Warning: Most of my reader’s are woman, mommy’s in fact, but there are a few of you men out there that subscribe to this blog. (I adore that you read this by the way!!!!) So to you guys out there, be warned, this blog post contains words like Uterus, Episiotomy and Crowning. You may want to skip this and just read my 2nd post, Tiramisu Stuffed Cupcakes. Yummy, right?! Off you go.
Are you still reading this? Are you sure you want to read on?
Ok, up to you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Last chance: Read on at your own risk…..
This post is written for Preggo friends and readers……Mommy’s To BE!!!!! 🙂
PREGNANCY JOKES
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A. So what’s your question?
Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
Need a few more chuckles? Check this out, it’s hysterical and oh-so true!!!!
20 Things No one Told Us About Having A Newborn
I can’t tell you how many times new mommy’s call or write with questions, good questions, about pregnancy and motherhood. And lately, those same new mommy’s that call or write, have been asking if I’ve got this info on my blog. Ding ding ding, now THAT is a good idea, why didn’t I think of that!? It’ll beat typing this out over and over, now I can send them a link! Yay for convenience!
I can recall so vividly wishing that I had someone to talk to my first time around as a 21-year-old new momma. What I am about to share with you is not the law, nor do I think it is. Take it with a grain of salt, try the things that speak to you, discard the things that don’t. This is simply my take on Birth and Motherhood; my experiences, my goals, my aspirations.
For example, I aspire to labor naturally, drug free, allowing the body to work slowly and without medical intervention unless absolutely necessary. I am aware this is not for everyone. Because this is my goal, we have used a Midwife in a hospital setting 3 times and a Midwife at a Birthing Center once. If you are still deciding which you prefer, midwife or doctor, I suggest watching Ricki Lake’s “The Business of Being Born”. A fantastic documentary full of great facts!
Without further ado, here are my most talked about topics with new Mommy To Be’s…….
Pregnancy stuff:
The last 6 weeks of pregnancy I take 5W. It’s an herbal supplement from Nature’s Sunshine that prepares the body for the tolls of labor, by strengthening the Uterus and softening everything “in there” to allow the body to start to open, and often dilate, for the impending labor. Of course, talk to your doctor about this, knowing they may poo-poo it because they are unfamiliar with it. Have some info ready so they can read about it.
With my last pregnancy, I did something called Gentle Birth instead of 5W, which does the same things to prepare the body, with the addition of an ingredient that cuts down on bleeding after birth. This was something important to address the last time around, due to certain circumstances and as promised, it did just that! Amazing!
I also, those last weeks, visit a chiropractor every other week (he has a special tummy table) to make sure I stay aligned. I labored once with a hip out of place and had to do all sorts of crazy stuff to get my little darling to maneuver through the birth canal. I decided never again! And I tell you, it makes ALL the difference to be aligned!!!! Even for your own comfort those last weeks. Remember, your joints are way loose preparing for the arrival of baby and it’s easy to get a hip out and not even realize it. Plus, once you are perfectly in, you often go into labor! Major bonus!!!
So, to you mom’s asking about a natural labor…..
I hear they are no longer offering Lamaze classes locally, which is probably ok, I only used Lamaze once, for my 32 hour labor and about “heee heee hoo’d” my lips off. I have heard the Bradley method is great for natural pain maintenance and is still offered around here.
My goal for myself, and something I prayed for the whole 9 months, was to have a natural, drug free, stitch free labor each time and we did! Praise the Lord!
My favorite methods for pain management are the f0llowing:
- Labor in the bathtub. Being in the tub takes the edge right off those painful contractions and allows your body to relax, something super important! If your hospital doesn’t allow this, consider using this method while hanging out at home. I know you want to rush right to the hospital while your contractions are still like 15 minutes apart, and maybe you should, but for me, the “hurry up and wait” that often occurs by arriving at the hospital way too early, at barely 2 cm or something, was way worse than just laboring in the comfort of my home as long as possible.
