Surviving Infidelity

   This “Surviving Infidelity” Series was shared almost 1 year from the day our World was forever changed.  And these posts took 9 months to be written, just like the growth, then birth of new life. How fitting.  

  It was written in the middle of many, many nights, when I would be awaken from a deep sleep with the UNDENIABLE urge to write.  So, I wrote and wrote and sobbed and wrote, sometimes in awe the next morning of the words I didn’t recall writing.  Oh yeah, I didn’t.  Our Father was simply using my typing fingers for His glory.  Empty me of me, Father, and fill me with YOU.

  Soon after this, my computer crashed, the hard drive actually fried and burned according to the Computer Repair man, who had never seen anything like it.

  I knew who was trying to stop me, the devil himself.  

   Once again, I WOULD not let the enemy have Victory over us.  I started over, asking God to help me remember, writing things better than the first time.  A few months before we went live, the Lord began to reveal the order of this series to me, I had written them in a jumbled mess of pages and notes.  He took those pieces and fit them together perfectly.  What an exhausting and very healing process for us!

  Not only were our Surviving Infidelity posts hard to write, they were even harder to share with the world.  But we did it, we took the leap of faith, and God is using them for HIS glory, each and every day….PRAISE HIS NAME!

  For that reason, I have started a new page just for Surviving Infidelity Posts….

  I want them to be easy for you to find, read and access again and again, as you move towards total and complete healing.

  I know its hard reading, but stick with it, it gets better as God restores what the locust have eaten…..from Tragedy to Triumph, we walk you through every step of the way.

  Don’t EVER forget, God IS a God who can make beauty from the ashes of our lives, if only we will let Him.

   In a World that throws away broken things, He wants me to tell you, that He is STILL in the Restoration Business…….

  Hundreds of emails fill our inbox with stories of couples who decided to stay married, who just wanted to be told it’s ok to fight for your marriage, even in a World that dictates broken things should be discarded.  

  THAT is why this series is here.  Because our Heavenly Father needed an example of what a Message He can make out of our Messes….. 

Start here, at the raw beginning of it all…

1)  Owning My Truth

2) Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises

3)  The Other Woman  

4) Hearing From the Lord

5)  The Dream

6)  From Dale

7)  Florida Healing

8)  Seeking Help

9)  Confessions of A Heartbroken Housewife

10)  The Trap of Pornography

11)  A Marriage With A Limp

12) Choosing To Forgive

13)  The Death of Little Girl Dreams

14)  The Tale of the Water Bearer’s Pots

15)  Welcome to Tonya-land, Won’t You Let The Son Shine In?

16) After the I Do: Part 2 Vow Renewal

17) How To Survive Infidelity

18)  6 Ways to Help Your Spouse Survive Your Infidelity

19) Surviving Infidelity: What Do You Tell The Kids?

20)  Reaping With Shouts Of Joy

21)  Facing My Demons: A Weekend Away

22) The Death of Something Beautiful: July 10th, 2012

23) The 12 Steps Of Forgiveness: Setting Captives Free

24)  Not EnoughWho do you see when you look in the mirror?

25) Love. Wins.  {An 11th Anniversary Photo Tribute}

26) 2 Years Ago Today: Hope for the Healing

27) {Part 1} Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal

28) {Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps to Success

29) The Prodigal Spouse: Because God is BIGGER Than Your Divorce Papers

the prodigal spouse

 30) The Thing About Train Wrecks

31) Having An “Even If” Faith

After the I Do: Part 2 Beauty from Ashes Vow Renewal Ceremony

1)  I Do: Part 2 {Photo Session}

2)  I Do: Part 2 {Worship}

3)  I Do: Part 2 {Before the Ceremony}

4) I Do: Part 2 {The Ceremony}

5) I Do: Part 2 {The Ceremony Continued…}

6) I Do: Part 2 {The Video}

Resources to help you on your journey…

Books for Wives:

Books for Husbands:

Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)

By Steven Arteburn

Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free

By Dr. Tim Chester
Kindle Version

Undefiled: Redemption From Sexual Sin, Restoration For Broken Relationships

By Dr. Harry Schaumburg
Kindle Version

At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
By Steve Gallagher

The Game Plan: The Men’s 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity
By Joe Dallas

Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World
By Joshua Harris

Crossroads: A Step-By-Step Guide Away from Addiction (Study Guide)
By Edward Welch

Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood
By Nate Larkin
Kindle Version

Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys Who Are Sick of Porn
By Tim Challies
Kindle Version

Websites to help:  Porn addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome. XXXchurch is your resource online to fight porn addiction. We prevail through awareness, prevention and recovery.

The Porn Healing Paradox, Why do I feel this way?  He feels better. I feel worse.

Free E book downloads:

Porn-Again Christian: A Frank Discussion on Pornography and Masturbation, e-book by Mark Driscoll

Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys Who Are Sick of Porn,  e-book by Tim Challies


106 thoughts on “Surviving Infidelity

  1. Pingback: Contentment Series: In a Broken Marriage | Serving Joyfully

  2. I’ve spent the last two days reading LOTS of your blog articles, particularly the “Surviving Infidelity” series, and have been so blessed by everything I’ve read! Thank you for being obedient to the Lord and bravely sharing this part of your life.
    I am married to a wonderful man who loves me well, but this series was an excellent reminder that we are not exempt from Satan’s attacks and that I need to be diligent in praying for our marriage.
    May the Lord continue to richly bless you and your family. I look forward to reading more!

    • I’ve tried to read the items on this blog. So pure, so precious , so untouchable, so unaccountable. Judgements by wanna be “Christian novelist” (whatever that is) . Makes the Harry Potter novels seem more and real with every item I read, and the bible more and an excuse to point accusing fingers at people one sees for 5 mins in a park , playground , walking in the street, and find fault and “sin” with every scan of the horizon. So much sin, so many misdoings ,one book . Hmm, get off your ivory tower , away from the keyboard. Leave your commercial blog and teach your kids the truth, “there is no god ” this is a “sunshine comment” but I don’t think you will agree…

    • All I can say is thank you for sharing your journey with many others and myself, I found your blog by searching ” I am a Christian(always a struggle) should I sign the divorce papers from my wife, ”
      I haven’t always been the good Christian husband I should have been we have both made many mistakes but the word of god and especially your blog was very uplifting, makes me believe god can still do miracles!! and makes my heart cry looking at my own mess..
      It makes me believe there is still a fight ahead, I hope there is!! about a month before court.
      I am glad to see your stopping the blog at this time your family is #1 first, and always God Bless.

