I have written many a blog post on chores, age appropriate chores and more, because I think it is an important part of raising our families. I want our kids to grow to be responsible, tidy, hard-working adults. If you … Continue reading
There seems to be a phenomenon of planting Busyness in the lives of our children.
From well before their crawling years on, they are being toted from activity to activity, place to place, thing to thing. Part of this may be due to older siblings activities, but a lot of this is new mommies being overwhelmed by their busy child, or bored at home with their one sleepy-head baby.
Believe it or not, playing at home has to be taught! So does learning to be Still and Content at Home.
When a child is raised being toted from play date to play date, from Bible Study to local gym nursery, then this story time and that, they never learn to just find peace at being home.
Home is to be our safe place.
Home is where we find peace and rest.
Home is where the heart is.
Home is where we teach and instruct our children how to live for Christ.
If we want Christ to be the center of our hearts and home, then that means we need to stay here once in a while!
This is a safe place where we learn to be a family. To share our toys, be soft and gentle, we learn to share our hearts, and how to do the dishwasher, make the beds, obey first time, be bored, and be creative!
This is where manners are taught, along with morals, values, responsibility, and life lessons.
Home is where we teach them to put on the armor of God, and instruct them how to use it, before they enter the World.
And bonus, teaching your kids to play happily at home un-entertained, means that on the 3rd snow day, they are still playing nicely.
That on the 2nd month of summer, you won’t be so fast to wish school was back in session.
That when you have a new baby to take care of, the big kids know how to self entertain, while you catch up on laundry, or take a mini nap in the rocking chair.
When we create the need to have hype and go go go, we miss the peace and still place where Jesus speaks to our hearts during the day.
What are we afraid of in the still and quiet? What does the Bible say about these things?
Psalms 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God!”
The Bible tells us we should have “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4)
So how do we go about training ourselves to be still? How do we “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15) when we are so preoccupied that our hearts are never silent?
In pre-GPS days, often the only what to get to where you were going was to ask directions. In the spiritual life we can avoid driving in circles by asking the Holy Spirit to show us how to “be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him” (Psalm 37:7). And we can use Scripture to map out the route to peace.
Before we begin to plead with God to help us with our problems, we can pray with the Psalmist, “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him” (Psalm 62:5). We can breathe deeply, inhaling the Spirit that gives us life. I sometimes take belly-expanding breaths to the rhythm of, “Come Holy Spirit…bring me peace.” It helps.
Read more here: http://www.guideposts.org/faith/bible-resources/be-still-feel-the-peace-of-jesus
Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)”Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
I have compiled a list for you that I hope can help!
1) Play to Teach, Teach to Play
Play to Teach:
Teaching your children to play respectfully, and kindly, with each other. Remind them that brothers and sisters are our best friends, and friends come and go, but family is forever.
This takes some training years, asking questions. “Would you treat your friend Abby from school the way you just treated your brother? I didn’t think so!”
There are many opportunities for learning within playtime with mom, from counting change at the pretend grocery store, lessons in kindness and sharing, to lessons in what God says about dishonesty and cheating to get ahead.
Teach to Play:
Sometimes, a child needs us to first play with them, “Let’s play school today. I’ll be the teacher and you two be my students.” Next, once we have given them some foundation and ideas, we can get the same thing accomplished by getting them started and slipping away. “I set up the school board and notebooks today, why don’t you go play school while I finish up supper prep?”
The end result is telling them to go play, knowing they 100% know what to do, and watching them successfully set up and play an imagination game alone or with siblings.
As the years go by, you can watch that amazing imagination of theirs takes over and they will come up with super cool things to play together while you work to keep your home. From orphanage to ninjas!
2) Keep the TV Off
When the children’s screen time has passed, (we do 1 show or 1 hour) shut the TV off…for the rest of the day. We can watch our adult shows after the kids are in bed at night. I am sure our time can be better used working around our homes anyways. Going over lists, getting chores done, praying over our spouse, or whoever’s laundry we are folding at the moment is a much better use of our time.
