2013 Word of the Year

  I had this post planned for Thursday, but I think it’s more fitting to post it New Years Day, don’t you?!  

Each year, I hear families praying about a “Word of the Year”.  I have never done this, but looking back, I think we have had several:

2010: Discipline

  Our year of financial discipline was difficult to say the least. You can read some of the amazing things God did during this time here, the first of a three part series.  I see now, looking back, that this was all a breaking down of Dale, so the truth could come in the summer of 2011.  There was a bigger picture at work, one we could not yet see.  It served a big purpose in my own life, to re-evaluate the important things, to re-define our former comfortable lifestyle, and to let go of the “American Dream” in my head of what our lives should look like.

2011: Broken 

   There is no doubt the word for 2011 was Broken.  Broken hearts, broken dreams, broken marriage vows.  In the end, we learned God desires our brokenness.  And we will never ever forget, that to become broken, is actually to become whole. 

2012: Transparency

  This was a HUGE part of 2012, I kept thinking “Healing” might be our word of the year, but I keep going back to the TRANSPARENCY that had to occur for Dale and I to move forward in our tragedy for God’s glory, and share it both on the world wide web, but also speaking at church events, Encounters, and sitting down with other couples.  Owning our truth was hard, and there were those that judged us harshly for it, but God is so faithful.  Obedience brings blessing!

  I am excited to say, I feel like the Lord is showing me what the 2013 word could be, when I received the SAME word, for the third time in a 2 month period:

RESTORATION.

   I was not praying for a word of the year, but I have been meditating on this verse for the past few months:

“Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalms 51:12

  I WANT this.  I was asking God for this to happen this year. I feel like after an amazing mountain top high, I am in a Spiritual Valley.  I feel as if my prayers do not reach above the ceiling, and I no longer feel the Lord’s presence constantly, as I did in crisis mode.  I am asking Him to breathe new life into me, I miss the mountain top.  I suppose if we didn’t walk through a Valley, we never would understand the blessing of the view from the top, would we?

   In the midst of this, I was asked to speak at a Women’s event coming up this month, and the key word for the evening was Restoration. 

Hmm, see a pattern here? 

Then weeks later, I see the words:

RESTORATION 2013. 

My heart jumped as only it can when you are nudged by the Holy Spirit!

RESTORATION! Yes, Lord, yes!

“You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.“  Psalms 65:11

I pray our time of famine has passed, and it is my prayer for 2013, that He will abundantly lavish us with restoration of joy, restoration of our financial storehouses full and overflowing with a bountiful harvest, and a year full of blessings.  I cannot WAIT to see what He has in store. 

For He will restore what the locusts have eaten…. {Taken from Joel 2:25}

  So, I shared a little bit of this post on New Years Eve, on the 4 little Ferguson’s facebook page, and you will not BELIEVE the message I got:

Jessica Devine: I just wanted to let you know that my pastor received a Word from God for 2013….the word was RESTORATION!!! I am believing this!!! Amen!

 WHAT?!  Yet, another confirmation!  Praise God and Hallelujah!  She had chills when she read my status update, I had chills when I read her message.

   Listen up, we serve a God who can make beauty from the ashes of our lives, every single time, if only we let Him.  And like the back of a tapestry, we may only see a mess of strings, but He sees a beautiful big picture.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.”
Isaiah 55:8-13

What is your word for 2013?  Want to join me in asking our Heavenly Father for RESTORATION?

Restoration for Marriages. Restoration of a quieter, less busy lifestyle. Restoration of the family unit as it is meant to be. Restoration for the lost.  Restoration for the broken.  Restoration of our Great Nation.  Restoration of the Church, so that is no longer a Museum for the good, but rather a Hospital for the Broken.  

 We cannot even begin to imagine the great things He has in store!

Hugs, T

 

Shared with Mercy Ink: Heart Home Link Up

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Not Enough

I have heard these words more lately than I care to.  Most of them in my own head, but also echoing through cyber space, as women write me of their sorrows of unfaithful husbands and broken happily ever after’s, shattered hearts and destroyed self images.