      Love from Canada (PG)

  3. Tonya-
    Thank you so much for writing this! My husband and I both survived infidelity, and unrepentance by our spouses. We both had to face that God “making something beautiful” out of it didn’t necessarily mean our preconceived notion that He’d patch the fairy tale back together. That our spouses would turn back to Him and we’d have a lovely story to tell. But then God brought us together, 4 little kids EACH, to do ministry together. He has restored us, healed us in ways we both thought were broken beyond repair, given us another story to tell, and made something different but just as beautiful. So yes, our lives are punctuated constantly with “Every Other Weekend”, with the ugliness of exes still angry that they were “found out and held accountable”, but also with the constant beauty of God Himself.
    I am so glad you and Dale found the courage, the repentance, the willingness, to stay together. I’m so proud you have made it a year (plus!), recommitted, and SO glad you are telling your story. The years ahead will stay full of work… you still have so far to go. A friend has survived her husband’s infidelity and 4-5 years later they still stumble across occasional rubble, but God is still the same God, their commitment is still the same, and they work on. I know you’ll do the same, know that you and Dale listen to, submit yourselves to, obey God, and from there, He will do the work.
    Thank you again for sharing your story, for bringing the darkness into your sunny blog so that God’s light can shine even brighter!

    • Don’t you love the Creative God we serve! He was able to make a beautiful mosaic of 2 broken marriages, and bless 8 children with parents that have done the hard “right thing” to forgive and walk in freedom from that. The road to healing is a long one, I agree. There are still times we get frustrated that we still stumble and fall and have down days, but your words resound with me. I think if I just let myself grieve and cry, rather than trying so hard to “be over it” as society is pushing me towards, that the healing in the end will be real. All the yuck will have worked its way to the surface, so that nothing remains to be dealt with later. Blessings to you! Thanks for this great note, ~T 🙂

      • I learned about your blog via a news post regarding Huma Abedin. Although I have never been an overly religious person, I have found a belief in a greater power in which to tell your troubles to helps- you cant always put the pain into words, but it’s good to know there is some understanding that doesn’t require a verbal explanation. It’s been almost 2 years and the pain is still there. Adding to it is the embarrassment of facing those loved ones who know and pretending everything in okay now. Outwardly things are good, but inside my heart feelings, trust, and security are still in shambles. The thoughts that enter my head when a comment is made or certain things happen. He says it is not fair to keep bringing it up. I don’t want to hear about what is and is not fair. He says it was a mistake. It was not a mistake, it was a choice- a choice that he made, I too contacted the “other woman” and even met her in person once. Her story does not match my husband’s so I don’t know who to believe. Her details do not sound like him, but then I guess I didn’t know him as well as I had thought. It is hard, but like you, we are trying to mend that which was broken, although I do not believe it will ever be the same. I do not judge you- I commend you. My 4 children and their well being is important to me and I do love my husband and I believe he loves me. 16 years is a lot to throw away. We are attending counseling and I believe it has helped somewhat. At least our communication skills are improving. I am glad I found your site. It does my heart good to know there is another out there who doesn’t just say “leave him.” I wish you happiness and healing. Thank you for writing this.

  4. Pingback: Who’s The Enemy Here? « livinginblurredlines

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  7. I am half way through reading this series of posts and I have cried and been awed by your strength over the past two days. You have inspired me to strengthen my marriage even more, to make good lines of communication with my husband be amazing lines. To build up our armor together.

    You are truly one of the most amazing women I have come across in the blog world. Thank for sharing your story. Know that it is helping all kinds of people, people like me that needed to be reminded to keep God in the Center of my life, my marriage, my home and my kids lives!

    Thank you. And God Bless you and Dale!!! Huge Hugs and Kisses from me!!! Praise be to God!!!!

  8. you both are so brave, I know you will help many. My question…how do you talk to the kids? Do their friends question them? I know many who don’t know how to talk to their kids as sex is the unknown. I haven’t read all posts, just found you today. God bless you all.

  9. Hello Tonya,
    I stumbled upon your blog today quite by accident and I was just looking at how people make the decision to have a fourth child. My heart grieves for you and your children reading all of this. Good luck to you. May your renewed hopes be fulfilled this time!

  10. Amazing stuff! So real! You were so gracious. This happened to my husband and I, ten years ago and thanks to God we are still married and strong. But my journey was much more angry. I did not listen to God and it was a bumpy road to say the least. I am in tears reading this because the feeling and the events are all so real to me. You are definitely doing God’s work! Keep it up and God bless you!

  11. Bless you for sharing your story. There are so many marriages facing this difficulty it’s nice to see forgiveness prevail.

  12. I found your blog on Pinterest. Your brokenness has helped me through mine. Thank God for your obedience to share. Look at how long it’s been since you shared, yet your honesty & raw transparency shed light on my current confusion. I learned of the “truth” just 4 days ago. I was at the courthouse with divorce paperwork in hand two days after that. The clerk was unable to file my paperwork because of a change in jurisdiction/branches. Because of the Easter holiday the court is closed, leaving me a whole weekend to sit & wait. I’ve been locked away in a hotel room with my journal, bible, and my smarphone just seeking God’s will and drinking in the wisdom of your experience. God brought you into my life to remind me that I have to fight!!! Thank you so much for pouring out your heart & tears into written form so that people like me could gain the courage to do what needs to be done…take back what the locusts have devoured. Romans 9:16 indeed!!!

    • YES and Amen! I am so so excited you have chosen to fight for your marriage!!!! Dig deep, the war you wage is a tough one, but know, you are never ever alone. AND, the victory is yours, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus. Seek the help of a trusted Christian counselor who will lead you through God’s word and the rebuilding of your marriage, your faith and your lives as one.
      God bless you on your journey to Brand NEW! Hugs, T

    • Alex,

      So glad you found this blog! Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you as I write this. And to tell you the first thing that came to mind, in case it is helpful… As I walked through the long road of my marriage falling apart (it didn’t come in a sudden, shocking, revelation, but as the song says, in “a slow fade” punctuated by horrible events) I stumbled over and over again across the verse in Psalm 43:5 – Why are you downcast, o my soul?… Put your hope in GOD… And I slowly learned to put my hope in God, not in my husband, not in an outcome, not in anything but God. It gave me the courage and the clarity to do the next right thing, and I pray that you will have that courage and clarity beyond your natural ability to deal with this. Fight on, sweet fellow traveler, the reward is good.

      • Thank you for the encouragement. I thank you for your prayers. However surreal this all feels to me, I know what you mean by having courage beyond my natural ability. This peace I feel now is soooo beyond my natural ability and I know I will totally be relying on God to hold me up.

  13. I could not find a way to contact you privately, but I wanted to let you know that your series on infidelity has touched my heart and helped me come about to a place of HIS healing. Somehow this morning I came upon your blog, and have spent the better part of 2 hours reading and being touched and convicted by the Holy Spirit through your words. It has been a long road and I know I am just beginning on it, but I thank you so much for sharing your story, your pain and your joy – through you I was able to see there is hope in our Lord even when all seems hopeless, and I thank you again and again for sharing! may the Lord bless you and your family.

