiss him (more than a quick peck on the lips!) when he comes home. Most importantly, make sure you’ve got alone time together every night! Put the kids to bed or send them to have quiet time in their rooms for an hour before you go to bed, and spend that time interacting, snuggling on the couch…get that fire started before you head to the bedroom!

“I just don’t enjoy sex.” I don’t enjoy doing laundry, either, but I do it because I love my family. And so we give ourselves sexually to our husbands because we love him. Communicate to him about what feels good and what doesn’t, and I would bet that he will be willing to help you find pleasure as you willingly participate with him.

  I know that I have just scratched the surface on this topic of inhibitions in the bedroom. Very soon Tonya and I will talk together about how to bring sex back into the marriage after infidelity, as we recognize that some issues are more serious than mere “inhibitions.” Bottom line: sex is a vital part of marriage. It’s time for us to accept that fact, determine to work past our inhibitions and then throw ourselves fully into the act of loving our husbands in this very physical way.

Come on over to My Heart Ministry and read more!


Head on over to Part 2: No More Excuses, 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

Being Intentional In The Bedroom: The 72 Hour Challenge

Welcome back!  We are continuing our Series on Sex, God’s Way with a guest post today from a friend of mine!  Just tuning in?  Then get caught up on the 4 previous sex posts, here.


A Guest Post by Angela Clark Logan

  Hello! My name is Angela Clark Logan. I am a mother of four amazing kiddos and wife of one incredible man. I grew up in a little town in the mid-west where I learned to love small-town values and dreamed some big-city dreams. I attended Ozark Christian College and earned a degree in Biblical Literature and Music Ministry. While at OCC I met my husband, Scott, and for eight years served next to him in local ministry. Now he teaches junior high and high school music, and we continue to minister through our local church and the Men’s and Women’s Encounter ministries.

  It was through Women’s Encounter that I had the opportunity to meet Tonya and hear her incredible story. We have a common passion for helping women succeed in their marriages, and I was thrilled when she asked me to partner with her in this series. I pray that through these posts, Tonya and I will equip you with the tools you need to not just survive in your marriage, but THRIVE. Read more of what God has been teaching me at My Heart Ministry.


  It’s the best coping mechanism ever invented by man. Especially the dark kind. I know some of you may disagree, but for me, there are days when I just need a little chocolate to get me through. Just one little bite, and as it melts in my mouth the frustrations and stress that are bombarding me just melt away with it.

  Ah, yes…chocolate is a glorious thing. Even my husband has learned the value of chocolate. As I sent him to the grocery store one evening, he asked if there was anything else he could pick up. I looked at him and sighed, “sanity.” When he returned he set in front of me a bag of Ghirardelli chocolates. Sanity in a bag. And he didn’t even make me share.

  It is said that chocolate is the next best thing to sex. In fact, I think many women would confess that they would rather have chocolate than sex. I would bet, though, that their husbands would rather go the rest of their life without so much as a nibble of chocolate if it meant they got to have sex on a regular basis. Did you know that men are actually created to need a sexual release about every three days? My friend and author Cindy Dagnan writes, “Sex is as necessary as breathing for most men… because of the periodic buildup of seminal fluid, they actually need it.” Stephen Arterburn adds in his book Every Man’s Battle that “For most men, this buildup…takes only about seventy-two hours.” We cannot deny that our husbands are sexual people; it is indelibly woven into who they are. And yet we girls continue to justify our reluctance to have sex with our husbands.

  I’m going to be very blunt for a minute: all too often, our reluctance really just boils down to us being selfish. Oh, we have our reasons, but when it comes right down to it, we aren’t having sex with our husbands because we just don’t want to.

  Look at it this way: If you had decided to start eating really healthy, how would you feel if your husband sat down next to you with a big plate of whatever your favorite treat is, be it cookies or pizza or buttery popcorn? It’s right there where you can see it, smell it…almost taste it. But you can’t have it. Would you feel loved by your husband? I think most of us would want to smash his face in it! But do you realize that this is what we’re doing to our husband every night when we climb in next to him with no intention of making love to him? We snuggle up next to him (just to sleep, of course!) wearing nothing but a thin little nightgown. He can feel you beside him, he can hear you breathe, smell your scent. But he can’t have you. Ouch. Changes the perspective a little, doesn’t it?

