“Planting” Purity

  I had a 4 little Ferguson’s reader ask me a really great question yesterday, after the Drama post went live.

Tonya,
Today’s post made me start thinking about how to instill standards of purity in my daughter.
Obviously, based on Destiny’s ability to identify inappropriate content in a book, you have been able to address some of the issues of purity.
Would you be open to writing a post of what teaching purity looks like in your home, how you address it, etc?
Thanks!

Great question!

  I felt prompted to share our stance on teaching Physical Purity earlier this month, in the Train Up A Child post. 

The Bible says, If we train up our children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it when they are older.{Proverbs 22:6}……it means I am Intentional in my parenting.  That I am always on the look out for those teachable moments. That I do my part to teach my children the value of hard work, daily duties and prayerful hearts.  That I am to speak and pray those blessings over my children just as the Fathers in the Bible spoke blessings over theirs, blessings that came to fruition.”

  I don’t think Purity is taught like a school lesson.  Although it sure wouldn’t hurt to sit down as a family and discuss what Purity is going to look like at your house.

  I think it is LIVED. 

  I think purity is in our actions, learned by our children watching us as we face the World, situation by situation. 

  It means we pepper our conversations with it, DAILY, moment by moment.

~When you shut off a movie, because it used bad language, you are teaching purity of the mind.

~When you see kissing on an otherwise clean movie and you say, “UH OH! Nooooo kissing until you are married.”  You are teaching purity of the heart and body in a few short sentences.

~ When you see a scantily clad Barbie doll in the toy aisle, you can choose the one in a full ball gown instead, “Honey, this one is dressed more appropriately.  We need to save our bodies for our husbands eyes only.”  Teaching purity in the moment.

~ When your child wants to talk about “someday” with you, use it as a teachable moment.  Tylan said, “Mom, someday I am going to get to go to a friend’s house and stay overnight?”  I replied, “Yes, Ty. But first, I want to make sure you are ready for what you might face. Your friends might want you to watch a bad movie, or look at a magazine that is not appropriate, or even try to show you naked girls on his phone.  If that happens, I want you to be ready to look away quickly, leave the room and call me for a ride home.”  “Oh ok, mom. I don’t ever want to look at that bad stuff. King David did that once……” 

Purity planting in a 6-year-old.

  On another note, ever since we had that talk with Ty at bedtime, Avery has added to her “Future Husband” prayers, that he would NOT look at his friend’s phone or bad naked pictures of girls. 

  I was Purity Seed Planting in Ty, and guess what?  4-year-old Avery’s seed took root, too.

You all, THEY ARE LISTENING TO EVERYTHING!  Make every single moment count! 

Whether we are teaching purity of the mind, “We don’t read books like that….”

Or by listening to only Christian radio or Adventures in Odyssey in the car.  We don’t want them to fill their minds with the sexual words of pop music and think its acceptable.

During Family Movie Night:

 “We are shutting this movie off now! We never use the Lord’s name in vain. It breaks His heart…..”

Or if it’s a movie you can keep watching together, then use those teachable moments: 

“Did you hear that child sass her mom?  We NEVER talk to our parents that way, do we!”

Or purity of the heart:

 “Dating that many girls only makes your heart full of holes, like Swiss Cheese.  It’s best to just be friends until the Lord shows you otherwise.”

Or purity of the body:

 “That lady IS so pretty in her dress, but see how low it scoops? When you have a dress like that, we will make sure you wear a pretty lace tank top underneath it to cover up more.”

  Once you make it a point to use any and every chance for teachable moments, you will be surprised how often they come!

  Limiting your child’s exposure to media and commercials will also help their “Radar” to be strong.  The more we expose our kids to the worlds idea of behavior and dress, the more “acceptable” it becomes in their young minds.

  Even adults are affected!  Case in point:

  I watched Grey’s Anatomy Season 1 and 2, and like a frog placed in water slowly heated, won’t jump out, I didn’t even realize how bad things were getting.  I loved the show so much, I was willing to overlook some of the inappropriate scenes I was beginning to see on a more regular basis.

  Season 3 started and I couldn’t watch it due to a conflict on Thursday nights.  When I did tune in, late in the season, I was MORTIFIED at how trashy it had gotten. I haven’t watched since.

  How did I miss it?  Did the show change, or did I?

