The Prodigal Spouse: Because God is BIGGER Than Your Divorce Papers

Luke 15:11-32 New Living Translation (NLT) Parable of the Lost Son 11 …A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to … Continue reading

Choosing to Forgive

Just tuning in? Please start at post 1 of this Series “Surviving Infidelity”: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises.

October 16th, 2011 

The Lord has been speaking to me about Forgiveness for months now, telling me the day will come when I will have to actually say the words to Dale, not just show him by my actions that I am forgiving him.

  It all started to come to a head at Woman’s Encounter.  EVERYONE needs to go to one of these weekends, E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E!  Encounter is not your typical church retreat, it is a “tear down the walls, cry it out at the foot of the cross, build you back up before we send you home, I am free in Christ” kind of weekend with INCREDIBLE surprises at every twist and turn.  It truly changed my life!

  Over this Encounter Weekend, I traded beauty for ashes, peace for my despair, and gladness was given in exchange for my mourning. 

Praise be to my Heavenly Father, who so lavishly poured out His love on His daughter this weekend.

  Yesterday, I stood up in church to share what Christ had done in my heart and life this weekend and here is what I said:

  “I encountered Christ at the cross this weekend and cried buckets of tears.  Buckets.   The 2 ton weights I wore on each shoulder are gone, the chains of brokeness and unforgiveness no longer hold me captive. They were nailed to the cross and left there.   I have been set free!”  

BIG PAUSE here as I said battled with the Lord: 

No Lord please don’t make me say it publicly.”  Yes, Tonya, share for my glory.  “No Lord, I can’t!” YES TONYA! “Ok, here goes……”


“And to my husband…….{sobbing} I want you to know that I love you, and I FORGIVE YOU. 

  You are my soul mate, and what God has put together, Satan will NEVER separate because……..

 I. choose. us.

     It was so silent in that church, you could’ve heard a pin drop!  Most sat with mouths agape, letting tears flow unchecked, some turned to see where Dale was…..

  Next thing I know, he is running up to the stage bawling and embraces me. As we kissed and cried, I looked him in the eyes and told him over and over, “I forgive you, I DO!  I feel so great! So light! So FREE!”

   It was the most beautiful moment in my life!  I am so free, I am so light, I am a NEW woman in Christ.  I am loving Dale fully with my whole, restored, new heart.  I learned this weekend that my forgiveness is so I can see Dale through God’s eyes.

That forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, or acceptance of the offence as Ok or right.

Forgiveness isn’t denying something bad happened to me, it just prevents further damage of me.

Time will not heal my broken heart, GOD WILL.

Forgiveness is not immediate trust restored, that will come with time.

Forgiveness is required of me, Christ instructs it.  It is the very foundation on which we stand, saved by grace!

Forgiveness is NON negotiable, when I forgive I am given the gift of FREEDOM!

Me not forgiving Dale is like saying what Jesus did on the cross was not enough. 

I need Christ to simply flow HIS forgiveness through me to Dale. My job is to merely be open to this, I don’t have to be healed, or “in a good place emotionally” for this to occur.

  What is visible before is now forgotten, what was scarlet before is white as snow. Forgiveness is a choice, and I choose it, but I need Christ’s help to accomplish this daily.  It is impossible without Him in me.  My forgiveness of Dale may be a lifelong journey and choice for me, but it is important to the Lord, and I choose forgiveness!  There is nothing like the tears of joy and the release we experience, when we come to that place of complete forgiveness before the Lord.  It’s life-giving because it renews our entire being.


I am FREE from the chains that have held me captive since July!

I am FREE,  thank you Jesus!