No More Excuses {Part 2}: 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

This is post 2 for today, be sure to head back and check out  No More Excuses{Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom!

23 ways to turn up the heat

23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat in Your Marriage

{From various sources including Joy from Simply Bloom and Fulfilling Your Vows}

1)  Check Your Price-Tag: Get your identity and value straight!  Ask your doting Heavenly Father to remind you of your value.  When you really grasp how much He loves you, and the price He paid to spend eternity with you, it’s hard to stop that radiance and confidence from overflowing into every area of your life.

2) Invest in Yourself:  Set some goals, put more thought into your daily wardrobe, get out and walk more, eat more healthily, spend more time in the word allowing God to transform your heart.  The better you feel about yourself, the more apt you are to confidently offer yourself as a gift to your husband.

3) Throw Away Your Beige Undies: Ok, ok, you are allowed to keep ONE pair for those white pants you wear to church, but the rest GO.  Head to JcPenny’s and do some shopping. They have some super cute, non-ride up your butt, undies in various colors and prints, and offer some with lace, some without.  They are comfy and cute!  Get a variety and rock the better, sexier, you all day long. It’s amazing what a pair of cute undies can do for your Mommy Morale.

4) Flirt With Your Man: If the brain is the largest sex organ, and we’re slow cookers, it helps to start thinking about gettin’ cozy with your hubby early on during the day.  Plan a little.  Send him a sexy text or hide a love note in his car.  Get creative.  And prepare your heart to bless your man when the opportunity arises.

5) Have A Date Night:  I love that my kids are watching me date their daddy…it models our priorities and expresses the delight we find in our relationship.  If finances are tight, or you can’t find a sitter have date night at home.  We do this on Friday’s and I look forward to it ALL week! Snacks and a movie, game night by the fire, or just light some candles and crawl to bed early.  Dating at home is FUN!

4) Invest In Your Friendship:  Make a point of smiling at your husband.  And laugh!  It’s astounding to me how quickly we stop smiling and laughing with our ‘forever boyfriends’ once the routine of everyday life sets in.  Laughter truly is a powerful medicine and it has a mysterious way of knitting your hearts together.

5) Guard Your Sanctuary.  Turn off the TV in your bedroom, in fact, I recommend getting it out of their entirely!  We did that about year 4 of our marriage, and haven’t ever regretted it!  Remove the clutter, dust off the candles or add some Christmas lights to your 4 poster bed, lock the door and turn your bedroom into a romantic haven for you and you the love of your life.

6) Just Do It!  Don’t let your level of interest keep you from engaging in sex with your man.  When it comes to women, desire often occurs AFTER arousal.  And remember, the more you do it…the more you’ll want to.  I dare you to test that theory!

7) Be Prepared:  If sex isn’t messy, you aren’t doing it right!  Stock up: mints, towels, wet wipes, lubricant and enjoy each other to the fullest.

8) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Creative!  Predictability can extinguish sensuality.  God has given us such freedom in this arena.  Just be sure to draw the line at bringing “others” into the mix, pornography and the viewing of other naked bodies creates lust in the heart, which is a sin in God’s eyes and the same as having sex with that other individual. {Matthew 5:28}

9)  Plan A Surprise Dinner, ALONE: Whether you hire a sitter and head out spur of the moment, or hubby comes home to a scantily clad you and an otherwise empty house with dinner for 2 on the table, the point is, plan it.  It’s a surprise dinner – alone, and for no reason. “Just because” keeps the fires burning.

10) Do ‘It’ First On Date Night:  It’s amazing how the dynamic shifts when we slip in a little intimacy before date night when possible.  Our emotional connection is so much sweeter, it takes the pressure off being too tired when you get home…and who knows, maybe you’ll get to blow his mind with Round #2 later?

11) Put It On The Schedule:  As odd as that may sound, it works.  We find time for things that are important to us…but when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  Make it a priority (with a smiley face on the calendar) and that way you always know you’ll connect every 72 hours when life gets hectic.  After a while, your “radar” will go off, and you won’t even have to look at the calendar to know the 3 days have passed since you have been intimate, because you will desire that connection, too.  

12) Simple Touch: Hold hands in the car, when you are walking in the store, at church.  Touch in general keeps your love alive.  Leaning over the top of the recliner for a kiss as you walk through the living room with clean laundry, brushing your body against your spouse as you slip past them in the kitchen, having a towel and a kiss ready for them when they step out of the shower….. All this cultivates non-sexual intimacy, and keeps you connected with your spouse.