  Somewhere along the way, the show became less medical drama, and more character drama. My radar was dulled.  The clanging bells were muffled, as I slowly became acclimated to the filth being presented there.  It took me not watching to “reset” my radar, and I was mortified when I returned to the show.

  I now choose not to watch TV in the evenings.  My time can be better spent editing, blogging or working around the house.  I enjoy the occasional Undercover Boss episode, or the other night, Dale was watching America’s Got Talent after the kiddos were down, and the singer caught my attention from the other room.  But, between my disgust in the commercials {which we don’t allow our kids to watch on the rare occasion they watch something other than PBS!} and the lack of anything good on, it’s easier for me to not watch at all.  And to teach them the same.

  They aren’t even allowed to watch “The Funny Show” {America’s Funniest Home Videos} anymore, due to the sexual jokes and harsh language from the host.

  “Planting Purity” starts with us as parents, setting the example; i/e tilling fertile soil.  This is followed by seed planting during daily, Teachable Moments.  Careful weeding will keep filth out of the garden of your child’s life and mind, and watering with the Word of God daily, will keep harvest plentiful.

In Matthew 7:16, it says you will be known by your fruits.  “You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?”

    The “fruit” of Destiny’s harvest showed yesterday.  I didn’t know if I was doing my job helping to plant the right kinds of seeds, or if I had watered enough with God’s Word. 

apples

  But in these moments, in these situations that make us infuriated at the World we live in, we see our hard work pay off and a bountiful harvest to be thankful for.

~T

 

 

Drama

  This book looks colorful, light hearted and cute.

It is anything but. 

Scan_Pic0009   

  Sweet Destiny came to me and told me she stopped reading this comic-style library book because it was too inappropriate. 

  When I asked what she meant, she told me that there was some kissing and a scene where the boy announces he is gay.  She said she knew it wasn’t one she should read anymore.

  I told her she did the right thing, and after she went to bed, skimmed the rest of the book myself.  This comic style chapter book included several making out scenes with sound effects, the previously mentioned: “I like boys, hey I am gay” scene, followed by boy on boy kissing on the stage of a play, and then to top it all off, a red-cheeked “Where have you been for 2 hours?” walking in on them scene…..

  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

And this is a Scholastic book?  And in the children’s paperback section?

  I  know, that not all of you reading, will understand my take on this.   You will scorn me for trying to shelter my child too much.  Or tell me I am disrespecting the differences in sexual orientation.

  Listen up, my job as a Christian, is to raise my children via The Bible, God’s instruction book for us.  It is my job then, to be diligent in protecting my children from this World.

To teach them to be IN the world, yet not of it. 

  That is why we don’t have cable.  That is why we don’t watch regular evening tv shows with inappropriate commercials. I do NOT want them to become so used to our loud, buy it, need it, got to have it, politically correct or incorrect, sex sells everything World. 

  If I become lax on this, then it becomes a part of who they are, hard wired into them as “normal” everyday life.  Your kids ARE their environment.  It can’t be toxic!!!!!!  

  Satan is a sneak, even colorful cutesie paperbacks from your small town library, are not to be assumed safe anymore. I am saddened that this is occurring, and I will be returning this one to the library personally, so I can speak to the librarian about this book being in the children’s section.

  I can teach my children to respect peoples differences, to hate the sin, but love the sinner, without allowing them to absorb that lifestyle in movies, reading etc. I know they will be exposed to this world we live in eventually.  And that is a conversation I’d rather have with them on my own time, limiting their exposure to it, lest they began to believe that making out, gay lifestyle, or even the extreme violence that is showcased everywhere, is tolerated.

  And yes to me, the making out in that book bothered me as much as the gay agenda. We are trying to teach purity of heart, mind and body…this book promoted none of these things.

  I know that I cannot pre-read all 30-50 of Destiny’s library chapter books that I help her select, its just not feasible to do this every 3 weeks on library day. 

  I think the fact that she still knew what to do, shows that you can teach your child what to expect from the World we live in by peppering it in all your daily conversations, give instruction on the action you’d like them to take when they come across something they feel is wrong, i/e a racy picture, bad words, inappropriate actions, and come out positive in the end.

   Our job is to equip our children for this World they reside in, and right now, that is done by setting boundaries and expectations for what COULD come their way.  As much as I want to, I cannot hide them in a bubble.  But I can make sure they are growing up in a safe, open and honest, God filled life while they are here at home with me.

  So, what is your take on this as a parent?  

~T