    • Thank you for sharing your heart! My address is, write anytime. The journey to healing is a long one, surrender it all to Him and walk step by step, day by day….never forgetting that victory is ours, that forgiveness is daily, and that love wins. Blessing to you on your road to freedom and new life in Christ! Even Better than before! Hugs, T

  14. What a strong thing you have done here. I’m sure you have a driving force helping you along the way. It seems like your helping so many in such a positive way that I couldn’t help but start reading myself as I am struggling in marriage now. Thank you for your time and effort and sharing.

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  17. Thank you, thank you. Your heart-wrenching “Surviving Infidelity” posts couldn’t have been more of a godsend for me, a rope of grace thrown down in our pit. The honesty you trusted utter strangers with is amazing . . . the raw, real beautiful mess . . . your tender testimony is a gift. God be glorified. Many of your words literally seemed to be lifted from my heart and taken from my own mouth. Yet, you also offered words of forgiveness and restoration that speak of a promised land we are looking to with hope. Thank you for being so transparent and letting God speak through your brokenness. May He continue to hold you both as you walk forward, choosing to fall together and not apart.

    • It’s comments that this, that motivate us to keep speaking, keep sharing and stay strong in our stand, that brokenness was made to be shared. That hope can be found in midst of what others call “dirty laundry”, proof that ashes can be turned into something of beauty with Jesus Christ our Lord.
      Thank you for taking the time to comment! The road to healing is a long one, but it is a path worth traveling. It does get easier, and it is my hope and prayer that you continue to find truth, hope and courage as you work through the Surviving Infidelity Series and the stages of grief and rebuilding in your own life.
      Bless you……never forget, HE will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

  18. Dear Tonya, greeting from across the globe. I visited your blog from time to time to check on recipes and stories about your cute kids. But today He led me to your blog for other reason. I just got an ugly news last night, that my father found out that my mother has cheated on him. This is my parents we are talking about, they are over 50, have been married for over 30 years, I’m beyond shock. I knew they had few fights before when i was still a kid, but they got over it and stick together for me and my sister (or so I thought). Now my father is retired, but my mother -being a lecture- is still in demand to give lecture around the country. When they are home they are busy with their own project. And they no longer have their kids to keep them together because my sister and I have married and moved out of the city. This is devastating. I know, being the oldest daughter I’m expected to do something, but even I don’t know where to start. I always thought things like these happen only in other family, not mine. I never knew anyone whose parents are divorced, I never even heard my friends have their parents fights at home. But you never know right. That’s when you came in, I never thought infidelity will ever be in the picture of your beautiful marriage, but here I am reading a series of brave stories you share with your reader. At least now I can tell myself that every marriage have their own problem, and they mend it. Divorce is not always the answer. it is possible to save years and years of marriage and not let it ruined by one or two mistakes. I just have to find a way for my parents. All I know is that their marriage means so much more than the two of them, it will affect our marriage and the little family we are trying to build – my sister’s and mine. Thank you for sharing your fights, you are a blessing for many of us.

    • A parents divorce is devastating no matter your age! Maybe its time to call a family meeting and tell them how much you want them to fight for their marriage. Maybe mom needs to read some of these blog articles so she feels heard and understood?
      God is in the restoration business, He WILL fight for them, but they have to be ready to soften their hearts and give Him all the pieces.
      Marriage IS worth fighting for!
      I am so sorry what you are going through, I know your feelings well. My parents separated when I was in college after some horrible news of the same nature, then officially divorced when I was pregnant with Destiny. A lot of my dreams died that day, my little girl no longer had a Nana and a Papa in the same residence.
      Hugs, T

  19. I stumbled on your blog today and it has really helped to give me hope! I found out 8 days ago that my husband of 21 years had an affair. My heart is broken and I feel so sad but your story gives me hope that our marriage can survive! Thank you so much for sharing your story it helped me to know that I’m not the only one who has experienced such pain!

    May The Lord continue to bless your marriage and your family and all who read your blog!

    Heartbroken but hopeful,

  20. Pingback: Home Sweet Home | 4 little Fergusons

  21. I reading with a broken heart. My story is all too similar to yours. We too had been married 9 years when my husband had an affair with a co-worker. We have 3 children and I am a stay at home mom. My world is completely crushed! Thank you for having the courage to share your journey! Hopefully, one day, I can share mine too.

  22. Pingback: The Prodigal Spouse: Because God is BIGGER Than Your Divorce Papers | 4 little Fergusons

  23. I stumbled upon this page and I could not be more happy I did. Two weeks ago I learned of my husband’s “other woman” and my heart crushed as my world fell apart. The feeling is still so raw and my tears still flow whenever they feel like it (not convenient as a mother of 2 boys with busy lives). I have begun to peruse your blog and will bookmark it so I can continue to draw strength from you and your story. I want to be the wife and mother God intends for me to be so I am doing everything in my power not to act out of my current rage or pain. Thank you for this, you are a treasure…one I’ve never even met!!!

    • You are the reason we were asked to share our heartache, because people need to know God is still in the Restoration Business, total and complete. I hope you find answers and healing on these pages as you hear from HIM. Write anytime! Hugs, T

  24. Thank you for your writtings. Y’all are awesome.
    Please consider adding my book “Can these bones live again?” (Due out in Jan 2014) published by WestBow Press (Thomas Nelson Publishing). Talking about the “fallen church” being restored and becoming the revival. God isn’t finished with His children, even the ones whos sin has been revealed.

  25. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have been married for 24 years to my high school sweetheart and caught him having an affair with a married woman from work. It took a long 4 months to finally get all the truth. It has been about 4 months since then and he has quit his job where he worked for 22 years and started a different career and is comitted to working things out. I have spent countless hours searching for information on affairs and how to heal from them and I can say I have gotten more help from your story than all those hours of searching. I thank Heavenly Father for prompting you to share so that you are able to help people like me. I look forward to the day where I can look at this trial as a blessing but for now I just have to take one day at a time. The emotional roller coaster is exhausting and really wears me down at times but I count my blessings that with the help from Heavely Father I can attain a heavenly marriage once again. Blessing to you and your lovely family!

  26. Thank you for putting yourselves out there. Your story has helped me tremendously. I don’t feel so alone now. Please know that it was worth it! Thank you for your courage and love for your brothers and sisters in Christ out here whom you do not even know.