  So what’s a girl to do? Start by being intentional in how your love your man. View sex as a way of meeting a legitimate need, as something very special that he desires FROM YOU, and as a way that you can bless him and show him that you love him unconditionally and without reserve. One way that you can be very intentional is by being the one to initiate.

  I know that initiating sex can be an intimidating thing for us wives. It requires us to be vulnerable and to step completely out of our comfort zone. But it is so worth it; you will be amazed at your husband’s response! He will be thrilled that you love him enough to initiate! It will take a little practice, but with FREQUENT practice it will get easier. You can get really creative and romantic with it, but it can also be as simple as having a special candle to light, a “signal” of sorts to let your husband know that it’s his “lucky” night. Maybe you can leave a card on his pillow that says, “Tonight I’m Yours.” Find something that works for you and then do it!

  Sex within marriage is a beautiful thing. Even if you don’t feel that emotional, romantic kind of love, sex can be an expression of your commitment to your husband. (And it might even help you develop those lovey feelings!)

  Here’s my challenge:

three day calendar

  Think back on what I said about men needing a sexual release every three days, and then commit to making love with your husband at least every seventy-two hours. And by this I do not mean to simply make yourself available to your husband. You must actively engage in sex with him not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.

  And yes, you’ll need to initiate, especially if he’s so used to being turned down that he doesn’t even ask anymore.

  Decide today that you will actively and intentionally meet your husband’s need for sex, leaving no more than three days in between encounters. You may find your marriage renewed, your husband energized, and yourself needing a little less chocolate.


    A GREAT BIG Thank you to Angie, for being here today to share her heart and passion with us.  She will be back next week, so be sure to tune in Monday for the continuation of our Sex God’s Way Series! She has lots more to say on her blog, My Heart!  ~T

Sex Within Marriage: Desire Not Duty

Are you guys hanging in there?  I know this is a highly sensitive subject, but one that I feel needs to be talked about more.  One in 3 marriages struggle with mismatched sexual desire.  Some studies even find that some married couples only have sex 10 times a year.  WHAT!? 

  This is NOT what your Heavenly Father had planned.  His desire is for you to have some Red Hot Monogamy within your marriage!  Did you know that a survey done for “For Women Only” showed that even if men were getting all the sex they wanted, 3 out of 4 men would still feel empty if their wife wasn’t both engaged and satisfied?  This means we need to work towards our DESIRE for our husbands, not simply acting in duty.

Desire not duty

   Today’s post comes from Joy at Simply Bloom and her Re-Discovering Red Hot Monogamy blog post.  It’s a fantastic read!!!!!

  “SEX. It’s everywhere, except where it matters most.  We live in a sexually saturated culture, with the only voice we ever hear being the corrupted addicted, perverted one of the world, exploited by the media.  Why on earth is the church mum on this topic? 

  Why are we allowing our sex lives to slip down the tube, unnoticed, un-discussed, as though it were not the magnificent gift – and powerful weapon – it is?”

  Sadly, we’ve bought into the lie that it’s the ‘heathens’ that get to have the fun, wild, creative sex…and we, the prim and proper church folks, get relegated to the ‘missionary position’ {pun intended}; the boring, predictable, two-dimensional left-overs.

Seriously.  Enough with that nonsense!

  We should be talking as loudly, if not louder, about this mysterious gift God gave his most beloved creation, mankind.  Sex is mind-blowingly incredible…and it’s because God made it that way.  On purpose!

God intended for the marriage bed to be a place of toe-curling, kick-the-nightstand-over sex; madly passionate, deliciously intimate connectedness.

   Why do we settle for so much less?

  We’re doing our marriages, and our children’s future marriages, a disservice by not talking about this subject.

  The marriage relationship was designed to be a tangible expression of God’s heart toward His church; a great love-affair marked by unconditional love, passion, faithfulness, selfless service, and vibrant communication.

  Sex is dear to God’s heart, and anything dear to His heart, Satan tries to steal, distort and misuse as a weapon against the heart of man.  Only something as powerful as this rouses the enemy to corrupt to such an extreme.  Just read the news.  On second thoughts, don’t.

  What a devastatingly destructive weapon sex has become in this world.  At the core, it is lust, unabashedly tainted by greed and selfishness, with a voracious hunger for power and control, and it often results in addiction.