  Why couldn’t I be enough?  I gave my all, my best…..and it simply wasn’t enough to stop him from betraying me.  Maybe if I was sexier, skinnier…..

These thoughts lead no where good.  Dale tells me over and over, “What I did was about something lacking in ME, not something lacking in you. Please don’t make this about you.”

It’s hard, isn’t it? Being betrayed in such an intimate, personal way.  It strips you to your very core, the place where that raw, aching emotion pulses and throbs with every beat of your broken heart.

We are not the only ones that hear this, it is not just ours. 

Not just women surviving infidelity hear that phrase, “Not Enough”.

All women do, at one time or another, as we look at our reflection in the mirror with judgmental eyes….

Not skinny enough.

Not curvy enough.

Not sexy enough.

Not tall enough.

Not full enough.

Not straight enough.

Not thick enough.

Not curly enough. 

Not good enough.

Not smart enough.

Not talented enough.

Not pretty enough.

Just NOT enough.

When we look in the mirror, stare at our image and size it up, comparing ourselves to the air brushed world we live in, we lose.

Every. Blasted. Time.

We lose because we are unaware that over the shoulder of our scrutiny, are the sharp claws of the devil.  The thoughts we have, being whispered in our ear by the devil HIMSELF.  We are mere puppets in those moments.

WHY?  Why do we let him whisper those lies? Why do we BELIEVE them?

We have the power to stop him, to make him leave, shrieking at the sound of the name of Jesus.

  ENOUGH, Satan.  We bind you in the name of Jesus. BE GONE.  We will listen to you NO MORE.

I am a child of God and Daughter of the King of Kings.

I am His Beloved and He has called me BY NAME.

He knit me in my mother’s womb. He hand-picked my eye color, hair color, demeanor, talents, and quirks, placed every freckle and planned every detail of me.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Even the hairs on my head are numbered.

He bottles up all my tears in heaven.

He knows my thoughts before I think them.

I am made in HIS image. 

I am chosen, holy and blameless before God.

I break His heart when I tell Him that I don’t like what I see.

I sin when I make Dale’s fall about me.  When I roll in the filth of the ashes and drape myself in sack cloth of mourning.  I choose to STOP the path of destruction.

When you look in the mirror you should see one thing:

JESUS.

If you don’t, then its time to ask Him for new eyes.  Ones that see the beauty in which He has created you, your precious life, in His image.

It’s time to ask Him to give you new thoughts, thinking on what is good, and pure and noble and right.  (Philippians 4:8)

It’s time we throw off “self” and our self-seeking ways, our vain strategies to look younger, be thinner, look prettier.

When you look in the mirror, you should see JESUS shining back through a beautiful YOU.

 Because you take your Creators breath away……

~T

He Makes Beautiful Things

A Walk in My Shoes

  I am still sorting through the rubble.

The ruined pieces of our marriage.

Pictures, dates, someone’s careless words, a joke about cheating….

All can take my breath away. Can make tears roll down my face in an INSTANT, despite my best efforts to stop them.

I live in a world that wants me to move on. 

Get over it.  Stop talking about it.

    I say to you,

Please, just let me catch my breath.

Let me work through the rubble piece by piece.

Let me do whatever it takes to heal in a complete, whole and healthy way, even if you don’t think it’s fast enough.

Let me go on 2 overnight trips with my husband in one summer, without judgement, because we are desperate for US time. Because the hardest part about this road we are on, is maintaining normal life with 4 kids.

 I need to be allowed to work through the layers of my hurt and healing. Stuffing down tears and hurts, only means I will have to deal with them later.

  I said to our counselors from our very first session on. I have a gaping, open wound. It is a pain I have never experienced before. I want it healed, but I want EVERY single corner cleaned out.

