Welcome to Tonya-land, Won’t You Let the Son Shine In?

Just tuning in? Please start at the Original post of this Series on “Surviving Infidelity”: Shattered Hearts, Broken Promises. 

Written in both April & May 2012

 We are now in month 9 of this path to healing.  And like the gestation of new life, this 9 month point, marks tremendous growth and healing in our lives.  We have joy, laughter, love and the butterflies of newlyweds.  Day by day, we overcome the attacks of satan and find Victory.  Praise Jesus! 

I have leapt once again into the arms of love.
I no longer hold back in fear of the “What If’s”. 

I choose Dale. 

I choose love. 

 I choose joy.

 I choose forgiveness. 

I choose to stand on my truth, rather than cower behind it. 

  The Lord speaks SO clearly in the midst of tragedy, doesn’t He?  He just gave us this verse the other night:

“I raised you up for this VERY purpose, that I might display my power to all the earth.” Romans 9:17

Wow.

Do you remember “Tonya-land”?

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Where the weather is mostly sunny, the birds are always singing, lemons most often come in the form of lemonade and we all throw our arms around each others shoulders and sing “Kumbaya” at that end of each day.

003   I told you back then, when I first posted this, that Tonya-land does have it’s bumpy roads, however, when you try to keep your glass half full, you usually can just keep on trucking, despite a pot-hole or two.

  Obviously, for OBVIOUS reasons if you have been reading my latest posts, you noticed that my journey through Life in Tonya-land had come to a screeching halt, as my glass Happily Ever After Cinderella Castle came crashing to the ground around me.  But, because this blog is supposed to be a peek into my world;  the good, the bad AND the ugly…….I let you in. 

No, I let the SON shine in………

Through me. 

Through the shards of my broken castle.

Through my tears. 

Through my tragedy, then my Triumph.

  My job on this earth is to shine for Jesus. To be the best wife I know to be to Dale; to uplift him, to love him with no strings attached, to be his cheerleader. To love my kids and teach them about Jesus. My job is to teach them that they need to obey me, not because I say so, but because God says so….that their obedience to me is directly connected to their obedience to God. My job is to seek to honor God in ALL I say and do, blogging and Facebook included. My job is to be His hands and feet, EVEN when I don’t understand my circumstances.  Even when I plead with Him to take this cup from me.

I have to choose this, because it is what HE chose for me……Period.

  I have a folder in my email account, jam-packed full of lovely, beautiful, uplifting things written by you who have been following this recent blog series on Surviving Infidelity. Thank you all so much for your loving support! Thank you for encouraging and not casting judgement, thank you for taking the time to comment and read the things I put out there, thank you for not faulting me for my choice to stand by my man, even when it might have seemed easier to walk away from him.

This blog is me. Tonya.

  Put out there for all to see, the good, the bad and the ugly. I chose this glass house when I said “Yes” to the Lord’s prompting to start this blog over a year ago.  I just never knew quite how ugly things were going to get, you know? 

   Do you know that the posts in this Infidelity series, were written totally out-of-order, in a jumbled mess? Did you know that just last month, like a puzzle, they all fell into place? Amazing. I never knew just how scary it would be to push “publish” that first day, yet what a rush of relief and peace came as I did. 

  We are wrapping up our Infidelity series. Phew, what an exhausting road we have traveled!  I know there are those of you reading right now, that shake your heads and scold me for “airing my dirty laundry” in the first place, deaming it innappropriate.  Do me a favor, go read II Samuel, go read about David’s dirty laundry, a man after God’s own heart. 

Let me say this……

You may not approve of my actions, but remember, I don’t answer to you.

I answer to Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  And so do you.   The End.

  I KNOW as sure as I know my name, that I have acted in obedience to a loving Heavenly Father, who prompted me to share this story. 

  Do you think this was fun for me?  Do you think I jumped up and down and clapped my hands, “YAY, I get to share the deepest darkest hurt I have ever experienced in my whole life.”   No, I begged God to just heal me and let me move on.  But you know when God is speaking, He makes Himself known.  So, I’ve been writing this series from just a few months after the truth came out until now, bit by tragic bit, piece by victorious piece, BEGGING Him to prepare your hearts for my truth. 

Revelation 12:11 says “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony….” 

Do you know what happened these past 16 posts? 

Do you know what happened, April 30th at 7 am, when I pushed publish?

  We overcame satan by our testimony.  We WON.

 I KNOW the Lord had me start this blog for such a time as this, so that He might be glorified in the midst of difficult circumstances.  So that others out there who quietly mourning the loss of their marriage as they knew it, may be encouraged that you CAN fight, you WILL win. 

Romans 8:35 & 37 says, “Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.”

  Don’t you see?!  The VICTORY has already been won for us, we just have to keep walking in HIS ways, in HIS light, and in HIS strength when we are too weary to stand. But don’t be scared when you are too weak to stand, let your knees buckle and just FALL, because when we fall……… 

We fall on JESUS.