Now it doesn’t always work that way. One time, I called my midwife to see if I could meet her at the hospital to “get checked” before nightfall, just to see where I was at in the process before a possibly long night ahead. She figured if I was talking to her so cheerfully I wasn’t too far along in the labor process, but she was going to be at the hospital anyways, we could just meet her there for a quick check. At this point, I was still out on the town with Dale for my birthday date; not in too much pain yet, so I wasn’t expecting much in the way of dilation. You can imagine my shock when I was already 6 1/2 cm. upon our arrival. Needless to say, they made me stay! Good thing I grabbed my bag, just in case. 🙂
- Labor on a big exercise ball. I use a ball the whole last part of my pregnancy. It feels so good to arch your back across it and stretch those sore muscles! I would sit on it during evening Tv time with Dale too, and just sway and rock. When trying to induce labor naturally and I was exhausted from walking, I’d sit on the ball and roll side to side, which basically does the same things as walking. It helps get things going, but keeps you from being so tired before the big show starts. I also use the ball DURING labor. In fact, I spent most of my hours on the ball. It’s very soothing to rock through the pain, and if you sit right, it opens your pelvis up and allows the baby to help you progress further, similar to walking laps around the labor and delivery floor.
- RELAX between contractions: The baby moves down between contractions, not during, so it’s very important that you are totally relaxed, even to the point of sleep, between those contractions, not uptight waiting for the next big one.
- Do DEEP breathing. Imagine you are taking in fresh clean air then blowing out the pain. Deep breathe through the nose slowly, clearing out the pain, then purse your lips and blow that pain right out! If my breathing got too shallow and panicky, Dale would calmly touch my arm, have me make eye contact with him and breathe slowly with me saying “Deep cleansing breath in……..blow the pain out….slow your breathing down, honey. Good.” Your mental game plays a huge role!
Your coach plays a big part in the success of this too. I love to labor surrounded by those I love, to share in the miracle of birth! Over the course of 4 deliveries, we have set up a system so to speak. Everyone has a different job they do:
Dale talks soothingly to me as I deep breath and helps during the pushing part by holding a leg. My mom has been at each of my labors, her job is to give me lip gloss and drinks of water. Remind your coaches not to ask, just offer these items. At that point you’re usually too focused on pain management and getting that baby here to answer. My best friend, Kasey does massaging and takes over coaching when Dale needs a break. She has also been known to hold a leg during the pushing part! 🙂 My mother in law takes photos of the event. I love that she captures all those precious first moments on earth! And, at my last birth, my Grandmother sat in. She has never experienced a birth other than her own, and we thought it’d be neat for her to sit in on our final hurrah. (4 and no more you know!) 🙂
PIT: Ugh, the dreaded pitocin. Hell on earth. This causes sharp contractions, waaaay different than natural ones and can cause all kinds of troubles. This article tells you more:
” ……the quality – strength – and quantity of your uterine contractions are greatly affected when pitocin is used during labor. It is a fact that contractions tend to be longer, stronger, and with shorter relaxation periods between each of them.
When you know and understand that during a contraction, the blood supply to your uterus – and therefore to your baby – is temporarily shut off, you realize very quickly how dangerous the use of pitocin can be.
If deprived of blood supply, your baby can experience what is called fetal bradycardia (or decreased fetal heart-rate deceleration) – heart-beat drops. This can – and often does – result in neurological damage and eventually death.
If your baby’s heart rate is indeed affected, an emergency c-section will usually be performed.
The diagnosis will be “fetal distress” and your doctor will be hailed as a hero for “saving” your baby’s life…that he put in danger in the first place!
In the 18th edition of Williams Obstetrics, it is stated:
“Oxytocin – pitocin – is a powerful drug, and it has killed or maimed mothers through rupture of the uterus and even more babies through hypoxia – asphyxia aka lack of oxygen – from markedly hypertonic uterine contractions.” Hypertonic means the contractions were too strong – which does not happen with a natural labor.
This medical textbook goes on to urge careful administration of the lowest possible amount of pitocin in order to avoid the tetanic – huge – contractions that can cause uterine rupture, and to insist that once the drip is started, the mother should never be left alone.
Obviously, these “rules” are too often disregarded to the detriment of women and their babies.”
No WONDER so many induced labors end in emergency C-sections due to a distressed baby!!!! Ladies, know what you believe well before you EVER step foot in that hospital! Knowledge is power.