13) Make Out.  Seriously, there is nothing better than making out in the kitchen during supper clean up.  It’s good for your kids to see you love each other, even if they say GROSS.  And, it keeps the passion burning and the mood in the midst of mundane chores.

14) Focus On Your Spouses Strengths & Positive Qualities:  Nothing will squelch your desire to get cozy faster than a foul, negative attitude toward your husband.  Be intentional about bringing out the gold in him…remember, you have the power to make your man great, or break him down completely!

15) Learn The Fine Art Of The Quickie:  Don’t be a high maintenance lover that needs A B & C to be completed in a certain order for “it” to happen. Grabbing those moments where the kids are all content with TV time, or hopping in the shower together, will make the rest of the day go smoothly with giggles, stolen kisses and winks across the room afterwards in the after glow of your love.

16) Greet Your Spouse With A Kiss & A Smile: Make your home the safe haven, the welcomed relief at the end of a long day.  This simple act goes farther than you think in showing your spouse you love them, missed them and so appreciate them!

17) Listen to Your Mate: With both your ears AND eyes.  Face to face time is HUGE in the name of intimacy as a couple.  Never fail to make time to chat face to face, without TV or any forms of media in your midst.

18) Say I Love You Often:  At the end of a phone call, in a text during the work day, before bed, or across the room.  Be verbal in your love for each other.  Non-verbal is great too. Dale squeezes my hand 3 times and I know it means I Love You, whether in the dark of our room or during family prayer time, we can connect quietly and secretly in our I Love You squeezes.

19) Touch While Falling Asleep: Whether you lay in his arms, or simply curl your back up against his, making that trek across the King Bed shows hubby that you desire and love him and find comfort in his touch.

20) Pray Before Intimacy: We talked about this earlier this week in the Honeymoon post, and while it seems odd, it’s incredibly powerful.  We tend to separate God from sex, which hopefully after reading all this sex series, you’ll be less inclined to do.  Rather, invite God into the midst of your passion – it was His idea, after all.  He will bless your pants off!

21) It’s Never Too Late To Learn: There are so many excellent books that both educate and encourage fabulous sex in marriage. Pick one and read it together as part of your evening devotion time.  I will post some resources tomorrow.

22) Enlist Some Help!  Pick a few married girlfriends who would be wonderful at checking in from time to time to make sure you’ve seduced your husband lately.  Have great conversations – both inspiring and convicting, but always honoring – about intimacy.  Challenge each other onto greater passion!  Vulnerable accountability is a real gift in this area.

23) Prayer Is Powerful: Ask God to increase your desire for your husband and reveal His heart on this topic to you.  Believe it or not, God wants to increase the passion in your marriage even more than you do…and He’s endlessly resourceful!

When a husband and wife cultivate an atmosphere of intimacy throughout the day, they have a higher likelihood of enjoying physical intimacy later. The physical act of intimacy is made that much sweeter when it is a culmination of your love, not merely a stand alone expression of it.

We need to fight to reclaim what God intended as a powerful, life-giving gift to husbands and wives.

It’s time to Rediscover Sex God’s way…….

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

~T

 

Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

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No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom

Just tuning in?! Get caught up on our Series on Sex, God’s Way here!

A Guest Post by Angela Clark Logan, My Heart Ministry

  In my last post, I addressed the idea of wives being more intentional in reaching out to their husbands sexually. I challenged you to be bold enough to initiate a sexual encounter with your husband at least every three days. I mentioned the fact that we have our reasons for being reluctant to do this, and today I want to address some legitimate inhibitions that we ladies have to overcome. But please understand this: they are legitimate only if we agree to strive to conquer them; they become excuses when we hide behind them and use them to avoid sexual encounters with our husbands.

  I think the most common obstacle we girls deal with is our self-image. We’re uncomfortable with our bodies. Please see the truth in this statement: Your husband doesn’t see all the faults that you see. He’s not paying attention to all your flaws, because he’s so excited to be in bed with a naked woman and he gets to have sex! Your husband LOVES you, which makes you more beautiful to him than any cosmetic surgery ever could. Your man isn’t looking to see if you have the perfect body, he is looking to see if you are a willing and eager lover.

  I know that for some of us, all the rhetoric in the world won’t help us feel more confident about our bodies, so here are some practical things that you can do to help yourself feel better:

Get in a couple of hours of exercise every week. I’m not talking about becoming a fitness addict, but I do know from experience that even a little exercise each week can improve how you feel about yourself and your body.