Sometimes you run towards Christ,
Sometimes you can’t run, so you walk towards Him.
If you can’t walk, you stand, facing the right direction.
If you can’t stand, lean.
Lean on Him, for He IS the right direction.
And if you fall?
Fall on Jesus.
In Him there is hope, life, and the promise of a bright future.

Iced-cold-lemonade

Praise be to the God of restoration; TOTAL restoration. 

037Praise be to the God of new beginnings with the one whom my soul loves

Praise be to the God who makes BEAUTY from the midst of Ashes. JOY that is made from mourning, and PEACE that He traded me for my despair….

The story I share with you is no longer a tragedy, but it is a VICTORY!

It is no longer my story, IT IS HIS!

 And I’d chose REAL with Dale, rather than “Happily Ever After” with anyone else…..EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

  Next weekend, I will join my WHOLE heart; healed and brand new by the blood of Jesus, to the heart of my best friend….again, 10 years later.  Next weekend we close a book on one of the darkest, hardest times of our lives and put it on the shelf.  The past will no longer be written into the book of our future.  I will leave it there, on the shelf, because I chose Joy. Healing. Peace.  I choose to move forward, not looking over my shoulder, not running back to drag along the baggage we’ve been freed of.   

 I get to marry the love of my life all over again next weekend.  A brand new start.  Praise Jesus!

I have found the one whom my soul loves…….and I am not EVER letting him go.

  ~T

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Welcome to Tonya-land

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   When you visit my blog, you have crossed under the rainbow and entered “Tonya-land” where the weather is mostly sunny, the birds are always singing, lemons most often come in the form of lemonade and we all throw our arms around each others shoulders and sing “Kumbaya” at that end of each day.

003    Now Tonya-land has its bumpy roads, don’t get me wrong, but when you try to keep your glass half full, you usually can just keep on trucking, despite a pot-hole or two.  But, every once in a while, my journey through Tonya-land comes to a screeching halt. 

  Recently, my rainbow tipped over, my lemonade tasted a bit more like straight lemons and a series of pot holes made me trip and fall.  The birds are still singing though, and the sun will come out tomorrow, right Annie? 

sunshine-for-a-m  Apparently, this blog is a little too sunshine-y for some folks, a little too “fake” I believe was the word.  And to them I say this:

  When I blog, I pour out my heart.  I write to you like I used to write in my journal.  I put my soul into it.

  There are times the Lord asks me to share something, or gets me up in the middle of the night to come write and I obey…..begrudgingly at times, yawning and rubbing my eyes.  Really Lord, 4 am? Do you know how early my kids wake up?

  There are a series of posts coming up the end of the month, that I have been adding to in bits and pieces since December.  Posts that I postponed scheduling for weeks and weeks, months and months, because I didn’t want to share them.  Because I am totally embarrassed to share it with you all.

But guess what?

 They are scheduled and they are coming.  I know better than to tell the Lord no.  I have learned the hard way what my disobedience brings.

  Sure, I have my bad days and dark times, we all do!  And I have gladly shared them with you.  From our struggle to stay pregnant, to screaming babies & screeching smoke alarms,  silly near face wash catastrophes and a trashed house.   If you read blogs regularly, happy sunshiny people who love staying home, cooking and doing arts and crafts with their kids are out there.  Check out Rachel’s blog, No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane.  Happy sunshine, right?! 

  If I don’t feel lead to write about anything in particular, I try to share a funny story about the kids, my plan being to print this blog in book form for my kids each year. What a great scrapbook of their lives! 

But what I don’t do, is fake it.

Why would I? How exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!

  Why would I waste precious moments of the day faking it in a blog post to faceless people I’ve not been privileged to meet?  People I don’t have to answer to. 

  I’m writing to an anonymous audience full of mommy’s, fellow sunshine lovers, foodies, prosecutors, judge and jury, apparently even a lynch man or two….all sitting in front of their computer screens watching my every thought, judging my every move.  Do I need to dress to impress? 

  Nope. You came to me, you’re in my house now. 

  You willingly came to Tonya-land. 

  Isn’t this blog supposed to be a peek into my world, the good, the bad AND the ugly? Don’t I state that time and time again?

  My job on this earth is to shine for Jesus.  To be the best wife I know to be to Dale, to uplift him, to support him, to be his cheerleader.  To love my kids and teach them about Jesus.  My job is to teach them that they need to obey me, not because I say so, but because God says so….that their obedience to me is directly connected to their obedience to God.  My job is to seek to honor God in ALL I say and do, blogging and Facebook included.  My job is to be His hands and feet. 

Period.

I have a folder in my email account, jam-packed full of lovely, beautiful, uplifting things written by woman (and men) who read my blog.  To you I say, thank you.  Thank you for encouraging and uplifting, thank you for taking the time to comment and read the things I put out there, for not faulting me for focusing on the good rather than wallowing in the bad.

This blog is me.  Tonya. 

Put out there for all to see, the good, the bad and the ugly.

And really, who else can I be, but ME?

  And to you nay-sayers??????? 

What can I say but welcome to the sunshine, would you like a glass of lemonade?  

Iced-cold-lemonade

Thinking happy thoughts!

~T