When I had one baby, I had a show I watched for every nursing. When I had 2 kids, I noticed big sis would stop playing to watch my shows with me, and they weren’t always kid material, so I shut it off.
At first it was hard, I missed the noise. But soon, I learned to embrace the things I had been missing out on, like Destiny doing a dance show for me while I nursed baby brother, or just the peace and quiet it brought my soul to sit there quietly and watch my baby eat.
It’s easy to have the TV on for noise, but our bodies need peace to center. We need to teach our brains to be still, to enjoy the silence. To enjoy those daily noises of our playing kids in the background.
When we are home and have to have the TV on for noise, it’s another form of busy, to keep the mind occupied. Satan works in the busyness, he uses it as a weapon to drown out the still small voice of our Savior. BUSY=Burdened Under Satan’s Yolk
3) Turn Praise Music On
If you are someone who likes to have the TV on for noise, replace it with praise music for 1 week and see how different the tone of your home feels. Its incredible! It invites the presence of God into our home and lives.
And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, peace, love, and joy……
4) Let Your Kids Get BORED.
Boredom produces some of the BEST playtime activities!
In fact, our kiddos rarely say the words “I’m Bored” anymore. There are too many cool things they love to do together, things they have learned over the years of having to find fun things to do at home, because I refuse to raise them to need to be entertained constantly. The more kids I had, the more important it became to me, to stay home and work around their 2-3 time a day nap schedules. This promoted a lot of good play time for our family, without having to leave the home to find fun.
If your bored children look to you for suggestions, make sure you have a craft section with pipe cleaners, glue, magazines, and construction paper, a game cabinet of choices, and some fun ideas ready to go for an easy send off.
Even start a Pinterest Board of ideas. That way when they come to you, you are armed with great suggestions, and if that doesn’t work, well there is always the option of assigning some extra chores to get those creative juices flowing!
Don’t forget the classics child home imagination games of:
House, table tent hideaways, King and Queen, school, and grocery store. If they are too young for that, it will come. Get them started on a color book, block tower to knock down, pretend you hear their baby crying in the other room and help make a little house to play in while they care for him or her, build a duplo block barn for all their animals, or a car town with a fun book ramp in the middle.
5) Play WITH Them
Playing with your kids can be so fun! I understand, it can fill our hearts with dread too, because we are tooooo busy. But it’s necessary and a way to show them our love with Quality Time. I say quality because that means no phone, or distractions, just 20-30 minutes to look in their eyes, grin and giggle, and give them mommy time with all of our attention.
I do not chose to do this every time they ask, because again, I want them to succeed without me. But being the silly waitress, the servant to the King & Queen, or simply curling up with them to read for a few minutes, fills their love banks, helps them get started on a fun game, and just makes me feel good as their Mom. I want to invest in them in this way.
6) Provide Them Organized Play Space
There is a distinct difference in how my children play when the play room is trashed, verses when it is clean. For this reason, we tidy up several times a day. For us, before lunch and before dinner works best.
Right after dinner we do jammies, story, devotions and prayer, because bedtime routine should start by 7ish for us to achieve our goal of 7:30 lights out. We just don’t even have time for getting more toys out.
If you have later bedtimes, schedule a window of clean up time before you transition to jammies and bed, and make it part of the routine.
Everything has a place and a place for everything. Every basket has a theme, every theme has a place in the play closet, so they can open it and choose what to get out for the activity of the moment. This allows them to quickly move from idea to idea and find what they need to play together.
They also know they HAVE to clean it up when they are done, but it doesn’t always happen.
That is still something we are working on. 
Beyond providing them ORGANIZED play space, let’s make sure we touch on that point, that ANY play space is better than none! Maybe an old attic room or basement storage room, turned play room? An office closet that could be used as both toy storage and a secret hideout?
Don’t over look your outdoor space, maybe its time for a nicer swing set, a homemade balance beam, or a trampoline for a family Christmas present.
Organize a space in the garage for easy access to bubbles, chalk, jump ropes and watering cans. Give them a corner of the garden that is theirs to tend, or some old tools and scraps of wood daddy doesn’t need.