  27. My marriage, like yours, is a testimony that with God all things are possible (Matt. 19:26). The short of it is this: year 3 of our marriage my husband was unfaithful. He carried this burden for 4 more years until the Lord allowed it to be exposed in year 7. At this point we had 6 kids ages 10 thru 2. But God is so faithful (1 Cor. 1:9). In year 5 (or so) of our marriage Satan planted a seed in me that because I didn’t flee from, I allowed it to grow roots and gain the ground in my mind. I became obsessed with a man that was not my husband. Every day for an entire year I committed adultery in my heart WITHOUT EVEN BEING AWARE OF IT. But the Lord, in His sovereignty, brought this matter into the light PRIOR to my husband’s confession. My cheating heart required some rebuilding of our marriage. So when my husband’s unfaithfulness was revealed after my own, how could I condemn him for almost the same thing I had done? It took 3 days of fasting, praying, and literally being on my face before the Lord (in a puddle of tears) before I had peace to go forward. The Lord allowed our marriage to become utterly devastated ruins of smoking rubble in order that He could rebuild it with Himself in resurrection. We renewed our vows several months later after God restored us to each other and to Himself. This year marks year 15. My husband is my best friend, lover, and confidante. There is no one in the world that I would rather share my everything with. We are an anti-testimony in an age where SO many marriages testify of divorce, bitterness, and ruin. I share our story so that others may know that THERE IS HOPE IN CHRIST. Praise the Lord, that with Him all things are possible!

  28. Hello, I am new to this blog, but am going through this horrible time. I don’t want a divorce but my husband who was unfaithful he is living with this other woman and has already filed and I am suppose to go sign temporary papers this week. I do believe our marriage can be saved but he doesn’t. I have no choice to sign, in the state I live in is a no fault divorce state so even if I refuse to sign it will go through, and I just want to be peaceful I have 3 kids that are so hurt right now and dont want to make it harder on them. I will wait for my husband even after it is finalized I believe with all my heart he is the one I am suppose to share this life with. Even though I am so hurt, my heart has already forgiven him, I know it takes two in a marriage and that there are things I needed to work on as well. I just hope and pray everynight that he will come back to me, us, and our family.

    • I am so sorry you are going through this. Can I give you some unsolicited advice (take what you think is wisdom and toss the rest…) based on both what my (now) husband and I went through? If your husband is showing no sign of wanting to reconcile, that is where you need to live now, while maintaining hope that in the future, God will grab him and shake some sense into him and bring him back. I don’t know if that makes sense, but the legal system is not kind to anyone who is not proactive in the divorce process. Your husband will have all the say over what happens to your children, your finances, and other things if you sit back and make decisions based on a hope that he will come back. It is a delicate balance to walk in a Godly way in the legal system, to live with hope that you don’t have to actually finalize this horrible process, and yet walk forward with confidence and wisdom that you need to take care of your precious children and yourself so that you can care for them as well. I got some excellent legal advice, was proactive legally, and kept the door open for reconciliation until he slammed and locked it in my face. But at that point, the kids were taken care of financially and were with me. My husband was on staff at a church when his wife left him for another man, and he hung back, not wanting to be the one to pursue divorce, and every area he was not proactive, she took him to the cleaners, which was hard for him but horrible for the children, who ended up in day care 12-13 hours a day and being moved 3 hours from him. We’ve had a 3-year legal process to get the children to a place where he can actively parent them and be involved in their lives. It was so difficult and the kids show signs of the aftereffects every day.
      Again, please take what you believe to be wisdom, and leave the rest. Hold out hope that your husband will return. God can do anything. I pray that he will be miserable until he does return, until he follows God wholeheartedly. But do what is necessary to take care of your kids and yourself today. God works through the legal system, too, to meet your needs and your kids’ needs. I hope you have a wonderful church/family around you as you walk through this. My prayers are with you.

      • Thank You very much for the advice! My husband and I are going to do 50/50 custody the kids need him there as much as possible we were very close family all busy and together, and so I am not worried so much about that. I try to find stories of reconciliation but dont find as many on actual divorce then rec. lots on seperation and getting back together its just nice to read success stories. This is a wonderful source of hope but would like to see some that actually divorced and got back together, I pray everynight morning anytime my kids aren’t right next to me. I am so happy for this blog to show how things can seem horrible and such beauty come out of it! I truely appreciate any prayers that things will turn around and that we will reunite to be stronger and more in love then before!!

  29. Does your husband have an e-mail address, and if so, would he be willing to offer advice and answer some questions for me? I understand if this is not a good time for him with his father in a rough way, so please forgive me if i intrude. I can certainly wait to visit another time if need be. 🙂

  30. I have slowly been reading through your blogs and feel I was led to your site, because I have searched this topic so many times and never ran across it. Until a couple weeks ago when I prayed to God to please help me find answers and your site popped up. As I said I have made it through about half of these blogs, and today as I was reading about your Florida vacation , I felt even more reassured that I am reading these for a reason, it might purely be coinsidence but when i came across the fact we are both from Kansas I had a sense of calmness come over me, and that I am in the right place. Thank you so much for these stories it helps me think maybe one day my husband and I might find our way back to each other. I dont want a divorce but my husband who was unfaithful does, I still love him with all my heart and hope if I stay strong and true to my husband divorced or not that hopefully it will be gods will to bring us back together stronger and happier then ever. I pray it will happen before divorce is finalized but I know it has to happen in Gods time. Your words and stories are so inspiring that ,even when satan is staring you in the face his evil sometimes can be thrown away. Hopefully I will be able to finish reading your story soon and keep growing with hope. Hope you all are doing well.

  31. I am constantly in awe of the power of love, grace and God. I was searching Pinterest for decorating ideas tonight when my mind wandered to dark thoughts on infidelity… And how I am trying to recover from it. And then I came upon the lovely images of your family and your posts. I feel so blessed! It’s comforting to know that your family perseveres and prospers despite the damage caused by infidelity in your marriage. It gives me hope! My marriage was devastated by infidelity in 2011 and yet I still struggle. My blog deals with my struggle but yet I haven’t reached the place you have, perhaps one day I will- for now I say ‘thank you’ for your blog.

    Ps I’m also an aspiring amateur photographer… I love all your tips!

  32. Hi there! Thank you for being so raw and real. I stumbled on your site as I was looking for information on heartbreak and infidelity. I saw someone here ask if they could email your husband and you posted the email address. I was wondering if I could pass that on to my husband. He needs someone safe to talk to. Over our 15 years of marriage he has struggled with different things and when we approached leaders in church for help he felt shunned and rejected afterwards. We are in Canada and things have gotten worse. We do not know anyone up here that could help us. He is so fearful of rejection from the church we are at now and we are well known in many churches around us. I have told him we need to go for counselling. He seems to think that bringing flowers and listening to audio sermons will help but this needs to go so much deeper. Reading what Dale wrote was like listening to him. Addiction is a painful process to pull away from. I love him very much but it’s gotten to the point where the hurt has gone so deep I am numb. It would be amazing if we could somehow communicate with you both.
    Thanks again for your raw and vulnerable blog posts. It has encouraged me so much!