Pushing time:
First of all, may I say this is the best part of the labor process. It’s showtime! I love it! All the pain changes, contractions no longer pinching sharply. Instead your body is screaming for you to pushhhhhh! You realize, your baby really is coming! It’s REALLY HAPPENING!!!!! Contrary to the belief that you might die from pain before seeing your child, you lived through labor and you are about to meet your sweet baby face to face!!!!!! (I’m going to stop here for a second and address something: right before pushing time you hit a stage called the transition stage when you go from 8-10 and you will hit your MAXIMUM pain. You will. Don’t worry, the second you hit 10 cm. and get pushy, it goes away!!! I cannot tell you how many momma’s try to do it naturally, get to this point, break down and get the epidural because they think “If this is what 5cm feels like, I’ll never make it”, only to find out they are actually already at 10cm and its time to push, now numb from the waist down. If you decide you want an epidural after making it as long as possible without, do yourself a favor and insist on being checked, you may very well be headed from 8-10, which tends to go really quickly. THEN you can decide epidural or no based on your number…..) I know that was a bunny trail, but thanks, I needed that off my chest. 🙂
So, back to pushing time, your doctor will tell you to bear down. My first time, I had no idea what this meant and wasted effort pushing wrong, which does nothing! I finally figured out they mean, and I say this bluntly……..push like you’re pooping. I am not kidding, this is totally what they mean and it works. The second I switched to that kind of pushing, we saw the baby. Sorry, told you this was going to be blunt!
Most hospitals make you push flat on your back. We are the only nation that requires this! My understanding of this, is it’s the easiest method for the doctor to see what is going on, but is not necessarily easier for your body or the baby, who now has to maneuver through your tilted pelvis to enter the world.
And talk about maneuver, have you tried to pull your knees up to your chest around a GIANT belly in the midst of an urgent “I have to push!” contraction in your most exhausted moments!? Your arms shake, your belly gets in the way, it’s usually so incredibly hot at this point, and you can barely remember to tuck your chin to your chest to push down as sweaty palms struggle to hold on to exhausted legs.
My favorite method is squatting, something I only experienced with my last. It changed everything! If only I had known to ask for this method before! I didn’t have to work HALF as hard! I could feel my baby moving down even when I wasn’t pushing, thanks to good ol’ gravity, who was now working with me rather than against me! Plus, I got to be in Dale’s arms! I can’t even begin tell you how much better it was! Ask your doctor if they “allow” this, I HIGHLY recommend it! (Sentences like this tick me off, your doctor is not the boss of this labor experience, YOU are. I guess what I am trying to say is, if this is important to you, find a doctor that agrees.)
Ask your doctor if they usually do episiotomy’s before the pushing part starts. There is a time and a place for this procedure, but it doesn’t have to be the “norm” before you are even allowed to try on your own.
Example: (this is what made up my mind for me about this issue)
Take a piece of paper. Pull both sides as hard as you can away from each other. The odds are it won’t rip. Now go ahead and make a tiny cut in the top of the paper. Now do the same thing you did the first time, pull as hard as you can. The cut rips even further. Your body will stretch, most of the time enough to successfully birth, without an episiotomy, which can promote more tearing than if you had never been cut at all. Like I said, there is a time and place for this to take place, but find out if you will be given the opportunity to try and birth your child without getting one.
Another thing to ask is if your doctor allows the cord to finish pulsing before cutting it. In most hospitals today, cutting the cord is such an uneventful routine that it can pass unnoticed by the overwhelmed mother. Doctors generally wait about thirty seconds a time period long enough, they believe, for the baby to receive all the blood it needs from the placenta. They then apply two clamps, break out the scissors, and often ask the father if he wants to cut the cord. Some childbirth experts argue that, rather than being guided by a clock, it’s best to wait until the cord stops pulsing before cutting, allowing the baby to receive all the blood it was meant to receive from the placenta. I read it helps the mother as well, because the placenta shrinks as it pumps out extra blood, making it easier to deliver. {There are some medical circumstances where this is not an option.}
Ask yourself if you want to be cleaned up and have your baby cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket before you meet, or if you want to be the first one to hold your baby. Make this desire very clear in your birth plan, or verbalize it that day in the delivery room.
For me, it was the second option. I wanted to be the one to bring my baby into the world and be the first to hold, touch and meet him or her. I didn’t want to strain to see him or her across the room while the nurses cleaned us both up. After all that hard work, I figured I deserved first dibs!
