{Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success

This is post 2 for today, head back to post 1: Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal

Sex after Infidelity

8 Steps For Intimacy After Infidelity

1) Choose to focus on the good in your spouse and the love that runs so deeply in your veins.  It’s easy to forget the reasons you fell in love.  Write, speak and say positive things, and watch the bountiful harvest of your kind words grow and bloom in your marriage as you fall in love all over again.

2) Never forget your battle is NOT against flesh and blood, aka your spouse. Imagine Satan standing beside your bed, tossing seeds of doubt, negativity and heartache, just hoping they will take root and ruin your love-making.  He hates you and he hates your marriage, which means he reallyreally hates sex and the unity that comes after. There is no better way to stick it to the devil, who tried to destroy your marriage, then to make love to your spouse!  It is an act of Worship to your Heavenly Father.

3) Remember the power of Forgiveness.  My spouse, broken before Christ, had asked the Lord and Savior to wash away his sins.  He was white as snow again.  It was ME, who was bringing along the filthy rags right into our intimate time.  Forgiveness means letting your heart love again during Love Making and letting go of the past for good. 

4) Love with all your heart.  To fully connect to your spouse, your heart needs to be into it.  Be ALL there with your spouse and enjoy every moment together. I know its scary, but be present as your heart and bodies, join as one.  Talk to your spouse about your fears, so they can help you know by their sweet and assuring words, that you are their one and only love. 

5) Break Old Ties.  Out loud, bind those connections in the name of Jesus and break them off.  There is a reason the Lord talks about 2 becoming 1 flesh, in the Spirit World, it happens.  Cutting those ties will help you move into a closer intimacy with your spouse and get satan out of the picture! 

6) Guard your mind from the devil’s attacks.   It blessed me so much when Dale would lead us in prayer before being intimate, asking the Lord to bless our union, and binding satan in the name of Jesus.  He HAS to flee when he hears that precious name of our Lord, he HATES it. This helped me to stay there with Dale and not let my mind go to the past.

7) Let your love-making be a healing balm for your wounded soul. I found comfort and healing in Dale’s arms, his tears and mine. Don’t let satan lie to you and tell you making love will make things worse.  He only wants to cause you further pain. 

8) Remember that Sex is a gift from God.  You can hurt your Heavenly Fathers just as much by failing to use a beautiful gift He gave you, as MISusing it all together. 

  God bless you on your road to healing. Satan’s attacks WILL come, so be alert, be unified; body, soul and spirit, as you fight him for your marriage.  

And don’t EVER forget, that Victory is yours, bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus.

  Take that, satan.

~T

Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

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No More Excuses {Part 2}: 23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat In Your Marriage

This is post 2 for today, be sure to head back and check out  No More Excuses{Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom!

23 ways to turn up the heat

23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat in Your Marriage

{From various sources including Joy from Simply Bloom and Fulfilling Your Vows}

1)  Check Your Price-Tag: Get your identity and value straight!  Ask your doting Heavenly Father to remind you of your value.  When you really grasp how much He loves you, and the price He paid to spend eternity with you, it’s hard to stop that radiance and confidence from overflowing into every area of your life.

2) Invest in Yourself:  Set some goals, put more thought into your daily wardrobe, get out and walk more, eat more healthily, spend more time in the word allowing God to transform your heart.  The better you feel about yourself, the more apt you are to confidently offer yourself as a gift to your husband.

3) Throw Away Your Beige Undies: Ok, ok, you are allowed to keep ONE pair for those white pants you wear to church, but the rest GO.  Head to JcPenny’s and do some shopping. They have some super cute, non-ride up your butt, undies in various colors and prints, and offer some with lace, some without.  They are comfy and cute!  Get a variety and rock the better, sexier, you all day long. It’s amazing what a pair of cute undies can do for your Mommy Morale.

4) Flirt With Your Man: If the brain is the largest sex organ, and we’re slow cookers, it helps to start thinking about gettin’ cozy with your hubby early on during the day.  Plan a little.  Send him a sexy text or hide a love note in his car.  Get creative.  And prepare your heart to bless your man when the opportunity arises.