  33. I need to thank you for writing this series! I finished it this morning. It is blessing me more than you can ever know. Your transparency and encouragement are helping me survive right now. My husband confessed to me on April 3 of his 9 month relationship with a woman at his job. I am barely breathing under the weight of this hurt. We are broken. Thankfully not destroyed. We are committed to fighting for us, and definitely seeking the One true Healer for restoration. But gosh it’s hard. I don’t even have words for what I feel somedays. Reading your posts has brought my feelings to light and helped me portray to my husband my deepest thoughts and desires that I can’t even manage to speak out loud. I’m a jumbled up mess inside, often rambling nonsense even when I pray. So I just say JESUS! I have sat for hours reading and re-reading your series, most times in the middle of the night when I can cry out loud. Oh how I wish I could hit the fast forward button and get to the years of peace & joy like you talk about in your ‘2 years ago today’ post. I’m trying to hold out hope for that. We have 4 children as well…2 boys & 2 girls. We have been married 9 years. Today is our anniversary. Instead of rejoicing and celebrating, I’m depressed and crying. We barely made it to this day, but we did. So thank you for walking me through this time as I have been lost and confused, wanting to give up. You have helped to hold one more marriage together. May God continue to bless you!

    • Thank you, Shelley! Happy Anniversary! It is a day to CELEBRATE!!!!! Instead of separated, renting a dumpy duplex somewhere to get by, dividing up kids and furniture, you are HOME, TOGETHER….fighting, working, moving towards total and complete Restoration.
      So today, you kiss that hubby of yours on the cheek, you let him see a smile on your face, and you tell him you are glad to celebrate 9 years. That you are thankful there will be many, many more!
      Proud of you guys for fighting for your marriage. The road to healing is so long, but you never walk alone. Exodus 14:14 says the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Work on being still today, and letting him love on you. He is your Abba Father, and you are His beloved.
      Our Heavenly Husbands will always let us down, but our Heavenly Husband, never will. He holds us up with His mighty hand!
      Bless you today, smile…..Jesus loves you!
      Hugs, T

  34. You are not alone in this pain. My d-day was October 23, 2012. At the time, I had an infant and a 2 years old. We are still struggling through. I don’t know if we will make it or even if we should. I just wanted to say you are couraegous. You did nothing to deserve this. There are LOTS of people going through this scenario. I ask myself so often “why don’t people talk about it? Why can’t we just be real with each other?” There is so much misinformation out there about infidelity. Not all infidelity is the same and good Lord there is A LOT of bad advice. The last 18 months I have never felt more alone or judged or hurt but your posts give me hope for wholeness. Blessings over you and yours.

  35. I am so thankful I came across your blog and your posts on Surviving Infidelity. Four weeks ago I learned that my husband had an affair. We have been married ten years and have three beautiful children. I never thought I would have to endure this betrayal and hurt. Ever! But here I am broken and not knowing where to turn. Staying married after an affair is not the common method these days. Its amazing to me that you THINK you know jow you will respond or act if it ever happened to you but once you live it your views change. I say this through tears of relief and brokeness, THANK YOU for sharing your story. It has given me hope and comfort knowing I am not alone. Thank you, thank you! God bless you both!

  36. I stumbled upon this blog and it touched my heart. My Christian wife just divorced me because she no longer loves me. We have been disconnected for some time. I have not cheated on her and to my knowledge she has not me. My heart is so broken and I pray that she will return at some point. Your story helps to give me hope because everyone is telling me to move on and I keep telling them that I made a commitment to the Lord and I plan on honoring that even if we’re not legally married. Everyone thinks I am crazy. I so still love her and want to fix this for God’s glory and for our kids.

      • I also want to mention the blessings that await you for standing by your Covenant made on your wedding day. In God’s eyes, you two are still married, so anything she does, is against that promise and God’s word is clear, to be one with another is an abomination to Him and a sin against your body, which should be treated as a holy temple. Covenants are never to be made lightly or walked away from….
        You are doing the hard right thing, and the hard right thing, is STILL the right thing to do!

    • I am so glad you posted this marc. My divorce is about to be final, and so dont want it,but am glad that you say how much you love her and are holding out hope. I dont feel so crazy feeling that way now. Unfortunately my husband did have an affair with a woman from work, but i just have this overwhelming feeling that this cant be gods plan for my family, and that no matter what has been done, i love him and made the commitment for better or worse. This is the worse, and still hope for some reason we are having to go through this to hopefully reunite stronger,happier then ever.

      • YES! Good for you! Don’t stop praying, that one day, he will see what he had with you, find Jesus and come back. Never stop speaking that hope to him, even throwing in the verbage, “Someday, when we are back together…” Or, reminding him with a text now and then, “You are on my heart today, missing you and praying for you always.” You CAN be Jesus to your wayward spouse, the Bible is so clear that we are to be Jesus to the spouse who is lost, because we just might be the only Jesus they see.
        1 Peter 3:1-2
        “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
        However, the Word also says in 1 Corinthians 7:15-16
        “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”
        I know these two verses sound opposing, but I think this is a matter of prayer, per unique situation, as to what God is calling you to do. Sorry for your heartache!

  37. Thank you for a positive outlook on a horrible hurt. I am still in the beginning stages although we were already in counseling before DDAY . Prior to reading your blog, I was kind of stuck in a hopeless angry place, but your outlook has made me see how this can be a blessing, in some way if we embrace the process of healing from a place of love. I am not quite there on the spiritual journey and that too is a work in process, but now I have hope and a little more understanding for my husband and the guilt he carries from his actions. He was saying it but you made me hear it. Thank you!

  38. I am the exception here. I am not married. I found last week that my fiancé cheated. We have children from previous marriages, but not together. The only ties we have are a thriving business which was our vehicle for paying for the wedding, kids’ college funds and retirement. Everyone says I should cut and run. But like you, Tonya, I don’t know how to be me without him. I don’t know if I will ever be whole again.

    Is it worth fighting for a relationship with a man I am not even married to? So far, he has done everything right to prove to me that he wants a life with me.

    • I would slow things down and get extensive counseling BEFORE the marriage vows are spoken. Be full and fully healed, then take the next step to be together forever. To think marriage “fixes” things like this, always gets us in trouble. You will know the right answer once you have taken the time to walk the path of healing together. You will see if true change occurred, and if the remorse was sincere. I am sorry you are going through this. Its heart wrenching and difficult to say the very least!