Take a warm shower or bath before bed. You’d be surprised at how much sexier you’ll feel when you’re clean, as well as how much the warm water does to make your body responsive to your husband’s touch.

Light a candle. Its light is less intimidating and more flattering than lamplight!

Find some sexy but flattering lingerie. Granted, you won’t wear it for long, but it will help you feel sexy!

Remind yourself that you are a beautiful creation, perfectly designed by our loving and wise Lord. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The temple. Do you know how beautiful the temple was in Old Testament times? NOTHING could compare to its beauty! And YOU were created to be just such a temple. YOU are beautiful, sister!

  Another issue I see is the expectation that sex should be this passionate, romantic experience, the kind of sexual encounter that we see in the movies and read about in our “romance” books. And we just can’t live up to that. There’s a good reason: it isn’t realistic! Sex certainly doesn’t have to be boring, but it will never truly mimic what we see on the television or movie screen, or even what our imaginations conjure up when we read those steamy romance novels. We’ve got to stop watching and reading those kinds of things! Scripture calls us to meditate on what is honorable and holy (Philippians 4:8), and these erotic, unrealistic sex scenes certainly don’t fit that bill. Once we abandon those worldly fantasies, we can focus on making our own sex life exciting in realistic and attainable ways.

Here are some other excuses we make:

“I’m too tired.” Prioritize, girls! Weed out some lesser important parts of your day so you can save enough energy for your husband!

“I can’t switch from being ‘mom’ and ‘housekeeper’ to ‘lover.’” Keep the idea of being your husband’s lover in the back of your mind all day. Send him a flirtatious text or leave him a sexy voicemail. (Just make sure it’s a private mail box!) Kiss him (more than a quick peck on the lips!) when he comes home. Most importantly, make sure you’ve got alone time together every night! Put the kids to bed or send them to have quiet time in their rooms for an hour before you go to bed, and spend that time interacting, snuggling on the couch…get that fire started before you head to the bedroom!

“I just don’t enjoy sex.” I don’t enjoy doing laundry, either, but I do it because I love my family. And so we give ourselves sexually to our husbands because we love him. Communicate to him about what feels good and what doesn’t, and I would bet that he will be willing to help you find pleasure as you willingly participate with him.

  I know that I have just scratched the surface on this topic of inhibitions in the bedroom. Very soon Tonya and I will talk together about how to bring sex back into the marriage after infidelity, as we recognize that some issues are more serious than mere “inhibitions.” Bottom line: sex is a vital part of marriage. It’s time for us to accept that fact, determine to work past our inhibitions and then throw ourselves fully into the act of loving our husbands in this very physical way.

Come on over to My Heart Ministry and read more!

~Angie

Head on over to Part 2: No More Excuses, 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

Being Intentional In The Bedroom: The 72 Hour Challenge

Welcome back!  We are continuing our Series on Sex, God’s Way with a guest post today from a friend of mine!  Just tuning in?  Then get caught up on the 4 previous sex posts, here.

Angie-close-up-2_thumb.jpg

A Guest Post by Angela Clark Logan

  Hello! My name is Angela Clark Logan. I am a mother of four amazing kiddos and wife of one incredible man. I grew up in a little town in the mid-west where I learned to love small-town values and dreamed some big-city dreams. I attended Ozark Christian College and earned a degree in Biblical Literature and Music Ministry. While at OCC I met my husband, Scott, and for eight years served next to him in local ministry. Now he teaches junior high and high school music, and we continue to minister through our local church and the Men’s and Women’s Encounter ministries.

  It was through Women’s Encounter that I had the opportunity to meet Tonya and hear her incredible story. We have a common passion for helping women succeed in their marriages, and I was thrilled when she asked me to partner with her in this series. I pray that through these posts, Tonya and I will equip you with the tools you need to not just survive in your marriage, but THRIVE. Read more of what God has been teaching me at My Heart Ministry.

 Chocolate.

  It’s the best coping mechanism ever invented by man. Especially the dark kind. I know some of you may disagree, but for me, there are days when I just need a little chocolate to get me through. Just one little bite, and as it melts in my mouth the frustrations and stress that are bombarding me just melt away with it.