Let me be clear when I say, this is not the sex I’m talking aboutI want to look at the stunningly intimate, life-giving, spirit mingling gift of sex between a husband and wife….”

Christians should be having the best, most invigorating, creative sex ever!

We’ve got to stop feeding the lie that “good girls” don’t have fabulous sex with their husbands.

I strongly believe it’s the overflow of this faulty understanding about God’s heart toward sexuality that has many marriages in the church today suffering from a case of watered-down, resentment-laden sex.  A far cry from the ever-growing, relational oasis it was designed to be.

And because no one talks about this, except maybe the Cosmopolitan-reading ‘bad girls’, we suffer in silence.

It’s a dangerous dynamic that has the potential to destroy a marriage if not addressed.

“Sex is the spice that rescues our relationships from becoming mundane pursuits of chores” – Bill & Pam Farrell.

If you even wondered how important sex was to God’s heart, notice that He dedicated an entire book to a detailed, juicy exploration of the topic.  Find some time to slip away and read Song of Solomon 2:3-17 and Song of Solomon 4:1-7.  It’s steamy stuff!

You see, sex is like glue in marriage.  The mortar of the marriage structure.  It requires the ultimate sacrifice of vulnerability, humility, and selflessness.  And it immediately creates a shift in the ‘climate’ of your relationship, and ultimately, in your home.  A sexless marriage will cause ripples in every area of your life.  Nothing is unaffected.  I realize this is a tough reality to accept, but know that there is always hope.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, puts it this way…

“Men need validation. When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he’s very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs. And these days women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need… I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

  Do we fully grasp, as wives, that when we said ‘I do’, we were committing to be our husband’s sole source of sexual satisfaction for the extend of our lives together.  Sure, other {unhealthy} counterfeits threaten to creep in from time to time, but the responsibility to meet those God-given needs lies in our capable hands. 

Because sex has the power to unlock your man’s emotions…and you’re the one holding the key…it is inconsiderate – and frankly, un-Christlike – to withhold that gift from him.  Strong words, I know.  But if we refuse to do our part, there will always be another eager to fill our shoes.

Our men no longer need to go looking for opportunities to sin sexually – it literally knocks at their door several times a day.  We have the incredible ability {the power and honor} to help guard their hearts and minds in the fight.

Fight for your husband, beloved!

Our bodies are so very, very different, and while we do comprehend that on many levels, we often don’t realize the implication that has in the intimacy department.

Men are indeed like microwaves…hot and ready in a matter of nano-seconds, and satisfying them is relatively uncomplicated, comparable to a blindfolded attempt at ‘pin the tail on the donkey’.  Women, on the other hand, are the {sadly infamous} crockpot.  The one with a whole lot of buttons and knobs.  You know the one.  You’ve got to twist this 37 times, press that, move this lever 52 degrees clockwise, tweak this little button for 12 minutes and then pray it’s plugged in properly, because if it’s not…dude, you’ve got to start all over again!

Not really, but you get the point.

God made us this different on purpose! It takes time and effort and communication and a whopping dose of sense of humor to pull this stuff off!  All valuable qualities to cultivate in a marriage.

Don’t give up…practice makes perfect!

When we realize that our husband’s desire for connecting with us intimately goes deeper than a superficial, physical need for release, we may be more inclined to bless his heart by pursuing his body (and jumping his bones).

As a side note, and in talking about the importance of meeting his need for physical intimacy – which motivates a desire in him to meet our need for emotional intimacy, it would be remiss not to mention the wisdom {oh, husbands…are you listening?!} and importance of a man intentionally touching his wife’s heart first {it’s all about both partners selflessly giving 100%…not just a half-baked effort in the hopes you’ll meet in the middle).

Allow me to explain…

Mark Gungor talks in his series, Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage, about the access points to men’s and women’s hearts.  Aptly named the “happy” place.

Okay…now put away any persnicketiness, dust off your sense of humor and work with me on this one, okay?

For a man to touch his wife’s {ahem}, he needs to access her heart first.  Or as Mark succinctly puts it…”be nice to the girl!”.  And as we’ve discovered, for us to really access our hubby’s hearts…we often need to touch his “happy place” first.  Or at least make sure it’s getting enough, um…happiness.

