Fall On Jesus

  If you read my Broken” post last week, then you know things are tough here right now.  Really, really tough on all sorts of levels. In addition to everything else we are dealing with, we have an issue with the pump on our well, which randomly leaves the entire house waterless (at the most inopportune times of course), a lateral line that is crushed and needs to be dug and replaced so the sinks and showers stop backing up, and to top things off, the Tahoe died no less than 7 times yesterday, again in the most inopportune moments!  I’m seeing $ signs and all I can do is trust that once again, the Lord will provide a pay check in time to take care of this.

Interestingly enough I had a message from an acquaintance that lifted my spirits.  She was an upper classmen when I was at Central.  Here is what she wrote:

Hi Tonya – I am praying for you! I dreamed about you Thursday night and woke up suddenly with a desire to pray. In my dream huge ants were stealing all kinds of stuff from your house, they had overtaken everything and you were powerless against them. I barely know you, but we are sisters in Christ. I just now skimmed through your “Broken” blog entry, and felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to tell you God is even waking up people that barely know you to pray specifically for you.

This is one of two messages I received from people being woke up to pray for me and my family.

Woah. {Chills}

Despite all these bumps in the road, we are still trucking along.  I’d like to thank you all for your outpouring of messages, comments and prayers in response to my Broken post! You are such a blessing to my family & I!

 I feel as if we have spent more of 2011 IN the Refiners Fire than out.  Between continuing the journey through our year financial discipline (read that No regular paychecks yet no bounced checks, praise His name!) and this newest heartbreaking development that I referred to in Broken, the heat is ON!  I know God disciplines those He loves, and that as we experience the pain of the Refiner’s Fire and Him chipping away at the dead weight in our lives, we may cry out “Stop! It’s too much!”….but, in the end, when something new and better emerges, we’ll be thankful; when beauty comes from the ashes, it will all be worth it. 

This “chipping away” at the dead weight, is illustrated beautifully here:

God’s Chisel:  http://skitguys.com/index.php?/videos/item/gods-chisel

  I can’t get it to attach, but please, just take a quick moment and go watch it.  Please?  Then come back, I’ll wait.

  Ready to go on?  Did you find a kleenex to wipe away your tears?  Wasn’t that an INCREDIBLE illustration of what God wants to do in our lives? 

  God is making me His Masterpiece so He can use me to do great things. Little ol’ me.  Woah.

   It’s so disheartening to me, that the Sunshine of Tonya-land is not shining as brightly as it used to. In fact, some days it’s completely hidden by a wall of dark, foreboding rain clouds.  This is not how I choose to live my life, it’s not!  But here I sit, in the rain, miserable at times, as I deal with a circumstance I feel unable to control.  Dealing with several circumstances I AM unable to control, actually….Man, I hate that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another lesson I suppose: Giving Up Control.

  I cling to the hope that you have to first have Rain to see Rainbows, and I have to believe that I will have my “Birds Always Singing, Sun Always Shining, Lemons Come in the Form of Lemonade” Life once again. 

I miss it.  Tonya-land was a really nice place to live.

 

I don’t know much right now, but I do know this…….

I, Tonya, am a Child of the King. An original masterpiece. This chipping away process has to happen in order for others to see Christ in me.

Sometimes you run towards Christ,
Sometimes you can’t run, so you walk towards Him.
If you can’t walk, you stand, facing the right direction.
If you can’t stand, lean.
Lean on Him, for He IS the right direction.
And if you fall?
Fall on Jesus.
In Him there is hope, life, and the promise of a bright future.

Face down at the feet of my Savior,

~T

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Welcome to Tonya-land

image

   When you visit my blog, you have crossed under the rainbow and entered “Tonya-land” where the weather is mostly sunny, the birds are always singing, lemons most often come in the form of lemonade and we all throw our arms around each others shoulders and sing “Kumbaya” at that end of each day.

003    Now Tonya-land has its bumpy roads, don’t get me wrong, but when you try to keep your glass half full, you usually can just keep on trucking, despite a pot-hole or two.  But, every once in a while, my journey through Tonya-land comes to a screeching halt. 

  Recently, my rainbow tipped over, my lemonade tasted a bit more like straight lemons and a series of pot holes made me trip and fall.  The birds are still singing though, and the sun will come out tomorrow, right Annie? 

sunshine-for-a-m  Apparently, this blog is a little too sunshine-y for some folks, a little too “fake” I believe was the word.  And to them I say this:

  When I blog, I pour out my heart.  I write to you like I used to write in my journal.  I put my soul into it.

  There are times the Lord asks me to share something, or gets me up in the middle of the night to come write and I obey…..begrudgingly at times, yawning and rubbing my eyes.  Really Lord, 4 am? Do you know how early my kids wake up?

  There are a series of posts coming up the end of the month, that I have been adding to in bits and pieces since December.  Posts that I postponed scheduling for weeks and weeks, months and months, because I didn’t want to share them.  Because I am totally embarrassed to share it with you all.

But guess what?

 They are scheduled and they are coming.  I know better than to tell the Lord no.  I have learned the hard way what my disobedience brings.

  Sure, I have my bad days and dark times, we all do!  And I have gladly shared them with you.  From our struggle to stay pregnant, to screaming babies & screeching smoke alarms,  silly near face wash catastrophes and a trashed house.   If you read blogs regularly, happy sunshiny people who love staying home, cooking and doing arts and crafts with their kids are out there.  Check out Rachel’s blog, No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane.  Happy sunshine, right?! 

  If I don’t feel lead to write about anything in particular, I try to share a funny story about the kids, my plan being to print this blog in book form for my kids each year. What a great scrapbook of their lives! 

But what I don’t do, is fake it.

Why would I? How exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!

  Why would I waste precious moments of the day faking it in a blog post to faceless people I’ve not been privileged to meet?  People I don’t have to answer to. 

  I’m writing to an anonymous audience full of mommy’s, fellow sunshine lovers, foodies, prosecutors, judge and jury, apparently even a lynch man or two….all sitting in front of their computer screens watching my every thought, judging my every move.  Do I need to dress to impress? 

  Nope. You came to me, you’re in my house now. 

  You willingly came to Tonya-land. 

  Isn’t this blog supposed to be a peek into my world, the good, the bad AND the ugly? Don’t I state that time and time again?

  My job on this earth is to shine for Jesus.  To be the best wife I know to be to Dale, to uplift him, to support him, to be his cheerleader.  To love my kids and teach them about Jesus.  My job is to teach them that they need to obey me, not because I say so, but because God says so….that their obedience to me is directly connected to their obedience to God.  My job is to seek to honor God in ALL I say and do, blogging and Facebook included.  My job is to be His hands and feet. 

Period.

I have a folder in my email account, jam-packed full of lovely, beautiful, uplifting things written by woman (and men) who read my blog.  To you I say, thank you.  Thank you for encouraging and uplifting, thank you for taking the time to comment and read the things I put out there, for not faulting me for focusing on the good rather than wallowing in the bad.

This blog is me.  Tonya. 

Put out there for all to see, the good, the bad and the ugly.

And really, who else can I be, but ME?

  And to you nay-sayers??????? 

What can I say but welcome to the sunshine, would you like a glass of lemonade?  

Iced-cold-lemonade

Thinking happy thoughts!

~T