  39. I don’t even know where to begin.,,my husband and I are also going through what you and yours have…I’m not sure how to put into words all the emotions I feel…so much husband was unfaithful and it is tearing me apart…my heart aches so much I can’t breath..if it weren’t for our children I would stay in bed. I am trying to forgive my husband and heal our marriage. I am so thankful I found you on Pinterest! Oh how I wish we were neighbors so I could come and talk with you and so the four of us could meet! The wound is so fresh, only 5 days since he told me. Again thank you so much for sharing your pain and words of encouragement!! We have spoken with our preacher but other than that I have been alone in this with no one to speak with 😦

    • I am so sorry Dianna that you are going through this, that we have all gone through this. It is devastating, one of the worse pains that I think we could ever endure, except the death of a child (of course this is my own opinion). I am over three years out, but what I will say to someone who just learned this deceit, try to take care of yourself. Give yourself time to mourn. You are after all facing the death of a marriage as you once new. It is a long road, not an easy road, but I think that God would be proud of me (or any of us) for building again and forgiving, forgiving, and forgiving, but it could never have been done without his remorse, regret, and him doing everything he can to fix it, – even three years out when I have moments of weakness. Rely on the Lord for your strength. I could have never have done it without Him guiding me.

      • Thank you! I am trying to take it one day at a time. Wish I could have at least one whole day without the horrible thoughts in my head or pain in my heart 😦
        I pray for you and yours continuance of endurance and faith!

  40. Tonya,
    I just want to say thanks so much for sharing your heart with others, you’ve helped me so much, I see so much of myself in your surviving infidelity post. I’ve been married to the love of my life for fifteen years, he let the devil almost destroy our marriage, but he is back to God and works everyday to prove his love and trust to me, he’s been very sorry and remorseful for his three month affair with someone I considered a Godly role model in my life- my pastor’s wife. She had several affairs in the church, unfortunately my husband was one of the ones she chose to set her attention on, she was a tool of the devil to destroy homes. I’ve been so hurt, but Ive read all of your post and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing! God bless you and your family!!

  41. Came upon your blog while googling positive infidelity outcomes. I am thankful I did.
    D-day was a month ago today. Still struggling,confused, every emotion all at once. Some days I can think , Yes we can work on this, and then in the next second I am like NO Way.. he cheated it is OVER !! I re-late so well to the shattered “perfect couple” image. But I swear we really were.. (in my eyes and heart)

    H is in counseling and therapy both. I have the divorce papers in my car, which I made him go with me to get. We began filling them out 2 weeks ago amid tears and breakdowns. He wants to rebuild and repair what he has done to us, our life our world.

    I would love to hear an update on this blog on how ya’ll are doing. I have so many questions I would love to ask. I wish my H could hear from your husband to learn .

    I wish more than everything this never happened,but no matter how much I pray and plead it did happen…

    • I am happy to tell you, that total and complete healing is possible in Jesus Christ. The ache in your chest will go away, the tears the spring to your eyes, the gasp that catches in your throat when you think of things….all leaves. Satan still tries to throw things up in our face once in a while, but we know how to deal with it now, we are seasoned warriors, 2 years into fighting for our marriage and winning. Victory tastes sweet, and you love more fiercely, more completely, more thankfully, once you have almost lost everything. Almost walked away from the other half of your heart.
      Please read the series through, all of its in there, from mess to message, test to testimony. Dale wrote too, have your husband read as he can. Posting this series was hard, it was embarressing, it was liberating and it was terrifying all at once. Its for couples like you that we did. Hurting couples that just need to be told that you can fight for your marriage. Victory is already yours, bought and paid for by the Blood of the Lamb. Just keep seeking HIM, filter all you say and do as you heal through the Word. Healing will come, total and complete. As if it never happened. I promise.
      Hugs, T

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  43. I stumbled upon your blog after suffering for ten months post-discovery of my husband’s affair. In some ways, people consider me fortunate because we were separated when it happened (although trying to work things out!!), and because he has been repentant ever since disclosure. He’s tried everything to help me heal, but I just felt I wasn’t really getting anywhere, when I should be. After reading your blog, I felt more at peace, with a greater understanding. Also, your piece about the other woman helped me tremendously- as my husband’s OW is the precise opposite of me, and has behaved somewhat trashily, I have been unable to forgive her, to see her as anything other than a slut, and move forward. She even said to me that she is “not evil.” Her actions thus far have been pretty evil, however. I am trying to see her- and him- as something else, and this certainly helped me tonight. For once, I am not crying tears of despair. Thank you.

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  45. I found your site really looking for a prayer, it got answered! My husband of 24 years walked out 3 1/2 years ago on me and our 9 year old son, no explanation, did not even take a tooth brush. I later found out about other women for along time. All that was said to me was” living with you is like a choker around my neck” no communication for months changed # and 8 miles down the road refused to aknowledge his family. He left on his 48 b- day. We had a farm, he was our son soccer coach and he was building our dream home, 30% finished just left! After 6 months I filed for temp orders for our son and to start support a year later we were divorced no communication before or after. Our son had 3 tears of counseling , we moved 5 hours away and no contact other than court because of non- payment. I learned drugs were involved also. I have forgiven and GOD has shown me sit and be nice, no yelling or blaming . He entered this marriage with nothing, he left with nothing and he will return with nothing. I have no malice in my heart and all who love me say move on, my heart and Holy Spirit say stand! GOD has changed my heart, I have so much love for this man, but right now I am taking up the air that he breathes. We have sent letters and packages threw these 3 years and never a reply. Our son wanted to send Father’s Day card he did no reply, I know there is o/w not a good place . My prayer is that his heart be turned from stone back to flesh , he does hit rock bottom and my door is always open for him. Please stand with me! My scripture I cling to is Genesis 50:20 what satan has used for evil, my God will use for good ! Thank you and GOD bless

  46. Thank you so much for this. My husband and I have been together for 18 years. I met him when I was 15. We have been married for 11 years. I am sort of like you in all this he had my first everything and I literally cannot imagine my life without him. He has been having an affair for the past 6 months. I have caught him with the same woman repeatedly over this time frame. He claims they are done but he is having a hard time dealing because he had feelings for her but he loves me and wants to work it out with me. I hope I can use this to help me get on the path of forgiveness and be able to help him work out his feelings as well. I just feel so angry and hurt and I expect him to be the one to fix it and he can’t because he is hurting now too. Thank you for all of this information. Thank you for helping me see I’m not alone.

  47. Wow… I can not begin to thank you enough for documenting your struggle through this journey of reconciliation. Your words paint such a picture of hurt, pain, and vulnerability, and how God’s amazing love, patience, and healing can reconcile us to each other and to Him.

    Your “Even IF” and “Prodigal” ones were especially meaningful to me, as I have a “walk-away wife”. I hurt her heart, little by little, until the emotional pain was too much to bear, but I was so blinded by the devil that I couldn’t see it. I have also struggled with an on-again/off-again porn addiction, which the Lord was quick to convict me of when she filed – the recent flare up of that addiction had hardened my heart to God and to her, which led to broken trust on both sides (not infidelity, but lack of trust with the other’s intentions in our marriage). I actually thought I would be OK with divorce.

