It’s that time at our house.
You know, time for “The Birds & The Bees” talk.
A few days before Destiny turned 9, she asked if maybe it was time for us to have a talk.
“A talk?” I asked
“Ya, you know, about sex and babies and stuff. I am ready to know how it all works.”
We talked a bit more, and she asked some good questions. I told her intelligent questions would be met with intelligent answers. So I talked to Dale and we planned a little time with Destiny after the kids went to bed to explain things to her.
Here are some of the highlights:
We used correct and simple terms.
We showed her diagrams of male and female genitalia. We told her girls have 3 holes: one for pee, one for poop and the one in the middle is for babies. That babies are made inside the same hole they come out of.
We showed a video of sperm racing to find the egg. She thought it was super cool that the egg only lets one in {sometimes 2}, before closing up and going on a journey! We talked about how God picks which sperm meets which egg, and they determine whether you have brown hair or blonde, are good at piano, are a night owl…..all things already planned out when the two meet.
This video is incredible! It shows the miracle of life from conception without going into too much detail.
“That happened when God made me? Neat!”
We told her sex was a beautiful gift for married couples to enjoy. We told her it was fun, and it was perfect because the man and women parts fit together like a puzzle.
She said, Ew a few times, and Cool a few times.
We told her that was normal. 🙂
We pray every night over our children that they’d save themselves for marriage, and that they would hang on to their purity for the treasure it is. Even almost 4-year-old Avery can tell you she doesn’t want a “Swiss Cheese heart” full of holes. She wants to save her whole heart and all her kisses for her husband. Tylan prays that he would be a Godly man, and he prays for his future wife, that she’d be a Proverbs 31 wife and that she’d save herself for him. PRECIOUS. We pray for Tylan and Paxton to have a covenant with their eyes not to look upon anything impure, that they will save themselves for marriage, heart, body and mind.
Guys, they are LISTENING! They are parroting back prayers that have been spoken over them all their lives. If you haven’t already started praying for this, it’s not too late! The power of prayer is incredible! And what a great teaching tool.
My response to Destiny was calm.
Purposeful.
I encourage you to take a similar approach. When mom or dad, stutter, stammer, avoid the subject, or act disgusted, you are telling them sex is dirty. It is embarressing. That they did something wrong, by even asking.
This could not be further than the truth.
Do you want them to someday take that unhealthy view of sex into their own marriage bed? Because they really will.
Sex is a beautiful gift from God, intended for married couples to enjoy as they become one body, one spirit, one flesh. I want our children to understand how beautiful, amazing, and special it is. God designed it to be mind-blowing. It was intended for more than reproduction, it was intended for…PLEASURE.
In a Sex-at-9 society, if we aren’t talking to our kids about sex, the world is. It’s being sold on TV and in just about every movie out there. It’s being whispered on the bus ride home, it’s being tried out at boy-girl parties. Yes, as early as age 9. THAT, my friends, is highly disturbing.
You have a choice:
YOU teach them about sex.
Or
The WORLD will.
“Seize the opportunity while your children are young to start having conversations that will forever shape their sexual character.” Mary Flo Riley, author of Simple Truths.
Making It Meaningful
The sex talk is obviously happening at age 9 at our house, but at age 13, we will take things a step further. We plan to take each child on a special birthday date, talk more about purity, eyes, thoughts, flesh; all of it. We will help them write out some boundaries, review some verses about sex and God’s design for it.
We will present them with a purity ring, just as my parents gave me when I was 13, and encourage them to write a birthday love letter to their future spouse each and every birthday. The girls love to read through my box of love letters to Dale, to try on my purity ring, which will one day be Destiny’s.
This ring is to remind them that purity is a beautiful gift, only given ONCE.
It’s never to late to start talking to your kids about saving themselves for marriage. Telling them about a little boy or little girl our there, RIGHT NOW, being prepared to one day meet them. To one day fall in love with them at the perfect moment in time, all ordained by the Great Author of LOVE Himself!
We Are Giving Our Kids An Incomplete Message!!!!
“The Bible speaks out so plainly against adultery and the misuse of sex, that it’s easy for a young Christian to misinterpret that to mean that sex as a whole is sinful.
In Christian circles we tend to spurt out the “sex is bad before marriage” anthem, without following it up with the “but sex after marriage will rock your socks off!” part.
So on their wedding day, a couple is expected to flip that switch to ‘sex is allowed…we now have a license’, and they spend the first few years of marriage floundering and silently struggling with what they’ve always been lead to believe: “God doesn’t want you to have sex…and He especially doesn’t want you to enjoy it!”. Resentment grows as they try and reconcile what they deeply desire in each other, and what they believe God expects of them.
“The marriage ceremony is simply insufficient to reorient one’s attitude from ‘Thou shalt not’ to ‘Thou shalt—regularly and with great passion!'” – Dr. James Dobson”
Joy has a whole blog post written about this! Go read it!!!! Here are a few of my favorite points:
- Start early:
- Be purposeful & prepared.
- Vital: When they do ask “those” questions, make a point of smiling and responding with “I’m so glad you asked, sweetheart!”. Don’t allow your response or body language to communicate that this is a taboo topic to talk about.
- Children are unabashedly curious about their bodies and the differences between boys and girls, if you don’t answer their questions – eagerly – they’ll find someone else who will.
- Help them recognize that their sexuality is a beautiful part of who they are…for later in life.
- If we wait until our kids are older, we’ve lost a tremendous part of the battle: teenagers are naturally inclined to doubt and wrestle with everything we say. Do you really want to initiate the conversation then?
- Be purposeful & prepared.
- Define your message:
- “This is what I want them to know/believe/value about sex”
- Make the message your own – what is important and valued in your family – boil it down to a few overarching statements about sex.
- Don’t make it sensual for little ones, just basic biology. The “dangers and pleasures” of the sex talk come later.
- Examine your own sexual baggage – we don’t want to pass off our pain and baggage to our kids. Set it aside {or better yet, work/pray through it} and present the most positive picture.
- Explain Reproduction:
- Use everyday examples to teach them that “by God’s design…protected deep inside every living creature is the potential for new life”
- Explain Conception –Start painting the picture of sexual intimacy now…allowing them to first see only a hazy view of it…add detail and depth as they get older and more mature.
- Continuing the Conversation:
- When billboards or ads depict intimate moments between a couple, teach them that sexuality is very private and “no one should ever watch”…helps them know how to handle unexpected pornography exposure {which can show up astonishingly early}.
- Show them how important the decisions they make are. Their teenage years are so short in relation to the rest of their lives, and yet the decisions they make during that time have huge consequences.
Remember, give simple TRUTH in real terms, never undermining the beautiful, smokin’ hot gift from God, sex really is.
~T
Are you struggling with a healthy image of sex in your own marriage? Then read this blog about Re-discovering RED HOT Manogomy by Joy of Simply Bloom. It’ll make your toes curl.
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