7) Make Your House a Home
If you need to paint a room, or save for new to you furniture, do it. Have a garage sale and save up.
As women, we typically want our homes to be a reflection of us, and it’s hard when it doesn’t look the way we desire it to.
I HATED when my house had plain white walls, I wasn’t happy and I wanted to move. It was amazing what a warm tan and deep buffalo color, changed the way our living room felt. Curtains next, then new to us furniture and suddenly I was in love and happy to be in that room.
When it doesn’t feel peaceful, or like we imagine it should look, it’s harder to find serenity within its walls.
That also means tidying up the places that drive you nuts, getting rid of clutter, using baskets to organize the chaos, hanging pictures or art. Like I said, don’t be afraid to buy that gallon of paint, get rid of those dark curtains, and add some sheers to the windows to instantly brighten a room.
Make your home a place you WANT to stay, curl up and find rest in. There are enough DIY ideas out there now, that this can be done for very little out-of-pocket!
8) Lead By Example
Find peace within your heart, to stay home. Do the hard work now that it takes to teach a child to obey, rather than leave the house, so you don’t have to deal with their whining, or the dumping of the cat food one more time. Use each time as an opportunity to train, not a time to escape.
Peace starts in your heart, and flows into the corners of your house, where it is felt and enjoyed by your family.
Your children pick up on your cues, so when you find peace at home, they will find it, too.
I hope this post helps you feel empowered to stay home more often, and work on cultivating peace and contentment within its walls.
~T
We have used the Path to Success for several of our kids with great, ummm, Success! 🙂 We have also done this same sort of path to reward First Time Obedience. They loved it, and Dale and I enjoyed … Continue reading
Remember this winter, when I shared my Pinterest board called Fashionista Wanna-be In A Stay At Home Mom World? I told you all my favorite fall and winter looks, cute but comfy, for Stay At Home Momma’s. You … Continue reading
Sometimes I swear my life is straight from the Groundhog Day movie.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it. But let’s be for real, we literally do the things, in the same order, every single day.
And what is worse?
Sweetie, did you make your bed?
Nicely?
If I go in there, am I going to find you are telling the truth?
What about your jammies? Are they on the hook?
Did you brush your teeth?
Where are your socks?
Whose turn is it to unload the dishwasher?
Why are you still in just your underwear?
Who is going to help Mommy do chicken chores?
Who left all their bedtime stuff in front of the fireplace?
Who left on all the bedroom lights?
Why is there toothpaste ALL OVER THE SINK AGAIN!?!?!??!?! I just cleaned this bathroom yesterday!
That is just morning, how about Clean up Time before lunch is served:
Did you put the toys away?
Should I go check?
How about the Play Closet? And your room?
You know I charge 10 cents for every item left out, right?
That’s what I thought, go try again.
Have you gone potty lately? Quit honking your pee pee.
Paxton, there are no monsters in the bathroom. You don’t need the light on, there is a window!
Avery, why did you change into dress up clothes? It’s LUNCH TIME and I sent you in to clean, not play!
We don’t eat lunch in Princess clothes, they get too dirty.
No, we are NOT having PB&J’s for the 4th time this week. We are having {Insert leftover name}!
What? You loved it the other night!?!
Sorry darlin’, you are going to eat it, and you are going to LIKE IT.
And let’s not forget Supper time:
Why are you under the table?
If you weren’t messing around, your water wouldn’t have spilled. AGAIN.
Don’t talk with your mouth full, please!
Avery, we are almost done and you haven’t taken one bite!
Who is feeding Sophie their scraps? Stop it, I don’t want to clean up dog barf later.
It is Tylan’s turn to talk, he listened nicely as you shared your Good, Bad & Blessing of the day, so please show him the same respect.
Uh, did you guys ask to be excused?
What do you say to Mommy for supper?
Have you cleared your spot?
Did you get the dish rag and wipe it down?
Was the rag WET even?
Why is your chair still out? Push it in!
Don’t set your dishes next to the sink, rinse them and load the dishwasher!!!!