  I want NOTHING remaining in it, so that when it heals over completely, and it will, that I NEVER, EVER have to re-open this wound because a speck of dirt remained.  A speck of dirt, that over time, turns into a festering puss pocket of hurt or anger or fear that didn’t get scraped out.

  Scraping out all corners of the wound has been a slow and painful process, but a necessary step for the health of our relationship.

  I have pleaded with the Lord from the beginning, “Father, Don’t waste this hurt. Don’t let it be in vain. Let our tragedy be used for your glory.”

Don’t EVER mistake me talking about what we went through, our struggles as a couple trying to rebuild, as me not forgiving.

“Forgiving means forgetting” is the biggest lie out there.

  Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to forget, it doesn’t mean we are to live as people without a history. No. God USES those hurts to then help others get through. When I talk about what happened between Dale and I, it is not to “throw him under the bus”.  It is not to roll around in the muck and mire, or live it all over again.

No. I love Dale. We are ONE.

To “throw him under the bus” is to lie under there MYSELF.

   I share our story, in story form, because I am a story-teller by nature. It’s my passion. We are being asked to share with a hurting world, and we said YES, Father. We are being asked to help shine light on the secret, dark places, so satan can rule no more.

Here me loud and clear:

I WILL keep sharing our story turned HIS.

  Because, to be broken is to be made WHOLE.

 And as my mentor said, “We never know when a ‘Doubting Thomas’ will believe by touching our scars. {John 20:24-29}  Never regret or curse the very things that God will use to show His love through us. Bruised, proven and precious.”

You have not walked one step in my shoes. Not one.

Don’t judge me, please. You don’t have the right.

 Please understand, I have Dale’s full support to speak of what we went through.

   We wrote the blog series on Surviving Infidelity, together. Every time one of us is asked to speak or share at Encounter, we write those teachings and testimonies TOGETHER.

  In fact, we are speaking at a Marriage Matters night at a local church this weekend, together. Telling of our journey to healing, together.  I am terrified. I don’t like to speak in public, I’d rather hide behind my computer screen and blog, but I guess that is the whole “God’s power is made perfect in weakness” thing.

 Doing the “right” hard thing, is just that….

Hard. 

 

   Please don’t mistake the fact that I am again speaking about this moment that changed our marriage, as sign that I am a man-hater, or against Dale in any way.  We are a team. We are in this together.  We fought for our marriage, because we love each other enough to work HARD to stay together.  God is asking us to share in all kinds of ways, including taking us out of our comfort zones.

  You may sit in your cushy office chair and judge me for sharing our story, turned His. 

Maybe you roll your eyes because I am talking about this, again. 

  Try to understand, my life radically changed last summer…… I am not the same Tonya I used to be.  I am trying to figure it all out, this new life of mine.  In some ways, I am stronger.  I am braver.  I have faced my WORST NIGHTMARE and survived.  I am proud of that fact.  Empowered by it.  But I am also more exhausted, more sad, more weary than I have ever been in my life.  I work hard each day to choose forgiveness.  I work even harder, to choose joy.  A joy that used to pour out on its own, with no effort…I miss that. 

  I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t miss the sunshiny life I found wonderful.   My self-worth in my marriage.  A Tonya that oozed happy, that bubbled joy. 

And although weeping may endure the night, joy WILL come in the morning……..Psalms 30:5

Don’t you see?  

 I chose this. Willingly. Because obedience brings blessing.  I chose this when I told Dale I’d stay and fight for our marriage, rather than divorce him.
Because sometimes the right “hard thing”, is the hardest “right thing” to do.
I chose this because I am lost without him.  I don’t know how to be ME, without him by my side.
Because I pledged my life to his, for better or worse.
Because we are one.
Because this is what the Lord asked me to do.

Don’t judge my actions.

Please.

I don’t answer to you.

 I am taking direction from a God, who heard my plea to not waste this hurt.
A Father who is in the process of making a beautiful mosaic from the shattered pieces of my broken marriage.
A Holy Spirit who moves me to write and share from the heart with words that I sometimes can’t even believe I typed.