Once my baby was half out, my midwife helped me grab them under their arms and then I pulled them up to my chest. I can get teary just thinking about it! It is by far my favorite part! To feel that heavy, floppy little body in my hands, feeling them exiting my body and entering this world, pulling them up to my chest and falling back exhausted, but exhilarated. Stroking their little backs while checking them over to see that they have all their parts….I wated to count 10 tiny fingers, 1o teeny toes. Hearing, up-close, that sweet first cry, smelling their brand new sweet breath….all while my midwife waits for the cord to stop pulsing, so daddy can do the honors of cutting it. I LOVE IT!
Now that your kiddo is here, it’s Feeding Time!
If you want to try to breast feed and I hope you do, you have about a 45 minute window to get your baby to your breast. After that window of time passes, they get sleepy and you work a lot harder at it. I’ve had many a new mom call me in tears that they can’t get the baby nurse after it was swept away for cleaning and warming and wasn’t returned to momma for over an hour. I truly believe working within this time makes all the difference!!!! Be verbal, tell the nurses what you want. Ask for the hospital’s lactation consultant to be there for this part. They can help your baby latch properly and give you some great tips, which are crucial for the success of this process! Have your coach remind you of the time so you can ask for your baby back for nursing in time. Trust me, you may be pretty out of it with your head in the clouds, smiling like you’ve never smiled before right about then! 🙂
Babies are used to eating and sleeping simultaneously, so getting a full feeding does take work, but its worth it in the long run. Strip ‘em down naked, burp between breasts, tap the bottoms of their feet, whatever it takes to achieve a full feeding. I was told to nurse 20 minutes on the first side and finish with the second until baby was full. The next time, switch which breast you start with and repeat the process. Some of my babies nursed for 45 minutes total, another for only 9 minutes total each feeding. (one side per time is all) No kidding! And they were full the same amount of hours. Go figure. If anything, Motherhood teaches you that every child is different, so roll with it!
Ask for Lanolin cream, use it between every feeding at first, and change your breast pads often. This will help prevent your nipples from cracking and bleeding. Lanolin also pulls the pain from the hard “suck suck suck swallow” your baby has to do to get the Colostrum out, before your milk comes in. After the milk comes in, you’ll notice they “suck swallow suck swallow” rapidly, even to the point of baby choking at times over how fast it comes out!!! You typically aren’t as sore at that point, or ever again, as you get used to it.
If you have sore spots in your breasts, massage them. Even if it hurts, make yourself do it! You do not want blocked ducts. This can lead to an oh-so painful infection called mastitis. MISERABLE! I had it twice and learned my lesson. It’s far less painful to rub a sore spot, than to have an infected hot breast that you HAVE to make your baby nurse on to get some relief, as you lay in bed fevered and chilled. Ouch. FYI, I found that switching to a molded cup nursing bra, rather than an underwire style, helped to promote better flow and less trouble with blocked ducts.
Even if you don’t plan to nurse long-term, please please nurse your baby the first few weeks you are home. Even just the first few days can make a difference, so they can get that immune boosting, super thick, super-charged Colostrum. You are giving your baby perfectly created food, created by the Creator Himself! Now before you get upset, I know that nursing it not for everyone, nor is everyone successful at it. That’s why I told you at the beginning that this was just my take on things. Not the rule. Just an opinion.
My goal for myself is to nurse my babies 1 year. And we’ve done it. It’s not always fun, I stayed home a lot until I learned to drape and nurse, but it is so worth it!
We like to schedule our babies day and make them stick to it as best we can! Our goal is Eat –Awake- Sleep, repeat every 3 hours! I know there is controversy about this, and some people are all about demand feeding, and that’s fine, I told you this was my take on Motherhood!
Let me give you some stats that speak for themselves:
I scheduled my first baby to the minute. OCD much? We chose 7-10-1-4 (repeat) because it fit best in our daily routine. She slept all night at 5 weeks.
I tried to schedule my second baby, but he insisted on nursing for 30 minutes every 2 hours no matter what I tried. You can imagine all I did was feed the kid, burp him, change him, get a drink or go to the bathroom before we started the process again! Our schedule was not my “3 hours between feedings” goal by a long shot. He slept all night at 6 months.