Please people, this is not a difficult task…..AND IT NEVER CHANGES!!!!!!!!
So sometimes, I lose it.
I do.
Simply because I am tired of having to ask! I holler, “GET BACK OUT HERE, PLEASE!!!!” Plop down the rag on the table, and huff and puff in exasperation, as I wait for them to try, try again.
Well, one particular day I had an epiphany at the end of lunch…..
I could holler for the two littles to get back into the kitchen, and clear their spot, wipe it and rinse their dishes, PLEASE!!!!
OR
I could make this a fun learning time and possibly come up with a chart or rhyme, SOMETHING to help them remember what steps to take once they have been excuse.
God hears and answers a Mother’s “I-Am-Going-To-Lose-It-If-You-Don’t-Help-Me!” Prayers, because in the next millisecond, this little sing-song is what popped into my mind:
You have to drag that R good and proper, oh and act it out, of course! They came running, and they came smiling and giggling.
It was in that moment I remembered that I was to teach and instruct them, but I was also to show them love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness….you get the picture.
Instead of saying the same sentences AGAIN, I had the opportunity to make life fun. To smile and giggle instead of roll my eyes and sigh.
Here is a video of the kids saying the rhyme.
Haha, catchy right!? They grin every time, and quickly set to work to do their tasks. The big kids, too!
Sooooo, does anyone have a rhyme for toothpaste in the sink?
Cause ya’ll, that is just NASTY!
Hugs, T
It’s been coming…… The day we start teaching our kids about money in a tangible way. I knew it needed to happen years ago already, but I just was so torn. We do not believe in paying … Continue reading
I had not ever had a “Word of the Year” before, when the Lord spoke to me RESTORATION in 2013, then followed it up with a million and one “God Moments”.
Click on the word Restoration above, when I re read it, it gave me tears and chills.
Our Father in Heaven is so incredible to speak to us in such tangible ways. I was asking Him in to Restore what the locusts had eaten at my house and in my marriage in 2012. I was asking Him to restore my joy, to heal my heart.
He did.
He still is.
I feel my Word of the Year for 2014 is BALANCE. As the Lord has blessed our home in various areas, we have gotten busy.
And you know what I think about busy:
Burdened
Under
Satan’s
Yoke
So my commitment to 2014 is to filter everything through Christ Jesus and His word, and His desire to be Number ONE in my life. To stop and PRAY about each commitment before it goes on the calendar.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. (Isaiah 26:3)
My second commitment is to put my husband and his needs next, followed by my precious children. This means that I will not always be staying up late at night to create a blog post for you all. This is tough for me to say and do, because I am a pleaser and by nature want to do my best, both feet in. I have worked hard to have blogs set into January, ready to go, because I worked ahead knowing the Holidays were going to be crazy.
But here is the deal….
No one made me blog 5 days a week for the past 3 1/2 years, but I have done it: driven by my need to give it my all.
I am plain burned out, and I think I need to admit that to you and to me. So, sometimes if you come and there is no post, just know I am choosing to snuggle up with Dale on the couch, make a t-shirt scarf, play a game with the kids, or just read a book for fun.
I also am going to have to find BALANCE in my Photography business as it grows. I want to limit myself to 2 appts. a week, no appointments wedding weekends, and once again put into place, a waiting list for any appointments beyond my set limit.
The pleaser in me wants to fit everyone in anytime they ask, but in putting my life back into its proper order, it will just not be possible. I know God will bless this commitment, even if it means some people chose another photographer. I am ready to be ok with that. I release it.
I also want to be careful not to over do next October-November. We call this the Christmas Card RUSH. I was working all morning, all nap time, AND staying up until 2 in the morning trying to get sessions done because there were simply not enough daylight hours.
Paxton got to the point where when I was heading outside he would ask, “You leaving a long time mommy? You got lots of photo shessions today, Mommy or just one?”
The others would ask, “Mommy, can I watch you edit so I can be with you?”
Yikes.
Time, no matter how much I beg, does NOT multiply.