5) Have A Date Night:  I love that my kids are watching me date their daddy…it models our priorities and expresses the delight we find in our relationship.  If finances are tight, or you can’t find a sitter have date night at home.  We do this on Friday’s and I look forward to it ALL week! Snacks and a movie, game night by the fire, or just light some candles and crawl to bed early.  Dating at home is FUN!

4) Invest In Your Friendship:  Make a point of smiling at your husband.  And laugh!  It’s astounding to me how quickly we stop smiling and laughing with our ‘forever boyfriends’ once the routine of everyday life sets in.  Laughter truly is a powerful medicine and it has a mysterious way of knitting your hearts together.

5) Guard Your Sanctuary.  Turn off the TV in your bedroom, in fact, I recommend getting it out of their entirely!  We did that about year 4 of our marriage, and haven’t ever regretted it!  Remove the clutter, dust off the candles or add some Christmas lights to your 4 poster bed, lock the door and turn your bedroom into a romantic haven for you and you the love of your life.

6) Just Do It!  Don’t let your level of interest keep you from engaging in sex with your man.  When it comes to women, desire often occurs AFTER arousal.  And remember, the more you do it…the more you’ll want to.  I dare you to test that theory!

7) Be Prepared:  If sex isn’t messy, you aren’t doing it right!  Stock up: mints, towels, wet wipes, lubricant and enjoy each other to the fullest.

8) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Creative!  Predictability can extinguish sensuality.  God has given us such freedom in this arena.  Just be sure to draw the line at bringing “others” into the mix, pornography and the viewing of other naked bodies creates lust in the heart, which is a sin in God’s eyes and the same as having sex with that other individual. {Matthew 5:28}

9)  Plan A Surprise Dinner, ALONE: Whether you hire a sitter and head out spur of the moment, or hubby comes home to a scantily clad you and an otherwise empty house with dinner for 2 on the table, the point is, plan it.  It’s a surprise dinner – alone, and for no reason. “Just because” keeps the fires burning.

10) Do ‘It’ First On Date Night:  It’s amazing how the dynamic shifts when we slip in a little intimacy before date night when possible.  Our emotional connection is so much sweeter, it takes the pressure off being too tired when you get home…and who knows, maybe you’ll get to blow his mind with Round #2 later?

11) Put It On The Schedule:  As odd as that may sound, it works.  We find time for things that are important to us…but when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  Make it a priority (with a smiley face on the calendar) and that way you always know you’ll connect every 72 hours when life gets hectic.  After a while, your “radar” will go off, and you won’t even have to look at the calendar to know the 3 days have passed since you have been intimate, because you will desire that connection, too.  

12) Simple Touch: Hold hands in the car, when you are walking in the store, at church.  Touch in general keeps your love alive.  Leaning over the top of the recliner for a kiss as you walk through the living room with clean laundry, brushing your body against your spouse as you slip past them in the kitchen, having a towel and a kiss ready for them when they step out of the shower….. All this cultivates non-sexual intimacy, and keeps you connected with your spouse.

13) Make Out.  Seriously, there is nothing better than making out in the kitchen during supper clean up.  It’s good for your kids to see you love each other, even if they say GROSS.  And, it keeps the passion burning and the mood in the midst of mundane chores.

14) Focus On Your Spouses Strengths & Positive Qualities:  Nothing will squelch your desire to get cozy faster than a foul, negative attitude toward your husband.  Be intentional about bringing out the gold in him…remember, you have the power to make your man great, or break him down completely!

15) Learn The Fine Art Of The Quickie:  Don’t be a high maintenance lover that needs A B & C to be completed in a certain order for “it” to happen. Grabbing those moments where the kids are all content with TV time, or hopping in the shower together, will make the rest of the day go smoothly with giggles, stolen kisses and winks across the room afterwards in the after glow of your love.

16) Greet Your Spouse With A Kiss & A Smile: Make your home the safe haven, the welcomed relief at the end of a long day.  This simple act goes farther than you think in showing your spouse you love them, missed them and so appreciate them!

