Have you ever been scared? Like REALLY REALLY REALLY scared? The kind that makes your knees go weak and your blood rush into your ears?
Once upon a time, newlywed Tonya was running her mouth. (shocking, I know) Cuddled up with her hubby in bed, lights out, house all quiet for the night. Always liking to have the last word, she delivered off one last zinger and headed through the dark house to the kitchen to get a glass of water, laughing to herself at her awesome one liner. Suddenly, she hears a THUMP THUMP THUMP.
“Oh my,” she thought, “whatever could that thumping noise be.” Turning to glance behind her, something catches her eye……in the space above her, she sees this horrifying shadow of a large man soaring through the air over the coffee table. He was moving slow motion, arms outstretched like the evil lion Scar in the lion king. ROOOOOOOOAAAR!
(This is pretty much exactly what I saw, except it was Dale and there was no fire; just screaming. Loud screaming.)
Instantly her knees buckled, her legs gave out, her eyes cried and she found herself on a heap on the floor, blood pounding in her ears. Quickly she is gathered into the arms of the man that scared her, where she finds safety. Realizing she was in the arms of the one who caused this horrifying, heart pounding experience, she begins to pound his chest:
“DALE! you JERK! You made my eyes cry. My heart is pounding so hard I feel like I could puke. I’ll get you back for this, just you wait! One of these days, I’ll get you…..”
Easier said then done.
10 years pass with no good scare opportunities to get my revenge……
(Well, there was 1 purposely passed-up chance when I realized he was peeing….now THAT would have been ugly!)
Then, last week, the stars align, the Heavens part, angels sing, pigs fly and what-have-you:
FINALLY, a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY to get my revenge!
I awake at midnight to an empty bed.
“Poor Dale,” I think, “still out there digging that crushed lateral line in a trench of poo water, just so I have water in the morning.”
I roll out of bed and put on my robe to go check on him and tell him I’m lonely and need a warm body to cuddle with. I stumble out into the garage and stand on the back garage step, blinking in the bright fluorescent lights. He is hard at work and doesn’t see me. He is packing up tools and closing up for the night.
I stand there for like 3 whole minutes before it hits me. THIS is my chance! Instantly I’m wide awake and smiling. I tip-toe off the back steps, and duck beside the Tahoe wheel, giggling to myself and wondering how it is, that just like when I was a kid, the second you hide, you have to pee!
(I’ve illustrated below for your viewing enjoyment)
I see his feet coming closer, closer, closer:
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” I roar, popping up from behind the Tahoe.
I hear a gasp! Dale’s eyes get HUGE, he clutches his chest and stumbles to the right a few steps……I wait for the yell and ?????????????????
“Hee hee hee. That was AWESOME!” he says with a huge grin on his face. “You got me!”
That was AWESOME?!
This was a less than satisfactory reaction. I mean come on! After 10 YEARS of plotting, the least he could’ve given me was a girly scream, right?!
Oh well. I will take it.
Tonya –1 Dale –1
Nice and even, just the way I like it…. 🙂
P.S. Now that you got your giggle for the morning, go check out the 2nd post for today:
Sausage, Beans & Rice: Cheater Style. Dale’s favorite!