For years I kept asking God to multiply my “Pie”, my time allotted each and every day.
A slice to hubby, a slice to kids, a slice to cooking, a slice to Facebook, a slice to blog, a slice to edit, a slice to a hurting friend, a slice to quiet time….wait, there are only crumbs left well before my list is done!
My family is my world, and I want to show them that by giving them my biggest, best piece of pie, not the crumbs. They are starving for me!
I want to seek them out while they are still seeking me back. Avery goes to school next year, these moments of me being a stay at home mom are passing quickly through the hour-glass, and I can’t help but feel jealous of the time I give other places.
So, can you commit with me to find BALANCE in 2014?
Anytime you add something, it means another area must give up!
Seems simple enough, but it was news to me!!!!!
Can we commit to limit busyness, so we can have family time around the table each evening, curl up with our spouse on the couch after a long day, read a book, or knit a scarf?
Commit to communing with God, no longer rushing from thing to thing, wondering where the time goes?
I want to find Balance in 2014.
My battle is not against the people who ask me for my time, but against the devil himself….
1 Peter 5:8 (AMP), it says:
“Do you ever feel your life is out of control—out of balance? As a child of God, we must take time from our busyness to set our priorities in order. Life is a gift and should be lived well.
We all have emergencies where we burn the candle at both ends, but this should not be the norm or soon there will be no candle left to burn.
That candle is the spirit within us that inspires us and propels us into forward motion.“For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness”(Psalm 18:28).
The darkness refers to our confusion, hesitation, frustration, or anything that would put out the light within us, as life has been known to do. Finding balance in life applies to all age groups, as the principles remain the same. It is essential to keep the most important things on the top of the list and to allow proper time for these things so one does not burn out, become frazzled or haggard.”
More about Christian women finding balance here: http://christianity.about.com/od/womensresources/a/KW-Work-life-Balance.htm
May God bless you with a fresh start and a fresh perspective on your “Pie” of time each day in 2014….
Let’s keep each other accountable!
Hugs, T
I HATE toys! I mean it. I am so anti-toys, that for the past 2 Christmases, I have gone out of my way to find crafts, games, books and other things instead. Our play closet is full to … Continue reading
There is something new here at the 4 little Ferguson’s blog! Introducing……..
I had a reader write over the weekend, requesting that some of the parenting posts be linked up for easier finding. Well, DUH! Why didn’t I think of that?!?!?!
Soooo, I am excited to announce a new page is going live today. Parenting tips and tricks, all in one convenient location! {top row of tabs, by About Us & Surviving Infidelity}
No more long searches and scrolling pages….
Raising kids God’s way in today’s World is challenge enough on its own, it is my hope that this page can be a source of encouragement for you!
Now please, go check it out maybe you’ll find something there you haven’t read yet! 🙂
~T
I had a 4 little Ferguson’s reader ask me a really great question yesterday, after the Drama post went live.
Great question!
I felt prompted to share our stance on teaching Physical Purity earlier this month, in the Train Up A Child post.
“The Bible says, If we train up our children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it when they are older.{Proverbs 22:6}……it means I am Intentional in my parenting. That I am always on the look out for those teachable moments. That I do my part to teach my children the value of hard work, daily duties and prayerful hearts. That I am to speak and pray those blessings over my children just as the Fathers in the Bible spoke blessings over theirs, blessings that came to fruition.”
I don’t think Purity is taught like a school lesson. Although it sure wouldn’t hurt to sit down as a family and discuss what Purity is going to look like at your house.
I think it is LIVED.
I think purity is in our actions, learned by our children watching us as we face the World, situation by situation.
It means we pepper our conversations with it, DAILY, moment by moment.
~When you shut off a movie, because it used bad language, you are teaching purity of the mind.
~When you see kissing on an otherwise clean movie and you say, “UH OH! Nooooo kissing until you are married.” You are teaching purity of the heart and body in a few short sentences.
~ When you see a scantily clad Barbie doll in the toy aisle, you can choose the one in a full ball gown instead, “Honey, this one is dressed more appropriately. We need to save our bodies for our husbands eyes only.” Teaching purity in the moment.