The Happy Place

Cue the oxytocin, and voila!  It’s magical.

Or something.

Sex is a balm for their weary souls. Our husbands are out there everyday – them against the world – they desperately long for a safe place to come home to, to be completely real and vulnerable, and to be fully accepted and loved. Our desire for them fuels them in a way we will never fully understand {Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only}

Show Me Mine, And I’ll Show You Yours:

It’s amazing how easily – because they don’t always touch our hearts first – we put off meeting our men’s needs until we feel ‘primed’.  And while it seems natural – after all, it’s really hard to be sexually vulnerable with someone you don’t feel you’re emotionally connected to – we’re basically declaring, “fill my emotional intimacy tank (while you’re running on the fumes of an oil rag)…and only then will I consider filling your physical intimacy tank.  “Me first.  You second”.

  It takes remembering the depth of love {1 Corinthians 13:4-7} I’m called to offer my precious man – that was first offered to me in the midst of my sin and rebellion – to correct my heart.  When I lay down self and meet his needs first – even when my tank is feeling empty – he is passionate about meeting my needs.  It initiates an energizing cycle in my marriage.

  We are in a battle for our husband’s hearts. The phrase ‘it’s okay to look at the menu as long as you eat at home’ is absolute bollocks.  And our husbands know it.

The Bible says that an affair of the heart is very much an affair {Matthew 5:27-28}.

  God created men to be visual creatures – don’t bemoan it and whine about it, work with it, sister!  Take it up with their creator if you have an issue with it.  And in case it needs to be said…”don’t be modest behind closed doors!”.  Our husbands love being entrusted with the most intimate, brave, wild side of their wives.

Embrace your inner ‘goddess’…and for Pete’s sake, let her out a little more often.

  Don’t forget that even sexier than our girly figure in the bedroom, is our Godly confidence in the bedroom!  So let’s do what it takes to get comfortable in our skin.  When we feel sexy…we are sexier to our men.

  Be intentional about smiling at him again whenever he walks into a room.  Laugh easily.  And stop being so easily offended.  Learn to flirt again….”

  A big thanks to Joy for allowing me to share parts of her book.

Do you want to take this home with you, highlight read and devour more?

Buy Joy’s Book! XES: Why Church Girls Get Tend To Get It Backwards


Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum’s: Wifey Wednesday!

Saving Sex for Marriage: From Forbidden Fruit to Free Rein

saving sex for marriage

    So you’ve saved yourself for marriage, Congratulations!  I know it was difficult, I know you probably got laughed at, and I know the World thinks you are CRAZY now.  But that is ok, sex God’s way is unlike anything you could ask or imagine.  We talked yesterday about the chemical make up of the body.  Your Creator knew just what He was doing, including the release of hormones to make you feel unified afterwards.  Now that is something to say WOO HOO about!

  However, it can be hard to switch gears from the Forbidden Fruit of touch during dating or courtship, to the FREE REIN of Marriage, after your I Do’s……

  Sex is an amazing gift from God, to be opened and enjoyed on your Honeymoon.  And as you know, any peeking or unwrapping of the “gift” before you make your Covenant with Christ, will just take away from the experience later.  {we covered this in yesterday’s post} 

  And on a more serious note, in the Spirit World your body and life, actually intertwine with your sexual partner.  This is why having sex with anyone else, just makes trouble. Their life and generational sins have a perfect tunnel right into your married life, like a toxic sewer system.  Breaking free from the bondage of those past relationships is as simple as an outloud prayer session in Jesus name.

  For those that waited to have sex until marriage, it may be hard to switch from the forbidden, or even dirty thoughts of sex, to fully embrace and enjoy it for the gift it is. 

  Sex is an act of Worship.  No joke!  It brings glory to our Creator when 2 become 1 flesh and we enjoy our spouses body.  {Woah baby, have you READ Song of Solomon?!}  He Created Sex for our pleasure, and He created it to keep you married in the tough times, ‘cause HELLOOOO, Make-Up sex is FUN!   

  I was photographing a wedding and was sad to hear Bridesmaids bemoaning how awful sex was to this virgin bride.  WHAT A TRAGEDY!  Sex is a beautiful, amazing, delightful gift to enjoy fully.