17) Listen to Your Mate: With both your ears AND eyes.  Face to face time is HUGE in the name of intimacy as a couple.  Never fail to make time to chat face to face, without TV or any forms of media in your midst.

18) Say I Love You Often:  At the end of a phone call, in a text during the work day, before bed, or across the room.  Be verbal in your love for each other.  Non-verbal is great too. Dale squeezes my hand 3 times and I know it means I Love You, whether in the dark of our room or during family prayer time, we can connect quietly and secretly in our I Love You squeezes.

19) Touch While Falling Asleep: Whether you lay in his arms, or simply curl your back up against his, making that trek across the King Bed shows hubby that you desire and love him and find comfort in his touch.

20) Pray Before Intimacy: We talked about this earlier this week in the Honeymoon post, and while it seems odd, it’s incredibly powerful.  We tend to separate God from sex, which hopefully after reading all this sex series, you’ll be less inclined to do.  Rather, invite God into the midst of your passion – it was His idea, after all.  He will bless your pants off!

21) It’s Never Too Late To Learn: There are so many excellent books that both educate and encourage fabulous sex in marriage. Pick one and read it together as part of your evening devotion time.  I will post some resources tomorrow.

22) Enlist Some Help!  Pick a few married girlfriends who would be wonderful at checking in from time to time to make sure you’ve seduced your husband lately.  Have great conversations – both inspiring and convicting, but always honoring – about intimacy.  Challenge each other onto greater passion!  Vulnerable accountability is a real gift in this area.

23) Prayer Is Powerful: Ask God to increase your desire for your husband and reveal His heart on this topic to you.  Believe it or not, God wants to increase the passion in your marriage even more than you do…and He’s endlessly resourceful!

When a husband and wife cultivate an atmosphere of intimacy throughout the day, they have a higher likelihood of enjoying physical intimacy later. The physical act of intimacy is made that much sweeter when it is a culmination of your love, not merely a stand alone expression of it.

We need to fight to reclaim what God intended as a powerful, life-giving gift to husbands and wives.

It’s time to Rediscover Sex God’s way…….

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

~T

 

Shared with To Love, Honor & Vacuum

That 3 Letter Word…..

Today we are talking about a 3 letter word.

It begins a series on the “S” word………

SEX.

{Eeeeek!}

I know, I know, it makes people squirm and blush, but you all, as the Body of Christ, we have got to stop hiding and start talking about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have so much I want to talk to you about in this area, and I have even contacted a friend to guest post about this important topic.

We have already discussed talking to your kids about sex.  Honest and simple terms with no squirming or shaming them for asking.  If you missed it, you are in luck, your assignment for today, is to go read it here: The Birds & The Bees Post.

Birds-and-bees.jpg

  I have been working on this series for 2 months now, and I have to tell you, either I have “new car syndrome” {Where you see the new-to-you-car you now drive, EVERYWHERE!} or the Lord is prompting a lot of Christian writers to write about Sex lately.  It is EVERYWHERE!

So, here are the areas we will cover over the next few weeks:

Day 1:

Sex Before of Marriage {Part 1} : Everyone is Doing It, RIGHT!? 

Sex Before Marriage {Part 2}: The Chemical Side 

Day 2:

Saving Sex for Marriage: From Forbidden Fruit to Free Rein

Day 3:

Sex Within Marriage: Desire Not Duty

Day 4:

Being Intentional In The Bedroom: The 72 Hour Challenge

Day 5:

No More Excuses {Part 1}: Overcoming Inhibitions In The Bedroom

No More Excuses {Part 2} :  23 Ways To Turn Up The Heat

Day 6:

{Part 1} Returning to Intimacy After Betrayal 

{Part 2} Sex After Infidelity: 8 Steps To Success

Day 7:

Sexual Addiction: Roadblock to Intimacy

Resources For Sex Gods Way

This series is going to knock your socks, er…pants off?!

~T

red hot monogamy