    Until she filed. I wanted to be angry; I wanted to walk away myself; I wanted to say “screw her, and everything about our 18+ year marriage”; I wanted to turn my back on God and everyone. But God convicted me so quickly, through the words of faithful friends and the working of the Holy Spirit. I started to seek Him again, and desperately started reading the Bible, praying, and reading many other Christian based reference books to gain a better understanding of God’s perfect will in Marriage, the weaknesses of my temperaments (and how the Holy Spirit’s fruits can overcome those weaknesses), how my heart had hardened to her so that I did not understand or appreciate the unique way God made her to complement me and create an amazing marriage, and how I had not HONORED and VALUED her in everything I did or said. God is so good to have forgiven me SO much!

    I know things would be SO much different if I had another chance.

    But, it seems very clear that the divorce will happen. While she indicates that she has forgiven me, and that she is praying to God (for other things), it is obvious how hard her heart is hardened to God and to me (and I really can’t blame her, unfortunately). I see so much clearly all the pain I had caused her. So while I continue to ask God for the miracle of reconciliation, I have had to entrust her and the healing of her wounded heart and spirit to the only one who can truly HEAL her. And I trust (not always easily) that He has a plan for my life, regardless of how bad she or I have screwed this up and what free-will decisions were made in the past and will be made in the near term, and that HE will make it all result in GOOD for me, and GLORY for Him.

    If someone happens to scroll this far down and see this, please say a prayer for healing for her, and for a miracle in our marriage!


    • Your story of 4 years ago is my story of today, across an ocean. Your faithfulness has encouraged me so much to be that for my husband – the one I both love and hate with full measure, as we work through the mess. My Jesus has held on to us and we are battling every day to rebuild our marriage from the ground up. It’s hard and it’s amazing at the same time. HE IS FAITHFUL AND HE WILL DO IT……thank you for being brave – my circumstances preclude me from telling pretty much anyone about my situation so you have been a companion on the journey – it was worth doing!

  48. Tonya,

    Thank you. I can’t wait to read more. However, I also have four little ones and a marriage in need of repair after discovering my husband’s 5 month affair with our coworker. It’s only been slightly less than a month. We love our sweet Jesus and are looking forward to a new future together. Healing is inevitable, but at this time feels nearly impossible.

    Much love,
    Jessica, a mama from Michigan

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  50. Wow…I am not exactly what else to say. I am currently trying to find myself in God and pray for his restoration of my marriage with my spouse of more than 24 years. Thank you for sharing your story, it has provided me with hope and has helped affirmed my faith that God is not done with me or my wife yet. Victory will be ours is my prayer. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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  52. 27 years…sex maybe a dozen times…no affection…husband into GAY porn. Won’t go to counseling or even talk to me about our issues. I even used scripture to show his “neglect.”

    I just can’t take it anymore. …

  53. So happy to have found your sight. Constantly looking for hope much of it thru prayer. I have lost my precious wife now on 40yrs.of marriage. She is pushing the D. How sad at this stage we should be helping couple survive the difficult times and get thru them. But a life of hardship has taken her away. We married at 21-19,love like no other. A handicap son after 5yrs,total care for him,now he has been placed in a group home. Breaks my heart. She survived breast cancer 11yrs ago, heart valve surgery 5yrs ago. Now can we survive her change ,infedility,abandonment and complete loss of love for a man that has a 40yr crush on his precious bride. I pray to God. Thank you

  54. How does one decide to stay?
    It has been over a year from disclosure,
    Many trips to counseling, intensives, etc and I am still undecided.
    I have this empty feeling-no intimate feelings or desires to be with him
    What is the turning point of deciding to stay and try?

  55. Hi just love reading about your trials and what you as a married couple went through. I myself as the ex husband are standing in the gap for my beloved spouse to return back. We had no children but she had two kids unfortunately her daughter and her family was our greatest dismiss, two days before she left she still told me that she loved me. Wow everything went down fast I lost everything in less than a month my FINANCES, my wife, and it wasn’t long before I turned towards my God, wow and has He done work in my life, never imagined that now using me to minister to His lost ones I am so much filled with Godly wisdom I’ll never want to be the old person I was. Yes I can tell you sometimes it’s difficult waiting for someone whom you haven’t seen in 18 months no form of contact but I trust God have spoken to me personally twice given me instructions through His word..Joshua 1 and month later I received jeremia 29:11.
    Just wanted to share this with you
    Johan smit
    South africa

  56. Hi Tonya

    Your articles are very real and I’m glad. I stumbled across them ! My husband and I have been married for 13 years he has struggled with porn addiction on and off and it has effected our marriage deeply it’s encouraging to read about you guys and the restoration god is doing in your lives my husband was a strong Christian up until recently but he has just gone a bit wild taking up smoking again and drinking more I know it’s the stress of life but it has effected me deeply 😞And yes at times I’ve wondered if we should divorce although I have always not believed in it sometimes I feel the way things are headed there’s no other option ! Sorry to rant on , thanks for posting !

  57. Tonya, I found this series when I searched google for “Christian blogs about infidelity.” I was betrayed by my husband 3 months ago. It was a one time occurrence and he came home to tell me immediately. I wish I could talk with you, as I have chosen to only confide in two friends, both of whom do not live nearby and don’t understand what I’m going through, yet lovingly listen and offer support. Even so, I feel so alone in my struggles. We’re both going to counseling, separate and together. We are both working on the marriage and many days it seems like it will be okay. Then I have days like today where I can’t do enough to distract myself from flashes in my mind of what happened. These days I just need someone to tell me that it’s okay. That they know what I’m going through and that God is good. Thank you for your willingness to be open. This blog has comforted my grieving heart, renewed my hope in my marriage, and reminded me that I believe in a God who fixes broken things.

  58. What a great GOD.. I m happy what HEs done to you…. !!
    I believe the healing and restore marriage will happen to mine too.. Jesus is doing it to me and my husband… i feel it..! Im so proud of our GOD, how great HE is…
    Friends.. i need help, your prayer.. do you mind to pray for our marriage?

  59. Hey Tonya, My name is Kelly. My marriage is battling infidelity and my Pastor told me to look up your web page and to listen to the song on the website? Could you send me the song please? And thank you for being so open about your marriage and how God restored it. Can’t wait to read your blogs.

    • Oh man, there are lots of songs talked about on here. Dancing in the mindfields, All of Me. Wonder which one he meant? Enjoy the series, lots of good nuggets of truth from the Father in the midst of our tragedy turned triumph. Blessings as you walk the road to restoration!

  60. My husband left and divorced me 5 years ago. I stood for restoration a long time. He’s never coming back. If by an absolute miracle he did I don’t think the children and I can move beyond the damage. My struggle is with what God wants us to do.