Let me share a story with you from Max Lucado:

    A newlywed couple arrived at their ‘bridal suite’ in the wee hours of the morning, after their wedding, with great expectations.  What they were met with was beyond disappointing.  Where were the flowers and fruit and chocolate…and more importantly, the 4 poster bed, they had seen in the brochure?  What a horrible mistake this must be.  Too exhausted – and preoccupied with the promise of the greatly anticipated love-making, they decide to take it up with management in the morning. 

  After an uncomfortable night on a lumpy pull-out sofa in the small, stuffy room, the new husband heads down to the manager’s desk to give him a piece of his mind.  After listening patiently for a few minutes, the desk clerk asks…

”Did you open the door, sir?”

  After sheepishly returning to his room in search of ‘the door’, they open what they had assumed was a closet door, and are left speechless by the extravagance that lays before them.  A stunningly decorated, spacious room, boasting fresh flowers and fruit, chocolates…and the sprawling 4 poster bed.

  Do NOT be afraid to Open this Door on your Honeymoon…….

First in communication!  

  I would strongly encourage you and your fiance, to have a very real conversation shortly before your wedding, about your expectations for your Wedding Night.  

  I can guarantee you, you both will want to approach it differently.  Part of the way God made men and women. :)  

  You ladies may be imagining that you will slowly kiss and make out, and ever so slowly lead up to sex.  If you kissed during your dating relationship, you may be imagining that at the point you used to stop, you simply won’t have to this time.  Your handsome hubby however, may be imagining that the second you get to the hotel, he will drop his pants, and help you out of yours before leaping into bed.  Talking about it ahead of time will help you both be on the same page.

  I was terrified of sex hurting.  I was scared to show Dale my naked body, and I was scared to see his.  We have always had really open communication, so I talked to him about it.  His kind words put me at ease, and you know what blessed me the most?  He said, as long as I can hold you and know you are mine at the end of the day, we don’t even have to have sex that first night.

  Did we have sex the first night?!


  But you know what, his words took all the pressure away.  He showed me his heart and allowed me to voice my fears to him ahead of time, totally calming my fears and making me feel safe and loved.  

  So, you’ve had your big day, it was everything you imagined it would be, you are tired of smiling, in fact, your cheeks probably even hurt!  Your feet ache from standing so long or dancing, and now that you CAN open your “Gift”, how does this thing called SEX work?

8 Ways to Turn The No No No’s

Into The Yes YES YES’S

On Your Wedding Night

1.  Take It Slooooooooooooow!

  On our honeymoon night, Dale and I got to our new to us home about 11:30pm.  We didn’t have a dance per church rules, so we just spent time greeting our 600 guests.  We didn’t get to even eat, so our sweet family packed us a picnic basket full of wedding food.  So, we had a carpet picnic on the floor of our bedroom, eating, laughing and talking about our big day.  This is also when we opened the box of Love Letters I had written Dale every birthday from age 13 on and read them to each other. From giggles at the 13 year old scrawl, to tears at the 17 year olds heart felt letter of love and affirmation…we connected heart to heart before we ever moved towards becoming one.

  I felt no pressure from Dale to rip off my clothes and jump into bed with him, although I am sure he would’ve loved that. As I mentioned above, he reassured me that we could wait until another night.

  We spent one night at home before leaving at 5 am for our flight to Maui.  Hindsight is 20-20, we probably would’ve waited one more day before flying out, just to have more intimate time together before a 12 hour flight.  That is a LONG flight when you are newlyweds. 

  Actually that is a long flight when you aren’t, but you know what I mean!  ;)

  Starting slow means kissing and letting it progress slowly, over a period of time, except unlike your dating relationship, there are no brakes.  The Lord designed kissing to lead to deeper kissing, roaming hands, heightened breathing and sensation, for a reason.  Start kissing and watch it happen on its own.  No brakes! No brakes! 

2.  Use A Water Based Lubricant

  This will be your best friend at first, until you get everything worked out. Keep a bottle handy and use it every time, even reapplying during intercourse, as necessary. Nerves will make your body naturally a bit drier. This will remedy itself as your body gets used to intercourse.

3.  Stop After Entry

  I am trying to be as appropriate as possible while still talking about what I mean.  After your bodies become one, stop.  This is a fantastic time to ask your Creator to bless your union.  One of the things I love most about Dale, is from our honeymoon on, he is in the habit of asking the Lord to bless our union before moving forward.  Proclaiming to our Heavenly Father, his love for me and his thankfulness at our life and marriage.  It has always warmed my heart and made me feel cared for.