My 3rd baby came 17 months after my second, and I was exhausted and got lazy. I did not schedule her feedings at all. She didn’t sleep all night until she 9 months old. I thought I was going to die from lack of sleep! It was awful! I knew I never wanted to do this “roll with it” method again.
My 4th baby was going to be scheduled! No question! And he did, near flawlessly! However, as a fourth time mom, I found some grace within that schedule. I allowed myself 30 minutes of “flex” on either side of a feeding. For example, because I want all the kids down for nap around the same time, I do his 1:00 feeding around 12:30, knowing he won’t eat again until 4:00’s regular feeding time. Rebel, I know! 🙂
I highly recommend the book “Becoming Baby Wise” if this appeals to you. My favorite part was knowing I could plan a hair cut or much-needed date night with my hubby and know exactly when to be back home, or how many bottles to leave with the sitter. {Example: I could plan a 2:00 haircut then run an errand while I was out, knowing I had just nursed at 1 and wouldn’t need to be home to nurse again until 4!} I am an orderly scheduled person, so this fit well with what I desire my life to be like, and helped me achieve some resemblance of “normal” after baby came and shook things up.
If you are a working mom, scheduling will allow you to know exactly how many bottles to leave your sitter, plus give the sitter some peace of mind knowing if baby is crying at 10 till 4, it’s time to heat up the bottle. This also allows you to tell your employer, I need a 20 minute break to pump at 10, 1 and 4. You’ll need to maintain the same pumping schedule at work as you do your feeding schedule at home to keep your milk supply up. My favorite pump is Ameda Purely Yours. Get the dual electric, you won’t be sorry!
If having the bottle be an option during the week or in church is appealing to you, or if you plan to return to work, plan to pump as soon as your milk comes in. You have a surplus of milk, go ahead and pump after each feeding. Yes, it feel’s a lot of work, and “one more thing”, but its well worth it! Imagine if you could have a stash of 80+ bags of milk before your baby starts eating everything you have to offer and there seems to be no extra!? It’s great! I have put away the pump at 4 months before, and never had to use it again, thanks to a great stash early on!!!
You’ll need a deep freeze for your milk to last longer than 3 months, which is how long it lasts in an upright fridge freezer. Deep freezer milk can last up to a year, I try not to let mine get older than 9 months before using it up. Although baby still drinks it, I think it starts to smell different after that.
I store my milk in zip lock type milk bags and date them, using the oldest first. I have never needed to put more than 5 ounces per bag, as none of my babies every drank more than that from a bottle, even my big 10 pounder babies! I think they work harder to get the milk out of a bottle, so they eat slower and hit the “full button” faster.
Do not microwave breast milk! Just stick your frozen milk bag in a cup of hot tap water and it will quickly thaw and bring it to a temperature similar to the milk coming straight from your breast.
When you schedule feedings, you tend to also schedule naps. The goal is a minimum of 1 1/2 hours of napping, up to 2 hours…..this is something we work towards, and fight to keep, the entire first couple years of our kids’ lives!!
In general, after the sleepy newborn stage where they sleep between EVERY feeding, our babies take 3 naps a day until they are around 8 or 9 months old. Then they drop the evening nap and go to bed earlier instead. Around 12 months or a bit after, they tend to drop their morning nap. We require an afternoon nap or rest time, until they are in school all day. Even if they don’t sleep, we like them to stay in their room for “Quiet Time” and they can read or look at books for that 1 1/2 – 2 hours. This momma needs the break! I am a better mommy after quiet time!!! And the kids are way happier too, and excited to play with each other again!
I could go on and on, going right into the 5 month “adding cereal stage” and all that entails, the new studies about white rice vs. brown rice vs. not doing cereal at all but lentils instead. In our family, we choose to start manner training and discipline at that same time, so it feels like a big step to start solids!!! I’ve blogged about it here if you are interested in reading more: Starting Discipline.
I’m no expert, everything I’ve shared with you is based on personal experience or what I was told during my pregnancy’s. However, I have “been there, tried that” a few times now, so I can speak to you based on those experiences at least!!!!! 🙂
Hope this was helpful to you. I love to “talk shop” with new mommy’s, so if you have a question I didn’t cover here, email me and we can talk more privately via email. daleandtonya@msn.com
Congrats new mommy or mommy to be! Hang on, you are in for the ride of your life!!!!!!!!!!!
~T
4 little Fergusons 