Let Him work.
Let Him use Dale and I how HE sees fit.

I answer to one, THE One.

The healer of my soul……

Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

~T

The 12 Steps Of Forgiveness

  Forgiveness is hard.  It’s hard because it feels like WE are the ones losing when we give it, but that is a lie.  Satan loves it when you feel that way, because you just hold it tighter in your clenched fist. You own it. You wear it. You live it each and every day.

  Guess what? You don’t have to ANYMORE.

  Forgiveness the very foundation on which we stand, saved by grace. Jesus wants us to lay our burdens and hurts down at His feet, to let HIM have them, to release us from our heavy load. He is a gentleman. He will never take them from you, He simply waits for you to hand them to Him.

The burden of unforgiveness is a hard one to bear, for it is like swallowing poison every day, and expecting the other person to get sick. Eventually, it is you who will die inside.

Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

  Me choosing NOT to forgive, is like saying what Jesus did on that cross was not enough. I need Christ to simply flow HIS forgiveness THROUGH me. My job is merely to be open to this, I don’t have to be healed or “in a good place emotionally” for this to occur.

  Please take a moment to watch this music video, the song is BEAUTIFUL!  It will be the best 4 minutes you spend today.

   YOU are the reason He died a horrific, slow, painful death.

Y-O-U. 

  Isaiah 44:22 “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”

  He would’ve died if you were the only person in the whole wide world.  Because He loves you.  He wants to be in eternity with you.  He wipes out our transgressions for HIS own sake.  That is incredible!

Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”

  I am going to share 12 Steps of Forgiveness with you.  I encourage you on your journey to complete and total forgiveness of the person who hurt you, to work through this list.  Print it off and put it next to your bed.

Take it, one step at a time. Check them off as you complete them. Date them if you’d like. It may take weeks or even months to get to Step 12, but do it! Be thorough. Make sure one step is DONE, before moving on to the next. Bathe this list in prayer and ask God to help you forgive.

Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for FREEDOM, that Christ has set you free. Stand firm then, and do not be burdened again by the yoke of slavery….”

How about the yoke of unforgiveness?

You don’t have to wear it anymore!

Galatians 5:1 says “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

1) I own the pain and hurt. I own “My Truth”.

John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

2) I get in touch with my feelings and thoughts about it.

3) I express my feelings and thoughts to God.

Matthew 9:4 “Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?”

4) I decide to forgive, and say it out loud.

5) I surrender the right to get even.

Proverbs 20:22 “Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.”

6) I decide to put up with an uneven score.

I Corinthians 13:5b “Love…..keeps no record of wrong.”

7) I let go of my feelings. I Surrender.

Psalm 50:15 “…call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”

8) I cease defining the person who hurt me in terms of the hurt they caused, and become open to the possibility of the person changing positively. I begin to pray for and bless that person.

Matthew 5:44 “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you.”

9) I cease defining myself as a powerless victim.

10) I begin to look for the good that God can bring out of it–with my cooperation!

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

11) I let go of the misuses of the wrongs, such as an excuse for revenge, irresponsibility, blaming, and assume responsibility for my attitude, thoughts and behaviors.

Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

12) I become freed from the power of the hurt, such as the bondage of anger bitterness, mistrust and self-pity.

Romans 5:3 “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance…..”

No matter what, keep your chin up, and remember….GOD IS BIGGER!
~Tonya

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”

I Do: Part 2 {The Video}

Before I go into today’s post I want to share something with you.

Our friend and mentor, Harold, emailed us and said: “Did you have the Vow Renewal at a Horse barn on PURPOSE?” 

  Then he attached this:

  2 very valuable, broken horses in the field next to the horse barn we renewed our vows in. 

Our jaws hit the floor. 

NO, we hadn’t planned it that way. 

We simply wanted a more casual venue then a church, and a vintage barn style renewal appealed to me.

  Do you remember why “broke” and horses mean so much to us?

Go read The Dream, then you’ll see why! 