  Pausing after entry, will also allow the walls of your vaginal muscles to stretch around your husband, and allow for more pleasure and less pain these first months of sex.


  I am not going to lie, it does hurt at first.  But if you deep breathe, closing your eyes to focus on the good feelings that TOTALLY outweigh the pain of stretching, you can still achieve an orgasm and have some fun.  Breathing means oxygen, oxygen means more blood flow, and more blood flow means…..more FIREWORKS!

5.  You Might Not Achieve An Orgasm From Sex Alone

    Every body is so different, some women orgasm easily during sex, multiple times in fact! It’s super-duper fun if you are blessed with this, but sadly, it is not this way for everyone.  Some women may never orgasm from sex alone, and need some manual stimulation to achieve this.  There is nothing wrong with that, your spouse just needs to know what to do about it.

  Husbands, after you have finished, do NOT roll over and expect that she is done too.  If you haven’t heard her big finish, then it’s up to you to make it happen, Buddy!  This means touching, caressing and kissing her until she finishes, too.  There are some great books by Christian authors that you can read that can help you understand the female body.  And that brings me to my next point….

5.  Sex Is About Pleasing the Other Person

  When sex is about pleasing self, it doesn’t work right.  It basically becomes a self gratifying act to use the other person for your personal release.

  Sex God’s Way, means your entire focus is on pleasing the other person.  And when their focus is completely on pleasing you, and your focus is completely on pleasing them, and their pleasure, it means FIREWORKS for both of you!  And afterwards, both of you may bask in the after glow of it all, as those amazing hormones that was talked about yesterday, make you feel connected and in love! 

6.  Communication is KEY!

  Talking and having fun, is what this process is all about!  Sex is for enjoying each other.  Telling your spouse what you like and don’t like in the midst of intercourse, is key to the success of this physical union.  Your Spouse is not a mind reader!  Give ‘em some verbal cues, honey!

7.  Have A Naked Day

  Every honeymoon needs a Naked Day.  We went to Maui for 7 days, so towards the middle when we were tired and sunburned, we threw a Naked Day and stayed in our condo the whole day, no clothes allowed!  You are your own worst critic, so don’t be shy!  Your spouse loves your body and everything about it. 

8.  If At First You Don’t Succeed….

  Try, try again!

  Don’t be discouraged if this isn’t your Hollywood movie romance scene, that is a lie at it’s finest.  Things may not go to smoothly the first few times.  Laugh it off and try, try again.  Your personal love story is far better than anything Hollywood could ever script.  Throw out those preconceived notions and JUST HAVE FUN with your spouse, and know you are praising your Heavenly Father in your union.

  Can I get an AMEN! & a Hallelujah over here?!


Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum’s: Wifey Wednesday!





Sex Before Marriage {Part 2}: The Chemical Side

  Welcome to Post 2, if you haven’t read Post 1: Sex Before Marriage: Everyone Is Doing It, RIGHT!? head over and get caught up!

 Now let’s cover the CHEMICAL side of why God designed sex for marriage only:

the chemical side of sex

  This article comes from www.christianpost.com and I am quoting this article in it’s entirety.

  Dopamine, Oxytocin and Vasopressin are three powerful and important products released during sex between a man and a woman in a committed relationship and helps couples bond. When they are introduced in casual sexual relationships, however, they can cause much trouble.

  Oxytocin, a hormone produced primarily in women’s bodies, helps women become bonded to the object of her affection. “When a woman has a child and she is breastfeeding, she produces lots of Oxytocin, which bonds her to her child….when skin-to-skin with her child.” explains the report. Working together, the two hormones and one chemical produced by the human body during sex helps to bond a man and a woman together for long-term relationship.

  “When someone is involved sexually it makes them want to repeat that act. Their brain produces lots of Dopamine – a powerful chemical, which is compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is your internal pleasure/reward system. When Dopamine is involved, it changes how we remember,” notes a Conquer Series report.

  So when a woman becomes intimate with a man, her body also releases Oxytocin and she becomes emotionally bonded to him.

  “Have you wondered sometimes why a woman will stay with a man who’s abusing her? We know now, it’s because she bonds to him emotionally, because of the Oxytocin release during sex,” the report said.