  Ah, yes…chocolate is a glorious thing. Even my husband has learned the value of chocolate. As I sent him to the grocery store one evening, he asked if there was anything else he could pick up. I looked at him and sighed, “sanity.” When he returned he set in front of me a bag of Ghirardelli chocolates. Sanity in a bag. And he didn’t even make me share.

  It is said that chocolate is the next best thing to sex. In fact, I think many women would confess that they would rather have chocolate than sex. I would bet, though, that their husbands would rather go the rest of their life without so much as a nibble of chocolate if it meant they got to have sex on a regular basis. Did you know that men are actually created to need a sexual release about every three days? My friend and author Cindy Dagnan writes, “Sex is as necessary as breathing for most men… because of the periodic buildup of seminal fluid, they actually need it.” Stephen Arterburn adds in his book Every Man’s Battle that “For most men, this buildup…takes only about seventy-two hours.” We cannot deny that our husbands are sexual people; it is indelibly woven into who they are. And yet we girls continue to justify our reluctance to have sex with our husbands.

  I’m going to be very blunt for a minute: all too often, our reluctance really just boils down to us being selfish. Oh, we have our reasons, but when it comes right down to it, we aren’t having sex with our husbands because we just don’t want to.

  Look at it this way: If you had decided to start eating really healthy, how would you feel if your husband sat down next to you with a big plate of whatever your favorite treat is, be it cookies or pizza or buttery popcorn? It’s right there where you can see it, smell it…almost taste it. But you can’t have it. Would you feel loved by your husband? I think most of us would want to smash his face in it! But do you realize that this is what we’re doing to our husband every night when we climb in next to him with no intention of making love to him? We snuggle up next to him (just to sleep, of course!) wearing nothing but a thin little nightgown. He can feel you beside him, he can hear you breathe, smell your scent. But he can’t have you. Ouch. Changes the perspective a little, doesn’t it?

  So what’s a girl to do? Start by being intentional in how your love your man. View sex as a way of meeting a legitimate need, as something very special that he desires FROM YOU, and as a way that you can bless him and show him that you love him unconditionally and without reserve. One way that you can be very intentional is by being the one to initiate.

  I know that initiating sex can be an intimidating thing for us wives. It requires us to be vulnerable and to step completely out of our comfort zone. But it is so worth it; you will be amazed at your husband’s response! He will be thrilled that you love him enough to initiate! It will take a little practice, but with FREQUENT practice it will get easier. You can get really creative and romantic with it, but it can also be as simple as having a special candle to light, a “signal” of sorts to let your husband know that it’s his “lucky” night. Maybe you can leave a card on his pillow that says, “Tonight I’m Yours.” Find something that works for you and then do it!

  Sex within marriage is a beautiful thing. Even if you don’t feel that emotional, romantic kind of love, sex can be an expression of your commitment to your husband. (And it might even help you develop those lovey feelings!)

  Here’s my challenge:

three day calendar

  Think back on what I said about men needing a sexual release every three days, and then commit to making love with your husband at least every seventy-two hours. And by this I do not mean to simply make yourself available to your husband. You must actively engage in sex with him not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.

  And yes, you’ll need to initiate, especially if he’s so used to being turned down that he doesn’t even ask anymore.

  Decide today that you will actively and intentionally meet your husband’s need for sex, leaving no more than three days in between encounters. You may find your marriage renewed, your husband energized, and yourself needing a little less chocolate.

~Angie

    A GREAT BIG Thank you to Angie, for being here today to share her heart and passion with us.  She will be back next week, so be sure to tune in Monday for the continuation of our Sex God’s Way Series! She has lots more to say on her blog, My Heart!  ~T

Sex Within Marriage: Desire Not Duty

Are you guys hanging in there?  I know this is a highly sensitive subject, but one that I feel needs to be talked about more.  One in 3 marriages struggle with mismatched sexual desire.  Some studies even find that some married couples only have sex 10 times a year.  WHAT!? 

  This is NOT what your Heavenly Father had planned.  His desire is for you to have some Red Hot Monogamy within your marriage!  Did you know that a survey done for “For Women Only” showed that even if men were getting all the sex they wanted, 3 out of 4 men would still feel empty if their wife wasn’t both engaged and satisfied?  This means we need to work towards our DESIRE for our husbands, not simply acting in duty.

Desire not duty

   Today’s post comes from Joy at Simply Bloom and her Re-Discovering Red Hot Monogamy blog post.  It’s a fantastic read!!!!!