   Only God could orchestrate something this cool.  To HIM be all praise and glory and honor!  For what we see as just strings, He sees as a beautiful tapestry.

  On to the post:  The video!  YAY!

  I specifically hired a professional videographer, rather than having someone run my home video camera, for you. 

  And for me.  But you were a lot of it.  🙂

  I thought it only fair since I shared my ashes with you, that you get to share in the Beauty part, too.

  Deanna and her husband, from Today for Tomorrow Productions did an AMAAAAZING job!  They were so kind, and went the extra mile.  They were very good about answering emails and communicating with us before our big day. I highly recommend them!  {You will see why in a second!}

  So today, I am sharing first a Highlights clip, then the full video, divided into several videos since youtube only allows 20 minutes at a time. I understand the full video may not appeal to you, but watch as little or as much as you desire, and praise the Lord with us, for what He has done.

~T

Highlight Reel

 

Vow Renewal Part 1

Vow Renewal Part 2

I Do: Part 2 {The Ceremony II}

  This is post 2, head back to post 1 to read in order.

The ceremony continued……

A big thanks to Pastor Mark for coming out multiple times to set up and run the sound system for us!  Couldn’t have done it without him!

  After the ceremony, we served cookies and farm fresh milk…..

{Thanks to Kasey and Eileen for making all the cookies!}

We also served Fruit pizzas, Dale’s famous popcorn and these…..

Chocolate Truffles!

Handmade from a wonderful someone who had read the blog and wanted to give to our special day….WOW.  What a blessing! 

{For you locals that were asking, I do have her contact info if you want to order from her for your special someone! The quality of these truffles far surpasses anything you’d find in the store!}

This next set of photos is from my friend, Heather of Heavinly Blessings.

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Did you see in the earlier photos, that I had laid Scrabble letters all over the food table spelling out I Love You and I Do etc? 

 

  Well, look what our friend, MaryAnn made for us…having no idea I loved Scrabble letter EVERYTHING! 🙂

  This has a very special place in our home.  LOVE it!

The End. 

No……..

The Beginning.

~T

Unless otherwise mentioned, photos in this post are from:

 Whitney Hamilton Photography

I Do: Part 2 {The Ceremony}

This day is forever etched in my mind……

Tears.

Laughter. 

Second chances at a beautiful love story.

A pivotal moment on the road to healing.

New promises.

New rings.

Beauty from the devastating Ashes.

  And so begins, our I Do: Part 2.

*A BIG thank you to my blog friend, Mary for making the 
AWESOME vintage banners that you see on the barn doors! 

  When people first came up to the barn, we had a Blessing Table in lieu of a guest book. 

 They took a piece of this cute paper my friend, Jamie cut out for me (I paid her in Strawberry pie by the way!) and wrote a blessing on it, then clothes pinned it to the fence.

We had so much fun reading through them later!

My best friend, Kasey opened the ceremony with these beautiful words.

Good Evening and Welcome! There is no greater way to start this evening than with prayer! Please bow with me as we invite the Holy Spirit in this place tonight.
 She asked our Heavenly Father to have His way and be present in the hearts and minds of our guests, as they surround us while we commit our love and lives in this evening of “I Do …Part 2”.  Then went on to say…….

 As a married women I have gained a greater understanding what it means to be here today.  On this day, you are here to gather around Dale and Tonya, to stand witness to the vows and recommitments that will be spoken, so that when satan attacks and the load looks too heavy to carry….you will walk along side them and remind them of their covenant.

I Cor. 13  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…………Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Dale and Tonya choose love and forgiveness.  Today is a pivotal point in their journey to total healing.  What a blessing for Tonya to stay with Dale for all the wonderful things he has done right, instead of leaving him for the thing he did wrong.  I hope you too, can chose that path, because as it says in John 8:36  “Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”  Praise His name!