  Also referred to as the “monogamy hormone,” men produce Vasopressin which serves the same purpose as Oxytocin. “It bonds a man to a woman,” according to the report.

  But while these “bonding” agents are great for marriage relationships, they don’t work so well for dating relationships because “you lose your objectivity when you’re searching for your potential life mate.”

  According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings in the Conquer Series report:

  “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now, and it will be much deeper and hurtful. Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.”

  “Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant [to be kept] within the boundaries of marriage,” the reported noted.

  “You see the overtones here about God’s design for His pure temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding. So, for those practicing sex outside of marriage, they are creating a bond with their partner, thus inhibiting their discernment whether they should remain in that relationship. God wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond ourselves with the person we marry.”  

Gary Thomas, from the book Sacred Marriage:

  “At any given time, the female brain contains up to ten times more oxytocin than the male brain. Oxytocin is the bonding chemical that creates feelings of affection and empathy. You want to know why women tend to be more invested in close relationships than men? Oxytocin is one of the reasons.

  There’s only one time in human experience when the husband’s level of oxytocin begins to approach that of his wife’s: immediately following an act of sexual intimacy. A man’s brain literally re-bonds with his spouse, making him, at that moment, more committed to his family, more satisfied with his wife, more invested in his home. Wives, why do your husbands want sex with you so often (whether they know this is the reason or not)? It’s because they never feel closer to you than immediately following that encounter.”

  Another fascinating little fact that Dale heard on Christian radio one time, was that there were Scientific studies done on this subject, and they found that men do NOT release the same amount of Vasopressin in non-committed relationships, actually making them draw BACK from their sexual partner!  Yet another reason sex is for marriage only.

  God doesn’t ask us to refrain from Sex outside of Marriage to PUNISH us, He asks us to refrain from sex outside of Marriage to PROTECT us!

  Tune in tomorrow for a Honeymoon Night Pep Talk!
Saving Sex for Marriage: From Forbidden Fruit to Free Rein…..


Sex Before Marriage {Part 1}: Everyone is Doing it, RIGHT!?

 Sex God's Way

  We live in a “IF if feels good, DO IT” world.  And with that, has come a shift of self-seeking, self-pleasing, self-honoring living.

  Believers are losing their way, because life is more focused on pleasing self, than God.

  The Bible is so so clear on the issue of sex and the beautiful gift it is, yet, so many God-fearing, Christian couples skip over that part of The Word.  Living together, sleeping together;  all before marriage…..

  “It’s just a piece of paper that makes sex legal,” the World tells us, “you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first, would you?”

  “You are going to get married anyways……” the devil whispers in the ears of engaged couples trying to wait but failing time and time again.

  But God says in John 14:23 “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching…..”

  Simply put, your obedience to God is a demonstration of your love for Him.

  Easy enough, right? 

  I know you and your boyfriend or girlfriend love each other, but God wants you to put your love for Him FIRST, before your future spouse!  This is a HUGE part of your life to come, and the very foundation your entire marriage and life together is built on.

  When you disobey the order that the Lord has laid out for you, you actually rob yourself of the blessings to come.  Not only that, anytime you disobey God’s directions there are always consequences to pay.

  I Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

  I will never forget my 8th Birthday. I had been playing Super Spy Girl and had found all 3 of my birthday gifts before my party.  I thought I was so cool!  I would often sneak into the closet to peek at them one more time in the weeks before my birthday. 

  Guess who was totally bummed on her big day?

Yup, me.

  I thought it would be awesome to know what I was getting for my birthday ahead of time, but I was sadly disappointed.  Sneaking a peek at my gifts had robbed me of the joy of experiencing them for the first time as I pulled off the wrapping.

    The Bible also states…….

I Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

  For this very reason, we are already encouraging our children to Court instead of Date, and to save their kisses for engagement, or the altar.  We also will be encouraging our children to have a short engagement to help control that desire until their wedding night.

  What if your fiance says you are NUTS? What if they tell you that they have needs, and they sure as heck aren’t going to start waiting for sex now!

  If your fiance does not receive what you are saying about sex before marriage, ignoring God’s commands in the process, then you may want to seriously reconsider your decision to get married. Not having the same passion towards pleasing God and obeying the Bible, will only get worse in the future, and will lead to a difficult, unequally yoked marriage.