  “SEX. It’s everywhere, except where it matters most.  We live in a sexually saturated culture, with the only voice we ever hear being the corrupted addicted, perverted one of the world, exploited by the media.  Why on earth is the church mum on this topic? 

  Why are we allowing our sex lives to slip down the tube, unnoticed, un-discussed, as though it were not the magnificent gift – and powerful weapon – it is?”

  Sadly, we’ve bought into the lie that it’s the ‘heathens’ that get to have the fun, wild, creative sex…and we, the prim and proper church folks, get relegated to the ‘missionary position’ {pun intended}; the boring, predictable, two-dimensional left-overs.

Seriously.  Enough with that nonsense!

  We should be talking as loudly, if not louder, about this mysterious gift God gave his most beloved creation, mankind.  Sex is mind-blowingly incredible…and it’s because God made it that way.  On purpose!

God intended for the marriage bed to be a place of toe-curling, kick-the-nightstand-over sex; madly passionate, deliciously intimate connectedness.

   Why do we settle for so much less?

  We’re doing our marriages, and our children’s future marriages, a disservice by not talking about this subject.

  The marriage relationship was designed to be a tangible expression of God’s heart toward His church; a great love-affair marked by unconditional love, passion, faithfulness, selfless service, and vibrant communication.

  Sex is dear to God’s heart, and anything dear to His heart, Satan tries to steal, distort and misuse as a weapon against the heart of man.  Only something as powerful as this rouses the enemy to corrupt to such an extreme.  Just read the news.  On second thoughts, don’t.

  What a devastatingly destructive weapon sex has become in this world.  At the core, it is lust, unabashedly tainted by greed and selfishness, with a voracious hunger for power and control, and it often results in addiction.

Let me be clear when I say, this is not the sex I’m talking aboutI want to look at the stunningly intimate, life-giving, spirit mingling gift of sex between a husband and wife….”

Christians should be having the best, most invigorating, creative sex ever!

We’ve got to stop feeding the lie that “good girls” don’t have fabulous sex with their husbands.

I strongly believe it’s the overflow of this faulty understanding about God’s heart toward sexuality that has many marriages in the church today suffering from a case of watered-down, resentment-laden sex.  A far cry from the ever-growing, relational oasis it was designed to be.

And because no one talks about this, except maybe the Cosmopolitan-reading ‘bad girls’, we suffer in silence.

It’s a dangerous dynamic that has the potential to destroy a marriage if not addressed.

“Sex is the spice that rescues our relationships from becoming mundane pursuits of chores” – Bill & Pam Farrell.

If you even wondered how important sex was to God’s heart, notice that He dedicated an entire book to a detailed, juicy exploration of the topic.  Find some time to slip away and read Song of Solomon 2:3-17 and Song of Solomon 4:1-7.  It’s steamy stuff!

You see, sex is like glue in marriage.  The mortar of the marriage structure.  It requires the ultimate sacrifice of vulnerability, humility, and selflessness.  And it immediately creates a shift in the ‘climate’ of your relationship, and ultimately, in your home.  A sexless marriage will cause ripples in every area of your life.  Nothing is unaffected.  I realize this is a tough reality to accept, but know that there is always hope.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, puts it this way…

“Men need validation. When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he’s very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs. And these days women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need… I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

  Do we fully grasp, as wives, that when we said ‘I do’, we were committing to be our husband’s sole source of sexual satisfaction for the extend of our lives together.  Sure, other {unhealthy} counterfeits threaten to creep in from time to time, but the responsibility to meet those God-given needs lies in our capable hands. 

Because sex has the power to unlock your man’s emotions…and you’re the one holding the key…it is inconsiderate – and frankly, un-Christlike – to withhold that gift from him.  Strong words, I know.  But if we refuse to do our part, there will always be another eager to fill our shoes.

Our men no longer need to go looking for opportunities to sin sexually – it literally knocks at their door several times a day.  We have the incredible ability {the power and honor} to help guard their hearts and minds in the fight.

Fight for your husband, beloved!

Our bodies are so very, very different, and while we do comprehend that on many levels, we often don’t realize the implication that has in the intimacy department.

Men are indeed like microwaves…hot and ready in a matter of nano-seconds, and satisfying them is relatively uncomplicated, comparable to a blindfolded attempt at ‘pin the tail on the donkey’.  Women, on the other hand, are the {sadly infamous} crockpot.  The one with a whole lot of buttons and knobs.  You know the one.  You’ve got to twist this 37 times, press that, move this lever 52 degrees clockwise, tweak this little button for 12 minutes and then pray it’s plugged in properly, because if it’s not…dude, you’ve got to start all over again!