Shelby sang me down the aisle to this song by Francesca Battistelli:

I originally got this CD because I LOVED her song “This Is The Stuff”.  I had been praying for the Lord to show me what song I should walk down the aisle to, and as soon as this one came on, I froze at the kitchen sink, mid-dish and began to cry.  I KNEW this was “The One”.

  “Love’s not easy, but its worth it.  Whatcha gonna do when the bottom falls out and your left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold you? Who will hold you? 

……..Love can heal you, if you let it inside.  Oh remember now, love’s not easy, but its worth it.”

Then Dale’s long time friend, Tim spoke:

  “Dale and Tonya had a fairy tale courtship and wedding. They asked the Author of Love Himself to script them a beautiful love story, and He did. Even in the recent tragedy, the pen never left His mighty hand, and He is still writing that story.
Dale and Tonya went through a violation of a sacred boundary in their marriage. But Hope is not lost—they experienced God’s wonderful gift of restoration, allowing Him to take them through a rebuilding season. They are still growing, learning, and rebuilding. They are letting Him refocus and re-establish the foundation of success at the core of their romantic relationship. Jesus washed them clean and gave them a fresh start. God is in the business of offering beautiful new beginnings, which you are witnessing here today.

    Dale, jealously protect every expression of physical intimacy as a sacred treasure for your lifetime love, Tonya. Guard your heart and mind from the devil’s sneaky attacks. Sharpen your sword daily by digging into God’s word. Cloak yourself in the full armor of God, in essence, JESUS, so that everything coming and going from you must first filter through HIM. Today, commit to give her the gift of faithfulness by guarding your heart, eyes, and mind from the temptations of this world.

Tonya, lavishly love Dale with all you have. God wants to build lovers who love as He does—with abandon. They give everything, with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. They sacrifice and face the most challenging difficulties for the “joy set before them” (Hebrews 12:2). Remember forgiveness is a choice and choose it daily. Trust is hard to build and easy to break, but rely on Jesus to strengthen you and give you peace as you and Dale rebuild your house of trust together each and every day for the rest of your lives.

A poetic love is rare these days, but it is not out of reach. It will cost you everything, but what you receive in return is worth more than everything you possess now and everything you could possess for a thousand lifetimes.
Remember, God doesn’t need to imitate our culture’s style of love and romance. God has His own version of love—a poetic love that far surpasses anything Hollywood could ever create.
A day like today, marked by poetic love, is a day that shows the nature of God Himself—the original Author of true and lasting love.”

Next, our Counselor, Dan spoke, then did the Vow and ring ceremony with us:

“I have had a God-ordained privilege of coming to know and grow with Dale and Tonya Ferguson these past few months.  I met two broken hearts many months ago and have watched God continue to hold true to His word.  They came with a sincere desire to repair a shattered dream.  They have both walked through much pain and joy in the process, and I can say with all my heart, that any couple that puts their trust in God as these have, and continue to, they WILL taste success.  I have been encouraged by their commitment to God’s word and His restoration to their lives and marriage.”

Here are the vows we wrote to each other.  We neither one knew what the other had planned to say:

Dale went first.

Tonya,
C.S. Lewis once said “A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you forget the words.” 

  Tonya, I forgot the words to our song, I lost my way.  I made terrible mistakes and broke your trust and  your heart. But when I turned around, there you where singing my song, standing faithfully by my side just like you promised.

  There is a verse that says, he who is forgiven much, loves much.  Tonya, I have never loved you more than I do now.  Thank you for singing my song when I forgot the words, thank you for loving me at my best and my worst. I will be the man you have always wanted me to be, and I Promise to be faithfully yours, to never let satan sneak up on me again. It is my greatest desire to be faithful to you and to love you. Always seeking to meet your needs, desiring to help you in every way as you heal, listening to you when you want to talk, holding you when you want to cry, wiping away all your tears, encouraging you in your walk with Christ, and standing faithfully by your side from this day forward.

   I give you all of me today; a new man, forgiven by grace and made new by the blood of Jesus. You are my best friend, my first love, my soul mate, and you make my world complete. If you let me, I’d like to earn your trust again. Tonya, never stop singing our song.