  Let’s stop tip-toeing around the HUGE issue of these dating couples worshiping together in church, praising a God who they are BLATANTLY dishonoring in their sex-before-marriage life style.  And while we are at it, let’s stop being afraid to talk about sex inside of Marriage, where God created it to be enjoyed.    

    Let’s tell the World the truth – that Sex God’s way is far better than anything the they have experienced.

  It’s never too late for second chances, or becoming Born Again Virgins.  Christ’s death on the cross covered ALL our transgressions, including anything you have done sexually.  We ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  Let’s help each other see the truth and instructions to walk in freedom, outlined in God’s Word.   

for·ni·ca·tion (fôrn-kshn)  
NOUN:Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.

1 Corinthians 6:9-20  “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

  “Sexual baggage doesn’t unpack itself, it simply slips into the bed beside you and makes connecting with your spouse in spirit and truth, that much harder to do.”  Joy from Simply Bloom

  Commit your relationship to the Father, deal with past sexual partners by praying in the name of Jesus and breaking those ties.  Do this out loud, together before marriage.

   The tears and forgiveness that follow will be a new kind of intimacy, and in the long run, keep your future marriage from being tainted from the connections to those other partners.  {more on this later in the week}

  Bountiful blessings flow when you do things God’s way, instead of the Worlds way…….

Now head on over to Post 2 and learn about the Chemical Side of Sex!


More info on this subject here:


2 Years Ago Today

 What is a date on the calendar really?  

All those little squares, empty and waiting for us to fill with our busy lives.

  A place to jot notes.

 Record and remember important events like birthdays, doctors appointments, school functions, and anniversaries, we can’t forget those…..

  My calendar today has a red circle around the number 10.   

Next to it, a heart with a jagged line running through it, and a year: 2011.

The day & year of Dale’s “Truth”.

d & t

  Could it really only be 2 years ago today, that my world so drastically changed?  

It feels like a LIFETIME has gone by.

  Last year at this time, I bawled my way through the day.  Raw and having just told our story to the world, after keeping it quiet for nearly 9 months.  

  Interesting isn’t it, that just like the timeline of a newborn baby, our story took 9 months to grow and change, to prepare itself for the big reveal on April 30th, 2012.  

 You know, as I sit here and look down at my calendar, it doesn’t MEAN anything.  It doesn’t make my heart race, or skip a beat, no tears come to my eyes.  This year July 10th, is just a date on the calendar.  

  The timeline of the last two years has included brokeness, sharing, fearing our truth, then owning it loudly, obeying when it would’ve been easier to hide, loving, rebuilding, crying and laughing, good days and bad days, forgiveness and bitterness.

  But this date no longer owns me, and I am happy to tell you that today.

d and t

 Because someone, somewhere, is laboring along the same path Dale and I did, raw and broken, barely making it at times. They needed to hear this today.   I am writing to you today, broken one, to give you hope.  

  Hope that even 2 years later, just 2 short years after your truth, you CAN have victory, love, laughter, joy and peace by the supernatural healing of Christ Jesus our Lord.  

IMG_1372 honey

  Most counselors will tell you, that average number of years to heal from infidelity are 5-7.  And that’s ok, you take all the time you need.  But just hear me, that if you allow the Lord to lead every single step in this healing process, in the forgiveness that has to happen, then peace and joy return quickly.  Even 2 years later, you can feel whole and happy again.

  You know, maybe, just maybe, when I transfer important events to my 2014 calendar, I will skip over this one.

July 10th, 2011

  Or, maybe not.

  After all, it is a huge turning point in the timeline of our lives.

 Not for the horror it caused, but for the good that came up out of the muck and mire.  The beauty that came from deep inside those ashes.  The way our love grew deeper and stronger than we EVER thought possible.

What doesn’t break you, DOES make you stronger.

  July 10th, 2013 makes me proud of us, of how strongly we stand, united by tragedy turned triumph.  Thankful to the Lord for comforting us and carrying us after the fall.  

  Thankful that today is a glorious day, full of sunshine and joy, peace and hope………

  A date, is just a date.  

A calendar holds no meaning to our Lord, for His timeline is vastly different than our own.

I am glad for that.


holding hands