~ When your child wants to talk about “someday” with you, use it as a teachable moment. Tylan said, “Mom, someday I am going to get to go to a friend’s house and stay overnight?” I replied, “Yes, Ty. But first, I want to make sure you are ready for what you might face. Your friends might want you to watch a bad movie, or look at a magazine that is not appropriate, or even try to show you naked girls on his phone. If that happens, I want you to be ready to look away quickly, leave the room and call me for a ride home.” “Oh ok, mom. I don’t ever want to look at that bad stuff. King David did that once……”
Purity planting in a 6-year-old.
On another note, ever since we had that talk with Ty at bedtime, Avery has added to her “Future Husband” prayers, that he would NOT look at his friend’s phone or bad naked pictures of girls.
I was Purity Seed Planting in Ty, and guess what? 4-year-old Avery’s seed took root, too.
You all, THEY ARE LISTENING TO EVERYTHING! Make every single moment count!
Whether we are teaching purity of the mind, “We don’t read books like that….”
Or by listening to only Christian radio or Adventures in Odyssey in the car. We don’t want them to fill their minds with the sexual words of pop music and think its acceptable.
During Family Movie Night:
“We are shutting this movie off now! We never use the Lord’s name in vain. It breaks His heart…..”
Or if it’s a movie you can keep watching together, then use those teachable moments:
“Did you hear that child sass her mom? We NEVER talk to our parents that way, do we!”
Or purity of the heart:
“Dating that many girls only makes your heart full of holes, like Swiss Cheese. It’s best to just be friends until the Lord shows you otherwise.”
Or purity of the body:
“That lady IS so pretty in her dress, but see how low it scoops? When you have a dress like that, we will make sure you wear a pretty lace tank top underneath it to cover up more.”
Once you make it a point to use any and every chance for teachable moments, you will be surprised how often they come!
Limiting your child’s exposure to media and commercials will also help their “Radar” to be strong. The more we expose our kids to the worlds idea of behavior and dress, the more “acceptable” it becomes in their young minds.
Even adults are affected! Case in point:
I watched Grey’s Anatomy Season 1 and 2, and like a frog placed in water slowly heated, won’t jump out, I didn’t even realize how bad things were getting. I loved the show so much, I was willing to overlook some of the inappropriate scenes I was beginning to see on a more regular basis.
Season 3 started and I couldn’t watch it due to a conflict on Thursday nights. When I did tune in, late in the season, I was MORTIFIED at how trashy it had gotten. I haven’t watched since.
How did I miss it? Did the show change, or did I?
Somewhere along the way, the show became less medical drama, and more character drama. My radar was dulled. The clanging bells were muffled, as I slowly became acclimated to the filth being presented there. It took me not watching to “reset” my radar, and I was mortified when I returned to the show.
I now choose not to watch TV in the evenings. My time can be better spent editing, blogging or working around the house. I enjoy the occasional Undercover Boss episode, or the other night, Dale was watching America’s Got Talent after the kiddos were down, and the singer caught my attention from the other room. But, between my disgust in the commercials {which we don’t allow our kids to watch on the rare occasion they watch something other than PBS!} and the lack of anything good on, it’s easier for me to not watch at all. And to teach them the same.
They aren’t even allowed to watch “The Funny Show” {America’s Funniest Home Videos} anymore, due to the sexual jokes and harsh language from the host.
“Planting Purity” starts with us as parents, setting the example; i/e tilling fertile soil. This is followed by seed planting during daily, Teachable Moments. Careful weeding will keep filth out of the garden of your child’s life and mind, and watering with the Word of God daily, will keep harvest plentiful.
The “fruit” of Destiny’s harvest showed yesterday. I didn’t know if I was doing my job helping to plant the right kinds of seeds, or if I had watered enough with God’s Word.
But in these moments, in these situations that make us infuriated at the World we live in, we see our hard work pay off and a bountiful harvest to be thankful for.
~T
4 little Fergusons 