Dale,
Today I give you my love without any limits.  I promise to accept the things you believe in, and always try to understand you, to be near you whenever you need my presence, to trust in your love for me and pray it grows stronger every day. I promise to keep no record of wrong, and to remember that our love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures ALL things.
  I promise to stand faithfully by your side in this journey called life, to fill your days with sunshine, to comfort you and encourage you, to make you Custard Pie :), to be your best friend and to love you all my life with all my heart, not holding back anything in fear, but moving forward with total abandon, leaping again into the arms of love even though I’m scared at times.
Through this tragedy my love for you has only grown stronger. The Lord has given us a second chance at our beautiful love story, so I come today to give you my heart and my hope for our future together.  I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I promise to never forgot how Jesus gave us Beauty from the Ashes of our lives.
Dale, today I choose forgiveness. I choose you.  I choose us.  I don’t know how to be ME without YOU by my side.  What God has joined together, satan will never separate, because a true love story has no ending, and I’d choose real with you, over a “happily ever after” fairytale…every single time, because I love you!  ……I’m crazy about you.

There were many tears shed during our vows to each other.  In the car, several days later, Avery pipes up: “I cwied during your wedding, Momma.”  Why, honey?  “I don’t know, but they were happy tears.”

  A few days later I got an email from a friend that said, “I don’t know if you were aware of this, but Destiny cried and cried during the ceremony. Swiping at tears that never stopped flowing.  She finally used the bottom of her dress to wipe her eyes.”

  I, of course, immediately went to her to make sure she was ok.  She said, “Yeah, mom, I am fine. I was just so happy that you guys weren’t getting a divorce and that God was healing your marriage.”

Precious.

  And now for the ring ceremony:

   Dale and Tonya’s future is a circle unbroken, much like these rings, with which they renew their pledge to one another in an act of never-ending love, faithfulness and devotion to each other.

Do you, Dale, continue to take Tonya, as your loving wife? Will you continue to love her, honor her, comfort and treasure her, be faithful to her and honest with her, forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?
{I Do}

Then repeat after me:
Tonya, I give you this ring, as a token of our abiding love and re-commitment to each other. I promise when I look at this ring, to see a new covenant with Christ, and my pledge of faithfulness before God and these witnesses.

  Do you, Tonya, continue to take Dale, as your loving husband?  Will you continue to love him, honor him, comfort and treasure him, forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live?
{I Do}

Then repeat after me:
Dale, I give you this ring, as a token of our abiding love and recommitment to each other. I promise when I look at this ring, to see a new covenant with Christ and to remember Beauty from Ashes.

  Our lifetime friends, Lynn and Ann, whom I used to nanny for, came from Oklahoma to sing the duet that they sang at our wedding, “Pour My Love On You” by Phillips, Craig and Dean. 

During this time, we re-signed our Marriage Covenant, lit our special shattered candle from Joy of Simply Bloom and had a foot washing ceremony.

  I was so sad to have to take this down last summer, I am so blessed to have it once again grace the walls of our home.

  This candle represents the Lords ability to shine through the shattered pieces of our marriage, creating a beautiful mosaic for HIS glory……

  I was wondering what we were going to do in place of a unity candle, since we were already one.  It was such a cool God-thing, that Joy sent us this just in time for the ceremony!

  And then, the foot washing. 

 

Jesus washed the disciples feet in an act of service to them, showing his servants heart despite their later betrayal of him.  While we washed each others feet, love letters played across the screen:

Here is Dales letter to me:

Tonya,
Today, I wash your feet as a symbol of my desire to honor you, care for you and be true to you.  This is a symbol of my commitment to die to self as I seek to love you as Christ loved the church. Today, as you trust your heart to me yet again, I wash your feet as a sign of my desire to serve you, cherish you and remain faithfully yours all the days of our lives.