  61. i found my ex on a page four years ago and we lived happily together until recently i started noticing some secrecy with her phone and computer,i couldnt have guessed right if not for hacknspy tech,this guy helped me look into her stuffs without her know and he gave clear evidence,pls look before you leap.incase you need help as well…try hacknspytech atgmaildotcom

  62. How can I get in touch with you? I stumbled across your page and am standing for the restoration of my marriage. God has used you in a mighty way, thank you for your obedience.

  63. I enjoyed the prodigal spouse. I am experiencing the same thing. My wife and I have been married 15 years and seperated 2. I’ve been trying to hold on but was ready to give up. This have encouraged me to put all my trust in God for he is able to do all things. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  64. Hi my name is Shane and I have been married for 9 years and my wife and I have 3 young daughters ages 1, 4 and 6. Recently in May of this year my wife called and told me it was over and she separated me and moved into her empty grandma’s house before I returned from my TN vacation with my uncle. It has now been over 5 months of separation and recently she filed for divorce because I was not respecting her boundaries and giving her enough space. I think I scared her some too by making a comment about her missing more and more church I would get involved with custody of our girls. That was a Friday and on Monday she filed. We both go to the same church and are Christians and don’t believe in divorce however she feels she has to do this. She has started missing church more and more and I can tell her heart is very hardened and she is dead set on doing this and we have trial in November. We have separated 3 other times but got back together within 3 months or less and maybe that contributes to her thinking I will never change. I’m not a horrible husband but I’ve had my fair share of faults for sure. I don’t want divorce and I know if given one more chance things would be different but no matter what I say or do it makes it worse and she gets more distant to me. She wants me to give her the divorce without fighting it but I don’t want to let her and my girls go. I love them dearly but she said I have control issues so me trying to stop her is controlling and not love. She finally started talking to my pastor recently and my hope is she will cancel this divorce or something will change her heart. What do I do now to win her heart back when she is so done and broken and says she doesn’t love me or have anything to give me? I don’t believe in divorce nor want our 3 little girls to deal with this in life but she wants me to sign consents to divorce her but I feel the Bible tells me not to. Any advice for me? I have never reached out to a forum like this of any kind. Thank you and God bless!

  65. My husband recently admitted that he had been cheating on me and I couldn’t even think. I drove and drove asking God how could he do this to me. I went back home and I forgave him. He could not receive my forgiveness and love, and until today he refuses to accept it and fight for us. He began proposing a divorce and I began to ask God to help me and give the words and wisdom (I didnt know whether I should just give in), and I stumbled upon this post and have been extremely blessed. I will wait and pray patiently as much as he’ll let me, waiting for God to bring him back to me. Please help me pray that my prodigal spouse come back to me and more importantly to God. AMEN
    Thank You for allowing to be used by God and sharing your story and journey. Blessings!

  66. Tonya,

    Your story has been an absolute Godsend to me and I am so, so thankful you put this out there. I found and read the entire thing last night. It has been 4 weeks since my husband told me the truth, and our life has indeed been divided into 2 time periods – before and after that day. Our stories have so many similarities and I just sobbed in empathy with your thoughts from so many years ago. I have felt incredibly isolated but was encouraged for a few of reasons – 1) God can make you feel connected even to random internet strangers. I live in Kansas City but my family stays in that same Waterfront Homewood Suites every year while visiting extended family. We were actually there shortly after I found out and it was agonizing to be around family and friends, but I actually feel peace and happiness and relief that it was place of reconciliation and healing for someone else. Know that every time we go from now on, I will be praying over your life and over mine. 2) It affirmed my decision to pull a couple of close girlfriends together and share my story with them this weekend. When it comes to infidelity, we are cautioned more by our pastors and counselors about leaning on others for support. I understand there are risks – potential gossip, humiliation, changing the relationship – but God put us in community for a reason. I have been starving for support and prayer from Jesus-loving girlfriends. It just can’t stay hidden anymore if we’re going to heal. 3) It is SO HARD to find people willing to be upfront about this. I have said since day 1 that I just don’t know anyone who has survived this so I have no vision for a possible future for our marriage or my future mental health. I’m sure I indeed know many women who have been through something similar or even worse…but they’ve stayed silent. I pray that someday, at the right time, God will use our story for His glory and our good, just as he has done with yours. You and your husband’s transparency is directly having a hand in saving our marriage. Thank you so much.

    • Thank you for including me in your prayers, I am honored! You are STRONG, and you are obeying the Lord, keep it up. Your tribe and your faith will help you through and you will become better, strong and more transparent for Jesus through it all……His power is made perfect in your areas of WEAKNESS, not strengths.

  67. First I want to say Thank you for writing this ! I am one of the many folks that God knew that would need this. I just discover a month ago that my husband of 25 yrs have been cheating on me with prostitutes for the past 2 yrs. He was extremely heavy into porn. I was totally unaware ! I feel like a fool and I still do!
    The first 3 days I did nothing but cry and pray to God for guidance. After day three I felt this peace come over me and I knew right then we had to fight for our marriage.
    We have begun counciling which has been very helpful, but I have been really hurting lately. Wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Second guessing myself , wondering if I’m the crazy one! I’ve been trying to find blogs , books , support groups , anything to help me get through the hurt. Everything I’ve been reading seemed so negative and ugly.
    Then I came your blog and started reading. You were thinking the same exact things I was thinking. I am thankful that someone else can help me and my husband save our marriage. There is hope!
    I could not have gone through any of this with God by my side ! I feel him and feel even closer to him!
    My husband and I still have a long way to go but we want this to work ! I truly believe God put us together. Thank you so much for this blog. I pray that you and your husband are still very happy and blessed. Please pray for my husband and I as we begin our “limp” in our marriage. Pray that God will us as he did with you and your husband !
    May God bless.

  68. I have so many questions. I’m long divorced, 14 years. My ex husband and I started a “relationship” one year ago. Long story…I had to walk away. My ex is angry with God about everything. I’m trying to move in but feels like God won’t let me. Any one I meet or have interest in disappears. It’s like God gets rid of anyone I try to date. But my ex husband is still bitter, prideful, stubborn, blaming God for it all and won’t talk to me. It’s been a year and God is still keeping my ex on my heart. To pray for him. To pray for his salvation. To pray for him to come home to The Father. And so with a mustard seed size of hope I hang on to the fantasy that we will be together again. Am I completely crazy and delusional? I’m usually not. But how can I explain what I feel in my heart and what’s actually happening in the natural? Help!!! Please!! And thank you!

    • His desire is for healing and restoration! Keep praying, your prayers move mountains!!!! We can’t see in the natural for a season, what has been happening behind the scenes in the SUPERnatural, and that is the biggest part of it.

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