Not really, but you get the point.

God made us this different on purpose! It takes time and effort and communication and a whopping dose of sense of humor to pull this stuff off!  All valuable qualities to cultivate in a marriage.

Don’t give up…practice makes perfect!

When we realize that our husband’s desire for connecting with us intimately goes deeper than a superficial, physical need for release, we may be more inclined to bless his heart by pursuing his body (and jumping his bones).

As a side note, and in talking about the importance of meeting his need for physical intimacy – which motivates a desire in him to meet our need for emotional intimacy, it would be remiss not to mention the wisdom {oh, husbands…are you listening?!} and importance of a man intentionally touching his wife’s heart first {it’s all about both partners selflessly giving 100%…not just a half-baked effort in the hopes you’ll meet in the middle).

Allow me to explain…

Mark Gungor talks in his series, Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage, about the access points to men’s and women’s hearts.  Aptly named the “happy” place.

Okay…now put away any persnicketiness, dust off your sense of humor and work with me on this one, okay?

For a man to touch his wife’s {ahem}, he needs to access her heart first.  Or as Mark succinctly puts it…”be nice to the girl!”.  And as we’ve discovered, for us to really access our hubby’s hearts…we often need to touch his “happy place” first.  Or at least make sure it’s getting enough, um…happiness.

The Happy Place

Cue the oxytocin, and voila!  It’s magical.

Or something.

Sex is a balm for their weary souls. Our husbands are out there everyday – them against the world – they desperately long for a safe place to come home to, to be completely real and vulnerable, and to be fully accepted and loved. Our desire for them fuels them in a way we will never fully understand {Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only}

Show Me Mine, And I’ll Show You Yours:

It’s amazing how easily – because they don’t always touch our hearts first – we put off meeting our men’s needs until we feel ‘primed’.  And while it seems natural – after all, it’s really hard to be sexually vulnerable with someone you don’t feel you’re emotionally connected to – we’re basically declaring, “fill my emotional intimacy tank (while you’re running on the fumes of an oil rag)…and only then will I consider filling your physical intimacy tank.  “Me first.  You second”.

  It takes remembering the depth of love {1 Corinthians 13:4-7} I’m called to offer my precious man – that was first offered to me in the midst of my sin and rebellion – to correct my heart.  When I lay down self and meet his needs first – even when my tank is feeling empty – he is passionate about meeting my needs.  It initiates an energizing cycle in my marriage.

  We are in a battle for our husband’s hearts. The phrase ‘it’s okay to look at the menu as long as you eat at home’ is absolute bollocks.  And our husbands know it.

The Bible says that an affair of the heart is very much an affair {Matthew 5:27-28}.

  God created men to be visual creatures – don’t bemoan it and whine about it, work with it, sister!  Take it up with their creator if you have an issue with it.  And in case it needs to be said…”don’t be modest behind closed doors!”.  Our husbands love being entrusted with the most intimate, brave, wild side of their wives.

Embrace your inner ‘goddess’…and for Pete’s sake, let her out a little more often.

  Don’t forget that even sexier than our girly figure in the bedroom, is our Godly confidence in the bedroom!  So let’s do what it takes to get comfortable in our skin.  When we feel sexy…we are sexier to our men.

  Be intentional about smiling at him again whenever he walks into a room.  Laugh easily.  And stop being so easily offended.  Learn to flirt again….”

  A big thanks to Joy for allowing me to share parts of her book.

Do you want to take this home with you, highlight read and devour more?

Buy Joy’s Book! XES: Why Church Girls Get Tend To Get It Backwards

~T

Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum’s: Wifey Wednesday!

Sex Before Marriage {Part 2}: The Chemical Side

  Welcome to Post 2, if you haven’t read Post 1: Sex Before Marriage: Everyone Is Doing It, RIGHT!? head over and get caught up!

 Now let’s cover the CHEMICAL side of why God designed sex for marriage only:

the chemical side of sex

  This article comes from www.christianpost.com and I am quoting this article in it’s entirety.

  Dopamine, Oxytocin and Vasopressin are three powerful and important products released during sex between a man and a woman in a committed relationship and helps couples bond. When they are introduced in casual sexual relationships, however, they can cause much trouble.

  Oxytocin, a hormone produced primarily in women’s bodies, helps women become bonded to the object of her affection. “When a woman has a child and she is breastfeeding, she produces lots of Oxytocin, which bonds her to her child….when skin-to-skin with her child.” explains the report. Working together, the two hormones and one chemical produced by the human body during sex helps to bond a man and a woman together for long-term relationship.

  “When someone is involved sexually it makes them want to repeat that act. Their brain produces lots of Dopamine – a powerful chemical, which is compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is your internal pleasure/reward system. When Dopamine is involved, it changes how we remember,” notes a Conquer Series report.

  So when a woman becomes intimate with a man, her body also releases Oxytocin and she becomes emotionally bonded to him.

  “Have you wondered sometimes why a woman will stay with a man who’s abusing her? We know now, it’s because she bonds to him emotionally, because of the Oxytocin release during sex,” the report said.

  Also referred to as the “monogamy hormone,” men produce Vasopressin which serves the same purpose as Oxytocin. “It bonds a man to a woman,” according to the report.

  But while these “bonding” agents are great for marriage relationships, they don’t work so well for dating relationships because “you lose your objectivity when you’re searching for your potential life mate.”

  According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings in the Conquer Series report:

  “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now, and it will be much deeper and hurtful. Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.”

  “Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant [to be kept] within the boundaries of marriage,” the reported noted.

  “You see the overtones here about God’s design for His pure temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding. So, for those practicing sex outside of marriage, they are creating a bond with their partner, thus inhibiting their discernment whether they should remain in that relationship. God wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond ourselves with the person we marry.”  

Gary Thomas, from the book Sacred Marriage:

  “At any given time, the female brain contains up to ten times more oxytocin than the male brain. Oxytocin is the bonding chemical that creates feelings of affection and empathy. You want to know why women tend to be more invested in close relationships than men? Oxytocin is one of the reasons.

  There’s only one time in human experience when the husband’s level of oxytocin begins to approach that of his wife’s: immediately following an act of sexual intimacy. A man’s brain literally re-bonds with his spouse, making him, at that moment, more committed to his family, more satisfied with his wife, more invested in his home. Wives, why do your husbands want sex with you so often (whether they know this is the reason or not)? It’s because they never feel closer to you than immediately following that encounter.”

  Another fascinating little fact that Dale heard on Christian radio one time, was that there were Scientific studies done on this subject, and they found that men do NOT release the same amount of Vasopressin in non-committed relationships, actually making them draw BACK from their sexual partner!  Yet another reason sex is for marriage only.

  God doesn’t ask us to refrain from Sex outside of Marriage to PUNISH us, He asks us to refrain from sex outside of Marriage to PROTECT us!

  Tune in tomorrow for a Honeymoon Night Pep Talk!
Saving Sex for Marriage: From Forbidden Fruit to Free Rein…..

~T

That 3 Letter Word…..

Today we are talking about a 3 letter word.

It begins a series on the “S” word………

SEX.

{Eeeeek!}

I know, I know, it makes people squirm and blush, but you all, as the Body of Christ, we have got to stop hiding and start talking about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have so much I want to talk to you about in this area, and I have even contacted a friend to guest post about this important topic.

We have already discussed talking to your kids about sex.  Honest and simple terms with no squirming or shaming them for asking.  If you missed it, you are in luck, your assignment for today, is to go read it here: The Birds & The Bees Post.

Birds-and-bees.jpg

  I have been working on this series for 2 months now, and I have to tell you, either I have “new car syndrome” {Where you see the new-to-you-car you now drive, EVERYWHERE!} or the Lord is prompting a lot of Christian writers to write about Sex lately.  It is EVERYWHERE!

So, here are the areas we will cover over the next few weeks:

Day 1:

Sex Before of Marriage {Part 1} : Everyone is Doing It, RIGHT!? 

Sex Before Marriage {Part 2}: The Chemical Side 

Day 2:

Saving Sex for Marriage: From Forbidden Fruit to Free Rein

Day 3:

Sex Within Marriage: Desire Not Duty

Day 4:

Being Intentional In The Bedroom: The 72 Hour Challenge

Day 5:

No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom

No More Excuses {Part 2} :  23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat

Day 6:

{Part 1} Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal 

{Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success

Day 7:

Sexual Addiction: Roadblock to Intimacy

Resources For Sex Gods Way

This series is going to knock your socks, er…pants off?!

~T

red hot monogamy