Love, Me

  My dearest Dale,
I am washing your feet because true love forgives.  When Jesus forgave those closest to him, he served them.  He washed their feet.  This act illustrates to you how deeply I forgive you and how much I love you.
This act of servanthood is a token of my undying love for you and my desire to honor you as the head of our home.
I love you more than I thought possible….
~T

After closing in prayer, Dan says:

Dale, you may kiss your bride……………

AGAIN.

Dale got on the mike to thank everyone for coming, and for showing their loving support of us this past year.  Then the kids got to talk too.  🙂

  Jamie Grace’s “I Love the Way You Hold Me” cued and down the aisle we went, arm in arm…with the kids walking ahead of us.

  We were a family again, a whole unit before Christ, and all was as it should be.

God is so good.

  The rest of evening was spent eating, laughing, hugging and talking to the amazing friends that came to show their support.

  I posted those in the next post, because this one is already LOOOONG! 🙂

More to come….

~T

I Do: Part 2 {Before The Ceremony}

This is post 2 for today, be sure to head back a post for I Do: Part 2 {Worship} so you can read them in order! 🙂 

May 25th, 2o12 dawned bright and HOT, but that didn’t stop us from being nearly giddy with the anticipation of our special ceremony, to take place at 7pm that very night.

  My friend and hair dresser, Kelli came out to do the girls’ hair.  What a blessing to not have to load up and go into town!  She always does an AMAZING job, and this time was no exception!

 The couple that let us use their amaaaazing barn, also allowed us to use their guest house to get dressed.  The kids and my mom hung out there in the AC during our pre-ceremony pics.

A close friend of the family, Whitney, of Whitney Hamilton Photography, captured our special day from start to finish.  You can see more of her work here, on her website.  She does an incredible job and I knew I could trust her to photograph even the smallest details of the day.

Moments before the ceremony, nerves at an all time high, Dale grabs me for prayer time, asking God to smooth the path before us and allow everything to go as planned.

 And Whitney, being the kind of photographer she is, saw it and captured it all, unbeknownst to Dale and I.  AWESOME.

And so begins, our I Do: Part 2 Vow Renewal Ceremony……

But I’ll tell you about that, tomorrow!

~T

I Do: Part 2 {Worship}

  It was the day before our Vow Renewal, and we were hard at work setting up the barn and making preparations for our big day…..

  I had finally found the “vintage” napkins I wanted. (nothing like waiting until the last-minute) 

  I had lists in my head a mile long.  This whole “Planning a ceremony while still being a Mom” thing is hard work!  I was SO SO ready to join my life with my husband again, so ready for a standing covenant with Christ.  Beautiful and untarnished.

 

Our friend, Shelby and mentor, Harold were coming out that evening to have praise practice in the barn. They suggested we all worship together, to invite the presence of the Lord to that place.  We jumped at the chance.

It was beautiful.  It was humbling.  It was breathtaking. 

   Harold said it best when he said:

“Stop those lists running through your head, stop thinking about what needs to still be done…..The Lord is bringing the feast. Our job tonight, is to simply set the table.”

And so we worshiped with abandon.  Tears streaming down our cheeks as we invited our Heavenly Father into this barn.

This place where we’d celebrate a God who makes all things NEW.

Table set.

Bring the feast…..thank you, Father.

~T

I Do: Part 2 {Photo Session}

   It’s HERE!!!!!! Time for me to share the Vow Renewal with you!  Lots of posts coming your way about our I Do: Part 2 Beauty from Ashes Ceremony, from beginning to end!  I am so so excited to share our special day with you later this week, and want to thank you all again for your loving support during a really tough time of sharing and healing, laughing and learning.  Praise be to God!

   My precious friend Joy, from Joy L Baker Photography  gave us a beautiful gift in honor of our I Do: Part 2 Beauty from Ashes Ceremony……

A couples photo session, a second “engagement” so to speak.

WE LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.

Thanks Joy, for the perfect gift!

Hugs, T

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh?” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand.
“I just wanted to be sure of you.”

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh